Just for Fun - Oblivious Changes (A J2 Story)
by Dgray3994
Summary: So, what happens when life throws you a curve ball? Like say, stranded on the highway with Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles? This story is pure fiction but can you imagine how much life could change from one little encounter? We're all made up of small oblivious changes that one day turn your life upside down.
1. Just for Fun

Just a bit of fun. I don't own Supernatural or any part of the show, and I'm not putting this up to harm anyone. I know Jared, Jensen, and Misha are happily married. This is just me and my fantasy. Hope you enjoy, (working on this in between episodes of my Season 13 to give my brain a break). Story runs from Jensen and Cari's P.O.V and is unedited.

The Oblivious Moment - Cari

Could the day get any worse? Scratch that, I don't even know why I bothered to think it, because number one rule is NEVER EVER ask that question. Well, that one and any sarcastic undertones of "could this day get any better?" and of course the "Q" word, for example: it's awful quiet around here. Yeah, and I know what you're thinking, how would I know these things? Story of my life and three of my favorite things to ask out loud.

Today was no exception.

Could it get any worse started with the father of my kids, long time ex being a complete douchebag, but in his defense, he did decide to get remarried not long after our divorce. A roaring text argument had begun and I wasn't in the mood. My scheduled appointment for filming had been thrown way off after that and now, I find myself in Connecticut auditioning for something I'm not even sure I understand.

It wasn't hard to find the place, somewhere off the Rocky Neck exit of 91-south. Nice place to be but there was just something not quite right there. Open casting call, not a lot of people, but most of them not my age. I definitely felt out of my league but I went through it, bumbled a couple times but made it through the audition. Of course, the fact that I was completely thrown off by everything that happened that morning, gave me the distinct impression that when they said they would be in touch, I wasn't going to be a call-back.

Forty-something looking early thirties had to count for something. Anyway, back to the "could it" part of this story. I packed myself into my car and decided that yep…it was time to go home. I didn't drink often or alone, so a good stiff one was out, didn't smoke, so that wasn't even an option but I was dropping the kids off at the D-bag's house as soon as I got home so maybe the gym would be in order.

I glanced up in the rearview, blue eyes wide, tears about ready to fall and I pushed my hair back, dyed because I hate my gray hair, but I loved the black contrast. In all honesty, I didn't feel my age, why should I look it, so I kept doing what I was doing with it with a change the color every now and again. I was bound to look this way when I turned sixty since my oldest swore I would.

The highway was a mess, something going on, possibly construction but just before the East Windsor exit headed towards the airport, all traffic had stopped. Something was going on, but it was the car that was pulled over to the side of the road that caught my attention. A black SUV, Jersey plates and three men sitting on the side of the road, not sure what caught me about that but I certainly wasn't playing a hero and stopping.

That was when it happened. The tire blew! What the hell? Like I said, I asked a stupid question and got my answer. Grumbling under my breath, I crossed the lane and pulled up not more than a good four car-lengths from the SUV, shut my car off, got out and slammed the door before making my way to the passenger's side of my HHR. The back tire was blown, I don't know what I hit but damn it was good and shredded.

With a sigh, I opened the trunk, grabbed the needed supplies and went to work, hopping like a good kid on the lug wrench to at least get the nuts loosened. That was when the shadow loomed over me. I was hoping the creeps on the side of the road might have ignored the fact that I had stopped, but it didn't look that way.

"Hey, do you need some help?" His voice was deep, kind of gruff, like he had been angry for way too long, but at the same time it was a sweet question. But I looked up, his features blocked by the sun and shook my head at his silhouette as I reached down and grabbed the wrench from the last nut and stood up straight. Damn, he was about a foot taller than me. I smiled and shook my head.

"No thanks, believe it or not, some women know how to change a tire," I stated condescendingly and listened to the chuckle in his voice.

"No offense, lady."

"None taken." I sat back on the small hill that they had all been lounging on and watched as he crouched down by my tire. I was finally able to see him, and damn, why did I turn down his help.

He was built, not like a body builder but the way his tee stretched over the muscles of his shoulder and back, I knew he worked out, and the arms…well, I probably shouldn't have stared but I did anyway. The back of his head was shaved, kind of crew cut until I noticed the length of the top. Not a high and tight, just a fade, that somehow looked familiar.

"Looks like you caught the same thing we did," he spoke up as his hand ran over what was left of my tired. "You're lucky you didn't get into an accident with this."

He turned to me, and…my God was he beautiful, if men could be described that way. His eyes were a glowing sea of green when the sun hit him, he had just the right amount of scruff on his cheeks and chin and his lips were full and pouty but the familiar feeling just couldn't be shaken. I rolled my eyes, luck had nothing to do with it, not today.

"If I had been, it would have been the story of my life," I mumbled and looked at the black on my hands from handling the tools. "So that's why the three of you are sitting there on the side of the road? Flat tire?"

"Yeah, unfortunately, the spare in the rental is shot too, to low on air to even make it to the airport." He smiled, looking me over as he came to sit by me. He pulled his knees up, planting his feet so that he wouldn't slide down the hill and rested his elbows on his knees as I sat cross legged looking up at the sky. "So how would an accident been the story of your life?"

"Maybe not my life, just my day." I shrugged and watched the traffic roll by. "Just a bad day, that's all."

I watched as he nodded, glanced over at the two down the way, something that caught my interest and I leaned back, getting a look at them as well. One was tall…I mean taller than this one, his hair fell in layers, but it never reached his shoulders, and the look on his baby face was priceless, like he was asking just what the hell this one was up too. The second one was an older man, big tough guy, white hair, rough looking but he just sat staring like I was the bad guy.

"Your friends are a little…intimidating." I smiled and watched as my new "friend" turned back to me.

"They're just protective," he shrugged.

"Of you?" I smiled and shook my head. "You do realize I'm about five foot nothing and the only way I'm taking you down is a good blow to the head?"

"Are you going to try that?" I watched as he leaned back, looking me over, but it was a real question.

"Let see…" I started and glanced at my car. "Stuck on the side of the road with a flat," my eyes shifted to the men, "two rather intimidating men not more than a couple strides away, and nowhere to go?" I smiled, and shrugged. "Not a chance in hell."

He smiled, one that reached his eyes, giving him laugh lines around his eyes and I was taken back for a minute because they had to be the most heart fluttering thing I had ever seen. That's when I decided I had been single way too long if some stranger was going to make my insides quiver with just a smile. I cleared my throat and moved to go back to the car.

"I'm Jensen, by the way," his voice whispered and I turned to see that he had followed me down the hill to my car. He crouched down as he watched me place the jack and I looked up at him.

"Cari," I answered smiling, and watched as he rolled the spare over. In silence he watched, never moved, never made any threatening gestures, but apparently was fascinated by what a woman could do with a car. As I tightened the lug nuts, I watched the concern in his eyes. "When is the truck getting here?"

"What?" He asked as if I my words had just shaken him out of a daze. He hadn't taken his eyes off from me the whole time, and now I was curious as to what he was thinking.

"The tow truck? I'm sure you have someone coming if you're sitting here waiting." He nodded, but the expression never changed. "Jensen?" He glanced back at his friends, "you did call a tow truck, didn't you?"

"Yeah, ah, Clif called it, about…"he looked down at his watched and noticed the time. "An hour ago…really?"

"It's probably all the traffic." I shrugged and watched him. I wiped my hands on my jeans, throwing the wrench and the jack in the back of the car and he grabbed the rim, helping me to place it down in the cluttered mess that was the back of my car. I watched the smile form on his face again.

"You have kids?" He looked at me as if it was a surprise and I smiled.

"Yep, two that tower over me, one who is getting there," I replied, not sure why I was telling him any of it, but I would probably never see him again so what the hell. "This crap is mostly mine though, I like to live in my car."

"Hey, ah, are you going to be alright?" I closed the hatch and looked at him as he tucked his hands in his pockets.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know, you just give off that vibe I guess." The man was intuitive, I'll give him that much.

"What gave it away?"

"Your ah, hand," he mimicked the gesture I had been making all afternoon, like I was pressing back the pain.

"Oh, yeah, it's nothing." I reassured him and smiled, "happens all the time." He nodded, still not believing me but I looked over at the taller one who was still looking at his watch. "I could call someone for you, I mean, since your guy isn't here yet."

"No, I don't want to keep you from your family." He started to back up as he looked at his friends.

"It's okay, their dad is going to be pissed anyway, they should have been over an hour ago and he's been blowing up my phone." I answered and pulled the cell from my pocket. Jensen watched as I dialed, put it to my ear, called for a tow truck and pressed the decline button, just as my phone went off again. I couldn't help the response that escaped. "Asshole."

"Your ex, I assume?" Jensen watched as I typed back a message quickly, nodding before slipping it in my pocket. "So three kids and, what, just you?"

"Yeah, been that way for a while." Why was I telling him this? I moved back to the hill and sat down, getting a dirty look from his friend. "What is his deal?"

"Jared?" Jensen laughed. "He's impatient."

"Yeah, I can see that," Jensen sat down beside me again and raised a brow.

"You don't have to stick around."

"Actually, I do, triple A says I have to be here when the truck arrives to give them the information." I smiled and looked out at the road. "That and I screwed up so much today, why not be a friend and help out a fellow traveler."

"So, you live in Massachusetts?"

"Yeah about a 45 minute drive from here." I nodded and shrugged. "Went down for a casting call in Rocky Neck, not sure how I did."

"Wait, you're an actress?"

"Trying to be, not having much luck with stuff around here. You know that whole, you have to break into it thing….well, no breaks."

"Hmm," he smiled. I had heard that before.

"Yeah, I know, not the best career choice for this late in life."

"Actually, I happen to enjoy acting." He shrugged which made my head turn so fast it felt like it was going to pop off. "My friend and I work on a show in Vancouver."

"Wait," I sat back and looked over at Jared and then back at the man in front of me. Realization hit harder than a baseball to the stomach and I could feel my heart rate skyrocket. "Oh, God," I knew he looked familiar. "Jensen Ackles?"

"You know my work?" His commented as if he was surprised and I couldn't help but laugh a little before it faded. I moved my hair, and pulled down the neck of my shirt, showing him the tattoo that graced my skin.

"Supernatural Family, all the way." I smiled and watched his smile touch his eyes once again. "I knew you were familiar, I just couldn't place it.

"You have an anti-possession tattoo?" He questioned.

"A symbol for family, and strength, and it got me through some rough stuff. A new family crest, if you want to label it." I shrugged. "If you don't mind me asking, where are you coming from?"

"Secret set location." Jensen smiled.

"Yeah, so here's the thing, there's no need to say "secret location" because no one is going to believe I sat on the side of the road with one of the show leads from Supernatural, let alone any locations I tell them." I laughed and watched as he grabbed his phone. "What are you doing?" He scooted closer, clicked on his Facebook and then handed me the phone.

"Find yourself." Staring at him in disbelief, I took the phone and found my profile. He took it back and sent me a friends request, but not before linking me to something and hitting the live stream video button. He aimed the camera so that he could see both of us in it and proceeded to announce that he was currently sitting on the side of the road with a "Hero" who had helped out when they had some car trouble before making me wave at the phone and saying goodbye. All that while I sat there stunned. "There now it will show up on your Facebook, right?"

"You, my friend, are a nutcase," I smiled and shook my head, feeling the vibrations from my phone. I was stunned at the amount of notifications that were pinging off on the video and finally went into Facebook to accept his request and turn off the endless noise.

"You say that like it's a bad thing," I didn't reply but watched as Jared stood and walked over. "Okay, here we go."

"Jen, what the hell man?" Jared questioned as he sat down beside him. I watched Jensen shrug and put his hands up in the air. I thought for sure that he was going to be upset but Jared leaned forward and smiled at me. "Hi, I'm Jared."

"Cari," I whispered and watched the two men stare at each other.

"What?" Jensen questioned, a smile in his voice.

"You gave a shout out and didn't even wait for me?" I closed my eyes, okay so not worst day ever. Jared glanced in my direction. "I sent you a request." Questioningly, I pulled out my phone and checked Facebook, yep there he was, and accepted. "Now we can do this the right way."

Jared pretty much did the same thing, a live stream of the events leading up to this point and finally he turned the camera on me. I waved, the best I could as Jensen scooted closer so that we were all in the shot and that was about the time the tow truck pulled up. Jared ended the video at the three of us approached the truck.

"So, where do you guys need to go because you're not all fitting in the cab of that truck," I watched Clif talk to the driver, and Jared and Jensen looked at me.

"Well, the car is going back to the rental place and we have a plane to catch." Jared shrugged.

"You don't have to do this, we can catch a cab." Jensen whispered, which made me look up at him.

"Yeah, like that went over so well with your tow, just let me give you a ride to the airport, Ackles." I smiled and watched as he nodded.

They grabbed the bags from the back of the car, packing light with one small suitcase a piece and we managed to fit it into the back of the car, with a blanket thrown over the tire. Jensen placed his hand on my arm as I cleared out some of the kids' mess from the back seat. I stood straight to look at him, the strange emotions in his eyes and slowly the smile came to his face.

"I won't forget this, you know." His voice was low and he watched Jared as he came closer.

"You won't forget some random chick who gave you a lift to the airport?" It wasn't a mocking question, just an acknowledgement of what he was saying, but I could tell that there was something else underneath it. "What's wrong?"

"Wow, you do pick up quick," he laughed and caught the eye of his friend. "It's nothing I can't handle, but really, Cari, I'm not going to forget you."

"Ah, yeah, you haven't seen my driving yet." I winked and watched as the tow driver called me over.

I watched as Jared and Jensen spoke by the back of my car, a low-key conversation that had them close. It wasn't an odd thing to see, they were like brothers and personal space between them was pretty much null, but it made me smile none-the-less. Once the car was taken care off and back to the rental place, once Clif was okay with the transportation arrangements, they all got in my car, not an easy feet for three people who were so tall, but Jared sat behind me, for the most leg room and Jensen insisted on the seat beside me.

We reached the airport in enough time so that they didn't have to rush in, but Jared and Clif both thanked me as they moved to stand by the door. It was Jensen that lingered. I watched as he debated, with me leaning against the side of my car and finally he dropped his bag, took my hand and his cell phone and placed it in my palm

"Number?" The tone of his voice seemed a little rushed and I looked from the machine to his green eyes. "Can I please have your number?"

"Sure," I did so hesitantly but when I handed it back to him, I held his fingers. "but why?"

"Just in case," he smiled, and winked, which left me with another unanswered question. Jared called out to him, and I was a bit shocked when he leaned down and kissed my cheek. "Thank you for everything."

"A tow and a ride?" I smiled, but the look on his face told me so much more. "You're welcome." He backed away, grabbing his bag. "Hey, Jensen," I watched as he looked my way, a strange emotion on his face, "text me when you get there safe."

"Will do," he waved and I watched the three of them step into the airport.

Well…the day certainly didn't get any worse, but the strange empty feeling in the pit of my stomach seemed to grow as I watched them disappear into the crowd. Just another day.

Back in the car, I couldn't help but go over everything that had happened from the moment I pulled over to change my tire to the moment I pulled away from the airport. Life had a way of making little changes, just subtle enough that you would never know what it was doing. That was the day that the changes began, but I was oblivious to them…completely oblivious.

What the Hell! – Jensen

The plane had finally leveled out, people began to unbuckle the beverage cart was coming down the aisle but the only thing I was doing was sitting there, staring blankly at the seat in front of me, the edge of my phone to my lips, thinking about her. Some random stranger that happened to pull over because of a damned tired. And I thought my day was going bad, but still, there was something about her.

Jared elbowed me, trying to either get my attention or get past me to get his drink, I'm not positive which one it was at the time but it snapped me back to reality at about 35 thousand feet. With a sigh, I smiled up at the attendant, who poured me a rum and coke, the best thing about first class, before moving on his way and I turned towards my co-star, my partner, my brother as he sat beside me staring.

"What the hell, Jen?" Jared's voice seemed to echo in my ear, but it still felt like I was far away. "What's going on with you?"

"Nothing," I shrugged and slipped the phone into my pocket, but I could tell by the look in his ever changing eyes that there was no way he was believing me, we knew each other too well.

"You do realize we've been at this for more than a decade and I know you as well as you know yourself so, spit it out." I said nothing, just looked away and took a sip of the rather strong drink before I shook off the burn. "It's her, isn't it?"

"Her who?" I turned and looked at him, hoping he wouldn't see that he was right but I guess I didn't hide it well, it was all over my face.

"Ah-ha, what are you thinking?" This was my conscience talking, my living, breathing, 6'5" conscience who had stopped me from some far stupider things than thinking about some woman on the side of the road. "Jen, you have a wife at home and three kids."

"Come on, Jay, I'm not going to cheat on Danneel," I snapped, pretty loudly and thanked everything under the sun that we were practically the only ones in first class. I sighed as I sat back, rolling my eyes as I turned in my seat to face him, but it looked like he knew just what I was going to say.

"It was a one-time deal, man. You're probably never going to see her again," Jared was right, and it struck me at that moment. I was probably never going to see her again.

The six hour flight didn't help with my nerves, didn't help much with my thoughts either as I kept replaying the little conversations she and I had, the way she was hopping on the tire iron when I first approached and it struck me, why did I walk over? It wasn't like she needed help, she had that pretty much covered, but there was just a pull.

I thought about how she looked, while I sat there, Jared beside me lounging back in the grass and Clif on the phone, she got out of the car, pissed as hell and moved over to the side away from the road, as if there weren't cars zooming past at any given speed. She seemed fearless, determined, and angry. I never even gave it a second thought when I stood, but I know that Jared had said something to me, something along the lines of asking where was I going. I didn't matter, I didn't respond because I only had one thought on my mind. I had to see her.

Her long black hair was stuck to her face in places when she looked up at me from where she had crouched down beside the iron. The sun hit her eyes and damn was I blown away. They seemed to glow in the sunlight as she stared and I had to see them closer. I offered my help, but she stood and the way she held herself made me want to reach out to her, her voice was full of that tone of "too strong for too long" and it set something off in me. When she looked up, when she finally made eye contact, I was able to get a better view of those eyes, her face, and when she smiled, my stomach did strange turns.

The conversations were quirky, which to me was something I loved, anything off the charts was just up my alley, but with her, I don't know, there was something else. And then there was the way she pushed her hand against her chest. I had been around Jared long enough to know the symptoms of some sort of panic attack when I saw one, but she didn't give up, she never told me. Maybe that's why I have these feelings, this hope that Jared is wrong.

She truly was the hero, calling the truck, sticking around and the ride to the airport, yeah, sometimes they surprise you. This one didn't just surprise me, she was sticking around in my head, and all I wanted to do was text her.

Frustrated about going over the interaction in my head more than a million times in the last few hours, there was nothing I wanted more than to be on the ground, but we were still far enough away that I was nothing but antsy. Jared was watching me like a hawk, something that was unusual for him but then again, me being quiet during a flight, especially after all the excitement we had that weekend, probably had a lot to do with it.

I got up and headed for the john, couldn't stand airplane bathrooms but it wasn't the real reason I was going anyway. Once behind the small door, locking myself into the room, I pulled my cell from my pocket, slipped on the Wi-Fi and turned off the volume. No need for anyone to hear the messages going off. Texting was out, at least until the plane landed but I always had a plan.

Facebook messenger opened without issue, but I never liked this thing to begin with, however it was just a means to an end for now. Looking up her profile from the tag I had placed on our little live chat, I navigated through the sight until I could get to the spot I wanted and pressed the message button. I took a deep breath, scolding myself for even thinking of doing what I was about to and just let my fingers run over the keys.

HEY, IT'S JENSEN. I NEEDED TO CHECK IN WITH YOU. No… really that sounded kind of desperate, and I erased it to try again. HEY, IT'S JENSEN. JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW WE WERE STILL IN THE AIR. Again, that was one of those pay attention to me text that I just couldn't send. She would know who it was, obviously, it was coming from my page, from my own personal Facebook and I shook my head. I WANTED TO SAY THANKS AGAIN.

Without a second thought I pushed the send button and waited, just watching the screen. For a moment I thought I had done it wrong. Hell everything social media was news to me and this was the first I've ever waited for a message to come back. I mean really waited. But then it started bubbling, I mean right next to her little chat thing and she replied.

Cari: YOU ARE MORE THAN WELCOME. ARE YOU ON THE GROUND YET?

Wow, there was no thought, no hesitation in her typing, she just went with it and sent. Maybe I did over think the other ones, but with her candid response, I couldn't help by smile. Why the hell was I smiling, it was just a stupid question? In fact, looking in the mirror in front of me as I leaned on the wall, I wanted to know something else. Why was I smiling like THAT? Fuck, what was I doing?

I switched my footing and let my head think too much as I replied: NOT YET, MAYBE AN HOUR.

I almost fell on the floor when I saw her responding right away.

Cari: YOU'RE IN THE AIR, GET OFF THE DAMNED PHONE!

Okay, so I never saw that coming. I knew she was easy to talk to, hell, I'm pretty sure I would have told her things that I never told anyone else if she had asked but the response to one message made me feel like…like we had known each other forever and I knew nothing about her.

I'M ON WI-FI, THAT'S WHY IT'S COMING THRU FACEBOOK. I answered, figuring if she was going to go with her gut reaction on the messages, so was I.

Cari: REALLY, I DIDN'T KNOW THEY HAD WI-FI, OF COURSE PLANES HATE ME AND THE LAST TIME I WAS ON ONE WAS 2011.

Planes hated her? Just with our little interaction I was pretty sure that no one could HATE her, jealous maybe, like Jared was being, but at the same time, Jared was right. There was that conscience thing again. I shouldn't be doing this. What the hell was wrong with me? But my fingers flew over the keys.

WHERE DID YOU GO IN 2011?

Cari: NEW ORLEANS, THAT WAS MY SECOND TRIP, BOTH WENT EXACTLY THE SAME WAY. PLANE WENT UP, LUNCH…WELL

I laughed out loud, literally giggled at the text and realized that it might have been a bit louder than I had planned, but there was nowhere else for me to hide, not at that moment.

NOT A GOOD FLYER THEN.

Cari: OR BOATS, OR BEING IN THE PASSENGERS SEAT, WHICH IS WHY I LOVE TO DRIVE.

There was a light tap on the door and I looked up from the phone. Like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar, I panicked.

"Yeah?" I asked, my voice cracking.

"You okay, Jen, you've been in there a long time." Jared's voice echoed through the door.

"Yeah, I'm good." I replied and looked down at the phone. "Give me a minute." I didn't wait for him to continue before my fingers were racing over the phone. DAMN! I HAVE TO GO, I'LL TEXT FOR REAL WHEN WE LAND.

Cari: SAFE TRAVELS. Was all she replied before I slipped the phone into my pocket, used the hand sanitizer that graced the wall and opened the door to look at Jared, who was standing there with his eyes open wide.

"Thought my stomach was going to kick my ass, but…" I pushed passed the man who blocked my way, not adding to my statement and got cozy in my seat again. Just thirty more minutes, I kept telling myself, thirty more minutes.


	2. Out of the Blue

**Out of the Blue –Cari**

The kids were in bed, thank God. I didn't know how much more of this day I could take. I had finally gotten all my emails answered and stashed in the right folders and the bills I had been putting off were finally paid but the only thing I really wanted to do was sit down for two minutes and really think about what happened earlier. I mean, come on, Jensen Ackles…the real Jensen Ackles!

My phone had blown up from the moment I had dropped them off, three phone calls in a row from Kathy wanting to know every detail and then there was the IMs from Facebook. People I hadn't talked to in ages were sending messages about both Jared and Jensen's little live feed, of course with me being tagged in it, it went right to my page and having a public page with already 1200 followers made it an overwhelming drive home. I finally had to shut the stupid volume off but I did call Kathy.

In fact, the call to my favorite lady lasted the whole trip home and then some as I gushed over the boys, mostly my interaction with Jensen. Kathy let me know her daughter was jealous, hell I was jealous and it happened to me. I wish I had more pictures. Anyway, back to the night at hand. It had been about nine hours from the time I dropped them off, and counting down the information I had gathered from the flight information, they had about an half-hour before decent and another thirty before real touchdown and hopefully contact.

The IMs had finally stopped at least I had thought, until it pinged once more. I was aggravated, frustrated and downright pissed off if I had to answer another one of those…and that was when I picked up the phone and looked at the little "chathead" that was on my phone. Okay, I knew what Jensen's public page looked like, and I knew he sent me a request from a private one so, why did this one not look like the public page.

Popping it open, I smiled at the message, him wanting to say thank you for helping out today. Well, either my heart was going to give out or my brain was going to go into overload because I never really thought he was going to keep in touch. I replied as nonchalant as I could, because I wasn't much for fangirling, and I was sure he didn't want to hear it.

The conversation was pretty light, but damn, he was still in the air and he was sending me through Wi-Fi…I really needed to get out more. Our short-lived IM conversation was cut off by him having to go, and by the message, it seemed he was being secretive about what he was doing and I smiled after watching the online light go off.

Great, now it was eleven, five o'clock wake-up call for the kids and off to school they went, which meant bed for me, but Holy Hell, how was I going to sleep when Jensen had sent me messages literally right out of the blue. He was in the sky, flying over God only knows where and here I was, in my pajamas and pink flowered bathrobe, thank God he didn't decided to video chat.

The lights were off, the kids were quiet and I had finally gotten my mind to settle down so that I could drift off to sleep, but that was when it happened. The messenger pinged again and I was wide awake. Usually I slept through them all but this one I couldn't ignore.

JensenAckles: AS SOON AS I SEE YOU'VE READ THIS, I'M CALLING. ANSWER THE PHONE!

Jesus, Jensen, pushy much? I rolled my eyes and waited, but there was nothing. Finally as I was about to start texting back the music on my phone began to play. My youngest, Rowan, was asleep in the bed just across the room from me and I swiped to accept quickly. Sliding out of bed, I pressed the phone to my ear and smiled, practically skipping down the stairs.

"Hello," I whispered, the smile in my voice probably matched the stupid one that was stuck on my face,

"Hey," Jensen's deep voice did wild things to my insides as I plunked down on the couch. "Awe, shit, I forgot the time difference! Did I wake you up? You sound kind of sleepy."

"No, I had just gone to bed, besides the Brat Prince is still up battling some zombie hoard!" I laughed. "It's only midnight."

"Wait, one of your kids is up playing video games?" This seemed to stun him just a bit, but I was pretty sure I had told him about my kids at some point in time during our conversation.

"He's eighteen and finally has a day off tomorrow so it's all out zombie apocalypse going on right now. He's pretty quiet though, only the occasional swear here and there." I listened to him give a small chuckle. "Hey how was your flight? And where are you hiding? It's pretty quiet."

"I, ah, bribed Clif to get Jared away for a few minutes so I could seek off to the bathroom." His voice was low and just had the right amount of childishness in it to make me believe he had done just that. "The flight was good, I wasn't…too antsy. Would saying I just wanted to call you be too much too soon?"

"No," I shrugged, but then again who was I to know this, "I mean, I don't know, it's never happened to me before but if you admitted that, I'll admit that I was like a 13-year-old girl when I got your message."

"Yeah, I didn't know where to go with that, just had to reach out to you." I heard him sigh, like this was all some sort of relief for him. "Where are you, if the kids are sleeping?"

"In my living room, hiding on a dark couch, hoping none of them came downstairs." I laughed and curled my legs up under me. "You aren't going to ask me what I'm wearing , are you?"

"Yeah, because that wouldn't be awkward at all." Jensen seemed to relax the longer we were on the phone but in between the dorky questions and answers, there was a silence there that seemed to speak volumes.

"Can I ask you a question?" Probably the twentieth question since the call began, but who was really counting.

"Yeah, anything," I could almost see him standing against the wall, phone to his ear, with his ankles crossed.

"Why are you hiding from Jared?"

"Ah, that…" not the response I was thinking I was going to get but I needed to see where it went, "he gets me, you know like most brothers do and he could tell I was thinking about you. We sort of have this rule and I think he's afraid I might break it…with you."

"We're seriously a million miles away and he's afraid you're going to break a bro-code?" I smiled but I could tell he wasn't. "Jensen, you can be friends with a girl, you know that right?"

"Yeah, tell that to my little brother." He gave a half-giggle. "Listen, Cari, I don't want to, but I have to go. We're almost home and I need to see my kids."

"Are you really going to explain yourself to me?" The smile faded from my face as I thought of exactly what was going on. "Okay, so here's the deal, you go do what you have to, and I'll do what I got to and we'll talk…even if it's just a message, text, IM. Now that I have your number, I can stalk you too."

"Sounds like a plan," and this time it was a full chuckle and a smile in his voice. "Hey, this is going to sound strange, but can you send me a picture? I mean, not one of THOSE pictures, but a picture, of you?"

"Only if you send me one."

"Deal," he whispered, as if it were the last time he was going to say anything to me. I closed my eyes and sighed. "Goodnight, Cari."

"Hey, Jen," I stopped him as soon as he said my name and listened to the pause. "There's nothing wrong with us, you know that right?"

"I know," he sighed, and the phone disconnected.

With a deep breath and a racing heart, I took the phone away from my ear and looked at the black screen. Just for shits and giggles, to make him realize that I wasn't fooling around, I found the best mirror in the house, put on a good shirt and took a million selfies before I got the right one, which I immediately sent to his phone. Yeah, not girlie at all but definitely no duck faces.

I plugged the phone in and settled down into bed, praying that I would fall asleep fast because there was so much I had to do tomorrow and morning was coming fast. I had just settled into the pillows when my phone went off again, two dings this time, from a text message and I opened them up. Jensen, as close to the camera as he could get blowing me a kiss, and one as far back as he could get in the same position as I imagined him, standing against the bathroom wall, using the bathroom mirror as a way to take the shot. Just under the full length picture there was a little caption.

JA: I TOOK THIS AS SOON AS WE GOT OFF THE PHONE BUT JARED WALKED IN SO I HAD TO WAIT TO SEND IT. SENDING YOU KISSES PRINCESS. GN. J

I laughed, wanting to reply but instantly saved both to my phone. If everything I knew was right, not responding would be the best idea because he would be almost home and have Jared in the car beside him, so I sent a message through Facebook instead. Encrypted so that he would get it.

I SCREENSHOT A PIC, CAME OUT GREAT, HOPE YOU'RE HOME SAFE. C.

It was the only thing I could think of sending, and since it was from Facebook who was to say that it wasn't a screenshot of our little live stream from earlier that day and that it was just coming through on his phone after being in the air forever. I watched as it popped down, letting me know that he had seen it and I put the phone on the nightstand. I didn't expect a response and I didn't get one, which in a way made me feel more secure in it.

 **Life on Mars –Jensen**

Life the first few weeks after our chance encounter with Cari has been total hell, and I mean not the rainbows and butterflies that Crowley makes it sound like. I mean total, unadulterated HELL! I can't concentrate on anything except maybe the few minutes in between resets where I can send a message or two. Jared thinks it to Dannie, I don't know what else to tell him, but I do know one thing, I need a vacation. I'm thinking skiing in New England…yeah, skiing, in the end of freaking September.

In the middle of my rant over the phone to Jim Michaels about how I thought that the storyline was going so far, mind you we're only about five episodes into this season, he tells me some troubling news, well trouble for production, but not for me. Apparently there was a lead that had to back out. A new storyline was unfolding and the young woman that they had going for the part was just not able to do it and this was last minute, like she needed to be on the set ASAP. It's only Monday, how hard can it be to find an actress?

"Jim, we read this script, I'm sure there are a million people that you could come up with to take this on," I grumbled, wanting to stomp my feet like a little kid because, dammit, this was cutting into my text time, but that one little stomp got me thinking. "Wait, what does this character look like? I mean, I know who and what is involved, but who exactly are you looking for to fill the part."

"Young, dark hair, lots of character. She's got to be badass, she's going to be teaming up with you and Jared." Jim sighed and I could hear him shuffling papers. "But there is nothing in any of these headshots to make me think of them even getting close to Nicci."

"Nicci, huh, would you trust me if I said I think I might know someone?" I heard Jim pause because he knew that if I said I knew someone, well than I pretty much knew everyone.

"Come to my office, if you can, show me a picture and tell me about her." Jim mumbled before hanging up the phone.

I smiled, stuck the phone in my pocket and headed up through the stage set to where Jared was waiting. He was going over lines with Misha as I skidded to a halt beside him, smiling like I have never done before, at least not that I can remember.

"I, ah, I got to go!" I laughed and watched the confusion in Jared's eyes. "Jim wanted me to come upstairs so, yeah, I'll be back."

"Jen," I heard Jared get out of his mouth before I disappeared around the corner.

It wasn't raining, which was the best thing in the world, because I could run faster without the worry of slipping on my shoes and falling on my ass. It didn't take me long to get to the stairway, and pause. This wasn't something I could spring on her, not like this, so the next best thing was a surprise text message.

ARE YOU ON AGENCYPROTALENT? WHAT SITES ARE YOUR HEADSHOTS ON?

It took her a minute to respond, and I knew it might considering the last thing she sent me was: I'M DRIVING IN CT, NO TEXTING, CALL ME.

But of course I couldn't call, this was too big. My phone buzzed back at me and I got two small answers

Cari G: YES. And ACTORSACCESS TOO.

I smiled as I stuffed the phone back in my pocket, feeling it vibrate once more before I got to the floor that the Supernatural office was located on inside the WB building. Pulling out the phone, I looked at her question.

Cari: WHY?

With a quickness that I didn't think my fingers had, I typed back: I'LL LET YOU KNOW.

Great, leaving her up in the air like that was really going to go over well with her when she was on the way to an interview or audition, not that she would tell me what she was doing all the time but the driving was a dead giveaway. I moved through the office and stopped at Jim's door. His desk was filled with folders, 8x10 images and more paperwork than I had ever seen, but he stopped what he was doing and placed his hand folded together on the stack.

"What do you got?" He questioned. I pointed to the laptop beside him, unable to use my words as I was still trying to catch my breath. I typed in her name, pulled up her picture, at least the latest one I could find and turned the screen towards him. Jim sat back, his face not totally shocked by the girl on the screen but he was definitely interested. "Wait, I know her."

"What?" I questioned and watched as he took the laptop and logged into LinkedIn. There she was, one of his contacts and she had been having a conversation with him for quite a while now, but her profile never pointed out that she was acting now. "Huh, she does act, I mean I don't know how long she's been doing it, but I can tell you this, she can change a tire without help from you or me."

"This is the Cari you were telling me about, the one that helped you to the airport?" Jim questioned, sitting back in the chair. "She lives in Massachusetts."

"I know," I shrugged and didn't really see the problem with it but Jim thought for a few minutes.

"Do you think she can get to LA by THIS weekend?"

"I can MAKE her get to LA by this weekend if you need her there." I gave him a devilish smile and watched as he nodded.

"Call her up, see what she can do and make it happen, Jensen, but listen, this is on you." I understood what he was talking about, I was basically vouching for a newbie to the industry but there was no way I was going to pass up the opportunity to get up here.

I stood from the room and raced out into the hall, she wasn't going to believe me, not at all.


	3. Are You Fudging Kidding Me?

**Are you Fudging Kidding Me? –Cari**

The phone rang for probably the fourteenth time in a row before I could get my headset on, paired and finally answer the damn thing. Jensen was an impatient fellow on the best days, this apparently wasn't one of them.

"Asshat!" (Probably not the best thing to call a man you've met once but texted with every day), "I already told you I'm in Connecticut!" I delivered the line with just as much animosity as I could get, which was pretty much none because I was laughing too hard. "What is so important that you're trying to get me killed, or worse, pulled over?"

"I got you an audition," his voice was a giddy as a schoolgirl and I found myself shocked stupid for a moment. That was when I knew, hands-free or not I was pulling over. Once the car was safely off the highway and probably about the same spot where we first met, I put it in park and blinked.

"I'm sorry…what?" I asked quietly.

"Listen, can you get to LA by this weekend?" He was serious, but my silence had him worrying.

"Jensen, to be honest, I don't even know if I'm paying my electric bill by Friday." I answered honestly and listened to him sigh.

"Okay, so this is what we're going to do. I'm going to get you a round trip ticket to Los Angeles for Friday from Bradley and I'll meet you, I just have to switch some stuff around, then we need to be at the Warner Brother's building on Saturday. It won't matter what time because I'll be with you." He was rattling things off so fast that I wasn't sure I was going to be able to keep up until I finally shushed him.

"Please just tell me why?"

"I asked Jim to let you audition," he fell silent, almost as silent as I was considering I didn't make a sound for at least a few seconds. "Cari?"

"You got me an audition, for what?" It wasn't that I wasn't grateful but maybe a little baffled.

"Supernatural," my heart raced and I could feel the blood pressure rise. "For a part that might last a few weeks, or more."

"Jensen," I whispered, and tried to hold back the tears, "I fucking love you!"

"Yeah, I know." He said smugly and listened to me sigh.

"But, I can't accept a ticket out there, that's insane."

"You can pay me back when you get going, just say you'll come! I want to see you, it's been weeks and we've been talking on the phone and the pictures but dammit, I want to see you!" He made his point very clear and I couldn't help but smile.

"So, tell me about this character?" I questioned, able to see once more as I prepared myself to rejoin the speeding traffic of I-91 north. Jensen sang on about the character Nicole Demers, and how she was a badass and a hunter and that I would be able to stay on set and how many episodes she was scheduled for but after that he wasn't sure. "Okay, so badass hunter, gotcha, but have you seen me? Do I look badass to you?"

"In that sexy leather jacket on your demo you do." He laughed. Oh, shit, I had forgotten about the reel, and that I had given him the fact that I was on Actors Access. "Just shut your face and say you'll come."

"Which do you want me to do, shut my face, or tell you?" I laughed and thought he had hung up on me but I knew how serious he was. "Yes, Jensen, I'll come."

I swear there was a muffled yell somewhere in there, but I thought maybe he had taken the phone from his ear to do it, and the heavy breathing that I heard when he did come back on the line made me laugh.

"Crap," his "Dean" voice was coming out, "I have to get back on set, but I'll have everything planned before tonight, at least by midnight your time. Are you going to be able to swing it with the kids?"

"Yeah, mine? They'll be fine. I'm sure Mom will watch them and I'm pretty sure a house full of teenagers can manage for three days."

"Okay, damn, I got to go, but I'll call later, I promise." The laugh in his tone was addicting, and I listened as the headset made me fully aware that the call had ended.

For the rest of the 45 minutes it took me to get home, there was one thing on my mind and it wasn't the audition, the flight out, or the absolute insanity that it was going to be trying to get everything situated. It was the fact that I was going to get to see Jensen again, something I never thought would happen because of the distance.

Don't get me wrong, the calls and everything were great but you can't just have someone step into your life, become such a big part of your everyday and then never see them again. This was what I needed, this little bit of confirmation that he was real, I mean really real, and the smile didn't leave my face for the next four days.

 **Big Ole Jet Airliner – Jensen**

The six hours it took for the plane to come in from across the country was a small price to pay to be see her, the waiting was nerve-wracking. I managed to get Jared off to Texas to see Gen and the kids, and to get Danneel settled with our own but even on MY flight down I was on the edge of my seat. I couldn't believe it, and it had only been what, three weeks, a month at most. Why was I so giddy about one girl? Woman, sorry. It's not like I should have been.

In LA I was able to blend in, hell there were so many stars here no one even paid attention, but the fact that I was having her rushed out a back security entrance either said a lot about me, or enough about how protective I was of her to not get her mauled by the hoard of paparazzi that tried to come down on me as soon as I got off the plane.

Was it hard getting down here on a Friday? Hell yeah, we had to switch around scenes that were meant for today and this weekend. Jared and I moved our usual spots with Misha and Mark. Fraturdays was not a thing I enjoyed ever, but it was good to give them to someone else once in a while, and Jim knew just what needed to be done so that we could get this spot rolling.

The door opened, at least it squeaked before I could get myself to turn around. This was probably the hundredth time it opened in the last five minutes and it was never her, but this time, along with the noise came the muffled swears of a voice I knew all too well.

"And another thing, fucking bag, break again and I'm just going to go to the audition naked!" She announced to the suitcase that had gotten stuck in the door.

The image that flashed through my head was enough to make my heart stop, but the sound of her made me turn in my spot. I stood by the back of the black SUV, as she let the door close behind her. I watched as she turned, the suitcase finally coming to a halt as she released it, pushed back her hair and seriously kicked the door.

"Wow, frustrated much?" I questioned and watched her whip around. The anger on her face slowly drained away as she looked at me. I mean, the way she looked at me was one thing, shock and complete disbelief but once that smile began to form, my heart did this funny twist. All from one small smile that reached her blue eyes. "Hey."

"Jensen," and the way she said my name was downright dangerous. I smiled, the best I could without giving away the fact that I was about to pass out and opened my arms.

I never thought that she would come to me, but the feeling of her arms wrapped around my waist and I encased her in my own was just…right…how could it not be. She was short enough for me to get my arms around her shoulders and to lean down planting a kiss on her forehead, but I lingered, way too long, enjoying the feeling of her being right there.

"Hey, Kid." I laughed, kid…who was I kidding, this little thing could kick my ass and keep on walking but I couldn't help the endearing tone. She looked up, those blue eyes sparkling and I kissed her forehead. Yeah, this was going to be trouble. "How was your flight?"

"Are you kidding?" She questioned, stepping back. Her arms, and mine both moved at the same time, releasing each other as we moved, both having the same idea, it was time to get this show on the road. "I didn't get sick, which is a blessing, but take-off and landings, ugh!"

"At least you made it, that's the good part." I answered, but I reached out, totally not something I would do and ran my fingers down her spine, just as reassurance but the shiver that I watched go through her body had my teeth clenched. Really, I did that to her? She couldn't imagine what she was doing to me. I watched her grab her bag, one that I took from her as soon as I stopped admiring the way she moved and helped her into the backseat of the car, where I slid in beside her. "Tom, we're headed back to the hotel."

"Gotcha!" The man upfront smiled and without another word, we were on our way.

"Is that all you brought?"

She looked at me, her eyes sparkled and nodded, "what the hell do you wear to an audition? Especially one set up by you?"

"Clothes," I shrugged, it was the best answer I had.

She honestly could have walked in there dressed in full Clown make-up and gotten the job, the audition was a formality and I might have told her that later but the moment we sat down to face each other, the conversations rolled along, as if there were no time between us, no space. They rolled into the night, with little breaks in between to call family members and check in, for me to call Danneel and to let Jared know that "yes, I was perfectly fine and I would see him Monday," but otherwise it was the two of us.

We ordered in, not sharing a hotel room but the same floor. Chinese I think and practiced some of her lines, which she could do with a fork full of dumplings and a plate of Crab Rangoon without skipping a beat, and to watch her act, just sitting there letting the lines flow as if it were perfectly natural for her to be going on about ghosts and salt-filled shotgun shells.

She was going to do great at this, I just wished I had seen it sooner. She was a natural, but then again, it might only be with me. I couldn't help but watch every move she made, from the serious face of the conversation the characters were having to the giggles she broke into when she screwed up a line. Yeah she would fit in perfectly.

I shuffled through the clothes she brought along, trying my best to find something that might resemble what they wanted in the character and when I finally found the right pair of jeans and tee, plus the black faux leather jacket she had worn for the trip over, I smiled up at her.

"There, that's what I picture Nicci wearing," I shrugged.

"Jensen, I wear those every day," she laughed and sat down on the bed.

"Then you should be just fine. Be yourself." I looked down at the time and sighed. One a.m., shit, we needed to go to bed. "Okay, Kid, off to bed."

"Yes, Daddy." She laughed but I closed my eyes as I reached the doorway. Ugh, I couldn't image what it was going to be like on set. With a deep breath, I turned and looked at her as she moved around the room, setting things away so she could crawl into bed.

"No worries, right?" I smiled, but it was fake because I was worried, more worried about her than I should have been, and not because of the audition. I was leaving her in the hotel room by herself, even if mine was just around the corner.

"Jen, I'm a big girl, I'll be just fine." But even her smile was forced.

"Okay, so I'll be knocking at nine." She just nodded and watched as I tapped on the door frame before leaving the room. Goodnight seemed too much, it was like saying goodbye and that I couldn't do, not ever again.


	4. LA Frustrated

**LA Frustrated – Cari**

I thought Boston was infuriating but this place was manic. I had this 6 foot giant holding my hand in his as we moved quickly though the crowd. He wasn't pulling, just holding on so I wouldn't get lost in the strange wave of people. We made it to our destination, managed to get up to the floor and that was where he left me, without even going in. I felt the very press of his lips on my forehead tingle through every part of my body, but as his hand released mine, I felt just a little empty.

He didn't say anything, just gave a wink and off he went, so I did what I always did, took a deep breath and walked in. I greeted the receptionist, told her what I was here for and she smiled, showing me to a room. I thanked her just outside the doorway as I walked in and smiled at the man sitting behind the desk, he stood, seemed really happy to see me and introduced me to a man with a camera and two others that happened to be in the room.

I greeted them with equal respect and watched as he handed me a script. For a while we just read from it, back and forth to see how the banter went and I just kept going, most of the lines I knew but he changed scripts and had me read from a completely different one, something I was already prepared for because they did it at other ones.

He asked me about possibly roleplaying with one of the other actors and I smiled, absolutely and turned as a young woman I thought I knew walked in. Felicia Day, who happened to be in the building and played Charlie on Supernatural before sat down with me after a brief introduction of who we both were and we went back and forth with some natural dialog and a small script with one woman and Nicole exchanging lines.

Everything seemed to flow, and as much as I should have been nervous, there wasn't any racing heart, any pain in my chest, just the fun of enjoying the time with the people behind the scenes. When Felicia left, I shook her hand, thanked her for coming in and then the director looked at me. He told me that there were others that he had to meet with but would I be interested in coming back on Sunday to speak with them again, possibly early in the morning.

I was more than happy to accept and he shook my hand, in fact, I made sure that I thanked everyone and the young woman came to the door to escort me out. I smiled, gave her a pleasant goodbye and signed myself out of the office. When I stopped at the door, I admit that I was a little shaky but Jensen stood across the hall, hands in his pockets, his head back against the wall, eyes closed and just the best damn looking thing I had ever seen.

I don't know how long I stood there for, just admiring, but I watched as one eye finally opened and he peeked over me. His suddenly movement as he pushed himself away from the wall had me jump in my spot and a devilish smile crossed his face as he closed the distance between us.

"So," his voice was a low whisper close to my ear as he slipped his hand around the inside of my upper arm and we moved slowly down the hall, "how did it go?"

"Can I be honest?" I laughed, keeping my voice equally quiet, and felt him come in close to the side of my face. "If you keep whispering in my ear like that, I think my heart is going to give out."

"Oh, that good, huh?" He laughed straightening up as he released my arm, the distance seemed to ease the ache but his warmth was gone and I slipped on my jacket. "Felicia said you were really good."

"You saw her?" I laughed, and watched as he nodded, sticking his hands back into his pockets as he bumped against me. "Yeah, that was awesome!"

"Fangirl much?" I stopped and looked at him, watched as the corners of his lips turned up.

"Do you know how girlie that sounds?" I laughed and felt him give me a gentle bump with his shoulders. "Besides, you didn't see me after I dropped you off at the airport. Talk about fangirl…"

"Really?" He sounded surprised, but watched as I kept walking. "So, you knew who I was before you actually let on?"

"Do I look like the type of person to spaz out in public?" He gave me a bit of a glance, once up and down and then a slight shrug of his shoulders. "Just like you, Mr. ShyGuy, I can hide things pretty well when I need to."

"Like your anxiety?" I grew silent at the mention of it and felt that protective hand on the small of my back as we stepped out into the light of the morning. His thumb rubbed small circles along the same spot on my spine, a reassuring gesture that instantly made me relax. "I deal with a moose, did you really think I couldn't spot the signs?"

"It's not something I usually let people in on," I answered and took his hand, well, it was more like wrapping mine around two fingers because his hand could have swallowed mine. Jensen looked down at the way my fingers enclosed over his and he relaxed his stance, knowing I wasn't going to let go.

"So, what do you do for it?"

"Medication, mostly, and coping skills," I looked around as we walked, knowing that Jensen wasn't going to let me walk into a pole or any people. "I've learned to control it but it does catch up with me sometimes, like the side of the road. Traffic behind the wheel I can deal with, traffic that could run me over, not so much."

"What happens when it gets to you?" I smiled up at him.

"Give it about an hour, you'll see." I sighed and felt him pull me closer, his arm wrapped around my shoulder as he switched the hand that I was holding.

 **Shoot Me Now! –Jensen**

She was right, within the hour she was sitting on the floor with her back to the couch rubbing her knuckles against her breast bone, and I couldn't help but feel piss, hurt, afraid, concerned. Hell, I didn't know what I was feeling but I just wanted to be able to reach out to her and make it stop but every time I brought it up she just smiled and said it would pass.

I listened to her go into the bedroom, but as much as I wanted to follow along just to see what she was doing, I sat my ass put on that couch, well actually the floor because I had mimicked her position, just so I could watch her. I heard the rustling of her bag, the shake of a pill bottle and then the running of the water in the bathroom, when she came back she looked at me with an emotion in her eyes that I couldn't pinpoint. She sat back down, just as she was before, but her knee leaned against mine as she put her head back on the couch.

I couldn't help but stare at the way her hair feel back on the tan seat, the curve of her neck as it moved down from behind her ears to the way the skin disappeared under the black v-neck she was wearing and that was when I knew I had it bad. I wasn't sure what I had but damn, it was bad.

"You okay?" I whispered but I heard my voice skip and kicked myself, she would definitely know something was up when she caught that little switch of pitch and I watched the corners of her lip turn up, tightening that exposed skin and I felt my jeans twitch. DAMMIT!

"I'll be alright," she laughed, picking her head up and I can imagine just how red my face was because, man was it hot in there. "Are you?" I smiled, shyly, …yes I was shy and she brought out the worst in me but nodded. "So let me forewarn you now, it's going to kick in and probably fast since it's now almost lunch time and we haven't eaten yet. You probably won't want to take me out in public and I might sound like a drunken sailor for a while."

"Really?" I couldn't imagine her drunk, but a sailor. "Sea legs and all?"

"Probably," she laughed and I turned into this pile of goo. Why did she have this effect on me? "Um, thoughts on food?"

"Foods great, I mean I like it," I said sarcastically and glanced down at the way her knee was moving against my thigh, not something she was consciously doing but…I could tell she was having an issue.

"Asshole," she mumbled, and I smiled at the humor behind it.

"Yeah, let's get you something to eat." I was a little more worried than I cared to admit to her but I got up and grabbed the book that the hotel provided. "This is probably the fastest way to get something. What are you in the mood for?"

"Turkey," she whispered and I looked up to see that she had put her head back once more.

"Turkey, is it Thanksgiving in your little world?" She proceeded to flip me off, which gave me the impression that her little magic pill might be starting to work. "Okay, let me see what they got." I grabbed my phone and stepped into the other room as she relaxed. Room service surprisingly had a turkey dinner which I ordered for both of us and moved back to the couch, where I slid down across from her. "You're not going to fall asleep on me, are you?"

"Only if you come over here and let me use your lap as a pillow." Her voice was a little deep and lusty…lusty, hell, it was overflowing with sex and I had to shift to adjust to the growing uncomfortable hardness.

"Nope," I said faster than I probably should have. "Definitely not a good idea, especially with you medicated."

That was when my cell phone vibrated and I realized just how hard I was squeezing the small machine. I smiled as I looked at the caller ID and Jared's name flashed on the screen. Press and hold to check it out and sure enough, there he was, a picture of him, mouth open, devil horns on his hands, dipping in the Texan sun. Under it was a few words and I wondered if he knew Felicia would be in town today.

JAY: SUP, BITCHES! Leave it to Jared to be as eloquent as ever.

I glanced over at Cari, smiled at the way she looked at me and tried to take a deep breath, responding with the only thing I could. KILLING ME!

JAY: BEEN KILLING YOU FOR THE LAST MONTH, HOW IS NOW ANY DIFFERENT?

SO MUCH MORE INTENSE. Jared was probably the only one I could admit that to and have it stay safely locked away.

JAY: WELL, YOU GUESSED IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN SO JUST REMEMBER THE RULE AND STICK WITH IT.

YES MOM! I laughed and listened to the knock on the door. Room service, I guess when you say make it snappy, they hop too it, but I had to finish the text I was on before I opened it. DO YOU THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA?

JAY: NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST! :-D. He replied but with that "face" behind it, I knew he was teasing me. AT LEAST I WON'T HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT IT DAY IN AND DAY OUT. MAN, YOU DEFINITELY NEED THIS, GOT TO FIGURE IT OUT, BETTER TO DO IT NOW.

YEAH! LUNCH, GOTTA RUN, ENJOY THE POOL, KISS THE KIDS.

JAY: TEXT AT YOU LATER MAN! And with that I slid the phone in my pocket.

Okay so drunken sailor didn't come into play but she cracked up at everything, and I mean everything that was around her, but all I could do was grin like some stupid idiot because that smile reached her face, and her eyes, and they were glowing. Food was now outside the door, I was up on the couch and she was lying between them, one hand covering her eyes. Her stomach moved with the remnant of a laugh, and I mean a full on belly laugh, as she caught her breath.

"Truth or Dare?" She whispered as she peeked at me from behind her arm.

This was what we had been playing, and so far it had been pretty childish and had gone on for hours. It was almost dinnertime again, but we were content in the little room, secure in each other's company. I turned on the couch, stretching out straight as I moved to my side and looked at her, one arm crooked under my head, the other dangled over me and the side of the couch.

"Truth," I smiled, rolling my eyes.

"You and Misha," oh, I gave a groan on that one, I hated these kinds of questions, and watched her sit up, scoot a little closer and that evil grin came across her face. "Oh, come on, hear me out, because it's just a funny yes or no answer."

"Okay, I'm game, give it to me." I watched her stop suddenly and the redness rose against her neck before hitting her cheeks. Maybe that was the wrong choice of words but pretty fucking funny. "Ask before I change my mind."

"Ever read the Destiel fan fictions?" It actually wasn't a horrible question but one that I probably could have gone without answering, however the hesitation I gave her made that smile reappear pretty quickly on her face and her mouth opened in shock and awe. "You have!"

"Well…" I stumbled. Sure, people had asked me this in the past and I had flatly refused, but this was Cari and no amount of straight-faced lying was going to convince her that the truth in my eyes was anything but that. I sat up and rolled my eyes at her. "Yes, okay, yes I have and I found it…kind of interesting."

"Kind of?" She laughed.

"Some of it was just pure crap, but others…" I slid down on the floor again, closing the space between us. "Listen, the Destiel stuff, I get, but the Wincest…is that what they call it, is just fucking weird, I mean, their brothers." She nodded, blinked a few long, drawn out flashes of her lids and I found myself mesmerized. "Okay, you, Truth or Dare?"

"Jesus, with you, either one could probably go the wrong way." She knew me well, but the question of the fan fiction had me curious to know what she would do on a truth or dare.

"Um, truth…" she paused, "no, Dare."

"Are you sure?"

The look in her eyes almost had me scared but I watched her smile. "Dare."

"Kiss me." I stated, but paused, because what the hell was I thinking.

I watched as she sat back and scanned her over face, looking for anything that might register as pure horror, and I think I almost wanted it to be there, but it wasn't. Her eyes were full of curiousness and she leaned forward. It took her a minute to move, and I stayed completely still as she practically crawled at a snail's pace to sit beside me.

I felt her hand on the side of my cheek, the side furthest away from her and she turned me to face her. My heart started to race, just at the feel of her small hand, and the fingers that pressed close to my ear. She leaned in, and I clenched my hands into fists. I wasn't going to touch her, that wasn't part of the deal, wasn't part of the dare, but when she was close enough, I closed my eyes. What the hell had I been thinking?

I let out the breath I had been holding in when her mouth brushed my cheek, just along the stubble line of my five o'clock shadow and my heart skipped, my fist tightened and her lips gently slipped past my ear, her warm breath blowing in as she back away. I know I groaned as she sat back and her hand moved from my face.

I opened my eyes and looked directly at her, so close, oh so very close but I locked my hands down and swallowed. Cari winked, moved slowly back across the floor and sat there, looking at me. Her eyes were full of curiosity, and the way they darkened, I knew exactly why. The only reason I moved at all was to grab the coat on the couch behind me, rolling it up to use as a cover, and I placed it over my lap, crossing my arms on top of it to cover the evidence of my body betraying me.

"Wait," she smiled, it wasn't a mocking one, but one that made her blush as well, "are you…?

"Yeah, sorry," I rubbed the back of my neck and felt the heat in my ears.

"Does that happen all the time?"

"Not as often as you think, at least not many other times until now." I tried to breath, tried to calm it down but all I could smell now was her, so close to me, her lips on my cheek, by my ears and I moaned again. "I have to go," I stood up quickly and moved to the door, the coat still in front of me. I turned to look at the disappointment on her face. "Five minutes, Cari, just…give me five minutes."

Her sadness turned to understanding and she nodded just as I snuck out the door.

I stood in my hotel room, ready to go, raring to go, but I just paced and took the phone from my pocket, pulling up Jared's last text and sent my own.

NEED TO TALK! CALL ME ASAP!

It wasn't more than a moment after the text was sent that my phone was vibrating in my hand and Jared's ugly mug was filling up my screen. I took a deep breath and answered.

"I am so way in over my head." I stated without missing a beat and Jared's laugh was the only thing I got in return.

"What happened?" His laugh eased some of the stress that I was in, but it didn't take away from the fact that I never did anything about the condition she put me in. My silence seemed to trigger him. "Oh, Jen, what the hell did you do?"

"We were playing Truth or Dare…" I started and listened to him moan. "Dude, I know how fucked up this is so would you just shut up and listen?"

"Alright, alright, Truth or Dare, got it." I could hear the echo behind him and then the sound of running water. He was hiding in the bathroom. "Go on." Sometimes his "Sam" voice just came out in full force.

"Questions were pretty innocent, not like I've run into before, it was good, and then I screwed it up." I rubbed my forehead and leaned back against the only part of the wall not occupied by something, closing my eyes as I remembered the kiss.

"What the fuck, man?" he snapped.

"I asked her for a kiss, dared her to do it." I could hear my friend sighing on the other end. Why was I telling this to him, because I knew if I could trust anyone with something like this, it would definitely be Jared. He waited, not passing judgment, not question, just waited. "She kissed me on the cheek, but I thought I was going to die and now I'm left with this raging hard-on and…"

"You got a boner from a kiss on the cheek?" Jared laughed and I let him, because as freaked out as I was, he was bound to find this funny. "Dude, why are you on the phone with me?"

"I had to tell someone, this isn't normal." My voice squeaked like a little girl and this sent Jared off on another torrent of laughter.

"Jen, you're a guy, it's perfectly normal." Jared laughed. I hated this guy so much!

"You said it, from a kiss on the cheek!

"And I also asked why you are on the phone with me? Go back to her Jen, investigate, just don't break the rules." Jared was supposed to be my conscience, not encouraging me otherwise.

"You suck, you know that right?" I growled and shook my head.

"Hey, you never know, a couple more dares and you might get that too." He laughed.

"I'm hanging up now." I snapped and listened to him burst into laughter again before I hit the disconnect. "Well, that was absolutely useless." Then a text pinged through.

JAY: I SLIPPED LUBE IN YOUR BAG BEFORE I LEFT!

I rolled my eyes hard, because that just made the painful reaction to Cari even more evident at the thought of the small bottle in the bag. I made a mental note to strangle Padalecki when we got on set, but first… I glanced over at the bag and thought for a moment before sending Cari a text.

JUST A BIT MORE THAN FIVE MINUTES.

Cari G: TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED THERE, SPANKY, I'M GETTING CHANGED.

Oh, Christ it was a conspiracy! I dropped the phone on the bed and went searching through the bag.


	5. Wherever This Crazy Ride Ends

**Wow, I didn't realize how short this chapter really was until I copied and pasted it here. So, what I'll do is I'll post this one today and the next as soon as possible so you're not waiting all that long. Please follow me or the story for updates, and if you want to review, please do so, good or bad. I'm a big girl, I can take it. Much love and I'm happy to hear everyone is loving it.**

 **Wherever This Crazy Ride Ends - Cari**

I finally had enough of the clothes that I had been wearing, jeans were too tight, and I wanted to be comfortable, so I grabbed the next best thing. A pair of sweats, not really baggy sweats, and actually they seemed more like workout pants, and a tank top, which I covered with a sweater, because I was always cold….always, but it seemed to hang from one shoulder. Weight loss was a great thing, but when it came to your clothes not fitting anymore, it sucked.

I put my hair up in a messy bun, took my contacts out and washed my face. Jensen hadn't texted in a few, and the thought of him taking care of business made me switch the water that I splashed on my face to cold. In fact, I was pretty sure if I tried, I could melt the ice in the bucket with no problem. Slipping on my glasses, I picked up the phone and sent a texted out to him.

DOOR IS UNLOCKED.

There was no answer but I knew he would get it before he reached me, and that was when I needed something to listen to. I pushed Pandora on my phone and checked the "Renegade Radio" that usually I loved to listen to when the need arises. I was standing at the far side of the room, my back to the door when I heard it open.

"Hey," Jensen's voice whispered as he entered, closed the door and put the lock across, I turned to look at him and watched as he stopped dead in his tracks, packet of papers in hand. I was pretty sure that if he hadn't taken care of his issue before, he would have had to turn and walked right back out of the room, there was just that look in his eyes. His fingers pressed on the door, as if he was steadying himself and he bit his lower lip before he smiled. "Wow."

"Wow?" I laughed and gave him a questioning look.

"Yeah, ah," he stepped away from the door, rubbing his hand nervously at the side of jeans and smiled at me. "Hot Librarian is all I got, sorry."

Okay, that made me laugh, because no one had ever called me THAT before. Librarian maybe but as he approached I suddenly knew he was absolutely serious. Before completely closing the space, he sat down on the couch, licked his lips and shook his head.

"So, what do you want to do now?" He questioned as I finished messing around with the phone jack for the speakers and finally let the music fill the room. Walking over the plush rug in bare feet, I climbed up next to him on the couch and crossed my legs, tucking my feet under my knees. My knee touched his thigh and I heard the faintest noise slip from him, but I shrugged. "I brought you all the way out to LA and you don't want to do anything?"

"What can I say, I'm not a big city girl," I shrugged against and moved around so I could see his eyes clearly. "I happen to like this…staying in, talking…I don't know, I find it…comfortable."

"God, I can't wait to get you and Jared in the same room together," he laughed and handed me the packet in his hand. "Jim sent this over, it was waiting in the room when I got there. It's the script for Nicole's first episode."

"So," I whispered and took it from him.

"So, I think that means you got the job." It took a minute to register as I slowly put the papers down and watched the smile hit his eyes before I reached out and wrapped my arms around him. The angle was awkward, but he did his best to return the hug, which meant nearly bringing me over to sit down on his lap. When I backed away, I was able to look right into those sea green eyes. "Want to read it?"

"Are you kidding?" I laughed and shifted in his lap, not intentional and he rolled his eyes back.

"Okay, off!" He nearly picked me up and set me on the cushion beside him again.

"What are you going to do?" I smiled as I picked up the papers, slid over to the other side of the couch and pulled my legs up to my chest, leaning them against the arm, a very comfortable way to read.

"I'll figure out something," he winked as he got up and walked over to the "mini bar" fridge that was under the speakers. I watched him for a minute, as he started to pour a glass of coke, followed by the nip of rum that he managed to find, and I smiled, flipping open the first page. I was taken right into the story and my finger came up to press against my lip, the one thing I had always done when reading.

 **Not Funny at All – Jensen**

She was cute…I mean she was beautiful but right at that very moment she could only be described as cute. Tucked up against the couch, she had been at the script for what felt like forever, the side of her finger pressed against her lip, lips that curved up in a small smile as she got to certain parts. I watched her other hand as she placed it down on her ankle, where the black ink of a tattoo peeked through as she rubbed her fingers up and down on it, which must have been the way she relaxed herself because she was completely lost in her own little world, and I was completely lost just looking at her.

I snapped a picture, a profile shot of this cute little way she was sitting and I sent it to Jared. SHOOT ME NOW! Was the only thing that captioned it and I moved over to the opposite couch, my head resting on a pillow so I could watch her. I never thought I would be content watching anyone do something as simple as reading, but the music was good, low and something I enjoyed, so watching her just fascinated me. Jared never replied, which I think was good because what the hell would he say to that anyway.

She moved from the couch to the floor, taking the pillow with her as she moved the coffee table and lay on her stomach, this time she was lying next to me, her head at the same end of the couch as mine but I didn't want her to think I was creepy so as she lay there, I tucked my arms behind my head and stared up at the ceiling.

From there we moved once more, this time I was the one that moved to the floor, going back towards the opposite couch and the coffee table had completely disappeared. I tucked the pillow under my arm, propped my head up with one hand and lay on my side, because I think that I liked that I could watch her from a distance, instead of her being so close. With her hair up, I could see every expression as she flipped through the pages and when she finally finished, her head flopped down on the packet and she sighed.

"You honestly think I can pull that off?" She said softly as she turned her head, not raising it from the paper.

"I think YOU can do anything." I answered and grabbed the bowl of M&Ms that somehow had gotten from the speaker table to the floor between us. I watched as she shoved the book just ahead of her, grabbed a handful of the chocolates and placed them on it, dividing them up into their respective colors. "What ARE you doing?"

"Sorry, weird little thing," she smiled and looked at the different piles, taking one of each now and making sets before she ate the left overs. "When I was younger, I would get kind of nauseous in the back seat of the car. M&Ms and coke always helped, probably because I was too busy biting off the chocolate. Anyway, I swear one day there was a bag with nothing but red ones in it. Remember when they finally brought them back?" Oh, my God, she remembered that too, I thought I was the only one that noticed it. "SO, I was bound and determined to show my parents that I was right, and this is what I did. It kind of stuck, I guess."

"You are twelve kinds of strange," I smiled, reaching out to move her hair behind her ear, "but that's a good thing, considering who you'll be dealing with." The sudden thought of her turning down the role made the smile fade from my face. "You are going to come to Vancouver, aren't you?"


	6. Um, Hell Yes

**UM… Hell Yes! –Cari**

It never occurred to me that I wasn't going to go, but Jensen had asked questions that made me stop and think just for a minute. What if I didn't go? What if tomorrow was to tell me they had someone else in mind, not to offer me the part? I slowly sat up, forgetting all about the M&Ms as the thought of it finally sunk in.

"Of course, I'm coming, Jen." I replied but I know he could see the lingering emotions on my face as I looked up at him. "Jesus, what if they say no?"

"They're not going to say no," he sighed and suddenly moved faster than I could see and he was sitting beside me, facing me as his legs folded up so that he could get close enough. His hand cupped my right cheek as I closed my eyes, and gently his lips touched the skin of my left. I could feel the warmth of his breath, smell his cologne, and the feel of those puffy lips against me made my heart beat wildly before they moved up to rest just before my ear. My body shivered as I reached a hand over and rested it on his thigh. "I won't let them say no to you, Cari, never to you."

"Can you do that?" I whispered, enjoying the feel of his forehead pressing against my temple, "can you really make it so they can't say no?"

"For you, I would do anything." The way he exhaled made his breath quiver, as if his emotions were suddenly at an all-time high and he was doing everything he could to control them, but neither of us moved, not until his hand slipped from my cheek, fingers brushing against my neck and he leaned down to kiss the bare shoulder his chest had just been pressed against. I felt him shift back and I opened my eyes to see him smiling at me, his fingers taking the hand I had rested on him. "Okay, enough doom and gloom, let's watch a movie."

"Oh please say no chick flicks!" I groaned and watched as he stood up, laughing as he went towards the television.

"You're not a Hallmark kind of girl?" I watched as he leaned over, and managed to keep my eyes on his ass long enough to appreciate it but not too long that I would be caught staring and when he turned back towards me, remote in hand, I had a disgusted look on my face.

"Do I look like a sappy, touchy-feely type?" Jensen climbed up on the couch behind me and wrapped his hand around my arm, giving it a gentle tug as I moved up on the couch myself. He stretched out the full length, pushed his back against the cushion to make room for me and patted the spot in front of him. "I'm pretty sure this goes against all the rules."

"Not all." He laughed and tugged me down so that I was lying with my back to him, feeling his arm under my neck as he adjusted the pillow for my head. "So, B-movie horror or crazy family drama crap?"

"I haven't watched a good horror movie in a while, so let's go with that." I got comfortable against him and found that I could mold my body against his, feel the heat from every spot I touched and then his lips kissed the back of my head.

"Crappy B-movies, it is." He clicked on the television and found some cheesy movie we both had probably seen about a dozen times but neither of us even made it through the first half-hour before I felt his breathing even out into a light sleep and I was right behind him.

 **Okay, This is a New One – Jensen**

When I woke up, she was still asleep against me, and I knew it had to have been somewhere in the middle of the night, I mean, how could it not have been? The movie ended ages ago, not that we watched it and it was dark outside, but when I reached for the cellphone that sat on the end table just above my head , I found out that it was only eight and I had slept right through three of Jared's phone calls and a half-dozen text messages.

Taking a deep breath, I pushed the screen to unlock it and clicked on the messages, smiling as I read them.

JAY: HOLY SHIT! HOT FOR TEACHER?

JAY: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

JAY: SERIOUSLY, JEN, WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING?

JAY: OKAY THIS IS BECOMING ANNOYING, CALL ME!

JAY: I JUST CALLED YOU…AGAIN…WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO?

JAY: I GIVE UP, JUST GIVE ME A DAMN CALL WHEN YOU GET THIS.

Okay, so maybe he was a little possessive and a wee-bit upset but, I did send him a picture and then disappear into the blue. I thought about calling right then, but she was curled up so close that whispering wouldn't stop her from waking up. My only option was to move and I really didn't want to do that either, so I smiled and thought of another idea. I reached the phone out as far as I could, adjusted the angle just a bit and snapped a selfie of me with the sleeping beauty in front of me. With a click of the send button, I returned his text with a caption under the picture.

SORRY, KIND OF FELL ASLEEP.

It didn't take long for the cell to vibrate in my hand as I held it up, looking down at her.

JAY: SHE'S KIND OF SEXY SLEEPING TOO! WAIT, ARE YOU IN BED?

ON THE COUCH, PERV.

JAY: YOU FELL ASLEEP ON THE COUCH.

YEAH WE WERE WATCHING SOME DUMB MOVIE, I GUESS WE WERE BOTH WIPED BECAUSE I DON'T REMEMBER MUCH OF IT AND SHE'S STILL ASLEEP. WHAT'S UP? WHY DID YOU CALL SO MUCH?

JAY: UM, YOU DIDN'T REPLY AND GEN WANTED TO KNOW WHO THE GIRL WAS.

WAIT… okay time for me to panic as my heart raced in my chest. YOU TOLD GEN?

JAY: NO! DUH! SHE SAW MY PHONE, APPARENLTY I MIGHT BE TALL BUT NOT NEARLY AS STEALTHY AS SHE IS.

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

JAY: I TOLD HER THAT SHE WAS A NEW CAST MEMBER AND YOU HAPPENED TO BE SITTING NEXT TO HER AT THE TABLE READ, CLICKED A PIC AND SENT IT TO ME.

YEAH, SO SHOOT ME NOW WASN'T A DEAD GIVE AWAY?

JAY: COME ON, SHE KNOWS WE LOOK AT WOMEN, HELL SHE TELLS ME ABOUT THE MEN SHE GETS TO OOGLE OVER AT WORK.

OOGLE? REALLY?

JAY: HEY, HER WORDS, NOT MINE. SHE SAYS SHE'S CUTE BTW AND IF I UNDERSTAND THAT CORRECTLY, IT MIGHT BE ONE OF THOSE "YOU CAN BRING HER HOME" KIND OF DEALS.

YOU TWO ARE BOTH PERVERTS!

JAY: YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE DANNIE'S PARTICULAR TASTE IN WOMAN DOESN'T INCLUDE YOU.

IS THAT A THREESOME JOKE? BECAUSE IT WASN'T FUNNY!

JAY: I'M JUST SAYING, YOU NEVER KNOW, MAYBE DANNIE WILL LIKE HER AND RULES CAN BE BROKEN.

SCREW THE RULES! I HATE THE RULES.

JAY: WE ALL HATE THE RULES, JEN BUT IF IT KEEPS US OUT OF COURT, I'M HAPPY TO FOLLOW.

I closed my eyes and shook my head. We've never broken the rules so it was never an issue, at least not until now when the thought of Danneel and Cari kissing made my blood pressure shoot sky high.

OH, I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW.

JAY: GOT YOU THINKING DIDN'T I?

UGH!

JAY: WELL, JUST KNOW THAT IF DANNIE DOESN'T LIKE HER, SHE CAN ALWAYS COME HANG OUT WITH GEN, I'M SURE THEY'LL GET ALONG…SWIMMINGLY…PERFERABLLY NAKED.

The man had absolutely no filter, especially on text messages, and I was about to reply something completely obscene when the body close to me started to move.

GTG! SHE'S WAKING UP. KISSES TO GEN AND THE KIDS, TELL HER…IF SHE'S GOOD I'LL SEND HER PERSONAL PICTURES OF CARI.

JAY: DUDE, THAT'S MY WIFE!

AND?

With that I left the phone on the back of the couch and lay as still as possible while Cari woke from the strange twitchy dream that she had been in. It took a few minutes and I realized that when she began to move, she wasn't doing it because whatever she was dreaming of was pleasant. I could feel the sweat on her palm as she grasped my arm, the one that lay under her head, and suddenly, she sat upright on the couch, missing my head by only an inch as she turned her body and used her right arm to brace herself.

Breathing heavily, she blinked a few times and looked around, her feet planted firmly on the carpet beneath her toes and I watched as she licked her lips. Sleep must do crazy thing to my libido because that was the sexiest thing I had seen in a long time. Droopy eyes from sleep, and licking her lips only made me want to bury myself deeper into the couch.

"What time is it?" She whispered.

God, even her voice when she woke up was sexy. "Ah, eight." I tried to hold back the yawn, but couldn't and I watched as she closed her eyes and managed to lie back down, pressing against me. I didn't mean do what I did next but she had just woken up. I leaned over, close to her ear and whispered. "You okay?"

I felt her whole body shiver as my lips brushed her ear and she moaned…she MOANED…which instantly woke me up and I tried to move back away from where her body pressed hard against my waist, that was a no-go because there was only couch behind me.

"Naps, even needed ones, give me a headache," she replied and I felt her reach up, brush her fingers along my cheek, because I'm not the sanest person in the world and keeping my face that close to her skin was addicting.

"You want me to get you something?" Again, my breath, the words, my lips, hell the combination of the three sent shivers through her and she just gave a little shake of her head. I thought about what Jared had said, the whole thing with Gen, and I moved back so that my head lay on the armrest behind me, but I had unconsciously made another move. My arm came down and rested across her waist, my fingers on her stomach and she jumped. "You can go back to sleep if you want, Cari, I'm not going anywhere."

"Safe," she whispered, her body on the verge of sleep as she leaned more towards me, her shoulder now brushing my chest. "I feel safe."

And I felt stranger than I had in years. Strange because her words made me warm, strange because so did I and stranger still because even if I had decided it before, at that moment I had made up my mind that she was mine, just mine. I just hoped that even with our type of relationship that Danneel would understand.


	7. Callback's a Bitch

**Callback's a Bitch – Cari**

Sitting outside the office in the WB building this time was a little more panic inducing than the first time. I had been on many callbacks, but when I knew, or hoped I knew, what was going on, it seemed to cause the fear to build a little quicker. Jensen was out in the hall, probably pacing, or with my luck on the phone with Jared exchanging some of those brilliant text conversations like the one the night before.

Jensen needed to make me laugh, just had to tell me what was going on especially when he opened his phone to show me a picture of JJ and the twins and I found the two of me that he had taken. That was when we had agreed on one very important detail of our friendship.

Blackmail pictures were strictly forbidden unless the other party was a willing participant because we both knew that pictures leaked sometimes and neither of wanted to get in trouble.

The rules were simple, only selfies or candid pictures where no assumptions could be made about the background or the content, which really didn't matter to us because the Fandom seemed to pick their own content. You know, subtext. So he was allowed to keep the one of me sitting on the couch reading but the one of me sleeping had to go, and he was quick to erase it, which brought us to the conversation about Gen's reaction to the first shot that he had taken.

I knew people were kinky, and sometime later, after thinking it over, it would occur to me that, yeah, why wouldn't they be. The conversation told me I was about to become part of something that might be way over my head, after all they had thirteen years to build this friendship but that was before Jensen put Jared's number in my contact list. He wanted me to text his friend, wanted to see Jared's reaction to the strange number that popped up with some sort of interesting message but I wouldn't indulge, at least not at that point.

Jensen understood that I needed to spend some time with the man before I started sending racy little messages and he agreed, but the whole train of thought on this subject stopped as soon as the door to that office opened.

I smiled as I greeted everyone and took the seat they offered. There were two of them this time, no camera, no extras, just Eric Dawson, the Casting Director and Brad Buckner, one of the producers. We got into a short conversation where I introduced myself to Brad, since he hadn't been in the room the day before, and he replied with the usual greetings and formalities.

It didn't take long to get right into the reason why I had come back in this particular morning, I was being offered the job, and found that I actually had the job before I left the room the day before but they had to make sure the other auditions were seen. They loved the way I moved, the way I interacted with Felicia and they were interested in the interactions I had with Jensen, which meant that they had heard about the whole "side of the highway" deal. When I told them the story, a brief and less descriptive one, they were all smiles. Apparently, fangirling and throwing one's self into oncoming traffic because you were so overwhelmed by the sight of a celebrity was frowned upon.

That was when they pulled their ace and Jensen entered the room. He sat down next to me, but not to close that they would become uncomfortable and just for Brad's sake had the two of us read through a part of a script, any script that Eric had pulled from his desk. I didn't smile as I asked for a moment to get into character, but I also asked if I was Nicole or was I reading for someone else.

"Just Nicole," Brad replied as I glanced through the material. It was only the stage direction that I was interested in, trying to get a feel for the scene and within moments, I was ready. Glancing up at Jensen, who had a half-cocked smile on his face, I knew that this was going to be interesting.

"You shouldn't have come here!" he growled, "Dean" all the way.

"You're the one who called, I just decided to show up," I looked right at him as I delivered the line, and for a moment Jensen looked a little taken aback, like he didn't expect me to be in full character from the jump. "So what do you want, Winchester, a little bit of this or do you prefer a little bit of that?"

"Cut the crap, Demers, you know what I came here for," Jensen snapped and I shook my head.

"This," I pretended to hold up a small bag (okay, I held up the script), "not an easy thing to come by, and not exactly something you can do under the radar. In fact, this whole place," I pointed at the walls, "is warded for a specific reason."

"So, you do all your transactions here?" Jensen questioned getting right into the scene with me.

"No, just anything to do with a Winchester," the tone was sarcastic but he looked right at me. "This is big magic, whatever you're playing with, and it comes with a heavy price, one you might not be willing to make, but…" I sat forward in my chair, looking up at him from under my lashes, "I might be able to help."

"Demon hunter gone rogue? Do you think I want your kind of help?" He matched my stare and I smiled, just a simple smile. "We hunt your kind."

"My kind?" I laughed and sat back. "My kind was hunting demons long before the Campbells or the Winchesters, long before legacies and librarians, so I think I know a whole hell of a lot more about what you're dealing with than you do." I paused for a moment, scanning over his face, to make sure that my assumption was good. "Tell me, what book did your brother get the spell from?"

"Screw off." Jensen growled. Okay, we're going off script now and that I could roll with.

"Listen, you egotistical, smug, little bastard," I let my voice go low, but projected enough so that Eric and Brad could hear as I got closer to Jensen, "I just told you that you are way in over your head, and now I'm going to tell you a little Demers secret. Whatever book Sammy touched, it might kill him." Jensen sat back. "Oh, you didn't know that? You think the two of you are so smart. It's the bloody black Grimiore, Dean, the most powerful book in the world. Hell, the book of the Damned is a child's bedtime story compared to this, and you and Sam are playing with magic you don't understand."

"Are you going to give it to me or not?"

"No," I moved the script down, tucking the imaginary thing in my pocket and turned in my chair. In my head I heard the click, but it was Jensen clicking the top of a pen and I turned to see the "gun" pointed at me.

"I'm going to need that," he was serious and I was cocky.

"You'll have to catch me first." And with that I snapped my fingers. In the scene I was gone, but there, at the read, I was still staring at the "Dean" face that Jensen was making, my half-lit smile still on my own and the danger in his eyes was intoxicating.

"WOW!" was all Brad had to say to snap both of us out of our little trances, and we turned at what seemed like the same time to look at him. Both he and Eric were sitting back in their chairs, Brad in complete awe, and Eric grinning from ear to ear. "I haven't seen that kind of chemistry since Jared and Jensen read together. This is going to be fantastic."

The smile that popped up on Jensen's face was pure excitement, but I was pretty sure I could match it as Brad came over and shook my hand as I stood, in fact he went so far as to hug me, which I was a little shocked from. Eric made his way over, looked me up and down, like he was making sure he kept a memory of my face right here and now.

He reached out a hand, and smiled as I took it. "Welcome to the Supernatural family!"

I glanced past him at Jensen, who was beaming with pride as I looked up at Eric. "Thank you, thank you so much!"

What I didn't realize was that they had filmed that whole exchange of lines between Jensen and I. I never knew about the camera in the room, didn't even notice it until Jensen's phone started to go off on our way back to the hotel. It wasn't even ten and he was annoyed by the vibration of the small device. He slipped his hand around my upper arm, gently giving me a squeeze and he moved me into the small greasy spoon of a diner that lined the street. Slipping into the seat across the table from me, Jensen took out the phone and set it down on the table.

"Okay," I whispered after the waitress brought two cups of coffee, and I watched as Jensen prepared his just the way he liked it, "what's bugging you?"

"To early for the noise," he mumbled, his head down as he peeked up at me from under his lids.

"I call bullshit!" This got his head to snap right up as he stared me down. "That's not it and you know it, Ackles, what's eating you?"

"Are you going to say no?" He questioned and suddenly, I got what was going on in his head.

"NO, I'm not going to say no!" I snapped a little louder than I should have but I took a breath and leaned forward. "In a week, I will be up in Vancouver with you and Jared, doing something I always wanted to do. I know it's going to be hard, but while you were taking a little cat nap, I talked to my mother. It's all worked out."

"Really, that fast?" He was very negative about this and I shook my head.

"Way to rain on my parade, Jen." I grumbled and took a sip of the coffee.

"It's not that, but what if you get up there and I'm not what you want?" I looked at him over the cup, nearly choking on the coffee that slid down my throat. "I mean what if it's not what you want."

"Would never happen," I replied, locking his green eyes into a stare, "on either count." His body seem to relax, all at once, like a weight had lifted from him and I grabbed the vibrating phone next to me. "What the hell is going on with this thing?"

I watched as three new messages came in just while I held it in my hand.

"Eric uploaded the table read to Jim, and Jim, apparently impressed, put it on the cast website."

"The cast has a website?" I smiled and watched him nod, "okay, that shouldn't be news, but what's with the messages?"

"The whole cast can see the read between you and me," he swiped the phone from my hand and pressed in the unlock key before opening up each one and reading some out loud. "The first one, of course, is from Jared. Way to go, but the two of you could have left your bedroom eyes at home." I smiled as he read it in a monotone voice, as if Jared saying anything like that wouldn't have affected him somehow. "The next one, Misha: mind if I take a crack at her when she gets her? Mark: bloody hell man, you never told me we were getting a new hooker." Jensen sighed and shook his head, "that was actually a compliment," which I laughed at, "Ruth: look at that steam, woo, I think I need a shower. Back to Jared: was that really a line? Mark: looks like Squirrel's getting laid. And it goes on."

"Well, sounds like my kind of work environment." I smiled and watched as he shook his head.

"Yeah, you'll fit right in," and the grin crossed his face faster than he could blink. "We have to get you to the airport in about two hours. You gonna be okay with that?"

"WE have to get to the airport, remember, you're flying north today too." I replied and felt his hand brush my knee under the table. The smile faded from my face as I reached down and took his fingers in mine. "It's just a week, Jensen, not a big deal. We can do what we were doing before, text and call."

"That won't work for me anymore," he whispered, like it was some kind of secret. "Skype, Face Time, maybe."

"Oh, definitely." I laughed and we both sat back as they brought breakfast. "Though I can't promise I'll be decent for a Skype call." I listened to him cough as he tried to chew his eggs and he put down the fork.

"Now?" He said in all seriousness, "now is when you chose the play the naked card?"

"It seemed like the right time," I shrugged and winked. "Eat your food, we have to pack."

My heart was doing twists and turns as the black SUV pulled up to the small alley where Jensen and I had met when I arrived and I watched as Tom got out, opened the back of the car and proceeded to grab our bags, which he gave to the man with the cart. I stopped Jensen, who had been holding my hand the whole ride over, before he could open the door, but I couldn't look at him, not yet. He heard me sniffle and I closed my eyes as I felt his fingers against my cheek, giving a little pull in his direction so I would look at him.

That was when the waterworks started. I couldn't control the tears, not as they streamed down my face. I never thought I would have this kind of reaction to leaving someone I had only spent a weekend with, and a completely (except for the little parts here and there) platonic weekend. He pulled me close, crushing me against his chest and his lips pressed hard against my forehead, as if it would mark me as his forever, but I felt the emotion that ran through his body, the little quiver of his chest as he breathed out.

"Only for a week," he whispered, more to himself than me, as if he also needed the reassurance. I nodded, knowing that even if it were a week, it was going to be forever. The door opened beside me and Tom stuck his head in.

"We have to go, Jensen, your plane leaves before Cari's."

He was right, we need to go, so I gathered myself and backed away from the heat that surrounded me. I was surprised to feel the loss I did as his arms moved and when I looked up into his eyes, they were glistening and on the edge of tears.

We slipped out, without another word to each other but he stopped me before we parted way, because he was headed to one terminal and I was on my way to another, and backed me into a small hidden corner, with Tom guarding over us. I was backed against the wall. This 6 foot plus man was holding me there, as if I were nothing, his hand sliding around my waist as the other balanced him against the wall and his lips brushed against mine in a soft gesture.

"Use messenger, as soon as you get on the plane, every time you have a layover and as soon as you touch the ground. I want to know where you are," he whispered, his lips just a breath from mine, "I need to know where you are."

"This goes both ways, you know that right?" I sighed, feeling my body just sizzle with the energy that passed between us. "You're in the air first, I want to know as soon as you level-out! As soon as you touch ground in Vancouver and pictures, Jensen, I need pictures."

"Jensen," Tom announced without turning around, "we have to go."

"Not matter what," he said softly, brushing his lips against mine, "we have LA."

I watched as he backed up, kissed my forehead and walked out before I could say another word, but that didn't stop the tears from falling from my eyes. Another man, someone from TSA, peeked his head around the corner.

"Ms. Gray, I'm here to escort you to the plane."

I nodded as I gathered myself and walked passed him, but I smiled as he handed me a tissue, grateful for the gesture and the two of us walked in the opposite direction of where Jensen had disappeared to. That was it, I was headed home. I needed to get my life in order, needed to get things straight and with a deep breath, I realized those little oblivious changes that started the day I met Jensen Ackles on the side of the highway had now changed my life completely.

 **It's in the Air – Cari and Jensen**

Conversations throughout the trip from both phones:

Cari G: ARE YOU OFF THE GROUND YET?

JA: SOME DUMBASS IS HOLDING UP THE PLANE, YOU?

Cari G: JUST ABOUT TO BOARD. I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS.

JA: IT ONLY A WEEK, BESIDES, I STASHED SOME M&MS INTO YOUR BAG WHILE YOU WEREN'T LOOKING.

Cari G: YOU'RE SO SWEET.

JA: SHUT IT WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING TO RUIN MY REPUTATION.

Cari G: DAMN, WE'RE BOARDING, SWITCH TO MESSAGER.

JA: STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO J

Cari G: BITE ME, ACKLES!

JA: TEMPTED, EXCEPT YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT A WEEK.

Messenger, from both phones an hour into the flight. Jensen's was only a three hour, Cari's was six.

JensenAckles: OMG, CAN THIS GET ANYMORE BORING?

Cari: JENSEN, YOU'RE LIKE A KID, FIND SOMETHING TO DO.

JensenAckles: I'M STUCK IN A METAL TUBE SOMEWHERE ABOVE…WELL, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE, SEND ME A PICTURE.

Cari: SEND YOU A PICTURE? AND THAT'S GOING TO HELP YOU NOT BE BORED HOW?

JensenAckles: YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW?

Cari: UH, NO, NOT REALLY

JensenAckles: THEN YOU SHOULDN'T ASK FUNNY QUESTIONS, LITTLE GIRL.

Cari: YEAH, THIS IS GOING TO BE A FUN RIDE.

JensenAckles: DID YOU EAT YOUR M&MS?

Cari: NOT YET, DID YOU GET YOUR RUM AND COKE?

JensenAckles: NAH, IT'S ONLY A THREE HOUR FLIGHT, PLUS JARED WILL BE BACK NOT TO LONG AFTER I LAND, AND I KNOW HE'S GOING TO DRAG ME OUT TO ASK ME ALL ABOUT YOU! WHAT SHOULD I TELL HIM?

Cari: WHAT HAVEN'T YOU TOLD HIM YET?

JensenAckles: ABOUT THAT ONE THING, IN THE HALL BEFORE WE PARTED…

Cari: YEAH, DON'T TELL HIM ABOUT THAT.

JensenAckles: I'M SORRY, HAVE YOU MET ME? DO YOU REALLY THINK I CAN KEEP IT FROM HIM, THE GUY KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT ME. I TELL HIM EVERYTHING, IT'S HOW WE ARE.

Cari: DON'T GET YOUR BOXERS IN A BUNCH. LOL. HONESTLY, JEN, YOU CAN TELL HIM EVERYTHING IF YOU WANT, I KNOW YOU HAVE NO SECRETS AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO, WITH EITHER OF US.

JensenAckles: GOOD, BECAUSE I DON'T THINK I COULD KEEP ANYTHING FROM YOU EITHER.

Cari: THE TURBULANCE UP HERE SUCKS!

JensenAckles: I'M SORRY, MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP LOOKING AT YOUR PHONE FOR A LITTLE BIT, IT MIGHT HELP.

Cari: YEAH, I'LL IM LATER, OKAY.

JensenAckles: CAN'T WAIT.

Jensen's plane touched down and he found himself whisked off to the SUV that Clif was driving, but his mind wasn't in Vancouver, it was on a plane still flying across the country. Three hours left for her to touch down, three hours left so he could call. With a sigh, he grabbed the phone and opened messenger

JensenAckles: HOW'S THE FLIGHT?

Cari: ARE WE ON THE GROUND YET? UGH!

JensenAckles: IT'S ONLY A FEW MORE HOURS.

Cari: YEAH, SAYS THE MAN WHO IS ALREADY ON THE GROUND. WHERE ARE YOU ANYWAY?

JensenAckles: CLIF IS DRIVING ME HOME.

Cari: LIKE HOME TO DANNEEL OR HOME TO SET?

JensenAckles: HOME TO DANNEEL, FOR A LITTLE BIT AND THEN BACK TO SET ABOUT 7:30.

Cari: YOU HAVE A CAST CALL ON SUNDAY?

JensenAckles: YEAH, WE'RE GETTING SET UP FOR YOU TO COME IN NEXT WEEK, WHICH MEANS WE WRAP UP WHAT WE NEED TO SO THAT THEY DO THE TECH SURVEY AND SCOUT FOR YOUR BIG APPEARANCE.

Cari: CAN YOU SEND ME PICTURES?

JensenAckles: OF THE LOCATIONS?

Cari: OF THE KIDS, DINGY!

JensenAckles: WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO INTRODUCE YOU TO MY WIFE?

Cari: I'D LIKE YOU TO TELL HER ABOUT ME SO IT'S NOT A BIG SURPRISE.

JensenAckles: SHE ALREADY KNOWS ABOUT YOU.

Cari: SO SHE KNOWS YOU SPENT THE WEEKEND IN LA WITH ME?

JensenAckles: RULES, GRAY, RULES.

Cari: OKAY, SO YOU TELL HER ABOUT ME AND YES, I WANT YOU TO INTRODUCE ME TO YOUR WIFE.

JensenAckles: THAT CAN WAIT UNTIL WE GET A LITTLE SKYPE TIME. I'LL MAKE SURE TO DO IT FROM HOME.

Cari: UGH, CAN WE SKYPE NOW? I MISS YOUR FACE.

JensenAckles: I MISS YOU. Jensen noticed the pause in her messages and his heart sank. TOO SOON?

Cari: NOT SOON ENOUGH! The smile that spread across his face probably had Clif questioning it but the man kept his mouth shut. HANG ON, I HAVE TO GET MY BAG.

JensenAckles: ARE YOU OKAY?

Cari: NO, THE ANXIETY IS KICKING MY ASS AND I CAN'T SIT HERE SO I'M JUST GOING TO DRUG MYSELF AND MAKE IT MORE COMFORTABLE FOR THE REST OF THE PASSANGERS. I MEAN WHO NEEDS A CERTIFIABLE NUTCASE FREAKING OUT IN THE AISLE?

Jensen waited though the pause, but the fact that she was anxious on a plane was making him nervous and he found himself staring out the window, waiting for the vibration in his hand as his knee bounced. Finally, something came through.

Cari: JUST A HALF A PILL, ENOUGH TO TAKE THE EDGE OFF, OTHERWISE I'M SURE DRUNKEN SAILOR MIGHT GET ME IN JUST AS MUCH TROUBLE.

JensenAckles: ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE GOING TO BE OKAY?

Cari: ARE YOU WORRIED?

JensenAckles: SHOULD I BE?

Cari: NAH, I GOT THIS! HOW LONG BEFORE YOU'RE HOME?

JensenAckles: TEN MINUTES MAX

Cari: JUST KEEP THE LINE OPEN FOR ME, CAN YOU DO THAT?

JensenAckles: FOR YOU, I CAN DO ANYTHNG.

For the next nine minutes, they traded emojis, something Jensen hadn't done with anyone except Jared, but he had reserved the perverted ones they used for his best friend, leaving just the cute smiling ones for Cari. It was as they rounded the corner into his the driveway of his Vancouver home that Jensen took a deep breath.

JensenAckles: I'M HERE, BUT LISTEN, DO NOT, AND I REPEAT, DO NOT BE AFRAID TO TEXT AND MESSAGE AT ANY TIME. SHE WON'T CARE, I DON'T CARE, I MEAN, I DO… BUT I NEED TO KNOW YOU'RE SAFE AND ON THE GROUND, TRAVELING IN A CAR, AND HOME ON YOUR OWN FRONT DOOR STEP, YOU GET ME?

Cari: I GET YOU, YOU'RE SUCH A CONTROL FREAK! LOL

JensenAckles: I MEAN IT, CARI.

Cari: I KNOW, JEN. GO, KISS YOUR WIFE, HUG YOUR KIDS AND GET YOUR SEXY ASS TO WORK!

JensenAckles: TALK TO YOU SOON.

Cari: YEAH, WHATEVER! BYE! :-*

Jensen slipped the phone in his pocket and smiled as Clif opened the door and JJ sailed right into his arms. The blonde-haired little girl gave the best hugs in the world and he smiled brightly. Instantly, he couldn't wait to get in the house and tell Danneel about the weekend in LA, every LAST detail.


	8. Can I get a:

**Author's Note: You are all amazing to stick with me through this part of "Just for Fun", but this PART is over. We pick up in "The In Between" which is PART 2 (so far there are 5 parts with various amounts of chapters.) In Part 2, Cari is on set and that is where life starts to get interesting. SO enjoy, review, repost and have fun. Get as many people on board with this as possible. AND THANK YOU!**

 **Can I get a… - Cari**

I pulled the phone out of my pocket as soon as my feet hit that ugly green carpet just outside the exit. I didn't want to call, didn't want to surprise him on such short notice, especially if he was filming, but I couldn't resist the urge to text not from messenger so that he knew just where I was.

FINALLY SOLID GROUND, SAFE AT BRADLEY.

JA: I'M CALLING YOU NOW.

The phone vibrated not seconds after the text message came though, and the smile that graced my face was probably one of a giddy school girl as I put it to my ear.

"Hello Darkness, my old friend," I laughed.

"I've called to talk with you again," Jensen started singing in a mesmerizing voice, "because a vision softly creeping, lifted scenes while I was sleeping, and the vision that was planted in my brain, still remained," I stopped moving in the hallway and listened to the way he whispered it so softly that I thought he was standing next to me, singing breathlessly into my ear, "within the sound of silence."

After a brief pause to catch my breath, I spoke, or at least tried to. "Jesus, Jensen, way to make a woman speechless."

"So, where are you now?" He laughed as I looked around for a moment.

"I'm standing in the terminal completely floored and without any sense of direction." I smiled as he laughed in my ear. "I mean, I expected a hello at the very least, not a serenade."

"Hey, you started it and I happen to love that song." I could hear someone in the background, a slightly higher pitched voice then his but definitely male.

"I take it Jared made it home safe too?" I put one foot in front of the other and moved slowly through the building. I knew where my ride was waiting, and I knew that she would be completely into the conversation once I arrived at the car so it was good that Jensen had someone with him as well.

"Yeah, the little bitch got in about an hour ago. I'm going to put you on speaker." He laughed as I shook my head and listened as Jared's voice got a little bit louder.

"I hate speaker phone." I grumbled as I moved through the surprisingly empty halls. I always felt I had to be louder on speaker than necessary to be heard over all the noise in the background.

"Hey LA Lady!" Jared's perky voice laughed through the earpiece.

"Hey Jared, I'm glad you made it safe."

"Yeah you too, I heard the flight was a bitch." Jared laughed and I could hear Jensen in the background slamming stuff on the counter.

"Six hours with no layover, and anxiety," I moaned, "yeah, I think I'm just going to drive to Vancouver next weekend."

"Ha, good luck with that one."

"Dude, go find something to do, this is my time with her!" Jensen barked and I heard Jared huff, like he had been punched.

"Screw you, you had her all weekend." Jared defended and I felt like I was on the sidelines for a title fight.

"Tell you what, since I'm on speaker, why don't all three of us talk and then when I get to the car, I'll introduce you via phone to my bestie, Kathy and we can all be friends." I smiled, but rolled my eyes as I found the spot to finally get my bag. "Hey, Jen, thanks for the M&Ms, they really did help, of course now the meds have worn off and I'm all hyped up on sugar."

"My pleasure, I was going to warn you that I might have dosed them with crack, but you wouldn't have believed me anyway." He laughed as Jared started making kissing noises in the background.

"You told him?" I asked, but not in any way but to confirm that there was a reason behind him making that irritating noise.

"Yeah, I told him everything, as promised."

"Wait, you promised HER that you would tell me everything?" Jared asked, a little shocked.

"Yep, no secrets between the three of us, that's our new rule."

"I hate rules." Jared's voice was full of a pout which made me laugh. "Can't we make fun rules?"

"How about this for a rule," I asked as I grabbed my bag and lifted it on my shoulder. "When I get up there, at least once a week, we will have a "Never Have I Ever" drinking game night."

"Ooh, I like that one," Jensen spoke up in the background. "Wanna start tonight?"

"Can we make it a strip version?" Jared piped up.

"No to starting tonight, and yes, to strip but only if I can watch and not remove my clothes." I laughed as I walked past a few staring older couples, who I smiled and winked at as both boys made noises on the other end of the phone. "Ooh, found my ride."

"I thought Jensen was your ride," Jared giggled and suddenly the sound of a flesh on flesh slap echoed in my ear.

"Asshole!" Jensen growled.

"Ow, fucking jerk!" Jared snapped and I could hear the two of them starting to wrestle as I took the phone away from my ear as Kathy smiled at me from the driver's seat of her white Grand Am.

"Hey sexy, need a ride?" She asked as I grinned, tossed my bags in the back and hopped in. I put the phone on speaker so she could hear the match on the other end and reached across the seat to hug her. "So, what do you got there?"

"Two, super-tall, wiseasses are kicking each other around." I shrugged and picked the phone up again as I buckled my belt and she pulled away from the curb. "Hey, do you two pansies want to stop goofing off or what?"

"Who are you calling a pansy?" Jensen spoke up and I heard Jared moan in pain suddenly in the background.

"Did you just punch him?" I asked shocked.

"No," his voice was just as defiant as ever, "I kicked him in the leg!" Kathy laughed out loud as she shook her head. "Who's that?"

"Kathy, this deep, lusty voice is Jensen."

"Hi Jensen." Kathy laughed.

"Deep, lusty…" Jensen started, "do you know who has a deep, lusty voice? You, Cari, when you wake up from a nap." He moaned after he said it and then cleared his throat, "hey Kathy."

"Wait, you have a lusty voice?" Jared suddenly questioned. "Can I hear it?"

"Can we just stop using the word lusty?" I begged and looked at Kathy, who smiled. "Tall, dark and curious on the phone now is Jared. Jared, my friend Kathy is listening in."

"Hi Kathy," Jared replied happily but it quickly turned back to curiousness. "Can I hear your voice, Cari? Say it like you do when you wake up."

"Call me in the morning tomorrow and you can hear it," but I hadn't thought about the fact that I just invited Jared to call me at any given part of the day. "Shit! Wait, I'll be up at 5:30 tomorrow, which means it will be 2:30 your time and I'm pretty sure that if you call me that early, you're either drunk or on set."

"Probably on set." Jared agreed. "Will you record it for me?"

"Get the hell away for my phone!" Jensen laughed and I heard the phone move from the counter. "Will you stop telling him to do stuff, I have enough trouble keeping him out of my porn collection." Oh my God, if I didn't know them already I would have sworn I was listening to two teenagers. "How long before you get home?"

"Forty minutes," Kathy added, "give or take."

I smiled at her as I took it off speaker and put it to my ear. "What's up, Jen?"

"Can you Skype me tonight?" his voice had gotten a lonely undertone and I realized he was almost whispering into the phone, with both of us off of the speaker setting.

"I can but it will probably be late, God, this time change is going to screw me up." I moaned as I slid down in the seat of the car. "Okay, so um, I can text first to see if you're busy and then we'll figure it out as soon as the kids go to bed."

"Hey, sweets, relax, it's only if you can." He reassured me, but I wanted to just as much as he did and I could tell it in his voice.

"Yes, Jen, I will tonight, I promise." I let out a breath that I was holding and listened to him chuckle low on the phone. I held in the moan that threatened to escape as I felt that laugh down deep in my gut. Thousands of miles separated us, but one small noise seemed to turn me inside out. "Hey, Ackles! You were supposed to send me pictures!"

"I know, I was waiting for you to be safe on the ground before sending anything that might be traumatizing." He laughed and Kathy watched me shake my head.

"Just remember, whatever you share with Jared, I share with Kathy," I grinned.

"Oh, than I might need to delete one or two."

Kathy laughed at the way my face just went blank and I licked my lips.

"I don't know what you just said, Jensen, but she's as pink as a grapefruit." She yelled loud enough so that he could hear her without the speaker being on, and then I heard Jensen begin to laugh. I pushed the speaker button and put the phone between us.

"Okay, okay, the two of you are NOT allowed to be friends!" I growled and crossed my arms. "You would get along way to easy and I would be in a whole hell of a lot more trouble than I am now."

"Awe, come on baby, I didn't mean it, I'll still send those pictures," Jensen teased, "but, I was going to warn you ahead of time that they were of Jared."

"What?" Kathy yelled and almost stomped on the break before she heard Jensen crack up laughing.

"Nice, Jen, you almost got me killed," I laughed and watched as Kathy caught her breath, "and don't call me baby!"

"Oh, this is going to be a long, long week," Jensen's voice was full of laughter and I can imagine the torture that he was going to put me through.

"Don't start something you can't finish, Ackles," I smiled and listened to him groan over the phone.

"Oh, honey," which really sounded almost perverted coming from his mouth, "you don't know what I can do."

"If you're feeling froggy, Jen, jump," and Kathy looked at my straight face.

"Is this what the two of you did all weekend?" She questioned and I raised my hands up and a shrug. "I thought it was a working weekend?"

"It was, for about two hours, the rest of the time we goofed off," I admitted.

"And napped," Jensen added, "it was a good nap."

"Wait," Jared jumped in somewhere in the background, "don't forget the Truth or Dare thing."

"I'm sorry, did you say Truth or Dare?" Kathy laughed and looked at me, again I gave her my best innocent face. "Oh, we are so having a chat when we have five minutes alone."

"Might need more than five," I grinned and watched her face fill with shock.

I heard a different voice in the background and Jensen suddenly moved the phone. "Hey, Cari."

"I'm here." I smiled, taking it off speaker as I brought it up again. "It's just me."

"We've got to go to set. Text me when you're alone, I'll let you know what's going on." I could hear the sadness creeping up in his voice.

"Don't count the minutes, Jen, okay?" I didn't know why he was taking the distance so hard already but I had to remind him that I was here, the same as I was before. "Text, call, whatever, I'll pick up."

"I will," he sighed and after a moment of silence, the line went dead. I took a deep breath and watched the screen go black.

"God, it looks like he just killed your favorite teddy bear." Her voice was in my ear, but my mind was wherever he was, at least just for a moment and I smiled as I looked up at her.

"It's harder than I thought," I shrugged.

"I knew it wasn't going to take much to hook you, he had you the moment he asked if you needed help." Kathy smiled and watched as I nodded. "So, do you want to tell me what happened in LA?"

"In a little bit," I laughed as my phone started to vibrate and pictures began to download.

I smiled as the first one I saw was a quick shot of him, lying on the couch, one hand behind his head, as I rested on the floor below him, reading the script, and all the ones that followed were the exact thing we had agreed wouldn't happen. Little blackmail pictures of me, taken from an angle that he could find that would have him half in the shot but me doing something ridiculous, until I saw the ones he took of me leaving. I never saw him, but the sadness in his eyes as I walked away behind him made my eyes water all over again, but I smiled because somehow, he had captured everything.

The only reply I gave him was one simple text: JERK!

To Be Continued-


	9. The Arrival - The In Between (J2 - Part

**This begins Part 2 - The In Between. Cari has arrived on set and what exactly will happen when she meets the rest of the cast and crew of Supernatural. Guess we're just going to have to find out.**

The week at home had flown by and now, Cari was flying to Vancouver!

 **The Arrival – Cari**

Set wasn't as large as I thought, but being that it was the first place I was whisked away to after the grueling eight hour plus flight, it really wasn't that bad. Jensen not being able to meet me at the airport had my nerves on edge but Clif was kind enough to hug me harder than a bear and said it was from the boys. Yeah, the boys wouldn't have cracked a few ribs, I'm pretty sure one of them was broken, or at least fractured.

We pulled through the gates and onto the lot where the trailers were lined up, and I was happy that Clif had brought me right to mine to get settled first. I knew Jensen was onset and even if I texted there was no way he was going to respond, that and I didn't need to have him distracted more than he already was, so when Clif let me in, I set my bags down and turned to smile at him. A man of few words, at least at first, he glanced at me and gave a look around.

"Well, I'll leave you to it. Be back in about two hours." And then he was gone. Two hours, what the hell was I going to do with two hours?

The trailer was big enough, a small living room with a couch, two seats and a television, (thank God) a small kitchenette, a hall with a small bathroom and stand-up shower and then my bedroom, complete with a full-sized bed that took up one half of the wall. It was perfect, and I tossed my bag in the middle of the bed, turned and rummaged through all the cabinets, maybe the last "guest star" had left something behind, but everything seemed sparkly and new, which took all the fun out of it.

I called my mother, told her I had settled in the trailer and that I would Skype later with her and the kids, I sent messages to Kathy, who wanted to know everything, but there wasn't much to tell except the flight sucked and the turbulence made me sick to my stomach a few times. But as the hour or so passed by and I ran out of things to investigate, I grabbed my script and sat down at the counter to read. I loved this story, never got enough of it and I found that they had put in the scene between Nicole and Dean that we had done at the reading, which meant that Nicole's past had changed just a little bit, and today, I would be meeting Mark Sheppard for the first time.

Right on target, two hours from the time he dropped me off, Clif was at the door, smiling. "So, they want to you on set, but it's just a run through," he said as he walked me to the large white building. "Jim says be in character because they're going to run the lines just like you would if they were filming."

"Perfect." I smiled, but I was already in character because Nicole was me. She was perfectly me.

Hell…or at least Crowley's version of hell, some dank, dark place that started out as an abandoned asylum was now the gateway to the King's underworld and I stood right in the middle of the throne room. I could feel the eyes on me, the crew silent behind the scenes as curiosity got the best of me. I don't think I was just supposed to stand there and wait for Mark to walk in, so I moved.

Keeping the cameras in the corner of my eye, I glanced over all the neat little trinkets that were sitting on the tables. Knives of every sort, one still covered in gooey blood and I set that one back down, giving a "eww" face as I wiped my hands on my pants. With the crane of my neck I spotted something interesting, and moved behind the pillar, and around to come right up to my mark, and my fingers ran over just the item I was looking for.

That was when I heard the footsteps behind me and the clearing of a deep male voice. I blinked slowly, not moving any part of my body except my eyes as I looked up from under my lids just past the camera with a sly grin on my face.

"Can I help you darling?" He was spot on and definitely in character, the deep British drawl sent a shiver down my spine, but I held still as I slowly turned left, into the line of the camera sight, before leaning back against the table, Julio, my camera man, was now looking at "Crowley" from over my shoulder. Perfect shot. I watched Mark's face twist as I crossed my arms over my chest and gave him a sadistic grin. "Demers, I knew I had this rancid taste in my mouth for some reason. What is it that you want?"

"I need something from you, Crowley." I shrugged, the nonchalant way I addressed him made him move up on me like he was about to throw a punch, but as he stood hovering, I looked down at the edge of the table and picked at a piece that was nicked, before looking back up at him. "It's pretty rare, so I thought of you when I heard about it."

"And what makes you think that there is a _bloody chance in Hell_ ," he practically screamed that last part in my face before his voice calmed down but I didn't even blink, "that I would ever help the likes of your kind again?"

"Easy," I said, and turned to pick up the precise item that I needed, holding it up between us with two fingers as he looked down. It looked like a petrified finger, but we both knew it was more than that. "Because it's for the Winchesters."

"CUT!" Jim yelled and I smiled up at Mark.

"Christ, you didn't even flinch," he smiled as I put the item back down and took his outstretched hand. "You're good, but mark my words, Gray, I will make you shake in your shoes."

"Nice to meet you too, Mark, you say the sweetest things." I laughed and Jim walked over, grinning ear to ear.

"We're keeping that, it was fantastic!" He praised, which was good but made my heart flutter at the same time. Playing Nicole was easy, dealing with the rest of the producers, not so much. "Give us about fifteen and we'll reset to right where we left off. If the two of you are okay with it."

"I'm golden," I replied and Mark narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms as he took me in

"You would be," he said sarcastically and winked at Jim, who took that as a yes. "So, you're the little pain in the ass that I've heard so much about?" He looked me over and wrinkled his nose. "I don't see what the fuss is all about, you look like a little tart."

"Oh, you should see me in my stripper get-up for when I get out of here." I replied and watched the blush run to his face, not that I expected the comment to get him as bad as it did.

"A stripper and a hunter, do tell."

He grabbed my hand, wrapped it around his lower arm and the two of us walked around the set, his tone changed, but not too much as we talked about the different movies he was in and he asked just what did I know about acting, not that it mattered because he was impressed, but it was back on set before we could blink, standing in the same positions as before, this time it started from over my shoulder as I held up the little object, and stared into his face.

"And what would Moose and Squirrel possibly want with that little gem?" He questioned, the giant dickhead tone of his voice changing. I smiled, lowering it as I slipped it into my pocket, not putting it back on the table, and crossed my arms.

"Seems the boys have gotten themselves in a bucket full of up a creek without a paddle and they called me to procure a few…necessary items."

"A Demers? They called on a Demers to gather rare objects for a spell?" I watched as he stepped back and shook his head, the anger rising in his face. _"Morons!"_ he snapped, "are they out of their minds?"

"They don't know about me, Crowley, they don't know my family or my history so…out of their minds or not, here I am." I opened my arms and bowed with a tilt of my head. "So, can I keep it?"

"You didn't ask permission before you stuffed it in your pocket." He growled, staring down at me as he stepped closer. "Watch those Winchesters, Pet, the survival rate of the women they know is one percent."

"Hunter, Demers," I pointed out, winking at him. "I think I have some odds on my side." And with that I watched him take a deep breath as the camera focused on him and I ducked down out of the shot, as if I had disappeared. Wide angle on Crowley as he looked around the empty hall and I managed to get off set without a single sound.

"CUT!" was yelled again and I heard applause, which I thought was the funniest thing in the world until I noticed it was directed at me. What the hell? Mark came over and hugged me tightly.

"I think I'm going to like my new little demon." He whispered and backed away as I was suddenly rushed off to make-up, something that they had done quickly when I first stepped on set. A young woman walked up to me and told me that the outfit I was wearing was perfect for what they were looking for and she questioned where I had gotten everything, not that I remembered specifically but the faux leather jacket with the zippers and black hood was from Kolhs.

It was sometime close or just after noon when I found myself standing in the middle of a park, cameras set up in specific places as I kicked around the gravel under my feet. This was something altogether different than the scene in hell, this time I was waiting for someone, and since it was my first episode, it looked like I was only getting five minute introduction, which was fine with me, until the scene with Jensen, which would come at the end.

Not sure if the slate had fallen, since I was in a bit of my own world, I continued on. I stuffed my hands in the pockets of my jeans and looked up at the cloudy sky, my left side to Julio before I turned slowly and saw the man standing behind me. Six foot, with black hair and gorgeous blue eyes, he was just as I remembered, stern, but stoic in his trench coat and suit, and I gave a little sarcastic grin as I stopped just before him.

"Castiel," I groaned, my voice giving him a sour twist to his name.

"Nicole."

"To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?" I let the loathing slide from my tongue.

"What are you doing?"

"Standing in a park," I grinned and looked around, but the grin faded. "Do you know how much I hate you?"

"If I remember correctly, yes, with every ounce of your blackened soul." He replied as if the comment didn't really mean anything to him.

"Angels," I laughed, mockingly, and the laugh turned to a sneer, "no more than winged douchebags," I shook my head, and turned back to the scene I was looking at. "What are you doing here, Cas?"

"There are rumors going around,"

"Aren't there always," but he put his hand on my shoulder, a small gesture I turned my head to and then moved back to face him.

"Whatever you're doing, you need to stop." He warned.

"Oh what, you and your feathered friends are going to come down and smite me, like you did my mother…my family?" I growled at him.

"I protected you, Nic, I kept you safe from their judgment and now, you're playing with powerful magic."

"I'm not playing with anything, I'm just collecting." I answered and shrugged him off my shoulder. "If you want someone to hunt down and take your little mojo out on, find the Winchesters, take them down instead."

"Sam and Dean?" He questioned.

"Oh, I forgot, they're your buddies," my sarcasm was pouring out like I was really pissed at the guy, "a quick lesson on your "friends", they screw up everything they touch, including you, "Angel of the Lord", stay away from whatever they're messing with. The only thing it's going to get you…is killed." With one last look up into his eyes, I turned and walked away, leaving Misha to stand there looking after me.

"CUT!" I wasn't sure if I liked that word or not, it almost meant that I didn't get to play anymore, and I was having a great time being Nicole.

I stopped off set and Misha ran up to me, wrapped his arms around me and hugged me as he picked me up from the ground. We had talked on the phone, and even caught a bit of Face Time when he managed to steal the phone from Jensen's hands as the man walked around talking to me but this was our first real "meeting" and I could tell he was excited.

When he finally put me down, I couldn't stop laughing. "You're going to wrinkle your coat."

"Screw the coat, I'm so happy you're finally here!" He beamed which was just too funny to see him go from Cas to a giant kid. With his arms still around me, I leaned back against his hold. "Where's your trailer?"

"Right next to Ruth's, I think it was Emily's at one point. Way to make me feel small, giving me God's sister's trailer." I huffed but the smile wouldn't stay away from my face. "How was my delivery?"

"Spot on!" He laughed and we moved towards the small spot where they had coffee and snacks. "Ooh, Danish, want one?" Misha questioned and I shook my head. "Have you eaten at all to day? Forget it, I'm getting you one anyway." I stepped up to the counter and the woman looked at me with a grin.

"A coffee, peppermint, cream and two sugars please." I smiled and watched as Misha ordered two Danishes and then a coffee for himself.

"Are you excited?" He asked as we sat on a bench, well, he sat on the bench, I sat up on the back of it, while the cameras set up for something and I smiled.

"Very, I'm glad they had me doing something as soon as I came in, I don't think I could have sat around all day." I answered and picked the coffee up from the bench. "And, yeah, I got to meet Mark, for the first time, as Crowley."

"That must have been an experience," Misha laughed, and it was a good one that definitely made me relax.

"Yeah," I said softly and felt him looking up at me as I took a bite of the pastry.

"You haven't heard from Jensen, have you?" All I did was shake my head. "They'll be back soon, they might be out of signal range."

"I thought he might be the first person I saw when I got here," I admitted, not sure why I was even admitting it to Misha, but he looked at me without judgment.

"Well, you got me instead," he grinned and that made me smile, as I nodded.

"I'll take you any day." I replied and felt him lean his head on my knee, just for a second. "So what are we up for next?"

"You? Nothing, if I read the scenes right," Misha shrugged. "I have to go confront "Sam and Dean"," and I laughed as he changed his voice just to say their names, "at the bunker, but I think you're done for the day." He turned in his seat quickly. "Wanna tag along?"

"Can I?" I laughed. I watched as Misha jumped up and ran off for a minute, which was completely unexpected because one, who jumps up and runs away, and two, where the hell was he going? It didn't take him long to get back, and he sat down breathlessly beside me, scooped up his coffee and took a sip. "What the hell, Misha?"

"They said you could come," he grinned but my wiseass, no filter mouth won me over.

"Funny, I've never needed permission to do that before," and I was completely serious in my tone, which had him spitting the coffee he just took a swallow of, out onto the ground. I looked down at him, pat him gently on the back and watched him narrow his blue eyes. "Sorry, it slipped."

"Oh, you're going to be fun," he laughed and stood up, reaching out a hand for me. I grabbed my coffee, took his hand and hopped down from the bench, letting him lead me to the car.

I watched from where they couldn't see me, just above the bunker, from the scaffolding that that held the lights. I had cleared it with Jim, and the rest of the crew that as long as I could be quiet, they wouldn't tell the boys that I was sneaking around, but I could see Jensen as he moved through the motions of what Dean would do, and Jared of what Sam would be doing and when they called action I watched them bring it to life.

Jensen stood by the tables up in the library room, book open to some obscure page, reading as he paced while Jared, had his head down in a book on the other side.

"Listen to this," Jared spoke up and I watched Jensen stop. "According to this, the spell from the Black Grimoire would put an end to everything dark, letting the light spread, so the "finger of truth" that Demers disappeared with, it says it's not the only one."

"Yeah, but it's the only one we could get our hands on IF we could find her." Jensen answered and I swear from way up there I could see the roll of his eyes. "Slippery little bitch." Hey, pal, I wanted to yell but I let it slide, and watched as Misha walked in, off camera, just to his mark and waited for the boys to spot him, which was Jensen, who had a knack for knowing when the angel was in the room. "Cas, what are you doing here?"

"I came to warn you," Misha's voice became Cas' deep gravelly one, and I smiled. "You shouldn't get involved with Nicole Demers."

"You know, you're the second person to tell us that," Jared spoke up.

"Who else told you about her?"

"Margaret Helmings, the woman from the occult store. She said that Nicole was the only one that could get us the items that we needed but she also said that Demers was a loose cannon." Jared shrugged.

"She's not loose, she's a Nephilim." Cas stated.

"A Nephilim, I thought there was only one on Earth and you killed her." Jensen replied. "A long time ago."

"Yes, well, Nicole is a secret. Besides myself, no one else knows what she is."

"And, why do you know?"

"Because I saved her life." This got dramatic looks from both boys and I watched them cut the scene, give them time to regroup and within fifteen minutes they were ready to go again, but I watched as Misha stretched and looked up, giving it all he could to "act" like he didn't know I was standing there smiling. When action was called again, all three men were back in their places. Jared shifted uneasy in the chair, Jensen put the book down and approached. "When she was younger, the angels found out about her family, that she was a descendent of an angel and they went to take care of the problem. She was just a child, so I protected her."

"How is it the angels don't know?" Jared questioned.

"I warded her ribs with markings, so that she is nearly invisible to the others, but not to me." Misha admitted. "Nicole isn't just half-angel, Sam, she's half-archangel. Gabriel's child."

"Oh," Jared whispered and I could feel the bitchface rise up on Jensen's as he stared at Misha.

"So she literally meant "catch her if you can" as in there's no freaking way we're ever going to find her?" Jensen shook his head, turned and moved away from him, back to the books on the table. "So a demi-arch is running around with the "finger of truth", or whatever the hell it is and we've got jack."

"We know she's been to Crowley," Misha answered and Jensen turned towards him.

"Crowley, and how would Crowley know about her?"

"Nicole knows about her powers, she has for a long time and she can pop in and out of places which angels and demons aren't allowed to go."

"She can just pop into hell?" Jared questioned and Misha nodded.

"So is she a monster? Should we be killing her?"

"No," Misha stepped forward and grabbed the book from Jared. "She's never harmed anyone, she just has a way of getting things she needs, but she's not a killer, or a monster."

"No, she's a freaking archangel!" Jensen growled, "And Gabriel's daughter at that. Awesome!"

"I'll find her, I will get what you need and I will bring it back, along with her."

"Why?" Jensen moved again, drawing closer to him, "why would you bring her back with you?"

"Because now the angels know she's alive." I could feel the tension rise in the room and when they yelled cut, I turned and slowly made my way down the stairs, taking my time as I moved through the crowd.

"That's a wrap for tonight, we'll pick it up here tomorrow. Scenes with Cari begin at 10, be ready people." Jerry, who was pointed out to me earlier, announced as others gathered their things. I took a deep breath and moved to stand in the doorway of the bunker, right where the telescope would be and watched as Jensen slid the sword from the sheath.

 **I Feel the Need for… - Jensen**

I moved around the kitchen in my trailer with ease, it's not like I didn't know it like the back of my hand but damn, I was running out of room.

Cari had come to set with Misha, and my heart nearly burst out of my chest. They had managed to sneak on in between takes and she had watched as Misha, Jared and I did our scenes, two of them actually without me even knowing she was there, and without Misha, that ass, giving away the surprise.

It wasn't until I was alone in the "bunker" playing around with the sword that I even realized that I was being watched. The camera's came down from the ceiling and the spot by the telescope (when you watch the show you can see where I'm talking about) moves so that they can get in some tight shots. It was then, while I circled the tables, practicing my own moves with this thing, which was actually really sharp, that I stopped, my back towards the doorway, and slowly lowered it as that feeling came over me and I turned.

She was there, dressed in her usual, skinny jeans, a tee, a flannel and that black leather jacket. Her blue eyes shined against her black hair and pale skin and at first I thought I was seeing things, because she just stood there watching, a half-cocked smile on her face, arms crossed as if the only care she had was watching me. I slipped the sword back in the sheath, placed it back on the rack, and licked my lips as I took two careful steps towards her, fearing that she might disappear.

The set was quiet, ghostly quiet, like everyone else had disappeared. Just as I got to her, a little more than an arm's length away, she moved, which made my heart jump, and she pushed away from the wall, still with that sneaky look in her eyes. I took a deep breath, blinked and took another step, but she still hadn't said a thing.

"Are you real?" I asked, probably the most ridiculous words to ever leave my mouth but I just had to ask.

"Depends," she whispered, which echoed thought the hall, as she placed one foot in front of the other. "How real do you want me to be?"

That was when I knew that I wasn't dreaming, no one could be that sarcastic and beautiful in the same instance and I closed the distance between us, pulling her into my arms as I buried my face against her skin. I could feel her smile as she curled her arms around my neck and let me lift her up off the ground. Her legs wrapped around my waist and I shifting one arm to her lower back to support her, but the embrace never eased, not until I had the smell of her deep inside me.

The sound of Jared clearing his throat was what brought me back to the world, and slowly I lowered her to the ground, placed the hand that was on her lower back against her cheek and backed away enough to look into her eyes.

"I missed you," I whispered, closer to her, blocking Jared from seeing the movement of my lips.

"You don't have to anymore," she grinned and that one smile melted all my fears.

"Are you going to let her go so I can say hello, or are you just going to keep her?" Jared questioned, in a sassy, "where's mine" kind of tone, which made me roll my eyes and gently turned Cari in his direction.

I watched as my best friend, my brother embraced her but there was no jealousy, no odd feelings like I thought there would be, maybe because they had already met but Jared looked up, as he held her tightly and rolled his eyes, mouthing "oh my God" to me as he gave me the worst faces possible. I swear it was one of those looks he gave in the middle of a sex scene as he held her.

Cari apparently caught on and slapped him, right across the stomach as she backed away and looked up into his eyes.

"Hey perv!" She laughed, backing up until she pressed against me.

"Hey LA Lady!" Jared winked and looked around, then shrugged. "We're all done, they're kicking us out, so are we still on for tonight?"

"What's tonight?" She questioned, turning to me and I smiled.

"Dinner," I winked and that brings us to where I was when I started this whole thing, trying to get around my kitchen.

As I said, I was used to moving pretty freely but the body that blocked me wasn't standing on the floor, she was sitting on the counter right in front of the cabinets to the dishes I needed, humming away to whatever music was coming out of the phone next to her. The other counter, the main one I was working on, had the cutting board out and I was chopping up greens for the salad I had intended on making but I was so distracted by the person in the room, half of what I wanted to make never got started.

The door swung opened and Jared walked in, a bottle of red wine in hand and he looked over at the girl perched on the counter, then back at me as I shrugged and continued working.

"You do you know that tables are for glasses, not for asses right?" Jared smiled at her as he stood opposite me and I heard the laugh from behind me.

"Good thing I'm on a counter," she retorted and I shook my head.

"You're right, she's good." Jared winked and moved over to the space between her and I, crowding the kitchen even more.

"Dude, I could have gotten you the corkscrew," I snapped and elbowed him out of the way.

"What's for dinner?" Jared questioned smelling whatever was cooking.

"Meatloaf." I answered, "greens and some potatoes, if I can ever get them going because there are two pains in my asses hogging up my space! Now move!"

"Hola!" Misha yelled as he walked in, and the three of us all said a cheery hello, though I'm pretty sure mine came out as a grunt just as Jared decided to squeeze by. Misha stopped, hung his coat up and looked past me. "Is she part of the main course?"

"Okay!" I said and turned towards her. I stepped up between her legs and watched as she smiled, which made me roll my eyes at her. Yes, it was a very hot and very tempting position to be in but, I needed the space. I wrapped my hands around her waist, grasping her hips as she put her hands on my shoulders. "Off you go, short stuff! I need the counter space."

"Fine," she grumbled as I picked her up and set her on her feet, not before kissing her forehead. She walked by, stuck her tongue out at Jared and walked over to where Misha had made himself comfortable on the couch.

I watched the two of them from where I stood, chopping away and Jared moved to block my view.

"What?" I asked, my voice low, and Jared raised an eyebrow.

"You do know that no one is going to take her from you, right?" He asked me which made me look up at him, really up at him and I noticed the look in his eyes. "Jen, you're staring at Misha like he might kidnap her. She's not going anywhere."

"I know," I took a deep breath and slowly let it out, "I know, I guess I'm just overprotective." I put down the knife and snuck a peek past him. "I don't want to see her hurt."

"No one would ever hurt her," Jared laughed, which instantly brought my eyes to him, "they'd be too scared to see what you might do."

"Hey!" I gave him a dirty look and watched him smile, but he was right, I was fiercely protective even of him and he stood a good three-inches taller than me. She was so much smaller.

Finally sitting around the table, the four of us ate, talked and basically bullshitted away the evening, well into the night, but once things were put away, the table cleared, the dishes done, that was when things got just a tad bit more interesting.

I watched her set out four shot glasses, a bottle of whiskey, rum, and Kahlua at the coffee table and then she sat down and looked up at me.


	10. Never Have I Ever

**Never Have I Ever - Cari**

"What are you doing?" Jared smiled as I made myself comfortable, with the couch to my back and looked from Jensen to Jared.

"I told you, when I got back once a week we would do this." I smiled and watched the grin cross his face.

"Strip?" That one Jensen rolled his eyes at and sat down on the floor beside me.

Misha looked around. "What are we playing?"

"Sit and pour a shot, then I will tell you the rules." I laughed and watched both Misha and Jared make themselves comfortable on the floor. Jared poured a whiskey, which Misha grabbed and did as well, Jensen grabbed the rum and I poured the Kahlua. Once all were done, I smiled at them. "When I went home, I said we would do this once a week, "Never Have I ever", it's a game, Mish, you'll like it."

"Okay, so I have never." Jensen laughed as he picked up the shot and swung it down.

"Yeah, me either," Jared added and his was gone.

"So let me get this straight, if you have, you don't drink, if you haven't…" he started.

"Then bottoms up." I finished.

"Well, I'm game." Misha laughed and finished his off, all three poured a drink and I decided that I wasn't going to be left out, so I downed the Kahlua and poured another. "But you have?"

"Well, yeah, but I have a feeling you guys might come up with something I haven't done so I need to be prepared." I laughed and poured another. "Okay, the second part of the rules. Jared, no one is stripping anything off, got it."

"Damn!"

"What we say during the game, anything we admit to, it doesn't leave this room." I heard them all agree to that one and smiled. "Good, last one, only one question at a time, each person asks, but only that person can ask for clarification."

"Explain?" Misha narrowed his eyes at me.

"If I asked you if you ever kissed a frog before and you said yes, than I am the only one who can ask you to tell me the details, no one else is allowed to ask. However, same rules apply if you don't drink and people are curious. Make sense?" All three nodded. "So who wants to start?"

"Wait, if it's never have "I" ever, how does that work." Jared questioned.

"Okay, another example. My turn and I say, "Never have I ever had sex on the roof of a high-rise in the middle of December", and though I may have not, you have so I drink and I ask you to explain. Get it?"

"Oh yeah, so basically when it's your turn you say something you've never done?" He nodded. "Got it. You know what, I'll start then." I held up my finger, grabbed the bottle in front of me and took three large gulps before putting it down, and getting a laugh from the men in the room. "Are you all courage up?"

"Yeah, let's get on with it!" I coughed as it burned down my throat.

"Okay," Jared smiled wickedly at me. "Never have I ever hotwired a car."

Well that one was easy. Hey what can I say, I wasn't the best kid, but I never hotwired a car. I looked at Jensen as he raised an eyebrow, gave me a cock smile and poured himself a drink, this time of his rum.

"Never have I ever," Jensen paused, "broken into a house."

Damn, these guys start off quick, but I hadn't broken into any house that wasn't mine. Let's make this easy, the round of questions that I had to drink to:

Never have I ever: vandalized a building (drink), broken someone's window with a rock or other hard object (drink), stolen from a store, beat someone with just my fists (to an extent, but drink). That wasn't the long list, but most of the time since I didn't do them, I was tossing back shots, and the boys were getting a kick out of it. So, not it was my turn.

"Never have I ever broken the rules," they knew what rules I meant and I watched as all three picked up their glasses and drank. "Never, out of the three of you, none of you have ever broken the rules to whatever game your wives are playing?" All three shook their heads. "Can I get a list of them, just so I can make sure some of them get broken?"

"Okay," Jensen spoke up and looked at me, "game on, you ready?"

"Bring it." I shrugged and laughed.

"Never have I ever kissed a girl." His eyes went wide as I lifted the glass on the table, but slowly put it back down without drinking. "Really, wow, that's kind of hot." (The buzz was kicking in, I could see it in his eyes.)

"Never have I ever dated a girl." Jared chimed in and my glass stayed put, the smile spread across my face.

"Threesome," Misha asked and surprisingly no one moved. "Well, this is going to escalate fairly quickly.

"Wait," Jared said as he looked at me, "guy or girl extra?"

"Both," I shrugged.

"Married?"

"Are we taking shots, because this is going to be a long winded conversation and you guys aren't drunk enough for it?" I laughed, and watched as Jensen shot one back. I looked around the table and smiled, was I really about to spill my guts for them. I sat forward, grabbed the Kahlua, poured a drink and bottoms up. When I set the glass down, it was upside down and I shook my head. "My morals are not in the right place," I smiled, "but there is one thing I stick by. I don't say "I love you" if I don't truly mean it."

"That's your one rule?" Jared laughed, but I looked up at Jensen, just so he caught my eyes long enough to know that I meant it before turning back to Jared.

"I have more rules, but like I said, some are meant to be bent, at least just a little." I smiled as I watched Misha sit back towards the couch, and grin. "Never date your ex's best friend or brother, especially if you're still dating your ex. Once their ex's, they stay ex's. Never have a threesome without the other person's significant other, or your own, knowing about it. That's cheating, don't do cheating. All parties involved must be willing to watch or participate. Never date a lesbian who is still in love with their partner, or ex-partner. Yeah, that one sucked."

"You dated a lesbian?" Jensen coughed as he took a sip.

"Never tell your friends that you're bi because then you get questions like, what's it like to sleep with a girl, who tops, who bottoms." I smiled at him and watched him turned red and winked at him. "Hmm, let's see what I left out. Ah, ALWAYS follow the rules of your partner, or in the case of the three of you, the rules set forth by their significant others."

"Wait, the three of us?" Jared laughed.

"Oh, one last one," I smiled as I stood, "never drink in a trailer full of hot men, who happen to have rules about making out." I laughed and walked off to the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. "It could get you in a shitload of trouble."

I sat on the toilet for a moment, not really in there for anything but to catch my breath when I heard a light knock at the door.

"Go away, I'm peeing!" I mumbled, lying through my teeth and the door opened slowly. I watched Jensen slip in and smiled down at me. "What if I was telling the truth?"

"You weren't, I could hear it in your voice," He slid down the wall beside the door and looked at me.

"So, you're going to leave the two of them alone out there with my Kahlua?" I smiled.

"Nah, Jared said to tell you goodnight and Misha barely made it out the door," Jensen laughed, "that was the best game ever."

"Yeah, and now I feel like a complete ass." I whispered, as I leaned forward, putting my lower arms to my legs.

"Everyone has secrets," Jensen shrugged, "I'm sure what you said out there isn't even half of yours."

"Not even close." I could feel the heaviness from the alcohol and yawned.

"Oh, am I boring you?" He winked.

"You know, for the shy one, you're awful flirty." I smiled and watched as he nodded.

"Can I tell you a secret?"

"Like I didn't just spill a lot of mine."

Jensen looked at me with just that look, the one that made me think this was something bigger than a drinking game might come up with, and I scooted down on the floor next to him, my knees pulled up to my chest.

"Sometimes I don't have control," he whispered, looking up at me. "I get overprotective about the things I care about and it just takes over. Jared…Jared I can trust with you, but Misha, I'm still learning that, still getting that he's not going to hurt you."

"I wouldn't let him…" Jensen raised his hand.

"It's not about what you wouldn't because I know you, elbow to the gut, knee to the groin, but it still doesn't change how I feel." I reached out and put a hand on his thigh, something he looked down at and smiled.

"Nothing is going to change that, Jen," I went to move my hand away, but he placed his gently on mine and took a breath. "And nothing is going to change how I feel about you, it's as simple as that."

"How do you feel?" His voice was low and full of heat but as I leaned in closer to his ear, I heard him sigh, pressing my skin against his and his hand moved up from mine and over to my thigh.

"I missed you, Jensen, with everything I have." I breathed into his ear and listened to him moan, "but, you're a little tipsy and I'm… a lot…tipsy, probably not a good idea."

Jensen sat back and laughed, his hand giving a little bit of a squeeze to my thigh, "I don't think anything about this is a good idea, Cari, I just think… I think it's meant to be what it is… just us."

I took a deep breath, way too amped up and off kilter for this, and stood, taking his hand before it slid from my leg.

"I'm going home before we both do something that we regret." I whispered, leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. "Get some sleep," I felt him nod, "I mean it Jen, you need it."

"I need you," he replied and looked up at me, a smile in his green eyes. I winked at him, opened the door and disappeared out of the bathroom, in fact I disappeared from the trailer, but before I made it to my door, I felt my cellphone vibrate in my pocket.

JA: I'M SORRY, I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID IT.

I smiled, closed the door behind me, locking it as I made my way to the bedroom. I probably shouldn't have been texting in anyway at that point but I replied: I'M SORRY I DIDN'T SAY I NEEDED YOU TOO.

I slipped the phone onto the table beside the bed, hurriedly stripped off everything I was wearing and climbed under the covers. Tomorrow was going to be a busy day.

 **Our first time on set –Jensen**

The next morning, probably about eleven was the first cast call for the day. We always did the scenes in some back-assed order so while "Nic" and "Dean's" official meeting wasn't scheduled to run until tonight, the daylight meeting in the bunker was just about the beginning of this television love affair as we could get.

Cari had rushed out of her trailer earlier that morning while Jared and I slept in almost until ten, not our usual, but that game had knocked us out. We rushed through getting dressed and a couple cups of coffee before we were called to wardrobe and make-up. It was the same thing that happened every day, except not so late, but this one was different, I couldn't sit still, even as Jared pegged me with peppermints.

I sent three messages, none of them were returned and when we finally were able to go, Jared could barely keep up.

"She didn't run, you know," Jared spoke up as he finally caught up with me.

Thank God for the voice of reason, I wanted to snap but I just rolled my eyes. I know she didn't run, I just didn't know where she was. Once inside the stage, I looked around curiously, whispered to a couple people who had seen her in multiple different places but where I found her was definitely a sight to see.

She stood at the top of the stairs in the Men of Letters bunker stage, her lower arms against the iron railing, her hands folded together and her eyes looked as if she were a million miles away. I watched as she scanned everything, taking in as much of the space as she could before her sights landed on me, where I had entered from a separate hallway.

She stood, took in a deep breath and gave me a look that only Misha had done before, a "Lucifer" look, as she narrowed her eyes and bit her lip before she began to take painfully slow steps down the stairs. I knew she was getting into character, I could see it in the way her eyes glanced over everything, but when she stopped at the bottom, one foot still toed on the step above, she scanned me over like she wasn't sure if she was going to kill me or fuck me, which made the images of both run through my mind.

"Hey," I whispered and watched the evil smile disappear from her face.

"I can explain," she whispered and continued to walk over to me, "I left my cellphone in the trailer. Just got it like five minutes ago from Glenn, who was nice enough to bring it to me."

"It's okay, as long as you're okay." I reached out and moved the hair from her shoulder. "You ready for this?"

"Been ready for this my whole life," she whispered, seductively I might add, as the crew began to pile in. Winking at me, she made her way back up the stairs. Yeah, she was ready, but was I, because the relationship they had set up for her and Dean would put us awful close to breaking those rules. I watched her as she moved back to the position she had been in before, the sly smile crossing her face once more.

We were set up, me at the tables, computer in front of me, typing away, or at least I would be when they yelled action, and they weren't goofing around this morning. A split day always made for a moody crew and we had some day scenes and night scenes to get through today.

ACTION!

Jared walked in as I typed away as the computer, entering the shot from the kitchen and he set a cup of coffee down in front of me.

"Thanks," I mumbled as I stared at the screen, then reached over and grabbed the cup. Real coffee, it was amazing that I didn't have to piss all day drinking it.

"Have you been up all night?" Jared asked as he sat across from me and I looked at him from over the top of the screen and shrugged. "Dean, Nic isn't a big deal, I mean, she's a Nephilim, sure but we've dealt with a whole hell of a lot more bad than one half angel."

"Half ARCHangel! The Trickster's daughter!"

"And according to Cas, not dangerous."

"Yeah, and Cas has never been wrong."

"Dean, listen, we just need to find her." Jared grabbed a book, one that was placed under the rest of the stack and obviously one that I hadn't touched. "I found this last night."

"And?" Jared give me this look of frustration, funny how I see it when he's not acting like Sam just as much.

"It's a Men of Letters ledger." I looked at him, squinting my eyes as if to say "and" again. "Get this," he flipped open a page, "the first thing they investigated when they formed the American Chapter was a family who were believed to be Nephilim, the Demers family. They said that the family dated back to the early settlers, when the colony arrived. Each generation there was one child born with a mark."

"Like the Mark of Cain?" The sound of it left a bitter taste in my mouth.

"Angel wings." Jared sighed and turned the book so I could see it. "The last known entry for the family was a Dmitri Demers in Minnesota."

"Okay, so that has anything to do with our little angel how?"

"According to the police data base in Duluth, the Demers family were all murdered twenty years ago, no suspects, no motive and get this, all of their eyes were burnt out of their head."

"Angel smiting." I growled. "But Cas said he saved Nic and made her invisible, so why come out of the woodwork now to help us out?"

"Because that nasty little book that you're so fond of playing with has the very spell I need to fix everything that's gone wrong in my life." I heard her voice echo though the bunker and both Jared and I stood, looking up at the balcony where Cari stood, leaning just as she had before when I finally found her. "Hello, boys!"

I turned to Jared, who had that same look on his face as I did. Shit, we're in trouble mixed with how did she get in?

CUT!

I bound up the stairway, hidden from the crew as they got ready to set up a different view and pulled her back behind the door, closing it softly. It wasn't like it was a secret spot where no one could see but when I wrapped my arms around her and her head rested against my chest, I felt safe.

Even though she had been there the whole time, there was just something I needed in that moment, I needed to feel her arms around me. It was getting worse, the overprotective side of me and I didn't know what to do with it. Hell, with Jared at least I could see him from over the crowd, with her, she would disappear into it and that scared me, even losing her to her wanderings on set had me worried but the look in those blue eyes when she smiled up at me made everything just melt away.

"Come on, Jen, they're setting up for the next take." I smiled and released my grip just a bit.

Not as stealthy as I wanted to be, I opened the creaky door and moved down the stairs, leaving her at her mark, but no one else but Jared seemed to notice, and the only thing he gave me was that look, you know, the "what the hell Jensen" kind of look.

"What?" I asked as I stepped up and watched a sly smile cross his face, his eyes going up to the balcony. I followed his line of vision to the woman that stood there, and I couldn't hide the smile that formed as I turned back to him. "I can explain."

"Yeah, don't bother, it's all over your face." Jared laughed, but kept his words between us, "it's kind of gross and right there…" he put out his finger and flicked at the side of my lip, pretending to shake off something. "Drool, buddy," he gave me a napkin from his pocket. "Here, wipe it off."

"Fuck you!" I laughed and swatted at his hand. I turned and took my mark, giving him just a bit of a grin before I looked up at Cari, who had resumed her position at the rail, eyes narrowed as she stared down at me.

ACTION!

I watched as she stood straight, with me glancing back at Jared before we both watched her come down the stairs.

"How did you get in, you're a Nephilim?" Jared questioned.

"Well," she shrugged, taking that same tigress approach that she had when I first found her up there. "Dean's right, I'm only half Arch, mostly human, and your door was unlocked so I walked right in." She put her foot on that bottom step and both of us pulled the guns at the same time, aiming for her. I had to admit that it was the most uncomfortable I had ever felt holding a gun to another co-star, and I had done it plenty times in the past. "Oh, please, those things won't touch me."

"Why are you here?" I growled at her, and watched the cheeky grin roll up on her lips. This was her in character? That grin had me sweating, like she was seriously letting off some "come take me" vibes and it just pooled so low it hurt. "And, don't move!"

"I already told you, the little book you're playing with." She took a step closer.

"I'm warning you, stay put!" I heard Jared cock the hammer.

"Okay, okay," she said, raising her hands as she stopped not maybe more than two feet from the stairway. "Wow, who would have thought the Winchester boys would be so afraid of a little thing like me."

"No one said we were afraid," Jared added.

"So why the guns?"

I glanced back at Jared, who took a look at me and gave me a quick raise of his eyebrow, then slowly I released my hold and put my hands up. Jared moved the hammer back and slipped his gun away. I slowly placed mine on the table, still within grabbing distance.

"I'm asking again," I locked onto her eyes, "why are you here?"

"To warn you." Her tone had gone from the sarcastic little minx she was pretending to be to a very soft spoken warning. "You're about to get in over your head."

"I'm sorry, have you met us?" I snapped back and watched that smirk slid across her face.

"Actually, I have." She retorted and slipped her hands into the front pockets of her jeans. "You see when Good Old Dad was still around, Gabe taught me a few neat little tricks and one of them happened to be on a couple of hunters some little town…Goddess, I don't even remember where it was, but I do remember that it had a lot of death in it. A lot of you," she looked right at me, "dying."

"Mystery Spot," Jared sneered.

"Ah, yeah, that's what they called the stupid little place there." She proceeded to pace before she looked up at us again. "It wasn't my cup of tea, the whole 1000 Ways to Die thing, so I popped out and decided to use what I got from him, Rest in…well wherever archangels go…to make a living."

"You steal artifacts." Jared pointed out.

"I procure items that would otherwise be impossible for other people." She answered sternly and looked at him with a little irritation. "It's better for PR than saying I steal stuff." Cari was right on mark with what she was doing so the cameras kept working. "Hey, I could have grabbed a catchy slogan like "saving people, hunting things…blah, blah, blah" but whatever, that's your bumper sticker."

"Can you get what we asked for?" Sam stepped up, breaking her from her rambling.

"Oh, yeah, not an issue," she smiled and looked directly at me. "So let me guess, you're the brawn and he's the brain?"

"Wanna go a round and find out?" I questioned, snarky but my tone was off, like I was actually asking her in a sexual way instead of a "bring it Bitch" tone. Oh the smile she gave that one, pure Nicole.

"Hmm, honestly, I don't think you can handle me," she winked and turned back towards the stairs. "Besides, I think there's more up there than you let on, so I'd really have to be on my toes." We both watched her look me over like I was a prime cut of meat before she put her foot on that stairway. "And, hands, knees…everything."

My mouth just dropped and I knew that was scripted but the way she said it was pure sex. The camera's stayed on both Jared and I for a second, and I knew that was when she was supposed to blink out.

CUT!

I let out the breath I was holding and turned to Jared, placing my hand on the table as I fought to control everything in me. The man stepped up beside me, wide grin on his face and placed the napkin down on the table before he leaned in close. "Drool!"

I looked up at him quickly, watched him beam from ear to ear and he left me standing there as he walked down towards Cari, who was leaning against the railing.


	11. Too Much Time on My Hands

**Too Much Time on My Hands – Cari**

If watching his facial expressions wasn't enough to throw me off character, admiring the way his ass looked as he leaned on the table, trying not to look at me definitely was. Jared made his way over, a great big Padalecki smile on his face and I crossed my arms as I tilted my head, just studying.

"You know, you keep delivering your lines like this, he's not going to make it out of here in one piece." Jared laughed and I looked up at him.

"What? I was just going with what I had talked to the producers about," I said innocently, but smiled because I knew it would get some kind of reaction from him. Jared started to laugh, put his arm around my shoulder and played with my hair as we both watched Jensen turn around. The green-eyed man in front of us took a moment and then walked down, stopping right before us with narrowed eyes.

"You two," he said pointing back and forth, "are not allowed to be friends."

I smiled up at Jared, who wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close to him before he replied: "Come on, Jen, we make such a great team."

"You both SUCK!" Jensen snapped and walked off the set. I had to wait until he was completely out of sight before I could no longer hold it in and the two of us just started laughing.

I found him a half an hour later sitting in his trailer. We had finished whatever it was we needed to do until we ready to do the evening scene and by the look of the sun, it shouldn't be more than a few hours before we were at it again. I knocked on the door, opened it slowly and stepped up, not saying a word, and found him sitting on the couch, his elbows on his knees, his fingers against his lips.

"Hey," I whispered and watched him look up, his green eyes full of an emotion that I didn't understand and he quickly looked away. I closed the door, stood there just between the two couches and watched him for a little bit, before sitting on the arm of the couch. "Did I do something to piss you off?" I watched as he shook his head, still not moving from the position he was in. "So what? You just run off and I'm supposed to assume it wasn't because of me?"

I waited for him to talk, to move, to even look at me but there was nothing. He just sat there. I sighed, quietly and stood, making my way towards the door.

"Okay, then, I'll see you on set." I whispered and reached a hand out, but he moved so much faster than I thought was possible when I felt his hand slip around my waist.

"You didn't do anything," he spoke softly, his mouth close to my ear, as if speaking any louder would give away something, like he was hiding from someone. I looked down at the hand that lay flat against my stomach and turned quickly towards him, placing both hands on his chest.

"Then what the hell happened?" I watched his lips thin to a flat line and he shook his head.

"You," he closed his eyes.

"I thought you said I didn't do anything," I whispered and watched as he opened his eyes and rolled them.

"YOU didn't do anything, the way that you sounded, the faces you made, that you did." I took me a minute to catch on to just what he was talking about.

"So what did me/not me do?" I gave him a sly little grin and listened to the moan that rumbled through him as he looked down at me.

"That, you did that." He groaned and his hand slipped from my body. "Everything you do sets me off…the way you move, the sound of your voice, the feel of your hands on my chest." I felt his heart start to race under my fingertips, but he didn't step back. "Do you know what I thought about for the last week?"

"Your lines?" Jensen moved back to the couch and gradually I followed, sitting next to him on the couch. He pulled out his phone and opened his gallery, flipped through different photos and stopped on the one of us sleeping on the couch. "I thought you erased that."

"I sent it to Jared before you woke up." He spoke softly, "I thought it would disappear when I took it from my phone but when I was scrolling through the conversation with him, I found it again." He placed the phone down on the table, the picture still visible. "I can't let that go," he said softly, his hand coming up to his mouth again as he sat the same way he had when I walked in, "I miss it."

"You miss sleeping on the couch with me?" I smiled, knowing that he was more serious than what I was giving him credit for. "Move over." He sat straight and looked down at me. "What?" I asked as I pushed my sneakers off. "Listen, take off your boots or lie with them on, I don't care, just move over."

He took a deep breath, slipped the laces of his boots and pushed them off rather casually for someone who was in whatever state he happened to be in and I stood up, gestured for him to spread out on the couch and climbed up beside him, this time though, I lay facing him. Jensen looked down at me, as his arm tucked down in the crook of my neck, and I reached up for his shirt.

"Listen to me, Jen," I whispered and watched those eyes catch mine in a stare. "I'm not going anywhere so if you need me, you have to say something. I can't guess, and I can't read your mind."

"I'm just not…"

"I know," I smiled, tugging at the shirt with just my fingers, "but you don't have to be good at it to give me some kind of signal. Just don't walk off like that again."

His arm circled my waist, pulling me as close as he could to his body and I place my forehead against his chest, as his lips came down upon my head. His hand moved in circles over my back and I closed my eyes. I couldn't tell him that I missed it too, it was bad enough that we were this close already and things tended to escalate pretty quickly when he was around.

The banging on the door did nothing for my head, but the large shadow that blocked the flashing of the television did, only a little, because the constant movement behind my eyelids was nothing more than headache inducing. I opened my eyes slowly, looking at a pair of long legs in jeans and smiled as I followed them up to the baby face and long hair of Jared, who was looking down at us completely confused.

"You never texted to tell me you found him." He whispered and sat down on the coffee table.

"Yeah, things kind of went from nothing to this pretty quickly." I sighed and sat up, looking at Jensen who was still sleeping. "What time is it?"

"Almost time to be back on set, so I thought I'd come see if you two were okay." He gave me a cocky grin. "Is this a thing with the two of you?"

"It's what he needed," I whispered, reaching over to trace his hairline, down from his temple to behind his ear before I kissed him softly on the cheek and got up.

Jared gave me a soft slap on the back of my thigh as I passed him and head for Jensen's kitchen. I was positive I had seen a Keurig in there before and found it neatly tucked in the corner. Jared moved from the table to stand across the counter for me as I waited for the coffee to brew. Hiding my yawn from him, I smiled as I grabbed the coffee mug, tossed the small cup from the machine and added just a little bit of cream and sugar.

"Have I told you how much naps suck?" I groaned and rubbed my eyes.

"Yeah," he snorted, "on the phone last week when I woke you up from one. You would have thought that you learned your lesson. How's your head?"

"Augh," I grumbled, "it will pass."

"Why the hell are you two talking so loud?" Jensen mumbled with a bit of edge in his voice.

"Time to wake up, Sleeping Beauty, they need you two on set in about an hour." Jared laughed, leaning so he could see both of us. "I thought I would be the one to come and give you warning."

"Thanks," Jensen sighed as he sat up and looked around. "Do I smell coffee?"

"I'll make you one." I smiled and turned back to the machine.

I could feel Jared's eyes on me as I moved and before I could say anything, there was a body pressed against my back. At first, I was going to jab with my elbow, but I caught a hint of Jensen's cologne as he reached over my head for a cup and his hand wrapped around to catch my stomach, where he pulled me back against him, kissing me on the cheek as he pulled down a coffee mug.

"I got it, go enjoy yours while it's hot," he whispered as I looked up at him, a small smile on his face and I nodded, slipping away as he let his hand keep his touch for as long as he could until I was out of range.

Jared smiled as he sat down on the couch across from me. "So you two get to play against each other tonight, how weird is that going to be?"

"Not so much," I said and shrugged, "It's the same lines we pulled at the audition."

"Yeah, and this time, though," Jensen sat down on the couch beside me, his leg making a connection with not only mine, but also with Jared's, "I have to make it through her "Nic" act without spazing out."

"I wasn't doing anything," I smiled and looked over at him. "At least I wasn't doing anything on purpose."

"You were literally dripping with sex," Jensen snapped back but grinned at me as he looked me up and down. "Okay, you're right, you weren't doing it on purpose, that's just how you are."

I looked at Jared, completely floor by this comment, compliment and watched the youngest of us shake his head. My spread my fingers in a vague attempt to give him an "I don't know" but he just bumped against my leg.

"So, it's still somewhat warm out, maybe I should see if they need me to change into something else," I sighed and stood, kissed Jensen on the forehead again and reached out, gently grabbing a handful of Jared's long hair before he let me pull him in for a kiss, on top of his head.

"You two are going to kill me," I mumbled, slipped on my boots, grabbed my jacket and was headed out the door when I remembered the coffee cup in hand. I quickly rinsed it in the sink and ran out the door.

Misha was pacing the lot on his phone, probably live streaming when he saw me approach and the smile widened. He ran over to me, gave me a hug, managing not to put my face in the frame because, yeah, giving away the guest stars was never a good thing, before he stepped away, turned the camera in another direction and waved me on to make-up and wardrobe.

Nancy looked at me as I opened the door and stepped in. "Did you just wake up?" I looked at her, under heavy eyelids and nodded. "Coffee?"

"Please!" I begged and sat in the chair as she made me one and brought it over. "You're a lifesaver."

"We live on coffee here." She smiled and gave me the once over. "You don't look like you need much. I love how you can roll out of bed and do that."

"It was a couch, actually." I mumbled and she smiled, grabbing what little make-up she needed marked in a box with my name in it. "I think it's the hair that really needs something."

"What's the scene?"

"Back alley scene with Dean gone…not so much sour." I laughed and watched as she smiled.

"Ponytail?"

"That would actually work, she's not a fancy girl and it's a night scene, in, out and poof, onto the next, because what you did earlier with my hair was perfect." I smiled and closed my eyes, letting her work on what she needed to fix. That was when I heard the door open and both of us looked up as Misha walked in, grabbed the seat next to me and just watched. "That's not creepy at all, Collins!"

"Sure it is, I'm working on my stalker side, so apparently, it's perfect!" He laughed and sat back in the chair. "You okay?"

"Headache that won't go away," I grinned and opened one eye to look at him, his smile faded. "I meant a real headache. Napping during the day is not my friend."

"Kerry left your stuff for tonight, she had to run out so it's here in the closet." Nancy smiled, finishing up with my face and I sat up, turned to look at Misha as she combed my hair.

She pulled it back and tied it up but I watched Misha in the mirror as she did it and he bit the corner of his lip as he observed. I smiled at him and shook my head once she released me.

"No you can't pet it!" I snapped as I walked by, and slapped him on the shoulder, hearing the chair turn in my direction as Nancy handed me the clothes and I stared over at him. "You can't pull it either!"

"What are you, a fucking mind reader?" Misha huffed and got up from the chair. "I'm going outside, it's too hot in here."

Nancy smiled at me as he left, closing the door roughly. "I have never seen those three boys in such a state of complete awe, what did you do to them?"

"Well, for two of them, I gave them a ride to the airport," I smiled as I began to change behind the curtain she had pulled. "For that one, I haven't quite figured it out yet."

"They all seem so infatuated." Nancy laughed, which made me peek out at her. "Oh, it's not a bad thing, but I have seen a lot of guest come through here, and never once have they been like this. Jared and Jensen, we keep things pretty confidential in here, but let me tell you, I've never heard the genuine happiness that comes out when they laugh at a text message conversation going on between the three of you."

"Have you ever seen the conversation?" I questioned as I pulled on the long sleeved black shirt, thank God I worn an Underarmor under it, apparently it was going to be cold. Black, everything was black and I was feeling pretty devilish, but just to throw it off, she gave me a gray button-down shirt that I slipped on before my jacket went over it.

"I don't look at that, it's private, but whatever you're doing," she smiled as I walked out and slipped on my boots, "keep it up. We like to see our guys happy."

"Yeah," I grinned, "me too." I looked in the mirror at myself and shook my head. I hated mirrors but it was Nic looking back at me, not myself. She was certainly ready to come out and play. "Thanks, Nancy."

"Anytime, sugar!" she smiled as I walked out of the trailer and stopped because Misha stood pacing as he waited for me.

"Seriously?" I questioned and watched him fall in step with me, not sure where I was headed to next, but my ride wasn't there and Jared and Jensen still had to make it to make-up. "People are going to think you and I have a thing."

"Oh please, like that would happen." Misha rolled his eyes at me. "You're like a little sister."

I stopped dead and looked at him, "was that a short joke?"

"No, ass!" He laughed and I smiled up at him. We had discussed birthdays before and I stopped and looked up at him. "Want me to drive out to location with you?"

"Me, stuck in a car with an angel full of juice?" I narrowed my eyes at him. "Actually, yeah, that would be good, let me just text my bosses." Misha smiled as I pulled out the cell and found Jensen's contact. HEY GRUMPY, I'M HEADED OUT WITH MISHA TO SET. I'LL SEE YOU WHEN YOU GET OUT THERE, I JUST WANT TO GET A FEEL FOR THE PLACE.

JA: YOU'RE GOING OUT THERE, WITH MISHA?

HE'S NOT GOING TO BITE, JEN!

JA: YEAH, OKAY. But I could almost hear the sigh in his voice. WE'LL SEE YOU THERE IN ABOUT 30.

HEY, RELAX, I'LL BE FINE.

JA: I KNOW.

I slipped the phone back in my pocket and turned toward the man in the trench coat. "Carry on my wayward son."

"Not funny," he shrugged as the two of us made our way towards the car. "Not funny at all."

"Oh, come on, it was a little funny." I laughed up at him and he still was shaking his head. This was going to be a fun night.

 **All hands on… - Jensen**

"Misha!" I growled and stood up from the couch, feeling Jared's eyes follow me as I moved towards the kitchen for another cup of coffee. "She's going to set with Misha."

"And he's going to make sure she's safe, Jen, you know that." Jared, always the voice of reason. "So she likes to check out the set before we get on it, likes to get her bearings, to get into character, a lot of people do, and being new to this, us, the locations, she's going to do it as often as she needs to feel secure."

"I know that, okay." I snapped and he smiled as he recognized the same protective side of me come out that I have with him. "She's just…"

"A badass and can handle herself," Jared sighed. Yeah, how could I tell him he was wrong when he completely wasn't? I took a deep breath. Way to be Dean! I mean you play someone so long they become you and you become them…him…and right now I wanted to shoot something. Jared moved to the counter and looked at me. "She knows about this, right? This side of you?"

"She knows everything, man, every little detail about me."

"And you know her, so take a deep breath and calm yourself because neither of you are going anywhere." I stared up into his eyes, knowing that beyond anything, he knew me like the back of his hand and slowly I nodded, but the knock on the door set me right off again.

"WHAT?" I hollered and saw Jared smile. I watched it open, watched the shock face of one of the AD assistance and turned away.

"They need you at wardrobe." He stated and closed the door. Jared gave me a smack across the arm and grabbed his coat.

"Let's go Dean, before you explode!" He grinned, calling me that on purpose and I grabbed my boots, slipped them on, and snatched my coat off the hook before we both walked out the door.

She was standing there, under the alleyway light when I got to set, leaning back against the wall, both hands in her pockets, staring up at the light and smiled. Jared was right, of course, she was perfectly safe, and Misha even approached me after we arrived, just to reassure me and let me know where she was because he had kept an eye on everything.

She was dressed in black, from head to toe except for the little bit of grey that hung out from below her coat, her hair pulled back in a neat little ponytail, and thoughts of wrapping it around my hand as I kissed her flashed through my mind. Oh this was going to be a really, really long night.

That was when she turned to look at me, her head bending down as she licked her lips. She had that "come hither" look down to a tee and damn if it wasn't inviting enough, her dressed in black made her all the more dangerous. I had grabbed my own black jacket, but it was one of the canvas ones, slipped it over a tee and a thicker flannel, my solid red one, so the two of use seemed to match, and I took a few slow steps towards her, watching as she pushed away from the wall.

"Mr. Winchester," she whispered, moving towards me, it was breathless and stunning and…damn I think she was doing it on purpose now.

"I'm sorry, is my father around here somewhere?" I smiled as we stopped at the same time, not more than three feet apart. She raised her brows and gave a glance around.

"I'm sure if he was, he certainly wouldn't approve of anything I intended to do to you." And that made me moan.

"Are we in character?" I questioned, waiting for the slate to drop and she gave her head a little shake. "So that little comment was all you?"

"I never said I was an angel," she answered and then took her hand out of her pocket, holding up one finger as she smiled, "sorry, only half."

"I think you got his good half, and your looks from your mother." I teased, so tempted to pull her closer, wrap my arms around her and never let go. The worry that crossed her face when my smile faded had her close the distance between us and her hand was pressed against my chest.

"What happened?" I took a deep breath, brought my fingers up to brush hers and shook my head.

"My demon roared its ugly head when you left with Misha," I admitted and felt her fingers begin to curl. "I'm trying, I really am."

"There isn't a need to try anything, Jensen." Those blue eyes stared up at me and she shook her head. "I'm not going anywhere, not with anyone you don't trust and I know you trust Misha."

"I do, it's just…"her fingertip touched my lips, and I closed my eyes.

"Don't explain yourself to me, Jen, I know you." I lowered my head, that small finger moved across my lips, gently tracing them and suddenly she stepped back. I heard the footfalls but only after her movements had broken my train of thought and I watched Jared step up to us. "So, what's the plan?"

"Three scenes," Jared spoke up, "one with him, one with me and him, and then one with you alone."

"Wait, I didn't know there was one with me alone." She spoke up a bit confused as he handed her the script. She flipped through it, grimaced and practically tossed it back at him. "It's me on the top of the building, you ass! What kind of scene is that?"

"The last one, you're our show closer," Jared smiled. I looked up at him, knowing just what that meant but when I turned back to face her, she looked utterly confused.

"Wait, a what?" It was the first time I had ever seen a look of horror cross her face.

"A show closer, it means that the very last scene of the episode is on you." Jared explained and her eyes darted from one of us to the other. "No lines, no conversations, just you on the roof watching us walk away, but you'll just be watching us, there won't be anyone else on the set."

"Ah," she said and swayed a little bit, which instinctively sent my hands out and I grabbed her, pulling her in closer to me. "I think I'm going to throw up."

"No, no," I whispered softly, as I cupped her chin with my fingers, making her look up into my eyes, "we got you." I smiled as Jared's hand went straight to her back, rubbing gently between her shoulders. "Listen, it's a good thing, just act like you did when you were up on the balcony at the bunker, casual, looking over the place, checking it out. That's all they need."

"Why the hell am I a show closer? This is my first episode." Her mind was going a mile a minute, you could see it in her eyes.

"It's because they like what you're doing with Nic," I whispered and watched her glance back and forth from me to Jared. "It means that you're in for the long haul."

"Oh, crap," she whispered and stepped back.

I watched her move away from me, taking deep breaths as she gathered herself and my protective side reared its ugly head as I went to step forward, but Jared placed a hand on my arm and gave me a little shake of his head. She didn't go far, just kind of walked in a circle, running her hands over the hair that was pulled back from her face before she stopped and stood in one spot with her eyes closed for a second. I watched as all the emotions, all the freaked out, scary shit that she was thinking almost washed away and she opened her eyes. It was almost frightening to watch how much self-control and coping that she had and she released the breath that she was holding.

"Well, let's do this." She whispered and walked by us.

I turned to Jared, confused at what just happened and the two of us walked after her.

ACTION!

I stepped into the alley, gun drawn as I looked around. There were dark shadowed areas, some that were well lit by the neon signs above and there was one doorway with a small light that flickered adding just the right amount of ambient light. At first I was all alone, as the camera trained on me and suddenly, she was leaning against the all, her hands in her pockets, her head back against the grimy wall and her foot up against it, just as relaxed as she could be.

"You shouldn't have come here!" She said in a snarky voice, as they switched our lines around.

"You're the one who called, I just decided to show up," I looked right at her as I delivered the line,

She smiled as she pushed off from the wall, turning towards me as I continued to aim the gun.

"I called to see if there was something you'd be interested in, Winchester, a little bit of this or do you prefer a little bit of that?" her voice dripping with those little innuendos that seemed to make me shake and for "Dean" it wasn't any different, I reacted to her as he would and that scared me.

"Cut the crap, Demers, you know what I came here for," I snapped and watched as she shook her head

"This," she pulled the little black satin bag from her pocket, palmed it as she looked down at it, but then took it by the string and let it dangle between her fingers, "not an easy thing to come by, and not exactly something you can do under the radar. In fact, this whole place," she pointed at the walls, "is warded for a specific reason."

"So, you do all your transactions here?" I questioned, my eyes glancing at the walls, expecting something to come jumping at me.

"No, just anything to do with a Winchester," the tone was sarcastic but I looked right at her, watched as she took a few steps towards me. The way she walked was incredible, literally one foot in front of the other as if on a balance beam but her arms never went out and her balance never wavered. "This is big magic, whatever you're playing with, and it comes with a heavy price, one you might not be willing to make, but…" she stopped and looked up at me from under those lashes, her head never really coming up fully as she stopped five feet from me, right on her mark, "I might be able to help."

"Demi-Arch gone rogue? Do you think I want your kind of help?" I matched her stare and she smiled, just a simple smile. "We hunt your kind."

"My kind? No, you used to hunt angels, hell you used to hunt demons but now…now you're hunting something bigger." She laughed and glanced around her, like the gun wasn't an issue. "You see, my kind, the Demers clan was hunting demons long before the Campbells or the Winchesters, long before legacies and librarians, so I think I know a whole hell of a lot more about what you're dealing with than you do." She paused for a moment, scanning over my face, her head tilting slightly to the side as if she knew just what she was searching for and stopped when she caught my eyes, her smile fading. "Tell me, what book did your brother get the spell from?"

"Screw off." I growled and watched her raise her eyebrows as if it were some sort of challenge, but I could also see the rage build on her features.

"Listen, you egotistical, smug, little bastard," her voice went low, and she closed the distance, stopping just so that she had to tilt her head up a little to look me directly in the eyes, "I told you that you are way in over your head, and now I'm going to tell you a little Demers secret. Whatever book Sammy's touched, it might kill him." The gun lowered to my side as I saw the honesty in her eyes, the sincerity in her words and her brows raised. "Oh, you didn't know that? You think the two of you are so smart. It's the bloody Black Grimiore, Dean, the most powerful book in the world. Hell, the book of the Damned is a child's bedtime story compared to this, and you and Sam are playing with magic you don't understand."

"Are you going to give it to me or not?" I clenched my hands as I slowly raised them, debating on whether or not to actually reach out and touch her, but I held back

"No," she said softly and I felt the power of that word go right through me, and she stepped back, before turning her back to me. I raised the gun again, once she was just out of touch and clicked back the hammer.

"I'm going to need that," I growled seriously, but she turned and grinned, looking at the gun with a cocky grin.

"You'll have to catch me first." And with that she snapped her fingers. The camera focused right on me as she "disappeared" from my sight, and I lowered the gun. Wide shot of me looking around the alley, giving a shrug with my arms as I sighed.

CUT!

Cari, who had ducked into the doorway, perfectly hidden from all the cameras stepped out and held the little bag in her hand as she swung it around and walked slowly up to me as I tucked the gun in the back of my jeans. The cameras and crew around us moved as we turned quietly and walked off together, my hand on the small of her back.

Jared watched as we approached, while he sat on a small brick wall. I was surprised that no one was bothering him but he just seemed to look content.

"Nope, I don't see it," he said as he glanced over us. Confused as to what he might or might not see, I watched her sit down beside him on the wall. Her legs swung to the beat in her own head as she watched them rearrange the cameras, more towards our height than the one that was at hers, and I smile. "Oh wait, there it is."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I questioned as I turned towards him. Jared just smiled and turned the phone in his hand, giving it to me. There, on Twitter was a picture of the three of us walking, but the way that I was looking at her sent shivers down my spine. The caption on the tweet "maybe there is someone out there for Dean, look at the way he looks at her" and I quickly gave the phone back to Jared. "Great, we weren't even in character at that point."

"What's going on?" Cari questioned and looked at the phone. "Cute."

"Cute, really?" I asked as I took a deep breath, I could feel the control slipping as watched her look at me, she hadn't picked her head up, just looked up with her eyes and shrugged.

"Yes, Jensen, it's a cute picture." She replied and reached out, taking my hand in hers, her touch instantly seemed to bring that control back. "It's just a picture of you, me, and Jay. It doesn't mean anything to anyone, and yeah, someone thinks on the same wave length as the writers. That Dean had met his match. It's good, doesn't have anything to do with us."

"It has everything to do with us." I snapped, not trying to but I took a deep breath. "That is us."

"Yeah, dressed as Nic, Sam and Dean, no one is going to make it any larger than it is, except you." She jumped down, handing the phone back to Jared and I rolled my eyes as she walked away. I hated being on set, there was no way to run after her without it really blowing up, not unless I could corner her, and right now that would probably be a big mistake.

"You should go," I suggested to Jared, who only grinned at me and shook his head. "Oh, come on, you know I can't."

"I know you're being a pussy!" Jared spoke up and I put my hands on my hips. "You're not going to hurt her, so go after her."

"I know," I admitted, but he could see the fear in my eyes, I was sure of it.

"Listen, I know you're afraid of what your inner Dean would do, but I know firsthand, there is no way that you would hurt her, or do anything to hurt her, so go Jensen." I couldn't believe he was trying to tell me to go after her, after all he had seen what happened when I lost control, at least the punching bag had been at the receiving end of it. I rolled my eyes at him and headed off in her direction. "Fifteen minutes!"


	12. These Boots are Made for Walking!

**These boots are made for… - Cari**

An asskicking! That was exactly what Jensen needed, an asskicking. I was able to duck in and out of a few of the spots where the crew had set up some small tents to hold all the equipment that they managed to squeeze into the vans that they brought, but it was just outside the second one that I felt the hand on my arm.

I turned, surprised by the sudden feeling of being grabbed, and lashing out with an open palm, regretting it as soon as it hit the hard, flat stomach of the one that had grabbed me. I heard the air leave him and a familiar huff as the hand released me and I was able to see Jensen in full view with the lights above.

"Jensen?" I whispered as he bent down, his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath and he put one hand up, before attempting to stand. "What the hell are you following me for?"

"I was worried." He said as he pushed the words out and I wanted to be mad, I really did but he was still trying to catch his breath. "I needed to make sure you were okay."

"I think I can take care of myself." I growled at him, and it really did sound like I was about to bite his head off.

"Obviously." He backed up against the wall and waited, rubbing his stomach as our eyes connected. "I'm sorry."

"For?" I could feel his eyes on me as I paced. "For blowing up over a picture, for following me? For looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" He was curious now, and I smiled as all the other questions seem to be overlooked.

"Like I'm something you have to keep a secret, and don't tell me that it's because the first episode hasn't aired and you know guest stars and blah, blah, I know how that all works, but I swear, Jen, you think that what we have needs to be kept a secret." I watched the shock cross his face, and I realized that he had never thought of it that way, apparently only I was the one truly affected by the way that we snuck around the corner for a hug, or whatever.

"You think I'm keeping you a secret?" He questioned. I shook my head as I pinched the top of my nose.

"I don't know what I think," I answered and stepped closer to him, the both of us checking out the area for eyes that didn't need to be on us, and I could feel my own teeth biting down on my bottom lip hard enough to feel the pinch. I reached out a shaking hand and placed it on the spot that I had knocked the wind from him. "I'm confused, Jensen. I didn't think being on set with you would be this hard."

"What do you mean?" This caught his attention and his hand automatically came up to touch mine.

"Do you know the reason why I take off as soon as I wake up, to get dressed and go to make up?" I whispered and watched him straighten up completely, that hand still protectively pressing on mine. "Every moment that I'm alone and not doing anything, every second that I have to think about anything, it's always you…you're always in my thoughts and sometimes, the thoughts go so south, that I scare myself."

"South?" I smiled at him and watched as he nodded. "Rule breaking south."

"More than that, Jen," I sighed, how did I say this without sounding completely mad in the head? "If I had to, I don't think I could live without you in my life. How fucked up is that? I mean not that I'm complaining but Jesus, think about it, if they killed me off in the next four weeks, if they sent me home, what the hell would I do? I'd go out of my mind because I need you." I stepped back from him and shook my head. "I've never _needed_ anyone before, Jensen, never, so yeah, it's pretty fucking scary."

The phone went off in his pocket and Jensen looked at it quickly, before looking up at me. "Jared said they're looking for us."

"Of course they are." I shook my head as Jensen pushed away from the wall, keeping my hand in his as he took a few steps before turning back to me.

"You know, you're not the only one completely thrown off by this." He admitted, and I watched as he became completely serious.

"I'm not?"

"I have never fallen into anyone before, and it's fucking scary as all hell, but there isn't a moment that goes by that I regret anything that I do with you." His words coursed through me like a fire, tingling every nerve, and I closed my eyes and tried to hold it in. "I meant what I said in the bathroom. I need you, and even if I'm not sure what the hell that mean, I do know one thing. I couldn't live without you in my life either." He watched my lips quiver as I felt his eyes on me, suddenly he was tugging at my hand, pulling me closer as he wrapped his arms around me. "This is so different than anything I have ever felt and I'm scared too, so if I go off on some wild bit about some stupid photo it's because I don't understand what's happening to me."

"Jensen!" Jared said as he rounded the corner and watched as the two of us looked at him. Jared sighed, walked over and wrapped his arms around both of us before he grabbed both our arms and dragged us back to set.

I smiled as I felt Jared's hands around my waist. "Don't get any funny ideas."

"Yeah, well that ship has sailed." He teased as he lifted me up to the fire escape. I crouched down once safely where I needed to be and smiled at him. "You, me and funny ideas, kind of my thing."

"See you in a few." I laughed and looked over at Jensen, who smiled and gave me a bit of a wave as I moved further up the metal staircase, just out of sight of their cameras, where I could sit quiet and watch. I didn't tell them that they had changed the closing scene, that it wasn't just going to be me, but also Misha as well, a little meeting of the minds.

Jensen turned to look around the alley, I was gone, had just snapped my fingers and disappeared from sight but Jensen was shaking his head as Jared stepped into the shot. From above I couldn't see the faces, couldn't make out the way that they were expressing any of it, but I could hear just about every word that came from their mouths.

"What happened?" Jared questioned with confusion as Jensen shrugged.

"I don't know, Man," he sighed, "one second she was here, the next she was gone."

"And the finger?"

"Gone with her." Jared waved his arms in frustration. "She said something about the book. She said that the book could kill you."

"Not anything we haven't run into before, Dean." He switched the weight on his leg, staring down at Jensen who looked away for a moment. "Wait, you believe her. She's a Nephilim, Dean, she could be telling you a thousand lies."

"And she could be telling the truth. We know the lore, Sammy, we know that there is something dangerous about that book." Jensen barked.

"She got to you, didn't she?"

"What?" Jensen growled. "What? No! She didn't "get to me"." He was starting to get annoyed. "Come on, let's go."

The moved off set, to walk down the street, the cameras followed as I stood and moved to the top of the building where the second unit was waiting. Action was called as I flipped my legs over and sat up on the concrete wall. For a second I acted as if I were alone, but slowly I looked up, towards Misha, who stood there looking right at me. I shook my head and took a deep breath.

"What?" I asked calmly, but the frustration filled me.

"I heard you went by the bunker today."

"Are you my father now?" I placed my hands down on the blocks and looked over at him, giving myself a moment to take a breath. "I did."

"Why?"

"Maybe it's my human side, Cas," I said with some confusion, as if I wasn't even sure why. "I don't want to see them hurt."

"Neither do I." Misha stepped forward and looked down at me. "That's why we have to go back there with the item."

"I'm not giving them the one thing that could seriously put them in danger." I stood and faced him. "The spell they're working on, I've seen it before, I know what it can do. If you love them, truly consider them family, Cas, you'll put a stop to this right now."

"They are my family, and so are you, so you need to come with me."

"Dean wants me dead, Cas, do you really think the safest place for me is in a Men of Letters bunker with two of the most dangerous hunters alive?" Misha looked at me, a stern but acknowledging look that made me shake my head. "If you love me, you'll let me disappear."

"I can't do that, Nic, and you know that." Misha's eyes were pleading and I sighed, looked out over the city and then turned to look up at him.

"Fine, we'll do it your way," I answered and let the emotions run over my face as CUT was yelled and I finally smiled at the man.

"For a quick rewrite that was great." Misha laughed as he walked over and hugged me.

"Yeah, I'm wondering about the hair though, will it give away that it was the same scene?" Misha and I walked towards the stairway located inside the building as the crew began to shut down, but he shook his head.

"How many times have you seen Jensen in that red shirt. They won't know your character well enough to put it together yet, but it's definitely something we're going to have to bring up to them."

When we reached the bottom, we waited for Jensen and Jared to make their way back to the building. They had to walk around the corner, conversation going before they got into the Impala and "drove away", but I watched as the car pulled up and Jensen smiled out the driver's side window.

"Hey sexy want a ride?" he laughed and I looked up at Misha.

"I think he's asking you," I said and watched as the man shook his head and pushed me towards the car. Pretty well blocked by onlookers, I let him slip in the back first before I climbed in behind him and Jared turned in the seat. With a wink, I stuck my tongue out and watched him shake his head.

"How was it?" He questioned.

"They changed it up again, continuity issues with scenes already shot." I replied as I got comfortable and watched things zoom by. Little things like rides in the car were slowly becoming less and less, which bothered me just a bit. "Hey, can I borrow someone's car?"

"You want to borrow one of our cars?" Jensen giggled but looked back in the rearview at me, and his smile faded. "Where would you even go?"

"For a drive." I sighed and shrugged. "How about a gym?" I watched him glance over at Jared and shrug.

"There's a spot on set that you could use as a gym, I mean, we have a small make-shift weight room." Jared replied and turned in his seat to look at me. "You okay?"

"I just…" I stopped, not wanting to get him upset, so I smiled and nodded. "I'm just used to doing a quick walk on the treadmill, not a big deal." But I could feel the anxiety creeping up on me, not something I was fond of.

Jared looked over at Jensen, and I could tell by their exchange that this was going to be a long, drawn out ordeal that might bring me into next week, but I needed to get out. It was one thing to be on set all day but something altogether different when you weren't able to run free, or drive when the need became too much.

They pulled the Impala on set, and I let both Jared and Jensen walk me back to the trailer but Misha had decided he was going home that night and kissed my cheek quickly before taking off in his own car, headed to the house.

Jared hugged me at the door, making some poor excuse for ducking out as he glanced over at Jensen. I couldn't help but wonder what kind of trick the two of them had cooked up as I opened the door and stepped in, with Jensen right behind me.

"What's going on?" He asked as soon as the door was closed and I shrugged my coat off, leaving it on the couch as I shrugged and turned to look at him. "You've never said anything about the gym."

"You've never asked." I replied and watched him, put his hands in the pockets of his jeans, a move that told me he wasn't going anywhere. With a deep breath, I shook my head, this is going to get me nowhere fast unless I opened my mouth to him. "I need an out, Jen."

"An out?" He questioned, "like out of here? Off set?"

"No, like a physical out." I closed my eyes and never noticed that the distance between us had disappeared until I could feel the heat from him. His hand glided down my arm until he was holding my fingers in his and I opened my eyes slowly. "Okay, fine, the anxiety of being on set always comes to a head at some point. I've been able to hold it off but I can feel it creeping up."

"Your chest pains?"

I smiled, "I wish."

"Then, what?"

"It's fight or flight, and usually it's a little of both, so at home I get in my car and drive, kind of like Dean with the Impala, a gypsy on the move. Sometimes I got to the gym and walk, or run, usually walk because the people there make me self-conscious."

"So, it's happening now?" The worry in his eyes didn't lessen as I nodded. "Okay, so go put on a pair of sweats and a tee you don't mind getting sweaty and I'll take you over to the gym."

"Yeah, like you being in the room isn't going to make it easier." I laughed as he let me go and I disappeared into my room, reappearing only after digging through the clothes I had brought to find my workout pants and my "Rebel Dean" shirt. His brows went up, as the smile crossed his face while he looked at my shirt. "What can I say, you and Dean both make me feel safe."

"Okay." He laughed and handed me my coat. "Come on, I'll show you the bat cave."

The two of us walked across set, ducking into a small building with no windows after he unlocked the door with the small set of keys he held tightly in his hand. At least it was warm inside the building but as he flicked on the lights I saw only a few things. One treadmill, a pull up bar, some weights and a giant mat.

"This is where Jared and I go to work out. No one else comes in here, much, unless we're getting taught a lesson in some things, like martial arts." Jensen whispered as I looked around. I smiled at set up, it was very quiet, and Jensen stood at the door. "I can sit here if you want, and just let you go."

"No," I whispered and kicked off my shoes, before stepping onto the mat. "Can you show me some?" I watched that tongue dart out, his eyes scan the room and he stepped forward. "Moves I mean?"

"You know moves, Cari, what do you want me to show you?" I shrugged and watched as he came closer. "Okay, well I could teach you a few things I guess."

Things didn't go exactly that way. He didn't really show me much of anything except that he was a lousy faker. I knew there was no way that I was getting the best of him with the moves I was making but moving in any way was taking my mind off the show.

The last move I made, after an hour of going rounds with him, was to take out his knee as he held me from behind, throwing him off balance and before he could blink, he was on the mat below me, as I straddled his waist.

"I'm pretty sure this wasn't what I meant by a workout." I laughed and moved off him. Jensen stretched left arm out as he pulled me down to rest on his chest, wrapping his arms around me as we both stared up at the ceiling "Shouldn't you be going home?"

"Yeah," he said softly as his fingers brushed up and down the bare skin of my arms.

"Jensen," I whispered and watched as he continued to stare at the ceiling.

"Hmm?" I tried to move from his grasp but he groaned in protest and just decided that I was going to lay there with him.

"So, no going home?"

"Ut-uh," he mumbled and his arms tightened, those fingers moving over to my hair and he turned and kissed my forehead.

"I'll be okay, you know." I laughed and felt him shrug. I knew without a doubt that there was no way I was getting rid of him tonight. "So we'll just stay here, and cuddle on the mat?"

"Um-hmm," and who was I to argue with the noises the man was making. Closing my eyes, I let the quietness of the room take over, the beat of his heart right below my ears.

My first episode was done, I was officially on Supernatural.

To Be Continued in Paradoxical Plane (J2 Part 3)


	13. Paradoxical Plane - J2 (Part 3)

Set five weeks after The In-between.

 **Paradoxical Plane – Jensen**

She hadn't been on the set more than six weeks, long enough for me to not get enough of her presence, but I sure as hell wasn't going to tell Jared or Misha about that part. I never wanted to leave her alone, didn't trust any of the guys around her, well…maybe just Jared. In fact, as I looked around the small room, just to the side of the production stage, I could see out the door, the way they sat on the "stairway to nowhere" together, reciting lines, and I felt a twinge of jealously. I should be out there, protecting her, but it was Jared, there was no one safer for her to be with. I just wanted this interview over with.

The two women sat across from me smiled as I leaned back as far as I could to see out the door, but one of them cleared her throat and this snapped me back to attention, making me sit forward, my feet locked under the foot rests of the chair and I smiled, closing my fingers together as I placed them on my lap. It was all I could do to stay focused, which was to dig my own nails into the spaces between my fingers. The pain was keeping me alert, focused.

"Thanks Jensen, for taking the time to talk to us," the one I thought was named Morgan smiled. Yeah, I hadn't been too good with names lately, in fact, faces seem to be fading from my mind as well, with others…specific others, filling the whole space.

"My pleasure," I grinned back and put on my best face. It really wasn't, I was on set I should be shooting, not interviewing. The normal round of questions came at me.

How's my wife, the twins, JJ, everything I could answer on automatic and then they started hitting me with the harder questions. Favorite episode, least favorite episode…. And that one got me. We had just filmed it two weeks ago, and God I had hated it, but I couldn't really tell them about it, because it hadn't aired yet.

"Least favorite," I smiled through it. "Let me think about it a second," lowering my head as though deep in thought, but really I was thinking a back to just those short two weeks ago.

That damn episode "Paradoxical Plane", at least I think it was called that.

Cari's character, Nicole, had already been with them for a month, but longer if you went by the season's timeline, and it was seriously stressful. Of course, Jared and I had known her so much longer. The instant we were on set together things just clicked, even Jared seemed surprised at the chemistry the three of us had together. She was a pain in the ass, even if I never admitted it out loud, but she got Jared and his pranks right away, in fact, she joined in on them on too many occasions.

"Nicole" had become a fast fan favorite so they wrote more episodes with her and she became a staple, she was one anyway as far as we were concerned. A new hunter, a woman, a badass and through Dean, I was able to express what she meant to me in real life. Dean was smitten with this woman, Sam was equally impressed but not on the romantic level that Dean had brought it too, but by the third episode, Nic had been taken, and what they thought, at that point, returned unharmed but the Nic that shared their bunker was not the same one that had left.

She was different, Dean knew this, he could tell by expressions, mannerism and Sam began to pick up on small things, like the way she never seemed to sleep, or the excruciating headaches that grounded her as well as gave her nosebleeds but that was all part of the script, nothing too bloody, nothing too…much. Then they had found out that she wasn't their Nic, at least not all of her, she was almost living on a different plane. THIS Nic, the one in their home wasn't whole, and they needed to find their girl fast.

It had been a whole episode, Cas helping out by getting into Nic's mind, finding the last known location of the woman, and then they were off, moving from Kansas to Utah. Seventeen hours, I had looked it up, I always did when they were on the road with the Impala. While in the timeline it was just more than a few minutes, in life I couldn't get it out of my head that it really would have taken that long to get to her.

They had found the motel, the Mustang, and the real Nic's journal. Really, could it be as simple as that, well maybe for Sam and Dean, but I had read the script and what was coming next was not something I actually wanted to see. Sam hunted around, the hotel manager had said the girl "helped" him with a little issue so he was keeping her stuff safe figuring she would reappear soon, she always had, at least over the last few weeks. Not!Nic which was what I began to refer to her in my head, had only been with them a week, but Nic was out there alone for three.

Using the last journal entry and any maps in the area, they narrowed it down to one location, which was usually Sam and Dean's luck and that was when it happened. The set up for that scene, the one that I had been waiting for, dreading, the one that they found Nic and rescued her, but when Cari disappeared to make-up, there was a look in her eyes.

I didn't understand the reasoning behind the fact that we ran through the scene, got it all set up before she took off, before we knew what we were in for and that scared me, hell it scared Jared. They never in the history of the show kept us in the dark about what was going on but we had other shots to take, other scenes to shoot while she was in make-up.

I did it, without breaking character, without letting Jared in on the fact that it really bothered me the way that they were playing this one out. "Mystery Spot" had been Jared's all-time worst episode to shoot but I didn't have one, not really, I just went with the flow, or maybe it was anytime that Sammy was hurt, or died…yeah that happened a couple times.

They didn't even let us see her on set, she was already waiting with the cameras set on her when they decided it was time. I had never been so nervous in my life. I knew the scene, had shot it with Cari and Jared the day before, but with Cari standing beside me, before…before the stage direction had ME finding HER.

Jared had put a hand on my shoulder offset and looked me in the eyes, even Jared had never seen me so restless.

"She'll be fine, Jensen," Jared smiled, always encouraging, but as my eyes met his, Jared knew that I wouldn't be. "Wait, are you afraid they're going to kill her off?"

"Aren't you?" I snapped, it had been running through my head all day. "It's always how they do it, man, shock and drop. Think about Felicia, about Charlie, she was good one minute, than boom, dead in a bathtub." Jared had never seen me this upset and as my stomach churned, I leaned over, hands on my knees as I felt the color drain from my face. "I can't go in there."

"She's in the next episode, Jen, come on, you read it." Jared was concerned his own heart was going to leap out of his chest, I could tell that by the way he watched me go into full panic mode and he thought about it. God, he couldn't take it either, as much as he hated to admit it, the short, playful actress had grown on him. "Okay, they're calling, Jen we've got to go."

"Yeah," I could only whisper and straighten up. With a deep breath, I moved with Jared. My heart racing as they approached the cabin on the stage.

"Now listen," someone close to him said, "Just run in like you did yesterday, hit your marks and take it from there, don't pay any attention to the cameras, there won't be a cut, we're just going to go as long as you do."

I didn't like the sound of that at all and glanced back at Jared, whose brow went up in an "oh, shit" kind of arch. I could read his face like the back of my hand and Jared didn't like the sound of it either.

How did we do this yesterday? Cari was by my side, Jared right behind me, I thought to himself. Just kick the door in, fool. Wait, right leg or left? The handle is on the right, kick it with your right.

With a deep breath and concentration, I put on my best Dean face, gun in hand and kicked the door in with a forceful right kick, listening to the crack I heard yesterday as it flung open and Jared and I stepped in, pretending that Cari was standing between us. We had done this before, done the whole "hunters are hurt, friends are captured…blah, blah…blah" thing before but nothing prepared me for the sight that I saw when I finally stopped dead, hitting my mark and I looked up.

My heart nearly stopped, my breathing caught in my throat as I felt Jared step up beside me, protective, like he knew it could go either way. There was no way to explain it except the pain that rose in my chest. I looked at her, the pure terror that I felt staring at her caused my chest to ache and I almost dropped the gun, in fact I was pretty sure I did drop it as I walked over.

At the back of the cabin, Cari stood against the wall, her arms tied above her head, that head down with damp hair covering her face. She wore only a tank top and her jeans, but the gruesome special effects make-up was so realistic that I couldn't bring myself to really acknowledge that she was alright, that she was truly okay under all of that blood. I stepped up to her, the camera moved in on my face, at the tears that welled up unknowingly in my eyes when I turned to look at Jared, who had the same scared and sickened look on his.

Breathing heavy, I gently lifted her face by the chin, letting her head rest against one of those raised arms. Jesus, the effects were good, but the scaring, the cuts, on her face were so lifelike that I felt my stomach turn. Trembling lips and a shaking hand, I reached out. I knew I had a line somewhere, but the only thing that came out of my mouth was a whisper, thankfully I was in character and the whisper was that name, otherwise I would have to relive this again.

"Nicci?" I said softly as my fingers moved from her chin across her cheek. What I felt was a new one, the fake blood was still warm and oozing from the slash, one that felt so real that I almost lost it then, but as the blood smeared, I placed my fingers behind her neck and inched closer, listening for breath sounds, waiting for that one moment, but I knew the camera was still focused on me and I really needed a minute.

I closed his eyes, the tear ran down my cheek, placing my forehead, the best I could, against her chest, just under her chin, and I'm not going to lie, that tear, that pain was real and that was when it happened. I knew in the script that Not!Nic and my Nic couldn't exist on the same plane, so the Not!Nic that stood in the doorway was pulled in the direction of her body double. I knew even if I stood there, unable to move that Jared would catch the movement, or what the movement should have been and I could just stay where I was until my cue, which couldn't come soon enough.

With a ragged breath, with a well-practiced deep breath, Nic came to life. I felt her chest puff out against my forehead and she moved ever so slightly that I chanced a glance upwards, as her eyes fluttered open, but she gave me a look of pure fear as Cari wiggled around, trying to get away from me. It was in the script, but I know the fear in her eyes was because of the pain in mine.

I reached up, grabbing the rope that held her up and quickly too her into my arms wrapping them around her. Jared moved, clearing off the table as I picked her up and laid her down. Cari still struggled, still tried to get away but as the ropes came off, her hand came up and she grabbed a fistful, albeit a small one of my shirt and pulled me closer.

"Nicci," I breathed again, just wanting to say her name, her real one, as her blue eyes connected with mine. It wasn't playing, she wasn't acting, she was searching, and her eyes were truly fearful, but it wasn't of whatever monster was supposed to have her in the room, it was that she had hurt me.

Finally they yelled cut and I had to leave. I bolted from the room, finding the nearest bathroom and although I had never been sick on set, I was now setting the record for a first. Jared followed in after me, I could tell by his footsteps, listened to the gagging release of whatever I had for lunch. Jared waited for me to step from the stall and wash my hands, I could see how pale my face was in the mirror and I leaned on the counter, trying to catch my heart.

"Remind me to kick her ass," I whispered and closed my eyes. Jared smiled, a small "hmmph" escaped his lips as he patted me on the back and left the room. Thank God that was it for the day, I couldn't take looking at her like that, not anymore, not after that shock.

I looked up from my thoughts, or trying to drown them out and smiled at the girl in front of me, not sure if I had answered their questions, but since they were thanking me, I was pretty sure that I had been on automatic pilot the whole conversation even as my mind relived that episode. Hugs and handshakes and they were gone, but I didn't leave the room, instead, I sat in the chair and looked out at Jared and Cari as they continued to read over the lines.

I could see her rolling her eyes as Jared laughed, and she reached back, speaking as she grabbed his shirt, a ping of jealousy ripped through me. What they were practicing was her lines with me, and that should have been my shirt, but it didn't matter, because it was just Jared, and I found a smile, somewhere in the midst of the thought of that episode.

I was sucked back into it the moment I sat down, back to the bathroom where I was rinsing out my mouth, back to the sound of the door bursting open ten minutes later and as I looked up from the mirror, and saw her standing here. Most of the fake make-up was gone, most of the "cuts and slices" were now off her face, but the blood smear left from my thumb remained. Cari shook her head, zipping up the hoody that covered the FX make-up that still graced her arms.

I should have been pissed, she expected me to be pissed but the worry in her eyes made it all seem pointless. She didn't step further in, she wanted to but she knew how I could be when I didn't have the control I needed for the situation, and damn, did I feel way out of control. She just stood there, tugging at the shirt, and I watched her, my hands clenching the counter as I tried to clear the images from my mind, watched her like a hawk observing its dinner and then I stopped, and saw a tear rolled down her cheek. My next movement was swift, silent and crushing.

I never intended to do it, in fact it was the furthest thing from my mind, but when my hands cupped her cheeks and my lips crashed down on hers it was the best feeling in the world. A real feeling, an overwhelmingly wrong but oh-so-right feeling that sent my senses soaring. Her lips were soft against mine, and she didn't pull back, she just…she reached out, she grabbed my shirt, her small hands holding on for life as I kissed her. This was not the light brush of a kiss that I had given her at the airport when we left LA, this was a full-blown, heat of the moment, I-want-you kind of kiss and it was…oh my God, it was right.

Why was I kissing her? Why was she letting me? I pulled away, a little confused, a lot turned on, but mostly calm. She was real, her wounds were not, she was standing there before me and breathing.

"I didn't know they were going to do that to you," she whispered, and I felt her body tremble, as her breath breezed across my wet lips, wet from her mouth, from her kiss, and I swallowed hard, placing my forehead against hers, like a damn sappy chick flick. "I'm sorry."

"No," that didn't come out the way I wanted it, deep, lusty and leaned in brushing my lips across hers once again. So wrong, need to stop! "It's not your fault," I mumbled and groaned as I did one more pass, "never your fault."

I managed to release one hand from her cheek and stepped back. The suddenly loss of contact with her made me shake but I needed to… needed to move away. I stood straight, looked down at her, at the emotions that filtered through her eyes, and I caught my breath, stepped passed her and left her standing in the men's bathroom.

That was two weeks ago. Two weeks of trying to keep her at a distance, but loving the fact that she had to be so close when we were on set. Two weeks of reminding myself that I had a wife and three kids at home that I loved beyond anything, even if she was completely aware of the situation. Two weeks of pure, untainted torture as I watched her, wanting her, studying her and knowing there was no way it was going to happen.

That made me smile…torture…I kind of liked it, in a kinky, "Dean-like" way. Look but don't touch, always. Jared and I had the rule, knew the rule, lived it but that one slip had sealed it for me because there was no way I was ever going to get enough of that kind of torture, not as long as she lived, and definitely not as long as she was on set, which was another reason I kept it to myself, because that would be it for her, no matter who initiated it. She hadn't told a soul, wouldn't even confirm it with Jared, who I had confided in, because he was my brother and I needed to tell someone.

With a sigh, I ran my hand across my lips and hopped down from the chair. Shooting for today was over, which was why the two of them were sitting on the stairway, just waiting, practicing, and plans for that evening included not a whole hell of a lot. Cari would go back to her trailer and check in on her kids. Two more days and she would fly home for the weekend. Jared would call on Gen and see how his three were doing. I stopped for a moment, wanting to shake as I approached but I caught all of my emotions up and rolled them into the darkness of my mind. I was going to go home to check on my family before making my way back to set. The three of us had plans, though I was sure Misha was involved somehow, loved the guy and didn't care if he crashed it. Maybe…just maybe I could sneak a few seconds with her alone, not for anything but her company.

 **Not much more – Cari**

The knock on the trailer was barely heard over the noise that was coming from the computer speakers as all three of my kids talked at once. I laughed as they told me their day, teased each other and were just being themselves. As much as I hated being away from them, they were being the greatest kids ever.

I looked up as Jensen stepped through the door, stopped and pointed to see if he should leave, but I shook my head. No need for him to rush off, the kids and I had been at it for about an hour, which was why they were now getting on each other's nerves.

"Guys," I snapped, getting their attention and smiled. "Grab your gram, I've got to get going. I love you."

"Love you," Ryan sounded off and disappeared from the screen.

"Love you Mom," Shain kissed the camera and then wiped it with his sleeve but when I looked at Rowan, I had to smile.

"I love you," I told her and she smiled.

"Bye." And off she went, she was the only one that never said it back, but it was okay because the sparkle in her eyes was all I need. My mom appeared on the screen and laughed.

"How's the weather up there?" She questioned.

"Sucky, as usual. I'll be home this weekend, by Friday night I think." I looked over at Jensen and waved him in, feeling him plop down on the sofa beside me to get into the screen. "We're doing a run though of the next episode tonight, make sure we're all on the same page."

"Are you sure you can't bring that one home?" Mom flirted, which made me roll my eyes.

"Hi Mom," Jensen laughed and blew kisses before he planted one on my forehead and went to raid the refrigerator.

"Jared should be here soon, I think…" I grew serious as I watched Jensen over the top of the computer, my brain running on auto-pilot. I turned back to my mom and smiled. "So, Friday about four at Bradley."

"Gotcha, have fun with those guys, but not too much fun." She made me want to roll my eyes as I felt the blush creep up and Jensen stood from his spot at the fridge where he grabbed a beer. "Love you!"

"Love you too MOM!" I answered and waved as I hung up the Skype call. Jensen smiled as he held out a beer in my direction, almost two months and you would think the guy would remember as I shook my head. "Way to be embarrassing."

"Hey, if she didn't embarrass you, she wouldn't be your mother." Jensen laughed as he sat down beside me again, close enough so that I could feel the heat from his body and the heat in my cheeks. He was looking at me, staring, the way he always had, but this time it was more, so much more and I knew why.

"You were thinking about it again, weren't you?" I questioned and watched as he suddenly got up from the couch, putting the beer down on the table. "I wish you would stop torturing yourself with it."

"Which part? The kiss or the scene?" He growled and I could definitely hear the "Dean" in his voice.

"You were afraid, shocked and pretty well undone, Jensen, it was a reaction." I tried to play it off but I knew better, HE knew better.

"I'm sorry if I've been distant," he whispered and sat down on the coffee table, facing me.

"You haven't been anything you weren't before, Jen," I said and stood to walk by him, but he grabbed my wrist, holding me there as he looked up at me, his eyes pleading and I used my loose hand to run my finger from the middle of his forehead down the side to his jaw. "I'm okay, really."

"I know," he nodded and let his fingers slide down until he released my hand. With a sigh, I walked past him and into the kitchen. Just as I opened the cabinet door, the trailer door swung wide and Jared stepped in with a sheet pizza. He placed it on the counter, smiled as wide as he could and kissed my cheek before grinning towards Jensen. "What is it this time?"

"Hawaiian." Jared shivered and stripped off his coat. "I swear the temperature outside has dropped ten degrees." But his eyes went back and forth between us. "And it's not much warmer in here." I slapped him on the back of his ass as I walked by, a glass of soda in my hand and sat down on my spot on the couch. "Oh, Jesus, have the two of you been talking about it AGAIN?"

"She thinks it's not a big deal, I," Jensen turned to me, "beg to differ."

"It was a kiss, one born from the misguided direction of the crew in their efforts to create a real shocking expression from the two of you." I shrugged and watched as Jared sat down just to the side of Jensen's right knee and he looked between us. "Seriously not a big deal."

"Right, and this is why the two of you can't let it go, because it's not a big deal?" Jared was right, of course, I knew it, Jensen knew it but since Jared was the only one who knew, what were we going to do about it. "So, you're not going to get over it, that's just the facts, but you have to live with it and that is what you have to figure out how to do."

"I say we just have a wild orgy and get it done with," Jensen shrugged, which made us both look up at him in complete disbelief as he raised the beer to his lips. The silence in the room was deafening and that made Jensen smile.

"You really think that's going to help?" I questioned, "an orgy? In my trailer?"

"Who said it had to be in yours?" Jensen turned to look at me, the dangerous heat in his eyes was a bit much but I shook my head. "Could be in mine, could be in Jay's, hell, we could invite Misha along."

"You're an ass!" I snapped as I got up and slapped him on the arm before walking back to the bedroom.

"And you're headed right where I want to go, so we can compromise." Jensen yelled after me, but I could hear Jared scolding him.

"You're doing it again, Jen." Jared mumbled, but the sound traveled and I could hear everything.

"I'm not doing anything, Jay, except trying to get a handle on this feeling in my gut."

That made me sigh, what feeling? The same one I had every time I saw him? A twisting, fevered heat that burned way down low at the sound of his voice, a passing glance, or hell even that little trick he did holding my hand? Ugh, I hated men!

"I'm not saying screw the rule, Jen, but man you have to do something or your friendship, whatever you and she have, which I'm guessing by watching you is pretty intense, is going to come unraveled."

"What we have is what you and I have, a family bond." Jensen tried to defend as he shook his head and grabbed the beer.

"You never look at me the way you look at her," Jared stated, and I wasn't sure if that was jealousy or sarcasm in his voice, but Jensen sighed, I would know that sigh anywhere, and we both knew that Jared was right. We had to do something about it. Grabbing my sweater, I walked slowly back out into the room. "Pizza's getting cold."

"I thought Misha was coming?" I spoke up, as I walked by and without really thing thinking about it, I let my fingers skirt across the solid muscle of Jensen's back, just light enough so that I could feel the fabric and heat but apparently hard enough that it made him sit up straight and watch me move towards the counter.

I grabbed plates from the cabinet, paper ones because who actually likes to do the dishes and waited for them to come up to grab slices. Jensen stepped behind me as Jared stood before me, the counter between us and Jensen reached for something in the cabinets next to the sink. It took me a moment to realize it was the rum that was stashed there and then he was searching the fridge for the soda.

As he turned towards me, I hadn't moved from my spot, enjoying the slice that I held in my hand and he sighed. I felt it then, the feeling of him looking down at me, burrowing his eyes into the side of my face as he placed the bottles on the counter and grabbed a glass.

Jared had gone back to the living room, placed his plate on the table and flicked on the television, and THANK GOD for the noise because it covered the sound of my sudden inhale as Jensen's fingers slipped to the far side of my waist. My breath hitched as I tried to ignore the fact that while his upper half was busy mixing the drink one handed, his lower half, what hid behind the counter, was pressed hard against me, his hand snaking under the hem of my shirt. This boy was going to be the death of me.

I looked up at him, sneered at the playful smile that ran across his lips and felt his fingers fall free. It was payback for the touch on his back, that was all, and that was what I was going to keep telling myself until I was blue in the face and completely believed it. Glancing up at his green eyes as he picked up the cup, I raised my eyebrows, but when I looked down, what I saw wasn't exactly what I had pictured as his body reacted to just how close he had pulled me.

Jensen's face flushed, and never in my life had I seen a man blush before but his face was just as red as the sauce on the pie. I couldn't move, couldn't think of anything as I slowly raised my eyes back to his and shook my head. What the hell were we doing? Teasing each other? It took me a minute to catch my breath, to resist the urge to just trace the zipper of his jeans and I grabbed my plate, moving to the small reclining chair that was far away from Jared, and any seat that Jensen could possibly sit in.

I watched him raise the glass to his lips, his eyes still locked on mine, before the door opened and he turned his attention to the pizza box as Misha stepped in, smiling at the three of us. "Hey, Mish."

"You started dinner without me?" He questioned, shrugging off his coat.

"You were supposed to be here ten minutes ago," Jensen teased and I watched the two men stand eye to eye. The best thing about being the shortest person in the room, watching the giants fight over everything. "Pizza, grab some and let's get moving on this thing."

"Hey sweetheart," Misha whispered as he kissed my head and I watched as Jensen's eyes went dark just for a moment as he settled down across from me in the seat next to Jared. "How are the kids?"

"They'll be happy when I get home on Friday," I smiled and watched the disappointment in both Jared and Jensen's face. "We're working on the next episode, just need to get feeling, placement, plus, Nic's switch is fried so how you guys react to it is key."

Jensen dropped his pizza, and he folded his hands together as he rubbed his forehead, finishing what was in his mouth before he mumbled an excuse me to Jared and left the room. Wrong phrase but Jesus was I going to have to pussy-foot around the whole subject. Jared stood to go after him but I put my hand up and followed him to the only private space in the place, the bedroom.

"What did I miss?" Misha asked.

"Jensen's still a little traumatized by the "Nic" scene two weeks ago." Jared spoke softly.

"I would be too, I heard it was brutal," Misha's voice was very concerned and as I shut the door to the room, I heard him talk about approaching someone about the toll it was taking on Jensen.

I watched as Jensen paced what little space there was in the bedroom that was taken up mostly by the full-sized bed and he looked up as I closed the door behind me, pressing against it. He stopped dead, like I had put superglue on the rugs and he looked me over from head to toe, but even in the loose jeans and oversized sweater, he still looked at me like I was dinner.

"I'm sorry, wrong choice of words," I shrugged, putting my hands behind my back as he shook his head.

"What did I tell you, Cari?" He growled. "It's not your fault."

"This time was, Jen, I could have used a different saying," he moved towards me, just slow enough to make my heart quicken and my knees weak but he was definitely not stopping.

He leaned down, as much as he could with the foot height difference, and placed one hand on the door, holding himself up. I could feel his eyes burrowing into mine, as his breath washed over me, subtle hint of the mint from his toothpaste, the rum in his cup and the sweet smell of the soda that topped it off, and when he was close enough to my ear that I could feel the stubble on his cheek, I couldn't help the shiver that raced through every part of me.

I felt the door quiver under the weight he pressed against it, trying to keep himself just so far away but close enough to make me understand what he was trying to get across. His free hand touched my thigh gently, and my first thought was that he hadn't meant to, that he was just that close and swung, happened to touch, but when it moved higher, high enough to grasp my hips and his fingers spread wide over my ass, I knew it was deliberate. His thumb caressed the skin just above my waistline and I heard the small knock as he put his head against the door, trying with everything not to move.

I uncurled my fingers, and went to slide my arms from behind me but the sudden intake of breath in my ear had me stop.

"Don't," he whispered, the tremor in his voice made every nerve in my body sing and something low in my gut stir. "I swear if you move, I won't…just…please don't."

Jensen begging, pleading, something I never thought I would ever hear, let alone NEED to hear, was sending shockwaves through me as the heat of his body pressed closer. First his feet closed the distance, making it impossible to ignore the rigidness of his jeans, and the breath in my ear quickened when his waist moved against me. I would have come completely undone right then if he had touched me with anything other than that thumb, but he held back, letting the pad of his one digit glide back and forth as if it were the only thing he could manage to do.

"If I tell you something," he managed to whisper, though his words were little more than quick breaths, "will you swear to never tell a soul?"

What would happen if I moved my head, what would the contact do to him, thought about it for a moment, about that plea and decided screw it. I moved just a touch, to let my skin press against his cheek, the roughness of the light brown five o'clock shadow dug in as I let my lips rest against his earlobe. That was almost his undoing, as he moaned deep in his chest, but he stayed perfectly still.

"I swear," I breathed out, barely audible but then I was so close to the man there really was no need for it to be any louder, but he growled, a low tone that vibrated his body and I heard his nails scratch against the door as he closed his hand into a fist.

"I want you," he admitted and that thumb came to a halt, tucked under the hem of my jeans, but that was as low as he got. "I want to more than I have ever wanted anything in my life, right now, more than air and it's killing me."

"Jensen," his name was my plea, because if I admitted that I wanted him too, that would be it, there would be no going back from that, and he seemed to understand, or at least I thought, because he pushed away from the wall.

I thought it was to let go, but at first he didn't, he used that anchored thumb to pull me closer, close enough so he could wrap his arm around me, rest his hand against the small of my back and let me feel just what I did to him, but he never moved his head, still pressed against my cheek, not until he really released me. With both hands on my hips, that thumb gone from its spot, he put an arm's length between us and looked up at me, from under his brow, a dangerous, lustful look and finally his hands dropped away.

That was my cue, my escape and with one quick motion, I had the door open and I was gone. Jared looked up at me as I took the length of the hallway in just a few steps. Misha seemed completely unaware of what was going on, and continued reviewing the lines, but I watched Jared swallow, the confused look in his eyes and I grabbed my coat, just before walking out the door.


	14. What Did You Do?

**What did you do? –Jensen**

I heard the door close, I heard Jared's feet padding towards the room and I backed away, finding the darkened corner to fall into and let the pain just take over me. The agony of being so close, and of pushing her away. Jensen Ackles, the man, the myth, the legend was reduced to sitting in a dark room to cover the tears and the self-hatred that filled me.

The door opened and Jared stepped in as the light from the hallway blinded me, and I moved my hand to cover what he thought was the brightness, but in fact was the evidence of my failure. I had failed to protect her, something I had promised to do, and the thing was, I never thought that thing was going to be me.

"What did you do?" Jared questioned, but I didn't answer, just shook my head. Jared wouldn't give up though, he never gave up and he was soon crouched down in front of me as I sat with my knees up as close to my chest as they could go, the raging evidence of being so close to her was still making everything uncomfortable. "What did you do, Jen!"

This time it was an order to answer, not a question of if I wanted to and my eyes moved up towards his as I turned my head.

"I told her I wanted her," I whispered and watched the look on his face, not of shock but understanding, he was the one who knew just about everything, "wanted her more than anything and then I pushed her away."

"That's why she left?" His words sank in like bricks in water. Cari had left…left the trailer and instead of going after her, I was feeling sorry for myself. "Ackles, what the fuck?"

Jared swearing was nothing new, but that tone of voice told me I had royally screwed the pooch on this one and in response all I could do was moan and let my head sink further down. Jared grabbed me by the side of the head, both sides and brought my head up in those large hands of his, making eye contact nearly impossible to avoid.

"It's freezing out, Jensen." The whole conversation wasn't registering, of course it's freezing out, it was Vancouver in November, but there had to be more to it than what Jared was saying. "She left without her shoes on, you dumbass!"

Who the hell would walk outside in November with no shoes one? So right at that moment I wasn't the brightest bulb in the bunch and it took me a second to figure out just what was going on. I was on my feet, and out the door, shoes on, before Misha had time to blink. Slipping on my coat, I looked both ways before heading left and around the outside of the trailers. Hers wasn't the only ones on the row, Mark, Misha, even Jared's and mine took up the space outside the stage but I did three passes without being able to find her, until I remembered her favorite spot. The roof of my trailer.

Headed back towards my own, unoccupied because I had rented a house large enough for the family and Jared off set, I made it to the back and up the ladder in record time, only to find one lonely silhouetted sitting there staring up at the stars.

"You don't have any shoes on." I barked, probably not the best idea, and watched as she just shrugged. I admit I liked the view from up here too, but on a cold day like this one, it was as slick as oil and I actually crawled over on my hands and knees to get to her. Once seated, my ass instantly ice chilled, I turned towards her and rubbed my hands together. "This is insane."

"Yeah, I think we established that part of our relationship," she answered and turned to look at me. God, did I love the look of her in the moonlight. Growling, I had to shake myself out of it, needed to stop, but not wanting to stop, and I stared at her.

"Look, what happened back there…"

"Stop!" She cut me off, which had me instantly unsure of what to do next. "I swear to God, Ackles, if you say that it was a mistake or that you didn't mean anything you said, I will push you off and cry accident!"

"I wasn't going to say anything like that!" Why did she have to be so damned infuriating? And beautiful, and small, and infuriating? "I was going to say that I was sorry, I shouldn't have cornered you like that, but do you even understand what you do to me?"

"Oh trust me, I understand completely!" This made me pause, and my heart skip. Did she feel the same way? That wasn't possible, was it? "We certainly shouldn't be having this conversation!" Cari turned her head back towards the parking lot.

"I know, but," I sighed, but what was I going to do. "The issue with what happened inside is we didn't have the conversation, Cari, we haven't even talked about it in two weeks. Don't you think we should have at least had some sort of "hey, I kind of kissed you, we should talk" conversation?"

"No," she whispered, and I waited because a "no" like that means that something else was coming and I watched, waited, and nearly drowned in agonizing patience, which I don't have with very many people, save for Misha and Jared, but for her, I could have waited forever. She licked her lips as she looked at me and I nearly melted, moves like that should be illegal. "You shouldn't have walked out after you did it, you shouldn't have tried to brush it off and you certainly didn't have the right to sit there and stare at me for hours on end with that look in your eyes."

"What look?" I watched her smile, the kind of smile that was meant to say "you must be joking" but she just let it sit there for a moment.

"The one you have now, Jen, the completely enthralled with a touch of dangerous and just a hint of you're driving me fucking crazy look." She was honest, brutally honest because she had picked up on everything I was feeling at that moment. Those words stung though, and I had to close my eyes as I stuck my hands in my pockets to avoid reaching out for her. They stung because she was right and they stung because I shouldn't be having them at all. "See, and then there's that look."

"I don't have a look!" I snapped back, couldn't help the smile that crossed my lips because this was our usual banter, not the tense, awkward one we had been playing with.

"Yeah, you do," the smile faded from her face. "It's the guilty look, a guilt about something you haven't even done yet, but have thought so much about that it's literally eating you alive."

Again, the woman was way too wise for her own good. I shook my head. How did she know me so well? I took in a deep breath, reached out and grabbed her hand, tugging her towards the ladder as I slid across the roof.

"What are you doing?" She questioned.

"It's freezing out here, you have no shoes on and if I'm going to get lectured, I sure as hell am going to need a beer, or something much, much stronger." She rolled her eyes at me but followed and with me being the first on down the ladder, I have to say I was certainly enjoying the view, but I wasn't going to let her feet hit the ground. "Come on," I whispered and turned so she was facing my back.

For a moment she hesitated but I felt her arms wrap around my neck as she released the ladder. Her legs wrapped around my waist and it was all I could do not to react to it, as the moan threatened to escape before I moved towards the door of the heated trailer. Funny how they kept it going even if I wasn't there, but it was warm inside and when I set her down on the couch, grabbed a blanket and tucked it around her, I finally got a glimpse of just how cold she was.

"Jesus, your lips are blue." I reached out and touched her cheeks, feeling the chill in them, then her hands, but those weren't too bad because she had them tucked up against her underarms. It was when I took her right foot from under the blanket that she tensed up. "I promise to behave, and you can continue with your lecture."

She watched as I moved, grabbing a pot from the kitchen, large enough for both her feet, as I filled it with luke warm water, nothing too hot, and stepped back towards her. Removing the socks from both her feet, I rolled up her jeans and guided them in, but noise she made when her toes hit the temped water was more than I could take and I moved away quickly, searching for that beer that I wanted.

"Jensen," she whispered, and I closed my eyes for just a moment before looking at her, savoring my name on her lips.

"Yeah," I sat down on the edge of the chair just to her right so that I could stare into her eyes.

"What happened in the bedroom was…" I took a swig of the beer and shrugged.

"Something that shouldn't have happened?" I nodded, "yeah I get it."

"No, that's not what I was going to say," she wrapped the blanket tighter and I watched the blush rush to her face. "The moment is over, the whole thing…I should have told you something, but I couldn't."

"What?" My voice wasn't my own, it was rough, and low and what the hell was I feeling. She looked up at me and it took all I had not to go over and wrap her in my arms.

"It was right," she whispered.

"Right?" I felt all the breath leave my lungs as I stared, not believing what she was telling me but she didn't explain any more, she couldn't because that was when the cell in my pocket rang. With a sigh, I accepted and put to my ear. "Perfect timing, Padalecki, as always."

 _"Did you find her?"_ The concern in his tone set something inside me on edge and I didn't know why or what so I shoved it to the back.

"We're at my trailer, bring the shit with you, we can do it here." I sighed.

"And bring my shoes!" Cari spoke up, and Jared laughed over the phone. I stood from my seat, moved towards the fridge and glanced over at her as she closed her eyes with her head back on the couch.

"Don't bring her shoes, she's not going anywhere tonight." I whispered into the phone and heard Jared sigh. "She's going to sleep in my room, I'll take the couch."

 _"Are you sure that's a good idea, Jen?"_

"None of this is a good idea." I answered and hung up the phone before I could decide that he was right, that none of any of this would ever be a good idea.

 **I can't sleep –Cari**

The problem with drinking isn't so much the drinking part, at least not for me, it's the waking up three hours after the buzz is gone completely awake and sober.

Jared had arrived, Misha following behind and as predicted chaos ensued. We read the lines like there was nothing really to it, we all played our character, Misha did stage direction when he wasn't "Castiel", which was funny because he read it in a tone that just started the ball rolling. I'm not sure if he was supposed to be a French Maid or just another voiceover but damn, it was funny.

I was able to raid the cabinets, found a nice bottle of whipped Vodka, probably stashed back there from one time on set ages ago when Jared, Jensen and I had a sit down, which in their case meant they grilled you until you broke and every time you said a key phrase, you had to take a drink. They soon found that I was a little tougher to crack than they thought, but a Vodka and Root Beer tonight was just something I needed to ease the evening, which turned into three.

Jared had laughed his ass all the way out the door about two in the morning. Misha, who wanted nothing to do with the conversation that included anything to do with sex toys, and I'm pretty sure it was just about the time I put my two cents in, decided it was time to go, that was about one, possibly one-thirty. Which left me alone with a very giggly and happy Jensen.

"You should have let Jared bring my shoes," I mumbled as I stood up from the couch and stepped over the man on the floor as I headed towards the bathroom.

"You can just sleep here, I have to sleep here too." Jensen mumbled and climbed up on the couch. He watched me as I stopped in the doorway, his eyes were always on me so when I looked back at the predatory look in his eyes, it didn't come as a shock.

"As long as you stay right where you are, I'm not sharing a bed with you!" I snorted and stepped in the bathroom. It took me a minute to figure out the door and even then it wasn't really working.

"Just leave it open, it's not like I'm in any condition to come down and watch you." He grumbled loud enough from the couch, where he had moved as I heard his body against the fabric, and the Vodka decided that was a good enough excuse. I left it open, did what I needed to, washed my hands and walked over, slowly towards him, flicking the water from my clean hands down on his face. "Bitch!"

"Finally, someone's starting to get it!" I laughed and plopped myself on the floor in front of the couch, facing the coffee table where the beer bottles and empty glasses filled the space. I could feel his fingers as he began to play with the ends of my hair, not anything unusual because he seemed to have this habit that if he wasn't running his fingers through Jared's, he was touching mine. I leaned my head back, a bit heavy from the alcohol and felt his fingers, three of them, tracing my hairline down to my jaw. "I need to go to bed, nine a.m. cast calls are going to be a bitch."

"Just let me get a blanket first," he mumbled, but I knew there was no way he was going anywhere with that groggy voice.

I tried my damnedest not to laugh, but a small chuckle escaped anyway as I pushed myself up, feeling his hand fall away and swayed my way into the bedroom, where I grabbed a pillow and a blanket from the bed. I didn't need everything that was on there anyway. By the time I got back, he was almost out, almost…and as I slipped my hand under his neck, steadied myself to raise him up, I moved to slip the pillow underneath, but he reached out, grabbing tight to my shirt and I felt myself yanked down. Already unsteady from the heavy feeling in my body, I crashed down on him, chest to chest, his lips a breath away from mine as the hand that held my shirt twisted harder and his free hand found its way to the back of my neck.

His lips felt dry against mine, it was a soft kiss, something gentle and soothing, but I could feel the tip of his tongue as his lips spread, wetting the space between us as he adjusted his angle to press harder. If I was completely in my right mind, I would have pushed away then, but the surge of heat and electricity that came from just his mouth, held me there, at least until I slipped my hand from the back of his neck, and he fell into the pillow. His eyes, those green, almost glowing eyes looked at me with a bit of wonder in them and he gave me a slight smile.

"Goodnight," he mumbled as those eyes closed, and I rolled mine.

The grip on my shirt loosened enough for me to back away and I tossed the cover over him before stumbling backwards. Yeah, there was no way he was remembering THAT in the morning. With a sigh, some really, really pent up energy and a need for release, I made my way back to the bedroom and crawled under the sheets.

Shit! They even smelled like Jensen, way to go me, for picking the side he slept on.

It didn't take long though, even with the scent of him drifting up into my nose, for me to fall into a semi-restful sleep, but then again, there was always the issue of what I had started this little rant with.

By six o'clock I was wide away, staring at the ceiling. The heaviness in my body was gone, the warm and fuzzy from the alcohol had disappeared and there was no indication of a headache or even a hangover. Getting drunk sucked! On top of that, I still had to get back to my own trailer, shower and change before getting to make-up, which gave me less than two hours.

As Bobby would say: Balls!

With a sigh, I slipped out of the warmth of the covers, made my way down the hall to the man on the couch and leaned down, close enough to his ear so that he could hear me without me shouting because that's all I needed was some grumpy Jensen snapping so early in the morning.

"Jensen!" I whispered but my voice was stern. Damn him for not getting Jay to bring my shoes. "Jensen!" There was nothing but a moan, not a sexual one even though it still had the same effect, but a tone of annoyance.

My thoughts were all over the place, and I even thought of calling Jared, just to get me back to the trailer, but it had snowed at some point that night and the thought of freezing my toes off again wasn't the way I wanted to start my morning. As my brain started to function, I smiled. There was one surefire way to wake any man up in the morning, though I was pretty sure I would be playing with death trying it.

There was just enough room on the side of Jensen's hips for me to squeeze my knee between him and the couch, which, with my short legs, didn't take long for me to find myself straddling his waist, just above his jeans, any lower and I was hitting a spot that would be damaging. I leaned down as far as I could, pressed my stomach against his, chest to chest and I whispered against his lips.

"Jensen!"

The reaction I got was instant as his hands came down on my legs, slid up until the spots between his thumb and pointer pressed deep inside the crease of my thighs and hips and he let out a moan that sent fire straight down to where his thumb would surly notice the difference. He pushed back hard, sliding me down right against that spot as his hips rolled upwards and his eyes rolled open. The lust in them was something else, something primal and I wasn't sure if I should have been running for my life or staying completely still so that I didn't get more of an primal reaction from him.


	15. My Life in an Instant

**My life…in an instant –Jensen**

There was no way to describe the feeling of having her that close, in that position, but I had heard her whisper in my ear, bringing me out of the half-sobering sleep I was in. Her breath against my ear was one thing, the heat of her body on my stomach was something all-together intoxicating and when she pressed down to blow against my lips, I didn't have the resolve to stop my body's reaction to her. She smelled like sleep, vodka and Root Beer with an underlying hint of her body wash, and oh so close. I had to move her, the need was too much but my choice of movements was probably the dumbest thing I had ever done, even half-asleep.

My fingers wrapped around her thighs, my thumb pressing against the muscle and inner seam of her jeans as I slid them up across the course material, all the way until I hit the heat, something I was not expecting and I couldn't help the moan that escaped me. Goddamn was she hot. Everything inside me told me I needed to get her away from me as soon as possible, and my only reaction was to push her backwards, the problem was she landed right on the uncomfortable hardness that threatened to rip through my zipper at any given moment. Instinctively, I rolled my hips up to that heat, a little too much, a little too fast and suddenly I was reeling with the desire that flashed through me.

My eyes opened, flashing that need as I stared into her blue ones. Shock was the only thing that seemed to register with her but she didn't move, she couldn't, I couldn't not without bringing this all to a head and letting it take over. Her breath came out in little huffs, still so close to my lips, too close to me and I moved one hand from her thigh, slipped it between us and pressed against her ribs. There was no way to not touch her, but I spread my fingers, brushing against the fact that she was braless and let my fingers feel the racing beat of her heart.

With a gentle push, I had her moving as she sat up, and I was coming with her. This was not what I pictured waking up to, not in the least, but it took every inch of my willpower not to flip her under me. I swallowed, that I remember, and as we finally found ourselves as upright as we could go, there was still the issue of her heat pressing against the raging hard-on I had woken up with. I chanced a look down, where my hand spread across her, and lower to where our bodies connected, before I gently pushed against her thigh, letting her know it was okay to move.

I watched as she licked her lips, another moan escaping my own and her hands moved to my sides, using them as something, I wasn't sure what, but she was pressing against me, sliding herself off my lap, and before I knew what was happening, she was standing by the other couch across the room. I groaned, ran my cooling hands through what little of my hair there was and squeezed my thighs together, the ache in my balls wasn't going away.

"Woman!" I mumbled. "What possessed you to do that?"

"You weren't waking up," she answered, and it was classic Cari fashion because it was nonchalant, like the fact that I was sitting there hotter than hell and ready to explode never came into play. She put her hands in the pockets of her jeans, a little movement that had my eyes focused right there on that spot between them.

"Okay," I grumbled as I found my shoes, because I knew she had to go and I KNEW I needed a shower, a long, long shower. "New rule, no drinking with you," I pointed at her, thinking I was being serious, but she smiled and I melted. "I'm serious, you're dangerous." I stood, grabbing my jacket. "And addictive and…I'm so going to hell!" I mumbled, pretty sure she hadn't heard the last part but part of my hoped to hell she had. "Come on, I'll give you a piggy back home."

"Let me get my coat," I snuck a peek out of the corner of my eyes as she walked back and snagged the coat from the rack where I had put it the night before.

She was looking down as she walked and zipped at the same time and my only thought was how to get my fingers in her hair. Today was going to suck! We weren't on set until that evening, she was on set all morning and her plane left tomorrow. Five days without her. Five…whole…days.

 **The Lower Echelons –Cari**

The door to the trailer was unlocked, and Jensen was kind enough to carry me right through the entrance. Scratch that, the fact of the matter was that he insisted there was no way he was putting me down until my feet, even in his warm, oversized socks, were touching my carpeted floor.

I don't know why I was letting myself do these things, but when I slid down from his back, my hands ran over the muscles that rippled there. If I wasn't overheated before, I certainly was by then. Trying to control my breathing was difficult enough, but when he turned towards me, the sleep still in his eyes and reached out to brush my hair from my face, I felt it catch.

His fingers were cool from the weather and shook, though I'm not positive on the why, as they caressed their way back behind my ear. Quickly, I reached up, taking his hand in mine. He needed to stop touching me or neither of us was going anywhere. I stepped back, out of his reach and let go of his hand.

"Go back to bed, Jensen," I whispered and watched as he gave me a quick half-smile. He nodded, only slightly, and turned towards the door. I never saw him stop, never noticed he had even paused but suddenly I was in his arms again, feeling the strength of them wrapped around me, his fingers spread across my back and his lips pressed against my forehead, before he just as quickly let me go and disappeared out the door.

A deep sigh spread through my body, shaking every part as I reached out and locked it with a snap. If he got back in, if he somehow got close enough, I would have been the one kicking myself in the ass afterwards because everything was too heated. I knew exactly what I needed, a nice… long… cold… shower. But cold wasn't going to cut it this morning, so I cranked up the heat, stripped down and began my day, with one person on my mind.

The irritating banging on the door told me one thing, I was running late, so I snatched up my coat, my cell and my keys before opening the door wide. Glenn, a short, thin man with glasses smiled up at me as I pulled the heavy coat on and followed him to make-up. I guess I wasn't that late, I still had time for the girls to treat me to a coffee before getting to wardrobe and heading out on set.

The motel scene that we were doing was about five miles outside of town and a billion miles away from Jensen, who hadn't sent a text of any kind since we parted ways, which was good because I had to get into character and Nicci wasn't smitten with Jensen, no, in fact she was more taken with Dean than I cared to admit, but that was the way that the writers played it out.

The sun was up, the clouds had parted and the snow on the cars gave it just the right kind of feel as I looked around the set, greeted by the production crew that either followed me around or gave me some direction, but it was Davey that walked up to me and smiled. I don't know what kind of cheesy-ass grin it was but it told me he was up to something.

"Hey short-stuff," he grinned, and I stared up at the height difference, the man only topped me by about three inches which made me smile.

"Speak for yourself," I played back and watched him pull out his stack where he flipped through and gave me a good view of our next move.

"So, you're hotwiring this one and off you go, but take leeway on what you need, I'm sure by now you have Nic down to a science and, well the boys said to let you have at it." He was all smiles on this one, the boys giving me permission.

"Oh, great, yeah, because that always goes over well." I snorted and watched as he giggled. Not sure what the hell he was giggling about but he walked off and left me to pace, a little something I did just before the call and as I stared up at the sun, I closed my eyes. This was going to be a fan-freaking-tastic day. I looked over at Davey and nodded.

"Set!" he yelled…and, "Action!" the slate clapped down and I moved, slowly closing the door with a click.

Stopping to glance around, I noticed the Impala before me but there was no way that Dean was going to let me take off with his baby, I just had to find a different ride. Stepping quietly across the parking lot, the hood of my jacket up enough to cover my ears, but it keep my face where the camera could see it. Sliding through the bushes, I caught the instant attention of the cameras that were mounted there as I scoped out the diner parking lot.

Gingerly I moved, my hip touching the front, or back of each car, depending on which way it was facing, just to see if it was armed. I passed a pick-up taller than me, a mini-van that there was no way I was touching, some little electric hybrid thing and finally ran my fingers along the baby blue paint job of a new Camaro. Giving it a nudge mid-grill, I listened, looked around and backtracked to the driver's side window.

"Why, hello, beautiful." I smiled and reached into my belt.

My eyes moved as I kept an eye out for any signs and that meant not only of cops, passer-bys, or generally nosey people but also for the boys, because they could wake up at any second and notice I was missing. With the thin metal wedge in my hand, I made quick work of the automatic door and popped it open slowly. No alarm on the outside, none on the in and I smiled as I slid behind the wheel.

The camera panned, Julio right beside me, focusing in as I found my way under the wheel. The first pop was the low-jack, which I took a peek at before dropping it outside the door and then I grabbed for the steering column. Wires hung out, I grabbed the two that I needed and clicked them together, the motor purred and the car vibrated beneath me.

"You don't even know how to hot wire a car," I mimicked in a snotty voice, but sat back and laughed. "Jokes on you, Dean!"

With the engine going, I closed the door and shifted as I pulled out into the parking lot, Julio stepping away as the other cameras caught the action.

I stopped as I turned the corner, just out of sight and waited as I heard "cut" come from Davey on a bullhorn, got to love when they do it old fashion.

It was during the set-up of the next scene that my phone came to life.

JarPad: HEY BUBBLEGUM BITCH! Jared always knew how to start my morning.

I'D REALLY HATE TO SEE HOW YOU GREET YOUR WIFE IN THE MORNING. I laughed as I replied.

JarPad: HAR, HAR…I ONLY CALL YOU PET NAMES BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!

WHATEVER CANDYFIEND, WHY ARE YOU EVEN AWAKE?

JarPad: I WOKE UP THIS MORNING WITH MY HAND WRAPPED AROUND MY... (and that was all I read on that text).

WAY TO BE A PERV FIRST THING JAY!

JarPad: HA, YOU LOVE IT AND YOU KNOW IT.

I'D LOVE YOU, BUT I HATE YOU TOO MUCH.

JarPad: OUCH, BITCH MUCH?

YOU KNOW JEN CALLED ME THAT LAST NIGHT

JarPad: I'M SURE THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS HE CALLED YOU LAST NIGHT ;-O

SCREW YOU PADALECKI!

JarPad: J MISHA'S ON HIS WAY, I MADE HIM STOP FOR COFFEE FOR YOU. I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE MY CHAI. I shivered at the thought, I really actually hated the stuff but Jared was always so fond of bringing it to me that I had to accept.

AS LONG AS YOU TOLD HIM TO DOUBLE SHOT EXPRESSO IT, I THINK WE'LL BE GOOD.

JarPad: OH BABY, YOU SAY THE HOTTEST THINGS! Yeah, I'm thinking Jared didn't get enough sleep, but it was almost noon already and I was sure he had already had more than his share of coffee. I ADDED A FEW SPECIAL SHOTS OF MY OWN.

UGH, JARED! THAT'S FREAKING GROSS! I replied rolling my eyes. Damn, this one and his jokes were going to kill me faster than Jensen. I'M PRETTY SURE I'M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR YOUR KIND OF CHAI THIS MORNING.

JarPad: OH REALLY, NOT MINE, BUT I CAN GUESS WHOOOOSSSEEE! Really, we're playing that game.

I HAVE TO GO DO SOME ACTUAL WORK, IF YOU WANT TO COME DOWN AND PLAY THAT GAME WITH ME, TALL MAN, JUST BRING IT! I laughed and sent. His reply was classic.

JarPad: CHICK, STOP PROPPING ME, UNLESS YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE GOOD ON YOUR WORD.

OH, HONEY, YOU COULDN'T HANDLE WHAT I BRING TO IT.

JarPad: WANNA GIVE IT A WHIRL? WARDROBE TRAILER, TWO HOURS. He was joking of course because in two hours they had to be on set and I was off for the night. I stopped for a second and thought of that. Crap, what was Jared trying to prove?

TTYL JAY, MY CAR IS CALLING ME.

JarPad: YEAH, YEAH, HAVE A BLAST, BB!

Would it be a bad thing to just freaking tell him to bite me and get it over with? I shook my head, and looked up just in time to see Misha approaching with a coffee dressed in his finest blue accountant suit. He looked me over, from head to toe and shook his head.

"You look like shit!" He grumbled, handing me the cup.

"Ha, you should see the other guy!" I exclaimed but then the smile was wiped right off my face. "That came out so wrong!" I mumbled and taking a sip to quickly shut my mouth. It was actually coffee. "Jared said he was sending you with Chai."

"And, I know that you don't really like it, so I got coffee instead," Misha smiled proudly, "I heard you order it once when we went out for breakfast a couple weeks ago, I hope it's right."

"You are a saint, has anyone ever told you that?" I asked as I kissed him quickly on the cheek. "Anything at this point would be better than that crap that Jared keeps giving me." I smiled. "Thank you." I smiled, holding up the cup. "What I said about the other guy…"

"I know, it's just a saying," Misha and I leaned against the Camaro while we watched the crew do their thing. "Can I ask you a question though?"

"Is it going to break my plausible deniability clause?" I bantered back and watched the grin sneak up on his face.

"No, not in the least."

"Okay, so ask away."

"Are you okay?" This kind of hit me, not that he was asking but Misha was one of the sweetest men I knew and one of the biggest kids, besides Jared, so the concern in his voice put me off a bit.

"Okay about what?"

"In general, I mean, you've seemed a bit off this week." I sighed and looked down at the cup as I stuffed my free hand in my pocket.

"I guess it's the going home to the kids thing, I haven't seen them in weeks, and now I have five days to be home and get shit in order and then I'm flying back here." I paused and blinked a few times before looking up into his bright blue eyes. "Mish, what if I can't come back, what if it's too hard?"

"We all feel that way, trust me," Misha sighed. "It's one of the main reasons why we all have houses here and in the states."

"Yeah, I can't swing that," I shook my head. "And, their father won't let them leave the state again, not to come all the way to Vancouver…"

"Then you keep doing what you're doing or you give up." I smiled up at him, just a "yeah like that's going to happen" kind of smile and his lips did this crazy thing. "See, I get it."

I finished off the coffee pretty quick and aimed for the garbage can, not more than a few feet away, tossed and got a basket, raising my arms. Misha smiled and the two of us moved towards the second Camaro, one set up with cameras for an inner shot.

"Shall we do this, my friend?" He asked and I gestured towards the passenger's side of the car.

"After you, sir." I bowed and laughed as he bowed back and the two of us got in.

The scene was simple, me driving and Cas appearing in the passenger seat, pretty easy to do, except for the fact that we had to run the lines more than a million times because Misha was either in the picture, the top of his head not low enough in the seat, which was pretty uncomfortable for the 6 foot tall man, or I was laughing too hard that he couldn't keep a straight face.

I turned right to Julio, whose camera was on me and gave him the widest grin. "This guy is going to get me fired!" And Julio laughed as we set the scene up again. "Don't stop rolling, we'll get this, even if I have to kick him from my seat."

Reset, take one billion. On screen you would see the road whipped by as the Camaro moved quietly down the back roads between somewhere and nowhere, but here I was finally alone, finally able to concentrate on something besides the fact that Sam and Dean were back at the room and worried about me. Flashbacks to our argument would be inserted here, but as I stared blankly in thought out the window, I turned to switch the station on the radio and noticed the man beside me. Grabbing the wheel with both hands, I swerved and came to a screeching stop.

"Jesus, Cas!" I snapped and reached out, slapping him on the leg, something he should have winced from but I hit the seat instead, which I learned imitated the sound of me hitting his leg, (which was our downfall on the last takes). Cas turned his head in my direction and watched as I caught my breath, staring back in front of me to steady my nerves before looking back at him. "I swear to high Heaven, I'm going to put a freaking bell on you."

"What would bells do?" Cas question and I wanted to smile, (another reason we didn't make it through the last few) but I just took a deep breath.

"They'd at least give me warning before you give me a heart attack," I answered and ran my hand over my face. "Look, never mind, what exactly are you doing here and how did you find me?"

"The snow washed off part of one of your wards," Cas replied, nonchalantly as if there was nothing wrong with it. "It made it easy to track you."

"Fan-freaking-tastic!" I grumbled and turned completely towards him. "Be honest, did the boys send you after me?"

"No, Sam and Dean don't know I'm here, would there be a reason for them to be concerned?"

"I just jacked a car, took off without telling them and I'm on my way to a place I shouldn't be going, I'm pretty sure there's quite a few reasons." I gave him a sarcastic grin but it faded as he looked out the window. "I know you don't like to lie to them, Cas, but I need you to deny ever seeing me today if they call you to ask."

"I don't understand, Nic, if you're in danger, don't you think Sam and Dean would be more help if they were here?" I gave him a small, twisted smile.

"The only thing that could come from them being here is me getting them killed." I sighed and shook my head. "No, it's better for them to not be here. They're safer at the motel." I shrugged at him and moved on. "So we've established that my Enochian sucks, that doesn't tell me what brought you here in the first place."

"I need your help."

"Would it be too much to repeat your own words back to you?" His brow creased as if he didn't understand why. "Why me? Why not them?"

"You have a certain…skill set…that I need for this particular mission."

"Jacking cars?" I asked sarcastically.

"Your knowledge of dead languages and Greek Mythology would be helpful in solving a problem I seem to be having." This caught my attention.

"What's going on, Cas?" He took a deep breath and looked at me like he was about to open a whole new can of worms just in time for Davey to yell cut. And Misha let out a breath, relaxing his face as I burst out laughing. "That was harder than I thought."

"At least you didn't slap my leg again," Misha mumbled, rubbing his thigh, as he smiled in my direction, "I think I have welts."

"Baby!" I answered and rolled my eyes, but that did nothing but set the man beside me off in a roar of laughter. I turned towards the camera and looked at Julio, rolling my eyes.

I was sitting on the edge of a bench when the first text came through, it had to be about four o'clock, which meant I had heard from Jared more than Jensen but that first text cracked a smile on my face wider than the Grand Canyon.

JA: HEY SEXY THANG!

And that was definitely a new one, which only meant one thing.

JARED GIVE THE MAN BACK HIS PHONE!

JA: HEY, WAIT, HOW DID YOU?

ONE: HE NEVER CALLS ME SEXY AND TWO: THANG? REALLY? WHERE ARE YOU GUYS?

JA: WARDROBE TRAILER, WAITING FOR YOU AND YOU'RE LATE.

OMG! JARED, GIVE HIM BACK THE PHONE.

JA: COME ON, BB, YOU STARTED IT, YOU HAVE TO FINISH IT! The next message that came through was definitely not from Jared, which was great because I was about to have a heart attack.

JA: BIG DUMBASS STOLE MY PHONE

YEAH, I GOT THAT.

JA: SORRY I HAVEN'T TEXTED ALL DAY, HAD TO GO HOME AND HELP WITH THE TWINS AND JJ

NO NEED TO EXPLAIN, I GET IT.

JA: ARE YOU STILL ON SET?

YEAH, ONE MORE SCENE TO SHOOT, KIND OF NEED YOUR DEEP, SEXY VOICE FOR THAT ONE.

JA: HOW DO YOU GROAN ON A TEXT?

OH COME ON, STOP BEING A BABY AND GET DOWN HERE SO I CAN GO HOME AND GET SOME SLEEP, LAST NIGHT IS KILLING ME.

JA: YOU? LAST NIGHT IS KILLING YOU? DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS TO TAKE A SHOWER AFTER I DROPPED YOU OFF?

I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THE SHOWER WOULD HAVE HELPED. LOL

JA: SCREW YOU GRAY! SCRATCH THAT, JUST WAIT UNTIL I GET THERE AND THEN YOU AND I ARE GOING TO SIT DOWN AND HAVE A LITTLE CHAT ABOUT THIS!

BEFORE OR AFTER JARED GETS ME IN THE WARDROBE TRAILER?

JA: WHAT?

ASK HIM, I'M SURE HE'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT. NOW MOVE YOUR ASS!

I slipped my phone back in my pocket and walked over to where Misha was standing, his face full of curiousness as he looked me over. Taking a deep breath, I stood beside him and watched as the crew did what the they had to do, which was set up the park bench for the next scene, and position the Camaro just right so it looked like we were enjoying the nice, freezing snowy morning in whatever town we happened to be in.

"Question for you, Mish," I started and looked up at him. "What do you think about dinner tonight?"

"I'm on set until at least, well, until it gets done," he answered and slipped his hands in his pockets. "Don't want to be alone tonight, do you?"

"No, I'll just go out of my tree, the boys will be on set all night, I have to pack and I'm not really looking forward to spending it alone. I figured with one scene, maybe you'd be available to listen to me whine." I smiled up at him and watched as he smiled back, shaking his head.

"I'll text you as soon as I'm done, and then maybe we can go into town, so just pack when you get back and it will be one less thing you'll have to worry about." I felt his hand on the back of my neck, gently rubbing between my shoulders. I don' t think they knew how hard it was, at least they had their wives to go back home to as well as their children. It was just going to feel a little different to not be with them, but I really missed my kids.

"You know what's great about this whole deal?" I laughed. "I get a big brother out of it."

"By what? A whole year?"

"Irish twins." I grinned.

"We're not under a year apart; we're just over a year." He corrected, and I looked up at him crushed.

"Way to stomp my dreams, Krushnic!" I snapped at him, using his real last name and this got a chuckle out of him. "Doesn't matter, I've got you no matter what, so, I'm good."

"Yeah, and I've got you," he's arm moved and he pulled me to his side, holding me close enough so I could wrap my arms around his waist and he started moving towards the set, pulling me along, neither of us letting go.

The last scene was set, Castiel explained to me just what was going on with the whole Greek Mythology/Dead language deal as we sat on the bench, actually he sat on the bench, I sat on the back of it, my feet on the seat as I leaned forward, listening, watching the children play in the fresh snow and when he was done all I could do was shake my head.

"What the hell, Cas," I sighed and pushed my hair back from my eyes. "Look, I can't promise my full attention, but if you can get me what you got, I'm sure I could translate something out for you. As long as you promise to keep to our agreement."

"Right, I can't tell Sam and Dean anything about where you're headed or how to get in contact with you." Cas stood and turned to me. "I can't say that I agree with it, Nic, but this is your choice."

"I appreciate that, Cas, I really do." His lips went to a solid thin line and he nodded. "I'll see you soon."

And with that he was "gone", stepping out of frame just as the cameras panned back. It was then that the cell phone in my pocket rang and I brought it up to look at the name on the screen. "Dean Calling" and I closed my eyes as I moved it to my ear, having it set to accept as soon as it touched my skin.

"Yeah," I said softly.

"Don't "yeah" me, Nic, where the hell are you?" Jensen's voice echoed on the line, and the small microphone from the camera picked up every word, just like they were listening in.

"Somewhere, and you can tell Sam to stop trying to track the call, I turned off the GPS, and set it up so it's bouncing off about fifteen different towers." I answered and stood from the bench making my way back to the car. "You can't come with me on this one, Winchester! I wish you would understand that."

"I understand that you must have a death wish, Nicci." He growled the same old "Dean" sounds that I had become used to. I slipped behind the wheel, started the engine and slowly pulled out of the park. "Please, just come back."

"No, Dean, not this time." I pulled the phone away from my ear and pressed the end button before I tossed the phone out the window and drove away.

"CUT" was yelled somewhere as I rolled quickly passed the mark and pulled it over. Glenn ran up with my phone and handed it to me. Thank God this thing was indestructible. But as I held it there, I thought about the voice on the line and how much it had made my heart jump just to hear him say those words, even if it was a line from the script _. Please, just come back._

I slipped away, ducking between the buildings, trying to get away from my thoughts as I leaned against the building and closed my eyes. After a few deep breaths, I let the tears go, I was done for the day, done holding back, done with my scenes, done with the emotions that leaving tomorrow was bringing, both joy and pain, and I could feel the tears running down my face.

I never heard the footsteps, never noticed the shadow, the emotions were all consuming until the hands were pulling me close and the ever protective arms wrapped around me.


	16. It's Scary and It's Terrifying

**It's scary, and terrifying and… -Jensen**

I had watched her round that corner unguarded, without telling a soul where she was going and it brought out that protective streak in me. Jared, who was standing beside me, his eyes on the back of my head, stared at me as I took step towards the small alleyway.

"Jen, what's up?" He called out.

"Cari!" I answered and turned to him, trying to think of what to say but he just looked at me, the understanding in his eyes. "I'll be right back."

It was quiet and I watched from the corner as she stood against the wall, her eyes closed and her head tilted back but what little sun there was left seemed to shine against her cheeks as the tears feel from her eyes. I swallowed my own emotions, tried my hardest to just let her be but they started to come faster, and I watched her lips tremble with a pain I couldn't stand anymore.

I walked over, slowly, quietly, like a cat even with my boots on, but the only real thing I remember is my hand slipping around the base of her neck, under her hair, and my arm wrapping around her waist as I pulled her closer to me, so close that I could feel her shaking under my touch. Her small hands came up, pushing my coat aside as they searched, for what I'm not sure, but I could feel the grip as she moved aside the layers and latched on to my tee-shirt, a dark gray one that I wore.

Her hands were cold even through the material but it didn't take long for them to begin to warm up as she pressed close. I lowered my head, placing my cheek against the top of hers and took in her scent. She smelt like the season, almost like the threat of snow, mixed with some minty shampoo but underneath all of that was just the scent of her, the one I remembered from the first time I held her in LA, and my lips moved to caress her hair.

"Shh, Sweetheart, it's okay," I did my best to ease her crying, but by then she had already stopped, she was just standing, her weight against me, not that it was even enough to make me budge, but I wanted her closer. The hands that held me slowly release and her arms wrapped completely around me, taking the back of my shirt between those small fingers and I could feel her shivering stop. "What's going on?"

"I have to go," her voice was muffled hiding in the coat, but my ear was close enough to her to make out every word. "I have to go and I don't know if I'm strong enough to leave or strong enough to come back."

This admission caught my breath, and I lifted my head. How could she not be strong enough to come back? How could she not be strong enough to leave? She was one of the most… I could feel the tears in my own eyes, and I tried to steady my heart as I moved my hand from the back of her neck to her chin, lifting it with the edge of my thumb.

"I've never meet anyone as strong as you," I whispered and watched the way the light shined off the tears in her eyes. "You'll go home, and love your kids, and you'll come back and I'll be right here waiting, and we'll get through this, you and me."

"You make it sound so simple," her lips quivered as a tear slide from the corner of her eye and I wiped it away with my thumb.

"It is simple, we'll make it work, I promise." The urge to lean down and just brush my lips to hers was strong, so strong that I managed to stop myself by placing my forehead against hers instead and I watched her close her eyes. "You trust me, right?"

"Probably more than I should," she laughed, which was a good thing to hear, that laugh, even if it did make me weak in the knees.

"Leave your door unlocked for me." I asked, and as much as it might sound it, that wasn't an easy question to let out. It was a confirmation of something, something I had been keeping inside for so many weeks, for months. She looked up at me as she stepped back, a bit of confusion in her eyes. "It's not what you think, just please, say you'll do it."

She hesitated a bit, not a good sign for me but, then she spoke. "I made dinner plans with Misha, just probably some late night pancakes and milkshakes," she answered, her resolve slowly leaving, "but, yeah, I'll do it."

"Pancakes?" I asked and let the crooked "you're joking" smile twist up my lips. "With Misha?"

She ground her teeth, her strength returning as she released my shirt with one hand and wiped at her tears. "Listen, it's not my fault you're on set all night, Ackles, I need my pancakes before bed!"

I laughed as she snapped at me because for all the badass moments she played, there was no way she was pulling of being mad about pancakes. I pulled her close, kissed her head and shook mine as her other hand released me and I stepped back.

"Okay, so, I'll kick him off set as fast as possible so you can have your pancakes," as the two of us headed for the entrance, I took her small hand in mine. Jared stood there, arms crossed, feet apart, back to us, like he was watching over the people around him or guarding the fact that the two of us were having a moment and just as I reached him I smiled. "And about that whole wardrobe thing, you told me that you would try that with me first. I even had the right ties picked out to make sure there wouldn't be marks on your wrists when I put you up on the hooks."

This got Jared to whip around, shock on his face as he stared right at me. Cari burst out laughing, which did nothing for the authenticity of the comment but the look on his face was pure horror.

"I was kidding about the trailer." He said in defense, but then he watched Cari's grin as she dropped my hand, kissed me on the cheek and walked by, patting Jared on the stomach as she did. "Dude, seriously, are you going to…in the trailer?"

"That's what you get for texting her that shit from MY phone." I said as I poked him in the shoulder while I walked by, and Jared turned to follow. "What if someone had seen that?"

"What if someone had heard THAT?" Jared stated walking beside me. I smiled at him and winked. "Jen, that wasn't funny."

"To see the look on your face, it sure as hell was!" I laughed and stopped dead so that I could look up at him. "Text my girlfriend that stuff again and you and I are going to go five rounds." Another completely shocked look on his face and I was dying laughing. "I'm kidding, you know that right?"

"Girlfriend?" Jared's horrified face turned red and a smile formed as he looked after the woman in front of us who was walking…in my opinion, it's called sashaying…her way towards Misha, before turning back to me. "What the fuck, Jensen?"

"Wow, you know, you swear to damned much!" I replied giving him my best grin. "Girlfriend, you know. Girl…friend…get it?"

"Oh my God, you're asking to die a slow, painful death." He said shaking his head, trying to catch my eye. "What if someone hears you?"

"You sound like a freaking broken record, Jay, who cares if anyone hears me!" I snapped, not pissed off but I needed to get a point across to him. Jared rolled his eyes, he knew the feeling, he cared for her just as much as I did, or so he thought. "Listen, if it gets out of hand and people start to talk, we'll talk to her about it, we'll play the parts, or we'll switch."

"Like my wife or yours is going to like that at all, actually," he paused, smiling, "they might."

"I'm not talking THAT part, Ass, I mean the protective part." Not that I was playing but I knew that I could trust Jared and if it meant not being around her to save her ass and ours, I was all for it. "Let's just go get this done. Apparently she has dinner plans with Misha."

"Oh, now it's dinner with Misha? What the actual hell?" Poor guy was so confused as we stepped up to the Impala.

"I know, right, wardrobe trailer with you, back alley with me and now dinner with Misha." Jared's eyes just got wider the more I said, like he was the one that just couldn't handle the ongoing joke, or the fact that I wouldn't shut up about it. "Jay, relax, okay."

"Yeah," he nodded, "okay."

My phone went off as he finished taking a few deep breaths and I looked down at it for a second.

Cari G: I'M HEADED BACK TO THE SET. I NEED A NAP, SOME ASS KEPT ME UP ALL NIGHT WITH VODKA.

I'LL KICK HIS ASS FOR YOU. I replied and grinned. REMEMBER.

Cari G: TRUST ME, I'M NOT FORGETTING, JUST MAKE IT QUICK WITH MY DINNER BUDDY.

RIGHT, BECAUSE THE WHOLE IDEA OF MISHA GETTING YOU ALONE MAKES ME FEEL TOTALLY AT EASE.

Cari G: AFRAID HE'LL USE HIS ANGEL MOJO ON ME?

I'M AFRAID OF A LOT OF THINGS, ANGEL MOJO, NOT ONE OF THEM.

I looked up as I put the phone down on the roof of the car and looked over at her smiling face as she slipped into the black SUV. Clif was going to take her back and I watched as she winked in my direction. Once the car rounded the corner, the smile faded from my face and I looked up at Jared. His eyes creased in a look of sadness, probably a mimic to my own and then I tapped the roof of the car.

"Let's do this." I whispered, snatched the phone from the car and turned towards the rest of the crew and Davey who was headed our way.

I vaguely remembered cut being called, and Misha turning from his mark. It had been an exhausting few hours but we had finally gotten what we needed, some big emotional scene that had nothing to do with Nic but everything to do with her at the same time. All the while I was pulling on the emotions I was feeling about tomorrow. Five days and still two days of shooting for us left in this week. We would be on the set Friday, except when we dropped her off at the airport, and then Saturday as well before getting some sort of break on Sunday and Monday, and then we began again on Tuesday. Late Tuesday night her plane would come in and all I could seem to process was the flight out and the flight back.

Misha stepped up to me, closer than I realized and put his hand on my shoulder as I leaned my hands on the trunk of the car. I smiled up at him, but couldn't shake the feeling in my gut, the need to see her and I noticed the look in his eyes.

"Make sure you take her to get the best pancakes in the city." I whispered and watched as he smiled.

"Nothing but the best for our girl, but Jensen, she is coming back, no matter what she feels right now." I took a breath and the two of us walked along the small enclosed streets ones that were guarded off by crew, even with the people squatting across the street to watch, I felt completely safe and I knew they couldn't hear me. "She's confused, she loves her kids, wants them here but he's not going to let them come."

"Because he's an asshole," I voiced and watched his face as he shook his head.

"Because he's a father and this might be a bit too far for him to deal with."

"Look, I get it, but it's her hurting that bothers me, not his girlish personality." I was angry, not that I knew the guy but that didn't stop the irritation from creeping up on me. "You're right, she'll be back, I just wish I could help her, maybe bring her kids closer."

"We all sacrifice something." Misha shrugged and watched as I stuffed my hands in my pockets. "Best pancakes in the city, gotcha."

"Thanks Mish," I whispered and watched as he nodded and the car pulled up to him. With a pat on the shoulder, I turned and walked back towards Jared, who was laughing down at his phone. Misha drove off, and just before I got to Jared, my phone vibrated. I smiled as I looked at it, then up at Jared.

Cari G: YOUR BOY IS DRIVING ME NUTS! OH, BTW, GOOD MORNING… AGAIN! FUCK, I SHOULDN'T HAVE FALLEN ASLEEP. I NEED FOOD.

Questioning exactly what was going on, I slipped the phone in my pocket without replying and stepped over to Jared, who looked at little stunned when I took it away from him. Jared reached over my shoulder as I started back at the beginning.

JP: WAKE UP BB, MISHA IS ON HIS WAY

CG: CALL ME BB ONE MORE TIME PADALECKI AND I SWEAR…

JP: YOU'LL WHAT? COME DOWN TO SET AND STEP ON MY TOES

CG: I CAN SWING MY LEG HIGHER THAN YOU KNOW.

JP: OH REALLY, DO TELL.

CG: GOD ARE WE BACK ON THE PERVERT THING AGAIN.

JP: YOU CAN'T HELP A GUY FROM BEING CURIOUS…SO…HOW HIGH?

CG: ROUND HOUSE KICK TO THE CHIN MIGHT KNOCK YOU THE F OUT.

JP: :-o

CG: DON'T OH FACE ME. STOP GOOFING AROUND. WHERE'S JENSEN?

JP: TALKING TO YOUR HOT DATE. YOU THINK YOU COULD REST IT ON MY SHOULDER.

CG: AND WHY WOULD I DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

JP: BETTER ACCESS.

CG: SCREW OFF BOY! YOU NEED TO GET YOURSELF SOME AND STOP BUGGING ME.

JP: WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M TRYING TO DO?

CG: GET YOURSELF IN A WHOLE HELL OF A LOT OF HOT WATER.

JP: YOU THINK THAT'S GOING TO WORK? I'LL EVEN SHOW THESE TO JEN, I THINK HE'D GET A KICK

CG: DO YOU REALLY?

JP: CALLED YOU HIS GIRLFRIEND.

CG: SO YOU THINK ITS WISE TO HIT ON HIS "GIRLFRIEND"

JP: OH, I'M NOT HITTING… AND STOP PROPPING ME, DAMMIT.

The smile spread across my lips and I couldn't help but look at him as he leaned back on the Impala, his own grin stretching the bounds of his face. Leave it to him to get me a very vivid picture and then leave the whole conversation wide open.

"I can't believe you text this shit to her all the time," I laughed and handed him back the phone.

"I can't believe she still responds to it," he stuffed the phone in his pocket, "but honestly, I think she knows I'll show it to you, so that might be the reason for some of those answers."

"Like the wardrobe trailer?"

"You have to admit that was pretty funny," I rolled my eyes and sighed, if anyone knew what we texted about, even back and forth to each other, there would be some issues, but this really took the cake. "Okay, so now you at least know she can get her foot up to your shoulder."

I rolled my eyes, in fact, I swear I rolled my head as my whole face turned red. "Fuck you!"

Jared burst out in such a laugh that he was sitting on the floor not more than a minute later trying to catch his breath, but every time he looked up at me, it got louder and started again. Oh, this was definitely going to be a long night.

 **Breakfast for Dinner – Cari**

If the rousing text battle with Jared wasn't enough to get my night going in the total wrong direction, the reply back from Jensen just added one more log to the fire. In response to the "can you really reach that high" comment, all I did was an emoji flip off, which wasn't hard to find because I saved it under my favorites for such an occasion. Misha arrived just in time to save me from calling both of them and letting them have an earful and thank God I was ready to go.

The restaurant, diner…whichever was more appropriate was nestled in a small town just outside of Vancouver and apparently served breakfast all day. So you can imagine the looks when the 6 foot tall man with the dark hair and bright blue eyes walked in with me in front of him and we found a nice cozy table in the back. It probably didn't help that another man, pretty intimidating, walked in behind Misha and took a seat that the counter.

I was in my glory, they had everything that I loved for breakfast and Misha just laughed as I made noises at every choice on the menu. I settled on strawberry-sour cream crepes, something that apparently wasn't completely on the menu because no one ever eats strawberries with sour cream. Misha shook his head, and ordered something more dinner style, a cheeseburger with fries. Damned party-pooper.

"How did the last scene go?" I questioned as I moved around the jelly in the containers and glanced up from over the rim of the glasses I was now wearing. Sleeping with my contacts on had been a bad idea the night before, I wasn't doing it again.

"Emotional," he replied and gave his head a little tilt as I continued to move the little containers around. "Jensen really is worried about you."

"I know, I'll be back though." I nodded and smiled up at him. "Momentary lapse of emotion control." I shrugged and watched as he put his hand down on top of mine, stopping me from my busy activity. "I swear, Mish, I'm going to be okay."

"Of that I have no doubt, but you have my number if you want to talk while you're away." He winked.

"Awe, are you going to miss me?" I giggled and watched the heads of some of the other patrons turn in our direction.

"Of course I'm going to miss you, that's a given." He sat back in his seat, adjusting the light jacket he now wore over a tee, something completely different than being on set all day. "What would I do without my little sister around?"

"Pick on Jensen more," I grinned and watched him smile. "Oh, come on, you can't tell me that you haven't toned down on the little things you do to irritate him since I came on set. I can see it in your eyes that sometimes you just want to go up to him and slap him right across the…"

"Face?"

"Ass! I was going to say ass!" I stated a little too loud and clamped my lips together as I moved to hide behind him, it was good being small sometimes, but I sat up and made quick work of the containers, changing them into a pyramid. "Really, Misha, I know how you boys are."

"Yeah, I guess I have been holding back," he admitted, "but, so have you."

This made me look up at him and I nearly knocked over the glass of water that was beside me. "What are you talking about?"

"You and Jensen, there is something there," I swallowed and shook my head.

"Yeah, his wife." I answered and put all of the containers back into the tray.

Misha sighed and shook his head. "I didn't mean it that way."

"How exactly did you mean it?"

He stopped for a second, his eyes scanning the walls as his lips did this thing that they always do, like he was preparing to find the right words before he looked me straight in the eyes. "Some things are just meant to be, maybe not entirely the way we perceive them, maybe not in the way others see them at all but you can't hold back if you really want to find out what you mean to each other." I watched him with shock clearly written on my face. Was he telling me to try something with him, go with it, bring Jensen to a place he clearly…and legally…shouldn't go? "I'm just saying, if you two mean that much to each other, holding back isn't going to do anything but put a wedge between you and that could be more damaging than anything."

I wanted to reply, but with what? I wanted to tell him he was insane, but clearly that wasn't the case because the man had just pinpointed every issue in our relationship from the beginning. With a huff, I sat back in the bench and shook my head.

"I'm not going to sleep with him." I whispered and watched the smile rise on his lips.

"I never said it was going to go that far."

"If…and I'm truly saying if I stopped holding back, than inevitably that would be where it ended up." Misha shook his head.

"You don't know that."

"And you don't know that it wouldn't, Mish, why would you even encourage that?" I crossed my arms over my chest and shook my head. "I swore, I swore to myself and I swore to whatever God-awful higher being there is that I would never let myself get in a situation where my heart was going to determine what actions I took. It's gotten me in trouble too many times, and I refuse to hurt him."

"You should never swear on anything or make a promise that you have no control over." He reached out, took my lower arm in his hands and tugged me closer to the seat where he ran the back of his fingers over my cheek. "Listen, I've been in a million situations where my heart told me one thing and my head told me another and do you know where it got me?"

"In a fucking little booth with some warped out chick that grew up in the same state as you a couple thousand miles away from home in Vancouver!" I grumbled out and listened to him chuckle.

"It got me answers." He responded.

I leaned in close and stared him in the eyes. "It got me heartbroken." I whispered. "It got me called home wrecker, it got me so destroyed I swore to my kids I would never do it again, not until they were out of my house."

"And that's the problem, because you swore on something you have no control over." I sighed, closed my eyes and clenched my teeth. This man was infuriating and I loved him and hated him so much at that moment that it was all I could do to not get up and walk out. "You love him, I can see it," my eyes sprung open, "and he loves you, and how far and how deep that goes isn't up to you anymore."

"Screw you, Misha!" I grumbled and watched the curve of his lips turn up because it was a poor excuse for an insult, considering it came out more like just a soft breath than a curse. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Why?" I stared up at him in disbelief.

"Because it's validation," I answered, "because if you can see it, than every other person on that set can too."

"Not true."

"How so?"

"There are only a few people in your life that are close enough to the two of you to really see what's going on. There are only a number of them that see how you are offset, in your trailers, in your element. Those… we are the ones that see it, Cari, the crew just see banter, something that rolls out on camera." He placed his elbows on the table and leaned in close enough so that the conversation stayed only between him and I. "I promise you I will never tell, and I know neither with Jared, or Mark but you have to be the one that trusts in yourself to even accept the concept of it. Jensen has been yours from day one, side-of-the-highway day one, not welcome to Supernatural. You think we didn't see it when he talked about you that very night? Hell, Jared had him pegged on the plane, you just never knew."

I let out a breath and leaned my head forward, letting the emotions that threatened to consume me out in one quick breath before I heard the footsteps of the waitress.

"Here ya go, cheeseburger," she set it down in front of Misha, "and strawberry crepes."

"Could I get a little extra sour cream?" I questioned, my tone completely changed and not skipping a beat, which had Misha laughing. She nodded as she stepped away and I looked up at him, my eyes closing down to slits as I stared through my lashes at him. "Do you know how much I hate you?"

"With every ounce of your blackened soul," he replied and winked at me, before he took a bite of his burger, and I couldn't help but grin. The two lines were probably the first things we said to each other. It was the way that Nicole was introduced to Cas, and the line stuck with us from that moment on. "Now, eat your funny pancakes."

"Oh, God not yet, first, there's something I have to do." He watched me with curiousness as I took the saltshaker out and placed it on the table, reached in my pocket and took out the small Bic lighter that I always had on me and put them both next to the plate and took a picture.

"Seriously?"

I smiled up at him as I sent the picture message to him, Jared, and Jensen with the caption: HAUNTED FRENCH PANCAKES GIVE ME THE CREPES! SALT AND BURN WINCHESTER STYLE!

Misha rolled his eyes as he looked at his phone and then at me as I dug in, about the same time that both phones started to react.

JA: SERIOUSLY? WORST LINE EVER

JarPad: OMG! YOU SHOULD SO TOTALLY BRING ME SOME OF THEM.

JA: NOPE, SORRY, SHE'S MINE WHEN SHE'S DONE WITH DINNER.

MISHA: YOU DO KNOW I'M IN ON THIS LITTLE CONVERSATION RIGHT? I looked up as he replied to that one and watched as he showed me the phone.

DON'T ARGUE OVER ME BOYS, WE CAN SHARE.

JA: COME AGAIN?

JarPad: HOPEFULLY THE FIRST TIME WILL BE ENOUGH, JEN, DON'T ENCOURAGE HER

MISHA: WE'RE TRYING TO EAT, I DON'T THINK THAT'S A COMPLETLEY REASONABLE REQUEST WHILE WE'RE IN A RESTURAUNT, BUT IM SURE SHE CAN GIVE IT A TRY.

JA: WHAT THE FUCK?

I swallowed this time, watching the conversation balloon into something I had so not intended it to be and I looked up at Misha in shock as he continued to text, a wide grin on his face.

JarPad: MISH, SEND PICTURES

JA: FUCK YOU, PADALECKI! MISHA! SERIOUSLY!

MISHA: SHE HAS HER OH FACE ON NOW, SHOULD I SEND THAT ONE.

YEAH MY OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT FACE! KNOCK IT OFF ALL THREE OF YOU! I AM NEVER DOING A GROUP TEXT AGAIN.

JarPad: SO THIS MEANS A PUBLIC DISPLAY NEXT TIME?

MISHA: OH IT'S PRETTY PUBLIC NOW. I could feel my face drain of color as Misha continued his rant but my I watched as my phone dinged and another text came through

JA: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

I SWEAR NONE OF THAT WAS MY DOING.

JA: NO I MEAN, REALLY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

EATING CREPES.

JA: WHERE'S MISHA?

ACROSS FROM ME, APPARENTLY HAVING A BLAST WITH JARED GOING BACK AND FORTH. JEN, ARE YOU OKAY?

JA: TOM, IS HE WITH YOU?

SITTING AT THE COUNTER BUT YOU DIDN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION.

JA: I'M SORRY, I GOT WORRIED.

WHY? I'M PERFECTLY SAFE.

JA: NEVER MIND, EAT, TEXT…I'LL KEEP IT LIGHT, IT WAS JUST A SHOCK.

GLAD I CAN STILL SHOCK YOU.

JA: BABY, YOU SHOCK ME EVERY TIME I LOOK IN YOUR EYES.

This stopped me dead, there was no way to answer something like that, and I looked up at Misha, who has stopped smiling and was slowly putting the phone down as I licked my lips.

"He did it, didn't he?" Misha whispered and watched me nod. "Validation can be pretty overwhelming." It took me a minute to gather my thoughts and I picked up my fork with shaking hands as the text conversation over my crepes continued, but I didn't chime in, in fact, I didn't even look at it, until I had finished most of my food.


	17. What the Actual

**Author's note: This chapter contains some sexual content, sexual implied content and implied death of one of the parties involved should said content go overboard (you'll get my meaning as it goes on, NO ACTUAL DEATH ever!)**

 **What the Actual… - Jensen**

The cute little text war over the crepes was actually pretty funny, it went on for hours, way too many hours. I had to send her a private text though, something that would make her understand that I wasn't being as much of a possessive asshole as I was coming off to be in the messages, because we all know that you can't really tell a person's emotions through a text.

Jared was sitting beside me the whole time, going on about how we should word the next one and what I should say in return but in the midst of that conversation was that one little line that seemed to shut her off. Baby, you shock me every time… ah you get the point. The problem was, I didn't hear from her again for a while after that.

In fact, I had to send Misha a private message just to make sure was still sitting there with him.

WHAT IS SHE DOING?

MC: EATING, JENSEN.

DON'T BE A DICK! I MEAN WHAT KIND OF FACE DOES SHE HAVE ON? IS SHE PISSED?

MC: NOT PISSED, KIND OF SHOCKED.

YEAH, THAT WORD IS WHAT GOT US INTO THIS.

MC: YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG, J, SHE'S JUST CONCENTRATING ON EATING. LISTEN, JUST KEEP IT UP WITH THE MESSAGES, SHE IS READING THEM, SHE'S SMILING, SHE'S ENJOYING IT.

FUCK ME! I'M SCREWED.

MC: ACTUALLY, ABOUT THAT.

WHAT?

MC: SHE SAID I NEEDED TO SPEND MORE TIME SLAPPING YOUR ASS.

WHAT THE HOLY HELL?

MC: DON'T ASK ME, ASK HER.

YEAH, WELL, LATER…MAYBE…JUST…BYE

That was not the way I saw that conversation going at all but the one about the pancakes was still flying. Finally, cut was called and I was damn near exhausted. Danneel and I had spent the day with JJ and the twins, because she knew that this was going to be a very long night. She knew I was going to the airport in the morning to drop Cari off, and that cast call time was set for as soon as we got back so it was easier for me to stay on location, which meant another night in the trailer. So Jared and I crashed at mine until he passed out, which didn't take as long as I thought it would considering the amount of coffee he put away, but soon he was dozing on the couch, and I was off to take a shower.

It had to have been close to midnight when I slipped on my shoes, grabbed my jacket and left a note for Jared that I would be back to grab him for the airport trip before heading out the door. It was a good thing we wore the same size stuff because I found that I had grabbed his jacket instead of mine when I put his hood up and stuck my hands in the pockets, only to find a bag of gummies stuffed deep in the groove. Thank God it was closed otherwise I was going to have a hard time explaining exactly why I needed to wash my hands.

I stopped outside her trailer, every light was off, she had told me two hours ago that she was going to bed, but as I stood there, my heart pounding in my chest, I reminded myself that this was for her, this was for her comfort, not mine. So why did I feel like I was being a selfish dick?

I slipped in, after a quick sweep to make sure there was no one sneaking around the lot, and closed the door behind me. Quietly, I stood there, just letting the lock click under my hand and I listened to the hum of the fan that sat on her dresser, to the sound of the clock that ticked away above the couch and I slipped out of my shoes and Jared's damned jacket, swallowing down my nerves.

I never thought this was going to be easy, trust me when I say that, but I never expected it to be so hard either. I tip-toed my way to the back of the room and stood in the bedroom doorway. The light from the streetlamp outside illuminated the bed through the blinds, something I thought was just a little off because she slept with them cracked. I wonder if she ever thought someone might peek through, but the way that they were angled, no one would see a thing.

I drew in a deep breath and took three steps to the edge of the bed before I realized I would have to crawl up the other side to even have any room. Full-sized beds were made for her, not someone with my frame but it didn't matter, she was what I wanted. I stopped before I moved, made out the way she was laying, sprawled out on her stomach, one leg straight, the side that I was moving up towards, and one leg bent out towards the outside of the bed. Her head was at the edge of the pillow, one arm tucked up underneath it.

I had worn my sweats and a tee over, knowing I was going to be beside her but my legs wouldn't move, all I could do was look, take in the sight of her and try not to hold my breath. She shifted and made a little noise, something in her sleep, but it got my feet up off the floor and I moved cross the bed, pushing the covers from my side until I could slip under them.

It was warm in there, and I realized now that the curtains weren't just tilted, the window was cracked and the fan was blowing directly on her. I moved my body up until I could feel that outstretched leg alongside mine and slowly I lay down on my side. I didn't want to wake her, I just wanted to be there with her, but the temptation to touch was too much and as I gathered the pillow up under my head, I rested my hand on the small of her back, not knowing that the tank top she had worn had bunched up and exposed the skin there.

The heat of her was almost too much and I wanted to take it back, wanted to move my hand but it seemed the instant we connected, she knew I was there. Her body rolled back towards mine, and my hand ghosted over the smooth skin of her sides as she pressed her back to my stomach. I smiled as her hand came down from the pillow and she took hold of my wandering one.

I stayed as still as I could, because that was all I could do not to pull her hard against me. I wanted her to want to be near me, want to pull me close, and she did. I let my head fall down onto the pillow as my arm moved out and tucked under the crook of her neck. She was touching every part of me she could with just her body, back to chest, hips to hips, legs…her leg tucked in between mine as her fingers pulled my hand up, and her lips touched my fingers.

"How long have I been asleep?" She whispered, and everything fell away, my body just gave in and molded to hers, this time I did pull her close, as close as she could get with clothes on and I nuzzled my nose into the back of her neck.

"It's about midnight, a little after," I answered and felt her nod. "God, I missed you."

"I missed you too," she pressed her lips harder to my fingers. "It was hard not to see you as much today."

"Yeah, the screen time split sucks," I let my lips brush against the skin across her bare shoulder, swearing at myself for even doing that. "When you come back it will be better."

"Will it?" She sighed and I nodded, letting the feel of her softness move under my mouth. "Jensen," God, my name on her lips was a sin in itself, "don't let go."

"Never," I answered and felt her relax as her mouth backed off just a little from my hand. She was falling back into the sleep she so desperately needed and I moved to rest my forehead against her shoulder. I just wanted to close my eyes and keep her there forever, but she wasn't mine, not really and I wasn't…couldn't be hers. Just for that night, just for that moment, I could at least give her this.

 **Can't Seem to Find My Way... – Cari**

The alarm never went off, it didn't need too, in fact the moment I woke up, I was wide awake and shut it off. I was just enjoying the body that was holding me, the one that was literally curled around me in every way possible without being considered sex. I wasn't laying with my back to him anymore, I was on my side and had one leg in between his as his right leg seemed to have locked mine down, his arm was under my neck and one was sprawled across me, with his hand spread out across my ribs, and his head was down against my shoulder, lips pressing against my skin.

His hair tickled my nose, but I loved the smell of it, his stubble itched my skin but it also gave me goose bumps and a burning heat down low at the slightest movement. I let my fingers trace over the muscles in his lower arm, all the way up to where they disappeared under his tee-shirt with one hand and with the other, I found the muscle of his thigh, which was very much a turn-on even through the cloth of his sweatpants.

It was four in the morning, he had snuck in at midnight, which meant he could probably sleep for another two hours like this and we would still make it to the airport, that meant I could stay in this small bliss for just that long, but as luck would have it, that wasn't how it was going to work out. I heard my phone buzz and quickly reached for it, which made Jensen bump his head against my shoulder bone, getting a groan out of it as I looked at the caller ID.

Great, my mother was calling. Did she realize what time it was? Oh, wait, yeah it was 7 am there and that meant that one was off to school, the other off to work and little miss Rowan would be getting up. I took a deep breath and answered.

"Mom," I whispered.

"Shit!" she shouted in my ear, which made me laugh, and in turn made Jensen moan, which I quickly covered by placing my hand over his mouth. "I did it again, didn't I?"

"Yeah, it's four in the morning." I replied and slowly slipped out of the warmth of the bed, and turned to look at the man who had decided the instant I was gone to steal my pillow. "What's up? Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I was just confirming times, but I completely forgot about the time difference." I could hear Rowan singing in the background as the 13-year-old got ready for school. "Do you want me to let you go back to sleep?"

"No, I was already awake, the alarm was set to go off at 4:30." I leaned back against the dresser and smiled as I watched the man in my bed, the way his face crinkled up in the pillow and how his hand suddenly tucked under his waist. "We're leaving here in about two hours. I can let you know when I board, and what the time frame is from there."

"Okay, let's do that," I was glad she wasn't going to keep me on for longer than needed because I was completely not into the conversation. "I'll see you later today, love you."

"Love you too." I smiled and hung up the phone, drawing in a deep breath, thinking about whether or not to snap a picture and I held the phone at an angle to see if I could get all of him in it.

"Blackmail pictures are not allowed per agreement, Gray!" His voice sounded muffled between the pillow and he opened one eye. Shit, I was hoping he had forgotten about that.

"I just wanted one to take with me, especially with you like that." I admitted, and thought about what Misha had said at dinner. I was the one not letting this in, so, screw it! It was time to crack the door and see what happens. "Unless you got something else in mind to send me away with?"

Jensen moaned into the pillow at the accusation but I watched his hips rise off the bed and his hand slid out from underneath him. "Can you just come back to bed? We still have enough time before you have to be dressed and I have to sneak out."

I smiled, put the cell down on the stand and crawled back under the covers, thinking he was just going to go back to spooning me like we had done earlier that night, but his hand snaked under the small of my back and suddenly I was lying underneath him, and he was settling in between my legs. I swallowed hard, not sure where he was going with it, but he moved both arms until they were on either side of my shoulders.

The weight of his body was like pure pleasure in itself, and the position was hotter than hell. I rested my head back on the pillow, wrapping my arms around his neck as he turned his head to the side and lowered his cheek against my heart. I felt him sigh, felt the release of any tension in his body, until the stubbles of his cheek began to rub against my shirt, not sure if he was moving it up or down.

"Oh, for Christ sake's, do you just want me to take it off?" I asked and felt him grow still. I know he could hear my heart begin to race and I swallowed. "I shouldn't have said that."

"No," he whispered, lifting his head so that I could see the fields of darkening green in his eyes. "No, it's okay, I'm just afraid."

"Afraid?" I spoke softly, moving my hand to his cheek, and with that he moved, pulling himself up so that he was hovering above me, his hips pressing deeper into mine and I rolled my eyes as the hard heat that was throbbing between us. "I…yeah, I can see why."

"Can I just move it?" His hand came down to my waist and pushed at the end of my shirt as I nodded and before I knew it, my tank was bunched up under my breast. I licked my lips, pulling at his so that an equal amount of skin touched as he settled back down against me, stomach-to-stomach. He groaned as he put his head down on my shoulder, now so much closer to my face.

"This is so much harder than I thought." A small noise escaped me and he shifted lifting his head once more, the green in his eyes were just a bit darker.

"I told you I wanted you more than anything," he whispered as his body began to gently sway, pressing and pulling back just a bit, "anything I do might take it to that edge, and we can't take it back."

"What do you want from me, Jensen," I questioned, my eyes drawn to those lush pink lips and I heard him moan.

"All of you, but I can't," his breath was on mine, his mouth so close, "I can't let it go that far."

"Kiss me," it was a whisper, something in my head, but I realized that I was begging him, my hands on the heat of his back as the sway of his hips pressed deeper, "that's what I want, for you to kiss me again."

I listened as he swallowed, as his head moved ever so slightly and the soft feel of his lips brushed mine. Heat, electricity and excitement hit every nerve in my body as it traveled lower right to where he pressed deep, thankful that the clothing separated us. His arms shook as he tried to control the situation, control the kiss and the way it began but I didn't have the same control as he did, I didn't want it. I moved up towards him before he could think and pressed hard, crushing mine against his and the moan, the growl that escaped him was pure torture.

Everything seemed to move in a perfect chaotic motion, his hand came down to tangle in my hair, the one at my waist, slipped under my back. His kiss was bruising, but gentle and loving at the same time, so much emotion made my head spin and then his tongue flicked out, against my swollen lips and, oh, the madness of it. I moved, letting that mouth of his do anything he liked to mine, as he explored with his tongue, as I did with mine and our hands moving everywhere, except…there. His lips moved down, kissing along my cheek, to just beyond my ear where the rush of his breath made me shiver.

His teeth were gentle, but the little nips he placed along my collarbone were just the opposite and if we were going for quiet, it wasn't happening. He pulled on the top, forgetting the whole just move it thing and the feel of his hands along my breasts felt like the first time anyone had ever touched me. His mouth followed a path, kissing and nipping as until he finally caught my nipple between his teeth. I cried out, there was nothing stopping that from being remotely quiet, and he teased each one over and over until I went careening over the edge just from his touch alone.

I felt his smile as he came back up and kiss my lips again, both of us trying to catch our breaths, even as his mouth took mine once more. I tried hard to remember no scratches but so every time my toes curled and my fingers followed, I made sure to grip his shirt, not dig deep into those muscles. I didn't need to mark him as mine.

I could feel him still pressing, like that would result in anything but more pain for him the harder this got, and as he left little pecks on the side of my neck, I pressed my face against his ear.

"I want to touch you," I mumbled and watched as he stopped, groaned into my skin and shook his head.

"Not yet," he sighed, not looking up at me, "as much as I want to…not yet."

And I understood that, I really did, I think. Actually, no I didn't, not at all. "Why?"

"Certain death," he mumbled but I could feel the smile against my skin as he slowly rolled off to the side, lying so he could look at me with those sex-laden eyes. I watched as his hand reached down, inside his sweats and wrapped around himself, which was probably THE sexiest thing I had ever seen. "I'm not kidding," he whispered.

He was watching me as I scanned over him, where his shirt still exposed the lower half of his body all the way down to the V in his hips that disappeared where only his hand could go and I followed that path of dark hair from his navel down to where the sweats tented out, and rolled my eyes.

"So you get me off, to what, sit there and not do anything for yourself?" I smiled and watched his eyes grow wide with the knowledge of what he had accomplished, but he drew closer, just his head as he closed the distance to place a wet kiss on my lips.

"Your hands anywhere below my waist right now would give me a heart attack, a literal heart attack." He breathed against my lips. "I can't go there yet, Cari, believe me, I want to, but…five days."

"What does me going home have to do with it?" I moved to my side and reached out, caressing my fingers along the line of his hip and watched the muscle on the hand that held himself tighten roughly, and I couldn't help but bite my lip. He let me tease along the line of his sweats, over the course hair that gathered there but when I moved my fingers just under the band, his free hand snapped up my wrist and I looked at the control that was slipping in his eyes. I scooted back, only an inch and watched as relief seemed to flood his face. "When I get back…Jensen…I'm not going to stop."

He watched me slip out of bed, pull my shirt down and move, I could feel his eyes on me and as I stood in the bathroom, running the sink, I could hear him let out a frustrated sigh and flop over on the bed. When I got back, I stopped in the doorway, his eyes were closed, his legs spread wide and, with one hand still hiding, he had the other draped over his eyes.

"Not exactly the way I would be if I didn't want someone to jump me," I smiled and watched as he was suddenly sitting up straight.

"I need to use your bathroom," he grumbled.

"Five minutes?" I smiled, thinking back to LA.

"It won't take that long, trust me," he whispered as he stood and kissed my forehead as he went to move by. I smiled as I reached out, my palm ever so slightly brushing over his "issue" and I heard him growl as he disappeared around the corner. "Not fair, you little bitch!"

"Can I watch?" He stuck his head out of the door and looked at me with an evil stare. "What? It's a perfectly reasonable question."

"No, you can't watch!" He snapped, but the tone wasn't as mad as he wanted it to be. He certainly wanted me to, but his "rules" were holding him back.

"Just your face, I swear, I won't look anywhere else." I grinned and watched him roll his eyes, disappearing behind the door as he closed and locked it.

I gave him a minute, just enough time to find the moisturizer in the bathroom and then I moved slowly to the door. I heard everything, every little breath, every movement of his hand, every sigh and moan that escaped him and then the stiff silence as he took a few breaths in, trying to keep from crying out. I didn't move from the doorway, there was no need, the smile on my face would have given it away, and after the water ran for a moment, the door swung open and I looked up at him, but he didn't look surprised.

"You suck!" his tone was low and sleepy, lust filled and needy but he reached out just as quick, hand slipping behind my neck and he kissed me as hard and passionately as he could before he released me and moved back over to the bed. "Another hour before we have to leave, come back to bed."

"Leave, yes, get my happy ass dressed, no." I announced and walked over to the dresser, grabbing the clothes I had set out before. "And, now that I smell like you, not that I want to wash it off, I have to take a shower."

His smile was cocky, knowing that he was all over me, that I could smell him in my hair, on my clothes and more than anything on my skin with every inhale. I rolled my eyes and stepped into the bathroom. To hell with the door, I was done with that! I took the two items off that I was wearing and slipped into the stream of hot water.

Hot, that was all I could think of as I washed my hair, by body. The heat of Jensen and the fact that he could make me shake just from his lips, from his mouth. This was going to be the longest five days ever. I couldn't stay in the shower long because the more I thought about it, the more I was going to just start and finish myself, and that didn't need to happen.


	18. Heartbreaking Goodbyes

**Heartbreaking Good-byes – Jensen**

Jared stood beside me, my pillar of strength, as I jammed my hands into my pockets. The airport sucked, watching her grab her small bag sucked. This whole situation just SUCKED! I watched every move she made, every bend and curve of her body was committed to memory, especially after the way she walked out of the bathroom, with just a towel around her waist. That was a killer move, but she executed it perfectly, giving me just enough exposure to get the heat in me flowing before she disappeared and came back completely dressed.

We were parked at the back of the airport, hiding from the press, almost like last time but this one was because she was known now. Her episodes had aired and she was just like the rest of us, fan magnets, not that we minded at all but I just wanted her to be safe. She was wearing her glasses today, which made Jared smile like he was in a music video, but I knew it was because she couldn't find her contacts anywhere. Little secret, I hid them on her just so I could see her with those blue rimmed Librarian glasses on, she never wore them enough for me, but as I looked into her eyes, I could tell they weren't hiding anything behind them.

"So, this time it's eight hours and I have no layovers, well one connection in Minneapolis." She whispered as she walked up to both of us, her hands tucked in the back pockets of her jeans. "So be prepared for the longest eight hours of messenger IMs you have ever encountered in your life, both of you."

"Anything you need." Jared whispered, reaching out with his big hands. I watched as he easily cupped her on the back of her head and drew her in close. She seemed to fold into him, wrapping her arms around his waist as he held her tightly and kiss her head before he reached lower and picked her up in a bear hug, something he had always done to her, but this time his eyes were tightly closed and he wasn't letting her go, at least not for a few moments. I could hear the struggle in him as he breathed out a shaky sigh and put her down, kissing her on the forehead. "Hurry up, before I cancel your flight."

"It's only five days, Jared." She laughed but that smile faded when she turned to me. It took all I had not to just throw her back in the car and take off but she needed to see her kids. What I did do was something I decided that I wasn't going to feel guilty for ever.

The instant she stepped towards me, I had her in my arms, one wrapped around her waist, the other reaching up to cup her face. My mouth was hard against hers, not rough or demanding but possessive all the same and I wanted her to leave with that, knowing that when she came back I was there, I was the one she was coming back too, and I would never leave her.

I heard Jared whistle as the kiss wore on, probably longer than it should have, but I couldn't let her go, couldn't back away from that need to keep her, until I had to take a breath and with that, I pressed my forehead to hers.

"I miss you already," I whispered and watched as the tear streamed down her cheek. She looked at me with glassy blue eyes and stepped back out of my touch.

"I miss you too," she gave me a half-smile, grabbed her bag and hurried off through the door, with Tom right behind her.

I tried to breath, tried to stop my heart from breaking, but my knees were weak and I moved to settle back against the car. Jared looked down at me, his hand on my shoulder as I glanced up at him from under my lids the best I could, my lips quivered with the pain and I stood straight, placing my head back against the car.

"So that's what I missed last night, huh?" Jared laughed, which made me grin, despite the searing pain in my chest.

"Yeah." I answered and watched him give me one of those "I knew it" crooked, stupid grins of his.

"Didn't look like a "rules were broken kiss" though," he smiled down at me.

"I wanted to, Jay, with everything I had, I wanted to." I sighed and closed my eyes.

"You always said she was going to kill you," he patted me on the shoulder one more time and walked over to the door of the back seat. "Looks like she didn't do it right. Guess you're just going to have to try again."

"Oh," I groaned as I joined him in the car, "that's not going to be a problem."

We watched from the best we could as her plane left the runway, the binoculars that Jared handed me confirmed that it was indeed her flight and I waited impatiently, not letting the car move, not letting Clif start to drive anywhere until that one little thing came through. It had to have been about thirty minutes of watching the clock, watching the phone, watching the sky, but then messenger binged at me, or more to the point, popped.

Cari: FINALLY IN THE FREAKING AIR, TAKE OFF, LEVEL OUT! ANXIETY INDUCING!

My grin widened at her text, which made Jared lean over and give it a glance. "Is she going to be okay?"

"Yeah, once they give the okay, she'll grab half a pill and chill out for most of the ride." I answered and looked up at Clif. "Our girl is airborne, let's head home, I know we have shooting today." But as the car started to roll, my fingers padded on the keyboard: TAKE A DEEP BREATH, SWEETS, IT WILL BE OVER BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.

Cari: THIS ISN'T SEX, JEN, YOU DON'T EASE INTO IT. I laughed way too hard at that comment. NOPE, THEY THROW YOU IN A BIG TIN CAN AND SEND YOU SHOOTING UP A GOOD COUPLE HUNDRED THOUSAND FEET AT A NAUSEATING RATE OF A COUPLE BILLIONS OF FEET PER SECOND.

EXAGGERATE MUCH? I laughed but I knew she was serious. She hated take offs, she hated landings, but she wasn't throwing up at the moment so that counted for something.

Cari: I'M PROBABLY GOING TO SLEEP MOST OF THE WAY…SLEEP AND DREAM.

DREAM OF WHAT?

Cari: THERE IS THIS HOT GUY I SAW LAST NIGHT, AND THE WAY HE LEFT IT WAS A WIDE OPEN INVITATION FOR, I DON'T KNOW, MY HANDS ON HIM THE NEXT TIME WE SAW EACH OTHER.

REALLY? WOW, SO THAT KIND OF INVITATION. GONNA TAKING HIM UP ON IT?

Cari: I'M GOING TO SPEND THE NEXT FIVE DAYS THINKING ABOUT THE WAYS I CAN TAKE HIM PERIOD!

I stopped texting, my thumbs just above the keyboard and I looked over at Jared, who had this concerned look on his face.

"I think we need to talk about the rules." I whispered to my friend, and even though I expected him to give me a look, the only thing he did was smile. "It's not funny Jared."

"I'm not smiling because it's funny, I'm smiling because you finally got a clue about what we've known for weeks, Jen, you love her." I know my face went blank and not just shocked blank, but bitchface blank. I closed my eyes and shook my head.

"I can't love her," I whispered, "I have a family, that's all this is about, our whole campaign, our whole life is about family and I can't be in love with another woman and still have my family."

"I didn't say you were in love with her," he said softly and I looked at him quickly, "you just did."

"Fuck!" He growled. "I am so totally screwed!"

"You can't control your heart," Jared sighed, "and you can't go back to the way that things were the last two weeks, that almost killed you both."

"So what am I supposed to do?" Jared just shrugged at me. "What good are you, then?"

"Do you think you're going to break the rule, Jensen?" I looked away from him, out the window as I put my finger to my lip. How did I know if I let her in that I wasn't going to break THAT rule? It was all about that rule, that ONE rule and I shook my head.

"I don't know," I whispered, running my hand through my hair, "I honestly don't know."

"Then maybe we should talk about them," he said softly, putting a hand on my shoulder as I stared out the window.

I picked the cellphone up from my lap and started typing. Not something I wanted her to know now, but definitely something she should be aware of. WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE RULES.

Cari: IT'S ABOUT GODDAMNED TIME!

That was not the response that I was expecting. REALLY?

Cari: YOU FORGET, JEN, I HAVE MY OWN MORALS TO DEAL WITH AND MY OWN SET OF RULES, AND KNOWING THE RULES SET ON YOUR END…WELL, THAT'S ONE OF MY RULES.

I looked over at Jared, whose eyebrows were peaked with curiosity. "What did she say?"

"What are the rules?" I smiled and watched as he smiled.

"Yeah, I knew she was a keeper, but I didn't expect her to be so damned smart." He sighed and shook his head.

 **Messages from Cari, Jensen and Jared:**

Cari: HAVE I EVER MENTIONED BEFORE HOW MUCH AIRPLANES SUCK?

JensenAckles: ABOUT 5 OR 6 TIMES NOW, BUT WHO'S COUNTING?

JarPad: ARE YOU BITCHING ABOUT THE PLANE RIDE OR THE SERVICE?

Cari: YOUR MESSENGER TAG IS REALLY JARPAD?

JarPad: REALLY, THAT'S THE QUESTION YOU GO WITH?

JensenAckles: WHERE ARE YOU NOW?

Cari: LEVELED OUT ABOUT 35000 FEET IN THE AIR, TRYING NOT TO LOOK OUT THE WINDOW, JAY ARE YOU REALLY NOT GOING TO ANSWER MY QUESTION?

JarPad: YES THAT IS REALLY MY MESSENGER TAG.

JensenAckles: HOWS THE ANXIETY?

Cari: KICKING MY ASS. HOW IS IT ON SET?

JensenAckles: PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE IS MOPPING AROUND, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU GIVE THEM BEFORE YOU LEFT GRAY?

Cari: MY OWN SECRET BLEND OF "YOU'LL MISS ME SO MUCH YOU CAN'T WORK UNTIL I GET BACK", IT'S THE SAME CRAP I GIVE YOU AND _JARPAD_ BEFORE I LEAVE…EVEN IF IT'S JUST TO GO TO SET.

JarPad: THAT EXPLAINS A LOT.

Cari: I'M SURE IT DOES DIPSHIT.

JarPad: OH, YOU'RE AWEFUL CRANKY

JensenAckles: DID YOU JUST TAKE YOUR MEDS?

Cari: I DID, AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY'RE MAKING ME THINK OF JEN, YOU ON MY BED THIS MORNING…WHY DIDN'T YOU LET ME TAKE A PICTURE?

JensenAckles: NO BLACKMAIL PICTURES, RULES REMEMBER?

Cari: SPEAKING OF RULES, DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT THEM NOW WHILE I'M IN THE AIR AND HAVE NO WHERE TO GO?

JarPad: IT'S NOT THAT MUCH OF A LONG LIST.

Cari: JAY, DO YOU BOTH HAVE THE SAME RULES?

JarPad: DO I EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHY YOU'RE ASKING?

Cari: KEEPING MY OPTIONS OPEN FOR ANOTHER NIGHT OF "NEVER HAVE I EVER"…

JensenAckles: I LOVE THAT GAME!

Cari: WE DIDN'T DO IT THIS WEEK BECAUSE OF THE FLIGHT, BUT WE ARE DEFINITELY PENCILING ONE IN WHEN I GET BACK.

JarPad: DO YOU REALLY WANT TO TALK RULES WHILE YOU'RE UP THERE?

Cari: I NEED SOMETHING TO DISTRACT ME, SO LAY IT ON ME.

JensenAckles: IT'S NOT REALLY RULES PLUERAL AS IT IS A RULE.

Cari: STOP DANCING AROUND IT.

JarPad: NO SEX

Cari: WAIT, NO SEX, THAT'S YOUR RULE?

JensenAckles: PRETTY IMPORTANT ONE DON'T YOU THINK?

Cari: WELL, YEAH, BUT DEFINE NO SEX?

JensenAckles: REALLY? LIKE SERIOUSLY?

Cari: WELL EVERYONE THINKS OF SEX DIFFERENTLY, YOU KNOW, LIKE KISSING CAN BE PRETTY INTIMATE, OR ORAL SEX CAN BE VIEWED AS "SEX" SO WHAT'S THE DEFINITION.

JarPad: YOU CAN'T PUT IT IN.

JensenAckles: WAY TO BE BLUNT THERE JAY.

Cari: NO, THAT'S GOOD, BLUNT IS A GOOD THING. SO NO INTERCOURSE SEX.

JarPad: YEAH.

JensenAckles: PRETTY MUCH.

Cari: AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS WIDE OPEN?

JarPad: DEFININE WIDE OPEN?

Cari: OMG! JARED, SOMETIMES I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE PLAYING OR TRYING TO GET ME ALL STEAMED UP. LIKE REGULAR SEX, ANAL SEX?

JensenAckles: WAIT? WHAT?

JarPad: IS THAT A THING FOR YOU?

Cari: IF I COULD FUCKING ROLL MY EYES HARD ENOUGH TO SLAP YOU, I WOULD.

JarPad: :-D

Cari: SEX, YOU KNOW PENIS, VAGINA? THAT IS THE OFF LIMITS KIND?

JensenAckles: YES.

Cari: AND ANAL SEX…AND NO IT'S NOT A THING, JARED! IT'S A QUESTION.

JensenAckles: I NEVER REALLY ASKED ABOUT IT.

Cari: YOU SHOULD. IT'S A GOOD THING TO KNOW.

JarPad: I'M JUST STUCK ON THE FACT THAT YOU ASKED ABOUT IT.

Cari: PERVERT!

JarPad: I'M THE PERVERT AND YOU'RE ASKING ABOUT ANAL.

Cari: OKAY, I CHANGED MY MIND, LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT RULES.

JensenAckles: TOO LATE. SO…

Cari: OH GOD, NOT YOU TOO. There was a long pause between messages. MOVING ON! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS GOING TO DO WITHOUT ME?

JarPad: WELL, JENSEN'S ALREADY STARTED BEING A DOUCHE.

JensenAckles: SCREW YOU, PADALECKI, I'M SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.

JarPad: HEY, ANAL IS STILL ON THE TABLE.

JensenAckles: MAN, YOU NEED TO GO HOME FOR A FEW DAYS.

JarPad: WHY, WHEN YOU'RE RIGHT HERE.

Cari: HEY! GUYS, CUT IT OUT, SERIOUSLY!

JensenAckles: WHY? DOES IT MAKE YOU UPSET?

Cari: NOPE, I'M TURNED ON AND FLYING AWAY FROM TWO HOT GUYS…OKAY IT DOES MAKE ME A LITTLE UPSET.

JarPad: WAIT, YOU'RE TURNED ON?

Cari: WHAT? TWO GUYS KISSING MAKES ME HOT, IT'S NOT A CRIME.

JensenAckles: NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

Cari: DIDN'T ASK IT TO, I'M JUST SAYING MOST GUYS GET OFF ON SEEING TWO GIRLS, MY GUILTY PLEASURE IS TWO GUYS. SO SUE ME.

JarPad: CAN WE WATCH PORN TOGETHER?

Cari: REALLY?

JarPad: WHY NOT, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU AND I HAVE ANYTHING GOING, I MEAN, WE CAN DO IT WHILE JEN IS AT HOME, HAVE A PORN PARTY.

JensenAckles: AND YOU THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA WHY?

JarPad: BECAUSE NOTHING WILL HAPPEN AND YOU KNOW IT, SO WE'LL GET A KICK OUT OF THE STUPID SHIT THEY DO ON A PORNO, NOT A BIG DEAL.

Cari: LIKE THE FAKE MOANS AND CRAP.

JarPad: THEY DO A LOT OF FAKE MOANING, BUT JEN IS LITERALLY MOANING RIGHT NOW.

JensenAckles: THAT WAS A GROAN, AND SHE'S RIGHT, YOU'RE A DAMN PERV!

JarPad: SETS CALLING. CAN WE PICK THIS UP LATER…I LIKE HOW THIS CONVERSATION IS GOING. I'M REALLY CURIOUS ABOUT THE TWO GUYS THING.

Cari: I PREFER JAPANESE EROTIC ANIME BUT THAT'S JUST ME.

JensenAckles: SERIOUSLY?

Cari: YEAH, THAT SURPRISES YOU?

JensenAckles: THERE IS NOTHING IN THIS WORLD THAT SURPRISES ME ANYMORE WHEN IT COMES TO YOU.

Cari: I'M SURE I COULD THINK OF A FEW THINGS.

JarPad: JENSEN, GET OUT OF THE CAR!

Cari: ARE YOU SITTING IN BABY?

JensenAckles: YEAH, I…AH…I CAN'T GET OUT JUST YET.

Cari: REALLY….. YOU KNOW SEX IN THE BACK SEAT OF THAT CAR ALWAYS MADE ME HOT TOO.

JensenAckles: NOT HELPING!

Cari: COME ON, JUST THE THOUGHT OF GETTING NAKED ON THAT LEATHER AND STEAMING UP THE WINDOWS.

JensenAckles: CHRIST WOMAN!

JarPad: LMAO!

JensenAckles: SHUT UP JARED!

Cari: OKAY, I'LL STOP TALKING, GO DO YOUR THING AND MESSAGE ME IN BETWEEN.

JarPad: LOVE YOU!

Cari: LOVE YOU TOO!

JensenAckles: I MISS YOU.

Cari: MISS YOU TOO JEN.

 **Jared and Cari**

JarPad: YOU DOING OKAY?

Cari: WHAT DO YOU CARE, PERV? JK, I'M DOING BETTER, TWO HOURS UNTIL LANDING. WHAT'S GOING ON THERE?

JarPad: JEN WENT HOME FOR THE NIGHT, I DON'T KNOW IF HE'S GOING TO BE ABLE TO SEND YOU ANYTHING YET. I THINK HE WENT TO TALK TO DANNIE.

Cari: ABOUT ME?

JarPad: ABOUT HOW HE FEELS ABOUT YOU.

Cari: UGH,THAT'S NOT GOING TO GO OVER WELL, NOTHING LIKE THAT EVER DOES.

JarPad: DO YOU LOVE HIM?

Cari: THAT'S PROBABLY THE DUMBEST QUESTION I'VE EVER HEARD.

JarPad: YET YOU DIDN'T ANSWER.

Cari: JARED…HE'S NOT MINE TO LOVE.

JarPad: I CALL BULLSHIT!

Cari: YOU CAN'T CALL BULLSHIT ON MY FEELINGS.

JarPad: I THINK YOU DO LOVE HIM.

Cari: I'M HANGING UP NOW.

JarPad WE'RE NOT EVEN ON A CALL.

Cari: JARED…

Cari: I DO LOVE HIM.

JarPad: WAS THAT SO HARD?

Cari: YES, BUT HE'S NOT MINE TO LOVE.

JarPad: THE TWO OF YOU NEED YOUR HEADS KNOCKED TOGETHER, PREFERRABLY BY A BAT!

Cari: SCREW YOU PADALECKI!

JarPad: NOPE, AGAINST THE RULE…UNLESS

Cari: DO YOU KNOW HOW INFURIATING YOU ARE?

JarPad: YEAH, JEN TELLS ME ALL THE TIME, BUT SINCE YOU NOTICED, I GUESS THAT MEANS YOU LOVE ME TOO.

Cari: OF COURSE I LOVE YOU.

JarPad: BUT NOT LIKE HIM?

Cari: IS THAT BAD?

JarPad: NOPE, BUT NOW YOU SEE THE DIFFERENCE.

Cari: I HATE YOU!

JarPad: YOU JUST SAID YOU LOVED ME.

Cari: WHY ISN'T GEN UP HERE WITH YOU?

JarPad: THE KIDS HAVE SCHOOL, DANNIE WILL BE GOING BACK DOWN TO AUSTIN SOON.

Cari: HOW DO YOU DO IT?

JarPad: HAND MOSTLY.

Cari: IN CASE YOU CAN'T SEE, I'M SHAKING MY HEAD AT YOU RIGHT NOW.

JarPad: CAN WE STREAM LATER?

Cari: ANYTHING YOU NEED TO GET YOU THROUGH THE NIGHT.

JarPad: ANYTHING?

Cari: I THINK I'M GOING TO CALL YOU PADDY.

JarPad: PLEASE DON'T.

Cari: THEN STOP ASKING QUESTIONS LIKE THAT.

JarPad: ONE LAST QUESTION AND I PROMISE I'LL STOP.

Cari: HA, OKAY, SHOOT.

JarPad: WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO COMING OWN TO AUSTIN FOR DECEMBER HIATUS?

Cari: OUT OF THE FRYING PAN AND INTO THE FIRE? REALLY?

JarPad: YOU CAN STAY WITH ME AND GEN, YOU KNOW SHE LIKES YOU.

Cari: AND THE KIDS?

JarPad: THEY CAN COME TOO, OBVIOUSLY *ROLL MY EYES*

Cari: I'D LOVE TOO, THE KIDS WANT TO MEET YOU GUYS.

JarPad: GOOD, I ALREADY TOLD GEN YOU WERE COMING. J

Cari: ASSHOLE!

JarPad: YEAH, BUT HEY, YOU LOVE ME, THAT'S ALL THAT COUNTS.

 **The Middle of the Night… - Cari**

The screen focused in on my face, as much as it could with the room only lightly lit, but as I waited for the connection to go through, I looked over at the time. It was close to midnight, all the kids were sleeping. Kathy had managed to get me home, have dinner with me, mom and the kids and still get herself home in time to get some rest, but I was still on Vancouver time and it was only nine there.

I waited impatiently, wondering if Jared was on set but when it finally came through, I could see his face and smiled.

"Hey," he whispered and looked around.

"Hey, yourself Cowboy," I laughed and settled down on the bed, the pillow tucked up comfortably behind me. "Why are you whispering?"

"I don't know, I'm sitting in my room at Jensen's house," he replied. "I thought maybe not letting in on the fact that I was streaming with you would be a good idea."

"So get a headset, I know you have one, you talk on it all the time," I suggested and watched him nod, put the phone down and heard the rustling for a minute before I was connected to his wireless headset. He picked the phone back up and looked into it. "Better?"

"Yeah, now they can't hear you but they can hear me, so I still have to whisper." Jared thought he was playing stealthy but I didn't quite buy it. "How was the ride home?"

"Kathy and I talked about everything that's been going on the last few weeks, not like I don't tell her while I'm up there anyway, but it's good to talk in person once in a while." I pulled the covers up tighter and shivered. "I forgot how cold it was in here compared to the trailer. Not sure what they did with the heat in that little thing but it's cranked."

"I'll have maintenance take a look at it for you," he offered, and I could hear the emotion just under the tone of his voice. I knew he missed me already, as much as I missed him.

"So, how is the Ackles household? Any wars going on?" I watched him shrug, glance over at the television, and look back at me.

"I honestly haven't heard anything. I think I snuck in after everything was done. You haven't heard from Jen?" He seemed a little concerned.

"No, not even on messenger." I groaned and rubbed my eyes. "Did I royally screw up his life by coming up there?"

"It's life, one way or another it's bound to screw up." He sounded a little depressed.

"Hey, what's up with you, Moose?"

"I was thinking about you earlier." He whispered, which made me roll my eyes.

"Are we going on another perverted tangent again?"

"No," he spoke directly and sighed, "I mean I was really thinking about you. If things with Jensen blow up, I want you to know that you have me."

"Never date your ex's brother or best friend, Jay." I smiled but I knew what he meant. "So, you're going to be my scapegoat if I have to stay away from him for a while?"

"I'm willing to be the go between, you know the whole "make sure you're not alone" thing?"

"Do you think it will come to that?"

Jared took a deep breath, ran a hand over his head to push his hair back from his face and his lips scrunched up a little. "I honestly don't know. I mean we've had these rules for what seems like forever but Jensen and I, we just never actually got far enough to worry about this one thing."

"So, you've kissed someone other than your wife?"

"Hell, all four of us have," he admitted, "it was the reason for the rules. The girls are in Austin, we're up here nine months out of the year, a little fun was a given, but never going all the way. Guy or girl, sex wasn't involved."

"Okay, so I can see how that works, as long as the other person knows, but I'm guessing feelings were never involved?"

"No, none of us ever had it as bad as Jensen does," Jared sighed. "He's protective and sometimes a little out of control but never like he is with you."

"I know. I've seen it."

"So have I, with me, but not to your extent." He paused as he cleared his throat and rubbed his forehead, all these little things that I caught on camera while watching him. "I don't know how he'd explain it to her."

"Yeah, coming out with "honey, I'm in love with the new SPN tramp" is never a good thing."

"Cut it out." He ordered, and his words stung, as if he had just slapped me. No one had ever taken that kind of tone with me when I made a joke, but it offended him that I spoke that way about myself, even joking.

"I wasn't being serious about the name calling, but then again, I've been called it before, minus the SPN thing." I rolled onto my side and propped the phone up. "Do you think I'm a bad person?"

"We're all bad people, some of us are just better at it than others." Way to make me feel better. "I wish I could reach out and touch your cheek, wrap you in a hug."

"Why?"

"Because you look like you need one." He gave me a small grin and put his hand on his chest. "I must be tired, cause I could say a few things to you right now that would blow you away."

"Hmm, I might be just tired enough to want to hear them."

Jared thought for a moment, gathered his words and looked directly into the phone. "I want to have you lying here beside me with your head on my chest."

"And that would blow me away how?"

"Most people don't like to hear that from their…well, because of you and Jensen."

"You didn't say you wanted to do anything with me, just…what, cuddle?" Jared laughed, nodding.

"Actually, yeah, I would love that." Jared blinked a few times. "I would never do anything to hurt you, Cari, you or Jensen so if I ever say, or do anything to make you uncomfortable, you'll tell me, right?"

"Nah," I answered and watched the confusion cross his face, "I'd just kick ya."

Jared smiled and blew me a kiss. "I'm going to bed, you should too, since it's what, about one o'clock in the morning and you are going to have three wild kids waking you up soon."

"Yeah, I got it." I laughed and watched as he sighed. "Goodnight, Jared."

"Goodnight, Sweetheart."

The call ended and I sat there for a little bit, staring at the phone, wondering if I should text Jensen. I was afraid that he might be in over his head but I couldn't help this strange feeling that he might need someone.

I picked up the phone and found him in my contacts: I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE GOING TO GET THIS OR EVEN BE ABLE TO ANSWER, BUT I WANTED YOU TO KNOW I WAS THINKING ABOUT YOU.

I put the phone up and closed my eyes, wanting to fall asleep but my eyes kept peeking open, hoping to hear the ping of the phone. Nothing, not for a while anyway and I tossed and turned until about four when I knew my body was just done with the whole time change. One o'clock Vancouver time and I was sitting in bed with about three hours before the kids woke up. Twitter was quiet, Facebook showed nothing, and my email was full of crap. Giving up on sleep, I decided that I was going to read the script that we were set to film when I got back, but just as flipped the first page, my cell went off, just one little ping.

Glancing down, I watched as Jensen's ID came up. One in the morning, that couldn't be good. Slowly, as my heart pounded, I opened it up and read what it said.

JA: SHIT, I JUST LOOKED AT THE TIME, HELL I WAS JUST ABLE TO LOOK AT MY PHONE. I'M SORRY THIS IS SO LATE. I HOPE IT DOESN'T WAKE YOU. I MISS YOU SO BAD. I DON'T WANT YOU TO WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING, THINGS AT HOME ARE FINE. AND YES, I DID TELL HER.

Screw it, I was awake anyway. WHAT DID SHE SAY?

JA: YOU'RE AWAKE?

VANCOUVER TIME

JA: GLAD I DIDN'T WAKE YOU. SHE SAID SHE UNDERSTANDS, BUT I TOLD HER I STILL LOVED HER, THAT IT WAS HER I WAS COMING HOME TO.

OF COURSE IT IS, WHAT WOULD HAVE MADE HER THINK OTHERWISE?

JA: I DON'T KNOW, MY FEELINGS FOR ANOTHER WOMAN?

DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF ACKLES, I'M ONLY USING YOU FOR THE NO SEX RULE!

JA: HA, HA, IT'S A GOOD THING I KNOW WHEN YOU'RE JOKING.

CRAP, I GUESS I'M GOING TO HAVE TO WORK ON THAT. I paused and waited for a moment to see if he sent anything else before I sent another one. I MISS YOU TOO.

JA: JUST AS BAD?

YES, JUST AS BAD. JARED INVITED ME AND THE KIDS DOWN TO AUSTIN FOR BREAK.

JA: TELL ME YOU SAID YES.

I ALMOST DIDN'T, KNOWING YOU WERE GOING HOME TO TALK TO DANNIE.

JA: LISTEN, CARI, DANNEEL LIKES YOU. SHIT, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, SHE LOVES YOU. NOTHING WOULD EVER CHANGE THAT, ESPECIALLY NOT WHAT WE HAVE.

WHAT DO WE HAVE?

JA: . . . there was a pause there and I waited, but his response made me smile. EVERYTHING BUT THE SEX RULE. NOW GO TO BED, DREAM OF ME AND TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT TOMORROW.

I WISH YOU WERE HERE, IT WOULD MAKE SLEEP SO MUCH EASIER.

JA: YEAH, ME TOO.

And that was our goodnight, we never were really fond of the whole good-bye thing, but I just put the phone down and closed my eyes, as I set the script on the other side of the empty bed. Sleep didn't take long to take over and before I knew it, I could hear people moving in the house.

To be continued in Turkey Time….


	19. DuckDuckGet the Point

Set after Cari's return to Vancouver in Paradoxical Plane (PS We start to see Jared's POV in this Part just not in this chapter)

Turkey Time! – J2

 **Duck, Duck…get the point – Jensen**

I looked up at Jared from the book in front of me as he entered the library room. There was a look of confusion on his face as I picked up the cup of coffee and took a sip and took my feet down from the table.

"Hey," I greeted and watched as he stopped to look over the research that cluttered the wood, before going back to the book.

"Did you get any sleep?" He questioned and I just shook my head. "Dean, you can't keep doing this. How long has it been?"

I thought for a moment and then glanced up at him. "I don't know, couple days."

"You're going to burn yourself out." He stepped over, took the book from me and looked down at the pages. "Nothing in here is going to tell us anything we need to know about Nicci, not where she is, not where she's going."

"No, but it might give us an idea why." I replied and grabbed the cup, emptied it and walked off, headed for the kitchen. I don't remember much of the in between parts, not the cut, reset, action but I just went with the story. I turned the corner to the coffee machine and poured another cup, Jared right behind me. "Sam, really, you don't need to babysit me."

"No?" I turned to him and scowled.

"No, I know what I'm doing." I walked past him to the counter and paused, putting my hands on the stainless steel. "She's been gone a week, Sam, I can't just sit here and wait for her to pop up on the radar."

"Hey, what's with the two of you? In the beginning you wanted to strangle her, now you're completely out of your head with worry, I don't get it." I just shrugged and shook my head, the Dean voice inside me helped me express what I needed to on my face, that there was no way I could explain to him that I was in love with her. "Look, I think I might have a way to find her."

"Really?" I stood straight and looked at him, kind of like "you've been holding out", and watched as he raised his eyebrows.

I followed him back to the library, where he stood by the laptop and quickly moved his fingers across the keys. Shifting my weight, I watched him turn the screen towards me.

"A stolen car report, that's what you have?" I questioned. "She's a Nephilim, what would she need a car for?"

"Cas said her powers weren't…"

"Yeah, I know," I interrupted, worry in my voice, they had been wonky since that scene, but the fans knew that and there was no need to repeat. "So, she stole a car, bet she dumped the low-jack."

"She did, actually, right there in the parking lot, but…" he typed a little more, "the tags were still on the car, and a transponder."

"You really think she didn't notice an electronic toll transponder?" I looked at him as if he weren't serious.

"Well, she didn't at least for the first few hundred miles, so we have a direction." I looked at him, and let out a breath before I ran a hand through my hair.

"Where's she headed?"

"Sioux Falls." Jared replied and looked at me as I stared at him confused.

CUT, SET!

Time to roll, but there was still something missing from my day. I rolled my eyes, looked at the cell phone that I dug out of my pocket and watched as Jared walked over. I closed my eyes, took in a deep breath and shook my head.

"Yeah," he stated, not even bothering to ask, "me either."

"What the fuck!" I growled and put the thing back in my pocket. "She should have sent something by now, she's been in the air, what, three hours?"

"I don't know, she never texted to tell me when she was leaving." Jared grabbed one of the chairs from the table and plopped down, putting his feet up. How was it that we were so comfortable on set that we could just sit in the bunker for hours?

"I didn't get anything either," I turned my chair to face him but mimic the actions of his legs. I heard the footsteps behind me as Jared looked up and gave a half-smile. Misha came around and pulled one of the extra chairs from the next table over. He wasn't even supposed to be on set today, his part was waiting for her to arrive, and first thing in the morning.

"Anything?" Misha questioned, looking back and forth between us.

"Nada." Jared groaned and put his head back. "Who let this little pain in the ass fly alone anyway?"

"It's not like we had a choice in it." I grumbled and sighed, knowing that Jared didn't mean anything.

The three of us sat there quietly for a while, our phones all out on the table just waiting.

The first text came through about an hour later, and by that time Jared was almost asleep, Misha was drawing some sort of little sketch on the back of his script and I was staring up at the ceiling but every device seemed to go off at once, and not just one ping, about ten came through at once.

Cari: OKAY, LEAVING NOW.

Cari: AT THE AIRPORT, WHY AREN'T YOU GUYS ANWERING?

Cari: WHAT THE HOLY HELL GUYS? WE'RE UP IN THE AIR.

Cari: SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH THIS PHONE, ARE YOU EVEN GETTING THESE?

Cari: TOOK A PILL, NERVES ARE SHOT, SOME SNOW STORM.

Cari: I MISS YOU ALL!

Cari: DID I MENTION THIS PHONE WAS BEING A DOUCHE?

Cari: HEY, LAYOVER IN DENVER!

Cari: BACK IN THE AIR. I'M STARTING TO THINK YOU GUYS ARE ON SET. HELLO? MISHA?

Cari: OKAY, SO TOTALLY NOT OFFENDED THAT NONE OF YOU ARE HERE, BUT I'M ON MY WAY.

That last one had me up and staring at my phone. When was that sent? They all came through at the same time but from her messenger, not from a text. Jared stared at me, as Misha sat forward and all three of us stood about to head towards the door when we all stopped and looked at the woman standing in the doorway, her arms crossed, eyes narrowed but she was leaning with a little smirk across her lips.

"I leave for five days and I come back to the three of you hanging out in the _bunker_?" She questioned, her voice not even close to actually being upset.

"We just got your messages," Misha spoke softly as he stood frozen in his spoke.

"I know, I heard them go off as soon as I got in the building. I was on the phone with the company on the way here, apparently there's some glitch in the system and only calls were going through." She shrugged and stepped away from the door.

Jared was the first one to move, his strides putting her in his arms in less time it took for her to blink and she smiled as he lifted her off the ground, holding her tightly. Misha was next, not too far behind Jared but patient enough to let the big man get his fill before he let her go. The black-haired angel seemed to engulf her with his arms, and for a split second she disappeared.

I still hadn't moved, not that I didn't want to but my feet hadn't decided to work yet. This brought an interesting turn of events. I watched Misha put her down, watched that small, sly smile cross her lips and the agony of it swept through me. I had wanted to scoop her up and kiss her so deeply that it took forever for her to get the taste of me off her lips, but my heart pounded in my chest as she moved slowly closer.

My lips parted as I tried to breath, because there was no way I was getting enough air through my nose as I watched her approach. She stopped dead in front of me, her blue eyes shined in the lights above us and I shook as her hand reached up, fingers touching just above my heart and I realized what was stopping me. The fear surfaced, the emotion I had been suppressing all day, the fear of not knowing where she was, if she had taken off, how she was doing in the air, it all came to a head and suddenly my arms were around her, my body shaking as it coursed through me and I lowered my head to her shoulders.

She was whispering, soothing me, as her hands glided over my back and up to my neck, down to my cheek where she turned my head just so slightly that she could steal a kiss without anyone being the wiser and slowly the shaking stopped, but she didn't let me go, her mouth a breath away from mine.

"Hi, sweetheart," she said softly as I backed away, licked the dryness from my lips and tried to find the will power to smile through the rest of the emotions.

"Hey, baby." I managed to spit out, but my voice cracked with those two words. She took my hands in hers and stepped back, giving me room to breathe as I looked up at both Jared and Misha who were grinning like the assholes they were.

"Come on, I'm hungry and I ordered pizza, which should be arriving at the gate sometime in the next ten minutes." She encouraged me to move, actually she seemed to drag me, but that was okay because I was on autopilot until we got to the trailer. Her stuff was inside, she had paid Rick at the gate to grab the pizza, and he agreed to bring it down. She looked at me as the other two seemed to get settled pretty quickly but I just couldn't adjust. "Jensen, what's wrong?"

I shook my head, tried to think of how to explain it and giving that hand a gentle squeeze, I pulled her off down the hall and into the bedroom where I closed the door behind her. She didn't look as if she were worried as I pressed her back against the door, and her hands came up to clench my biceps. Her head tipped back as far as it could go with the wood behind her, and I tried not to smile at the surprise in her eyes. Slowly, I moved in, brushing faint little kisses over her mouth, and even those small touches brought her arching up against me.

I backed away only a little, just enough so that I could see into her eyes, see the reaction, know the emotions and I watched as her mouth opened, lips parted so that she could catch her breath.

"I love you," I whispered softly, those words aching in my system for the last five days, ever since I realized it, when it slipped out during a conversation with Jared. "I'm in love with you."

Her breath hitched, I could hear it, and the beat of her heart where she pressed against me went wild as she took a second to let the words sink in, just moments that seemed like an eternity. "I love you too, Jensen, more than anything."

My body found itself right then, quite quickly, as if it had been waiting on a cue, as those words left her mouth. I was all hands, all fumbles and everything about her kiss set me on fire but the flames were doused the instant the door vibrated with Jared's heavy hand.

"Pizza's here!" He laughed through the seam and I backed away closing my eyes, leaning my head back.

"Go away!" I ordered and listened to the laugh deepen.

"Nope," he teased. "You can't hog her all night, Ackles!"

"The hell I can't!" I smiled, but stepped back as she laughed. Cari stepped aside, her brows arching up and I swung the door open wide. "You," I said as I glared at him, "suck!"

Jared just gave that classic prankster smile as he stepped aside and let me sulk passed, both of them right behind me and I glanced over at Misha as he grinned away, chomping down on the slice in his hand, not completely innocent in anything, since I was sure he knew exactly what was going on.

 **Back to life… -Cari**

I never knew that this was what I needed in my life. I never realized just what was missing. I had my kids, I loved and adored my kids, which pained me because I was so far away from them, but this part, this part I never knew I needed. There in front of me, laughing with me, carrying on a conversation that probably would have just floored anyone else, was three pieces of my heart, living breathing pieces, and one of them I was deeply and madly in love with.

I smiled as I watched them, Jared's laugh was just intoxicating as he threw back his head and let the feelings out, Misha, whose quiet one just moved his whole body as if every part was involved and then there was Jensen, whose smile lit up the room, and when it reached those green eyes, the laugh became deep and wholesome and full of everything that was life. A life I didn't know I craved until then.

There was no way this was turning into a "Never" kind of night, it was emotional, and funny and way too obnoxious for any of us to even consider breaking out the shots, but the beers were flowing, ones that I passed up on because, well, it was beer. Jensen sat on the floor between my legs as I ran my hands over the shaved, soft part of his hair, as the three of them went on about some story that I was familiar with but not necessarily paying attention to, I was too focused on the way my fingers felt against him.

"How was the flight?" Misha questioned, bringing me out of the little daze I was in and my eyes whipped up just about the same time as my head. "In fact, you haven't told us anything about your week."

"Hmm," I smiled and sat forward, my fingers traveling own the length of Jensen's face, softly stroking his neck. "Getting home was fun, dinner, time with the kids, Kathy and Mom, and then I was up most of the night."

"Yeah, sorry about that." Jared mumbled and Jensen put his head back, giving me a pout.

"Oh, it wasn't you guys, I was just not used to the time change. Saturday we spent getting things in order, checking out stores, grabbing supplies for the house, food and stuff. The kids went to their dad's."

"You would think that you could keep them for that one weekend." Jensen grumbled and I smoothed my hand over his cheek.

"It was okay, it gave me a few hours to get around to visit, not that there are a lot of people to check in with," I raked my hand back through the length of hair on his head and listened to him give a deep moan, which Jared smiled at. "So, Sunday we went to Boston, to the aquarium, got to see the penguins. Monday school for them, paperwork and stuff for me, and I kept them out of school today to have breakfast with me before I got on the plane."

"Sounds like a fun week." Misha smiled, and I nodded.

"Still miss them though," I sighed and shook my head, "but they were right there when I Skyped, all three of them on their toes telling me some kind of story."

"Hey," Jensen smiled and took my hand, "a few more weeks and we'll be on hiatus and you'll be in Austin with us."

"They're pretty excited for that too," I smiled. "Roe and Shain have never been on a plane but Rye went down to DC with his eighth grade class, he absolutely loved the plane."

"So are you coming before or after Christmas?" Jared questioned, grabbing a handful of chips.

"Probably before, the two younger ones have to make an appearance at least the weekend after Christmas."

"Okay, I'll let Gen know." I smiled at Jared, very excited to see his family and Jensen's. We had a few odd weekends together in the beginning and everything seemed to go well, despite the weird relationship we had.

"So what do we have, about two weeks and then we're on Thanksgiving break?" I questioned and watched as they all looked at me. "I swear sometimes I feel like I live on a plane."

"So come home with me." Misha shrugged, and I looked up at him, shaking my head.

"I already told him that he could have the kids for Thanksgiving so it's just a matter of going home and coming back. No big deal." I smiled at him and watched as Jensen put his head back. "How did it wrap up?"

"Ugh!" Misha grumbled and I smiled at his response.

"Sounds like it went well."

Misha ran out the door about an hour later. He realized that he had things to do at home, and since his house was in Washington, it was a two hour drive. I could feel Jared's eyes on me as I put my head back on the couch and stared at the ceiling. Jensen himself was lying with his head on my lap playing with the end of my hair as the three of us sat there quietly.

"I'm going to go back to the trailer," Jared whispered, standing up. I felt Jensen's head turn in his direction but it was the way the shadow loomed over me that made me pick my head up, just in time to have Jared's wet lips against mine in a gentle kiss. I smiled as he backed away, gave Jensen a slap on the stomach and walked towards the door. "I'll see you both in the morning."

"Goodnight, Jared." I smiled and watched him blow me another kiss, his eyebrows raised. Jen just waved as he cleared his throat and looked up at me. I put my head back on the couch, my fingers running through his hair and down the side of his face. "What a long freaking day."

"I know just how to help you," he smiled and sat up. Curiousness was way too much of a good thing when it came to Jensen Ackles, but I had never regretted ever going along with his "help" in the past. He got off the couch and pulled me up, leading me down to the bedroom.

The door wasn't even shut before his hands tangled up in my hair and his mouth pressed hard against mine. He always had a need at first, a need to claim what was his before his kisses became softer and this time was no different. He turned me so that I moved with him as he stepped forward, the bed pressed against my lower legs and slowly he leaned down, giving me no choice but to follow. Before I knew it I was under him, the weight of Jensen was just as erotic as the smell of him and I closed my eyes, letting the feel of his hands and lips flow over me.

Things moved progressively faster than I had imagined. Maybe it was the five days, maybe it was the way he had left things or maybe, just maybe it was the need for him to let me touch him. Just by touch and kiss alone I was falling over the edge before I knew what hit me, and I wasn't quite about it either but I never let the momentum stop, just as his moved to claim me once again, I turned the tables.

He was now the one on the bed, shirtless, like I was and down to his boxers, but that was not the way I intended him to stay. I straddled his laps, my breast pressed against his chest as I pulled my lips just a breath away from his. I stared down into his green eyes as his hands rested on my hips, holding me steady as he moved his own upwards, creating more friction between us as I felt the evidence of his extreme emotions against the soft spot that connected us. Thank God for panties because it was almost too much.

I licked my lips, just a gesture to wet them but he moaned as the tip of my tongue touched him softly. My hand moved from his neck where I had placed it slowly down the curves of his muscles, along the sides of his ribs and he tired his hardest to keep his eyes open. I heard him swallow hard, his lips parting afterwards as my hand slipped in under the waistband of his boxer-briefs. A low groan, almost a growl escaped him as I wrapped my hand around him, giving him a playful squeeze. His head tipped back away from me that time, and I watched his eyes roll as I slowly moved over him. He had given me full access to his neck and damn if I wasn't going to take him up on that offer. With nips and kisses, I moved from his lips, down to the sensitive part of his neck and back up to his lips. Keeping only the small amount of distance that our bodies created between us, I could feel him start to harden more.

I smiled, loving the noises he was making, the faces and the expressions as he bit down on his bottom lip. A small whine came from him and that in turn made me moan. This man, just holding him, touching him like this had me about ready to bust so I could imagine what he was feeling. With my free hand I slipped my fingers under his neck and brought his eyes to mine.

"I want to watch." I whispered, not the first time I had ever said those words to him, but he didn't do much more then nod his head, as if his ability to speak had been stripped away. "Don't move yet."

Without stopping the motions of my hands, I glided down off from him until I was kneeling on the floor, one hand around him, the other pulling the fabric from him body. He let out what almost sounded like a yelp when my lips came down on his hipbone and I traced them from one side down to the middle just before they reached his sex and back up, smiling at the sounds that he couldn't control.

His hands came down in my hair, gathering up fistfuls as his hips arched up against me. Oh the pure torture of looking at him like this, of holding him and feeling him. It was almost too much for me.

"Sit up, Jen." I said softly and watched as he moved, his whole body shaking and he propped himself up with his arms, elbows quivering. His eyes came down to catch mine as I moved closer, my lips brushing faintly along the taunt skin and his legs started to shake as he let out what sounded like a laugh but also a cry at the same time. "One rule, Jen, you have to warn me." He looked down at me quickly, unsure of what he was hearing but it seemed to register quickly as my tongue flicked out against him. "Okay?"

"Yeah," he said in a breathless effort to hold on for dear life. "Okay." He nodded and sucked in a breath as I wrapped my mouth around him, taking in as much of him as I could. "Oh…My…God!"

I smiled even as he filled me and began to move at a steady pace. The words that escaped him were something between swearing and praying and I felt him tighten up quickly, even as I reached down and cupped him. That was it, that was what did it in, having everything about him in the palm of my hands and as my eyes focused on his, when his head whipped down to look straight at me and shook his head, a deep growl came up from his throat. That was my signal and teasingly moved away at the last second, letting the warmth of him spill over onto my hands as I stared up at his face, his expression was one of pure ecstasy.

When he was done, when every last little bit of pent up drive was spent from him, he let those weakened elbows bend and I watched him lay back on the bed. For a moment, I just knelt there, enjoying the view spread out before me, but I grabbed the towel that I had purposely placed beside the bed when I arrived, and stood. Jensen looked up at me, his hands suddenly up in the air, as if he wasn't sure if he should stop me or pull me in as I stepped up between his legs.

He looked completely confused as I cleaned him up and walked into the bathroom, washed my hands and came back with a warm washcloth that I handed to him. His bright green eyes were locked on mine as he finished what I had started while I climbed up on the bed beside him and lay on my side. He watched me for a second, pulled on his boxers and reached for me. Sliding back on the bed, Jensen pulled me into his arms, and I smiled as I rested my head against his chest, listening to the beat of his heart and the way that his breathing slowly lessened.

I felt his lips against my head as he put his arm behind his and propped himself up. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too," I moved my head and put my hand under my chin as I looked up into his eyes. "You never did tell me what happened at home."

Jensen smiled and shook his head. "I told her what was going on, what happened and how I felt."

"You told her what happened the night before?" He nodded his head slowly, "and?"

"She said just to remember the rules," he shrugged. "It's not like she hasn't…I can't say played because I'm not playing with you, but you know what I mean."

"I do," I smiled, "and what about how you felt."

"She knows I come home to her," he sighed and smiled at me. "She told me I couldn't help who I loved and if it meant that I loved you both she was okay with it." I watched his face darken, as if what was going through his mind made him sad. "Are you?"

"Am I okay with you loving us both?"

"Yeah, it's not weird to you?" I sat up more, using my elbow to prop myself up so I could see his face.

"Jen, I didn't come into this blind, I knew who you were, who you _are_ ," I grinned and watched as he rolled his eyes, which meant that it was one of those grins, "you know I have a pretty open mind."

"I know, I just don't want you to get hurt." He gently slipped his hand behind my neck and pulled me down to his lips but stopped just before he kissed me. "I love you too much to see you hurt."

"If you didn't love me, that would be the only way that this would ever hurt me." I answered and closed the distance between us.


	20. Welcome to My Nightmare

**Welcome to my Nightmare – Jared**

Shit!

The sun was up, the sky was…gray…and I was headed towards the gym, script in hand, when I saw Cari's trailer door open. For a moment I stopped and watched as she stepped out, peaked back inside and closed it slowly. It was 5:30 in the morning, what was she doing up? She zipped the coat she was wearing and walked swiftly in my direction, looking down as she fought with it, but stopped dead in her tracks when she saw me.

"Hey," I whispered as she slowly started to come closer, and that's when I saw it. Her eyes were red and puffy and when she smiled, it was quick and not so convincing. "Cari?"

"Hey," she replied and cleared her throat. Her eyes darted around as she stood there but finally they came up to rest on mine. She looked like she wanted to say something else but the words were alluding her. I stepped forward, watched as she jumped a bit and I was shocked to see every muscle on her tense up.

"Cari," I spoke softly, reaching out my hand slowly as I inched closer. She never took her eyes off from me, but they were ones filed with fear and anxiety. When I finally rested my fingers against her cheeks, I felt her quake; that would be the only word to describe it. "What happened?"

"It was just," her eyes looked away and for the first time she actually looked afraid, but she cleared her throat and brought her eyes back to mine. Instantly, I watched her defenses go up and the fear faded. "I think it was just a nightmare."

"That wasn't JUST anything," I tucked my script into my jacket pocket and moved my other hand to grasp her. I didn't move her, I moved towards her, wrapping my arms around her as low as I could go so my cheek was close to her ear. "You don't have to be afraid."

"I'm not afraid." Her voice was just above audible and as much as I wanted to smile at her self-affirmation, I couldn't. She really was trying to convince herself that she wasn't afraid of whatever had happened in her sleep.

Finally, after a moment of standing there, her arms moved and her hands dipped inside my coat, finding my waist without the bulky material. I was glad to feel them, happy to have them around me and she let out a sigh. Her whole body seemed to relax at that point and her head leaned into mine.

"Come on," I sighed, "let's get you back in."

"I can't go back," she stated and this made me pull away so that I could look into her eyes, the fear was rising in those bright, blue, glassy eyes and that in itself scared me. "There's so much blood."

Okay, that was a shock, and I moved my hands, placing them against her face as I cupped her cheeks and kept her focus on me. "Where's Jensen?"

"Asleep," she answered in a nonchalant kind of way.

"Did you leave a note?" I asked, and watched as she looked at me in confusion, "did you tell him where you were going?" Again there was no answer, but that was when I noticed it, the lack of so many other emotions, except the fear. "Where was the blood?"

"Everywhere." She tried to turn her head in my hand to look at the trailer but she couldn't and her body began to shake as the grip that was no on my shirt tightened. "Jared, there's blood everywhere."

That was it; that was what tipped me off. She was sleepwalking. I closed my eyes and moved swiftly, because I knew that any real jostle could have brought her to the waking world and in a state of pure panic. I moved my hand, pressed her too me and scooped her legs up, carrying her bridal style back to the trailer.

Once inside, I watched as she kept her eyes tightly closed while I made my way through the tiny space to the couch. Slowly, I sat down, still holding her as much as I could and I used one hand to remove her boots, then skillfully took off her coat before moving onto my own. I guess the gym was out of the question, but it didn't matter, she needed me more.

It took her a minute to relax, but I never released my arms as they stayed wrapped snuggly around her, one across her lower back, holding her to me and the other I had up across her shoulders, my fingers caressing her arm. She had her head pressed against my chest, tucked down so that I could hear her breathing, but as she eased back into a restful sleep, her head dropped back against the fold.

With a smile, I looked down over her face. I could see why Jensen loved her, Hell, I loved her too but I could see the reasons he was IN love with her. She was beautiful and strong, badass and a spitfire, but for all of that she was everything a woman should be, caring and soft, kind and loving. I chanced to move my arm from her back and brought my hand up, letting my fingers caress her forehead as I moved the hair from her face.

She was definitely asleep now and I was hoping not to wake her. The sound of the springs on the bed made me fully aware of the man in the other room and Jensen quickly bolted out, dressed only in his boxers. His eyes were full of sleep but I could see the way his fist clenched as he looked around. For just a second, he stared at me like he was completely unsure of what I was doing there, but then he saw the woman in my arms and every ounce of him relaxed.

Rubbing his eyes, Jensen sat down on the chair across from me and placed his elbows on his knees letting out a few ragged breaths before looking up. His face didn't seem confused but his eyes just watched the movements of my hands, as if he were using them as an extension of himself.

"What the hell happened?" He finally asked as quietly as he could.

"She came running out, said there was blood everywhere and I realized that she was sleepwalking." I shrugged, because yeah, any other way of explaining it would sound so much more logical. "I just brought her back here and she fell asleep."

"Like that?" It was amazing how sometimes early in the morning Jensen sounded just like "Dean", but as I gave him a small shrug, he just nodded and stood, moving towards the kitchen. "You want some coffee?"

"Sure, as soon as you tell me how I'm going to drink it with your girlfriend sitting on my lap," I smiled up at him as he looked at me from over the counter.

He raised a finger as if to tell me I had a point, but he moved back towards me and squatted down, slipping his arms under her knees and shoulders. I watched as Jensen lifted her, not that there was much to her and turned to set her gently down in one of the chairs. Cari let out a shallow moan, and shivered for a second before Jensen placed a cover over her. I watched as he leaned down and tenderly kissed her on the forehead before he walked back into the kitchen.

"Now," he said as he grabbed two cups, and looked over at me, "Coffee?"

 **Nightmare on Set - Jensen**

I watched her with some unease as she walked around the bunker set. The way that Jared had found her this morning, sleepwalking out in the cold, talking about blood being everywhere, had me worried, hell, I was beyond worried. I was terrified. She didn't seem to remember anything about it when she woke up, in fact she didn't even remember getting from the bed to the living room, and I was okay with that but I noticed that with every little noise came a flinch of her body.

She was running her lines in her head, mouthing the words as she moved, her hands going in twenty different directions as she made the gestures that she had become so accustomed to but the moment something dropped, her body instantly went into a fight or flight stance. She would be one badass hunter if Supernatural was real because I have never seen anyone move that fast. I stepped further onto set as they brought the cameras in and leaned up against the door to the kitchen hallway, my hands in the pocket of my jeans, foot crossed at the ankles and smiled as she resumed her work.

Jared came up behind me, not wanting to get in the way of the crew, and he stood just to the side of me, taking up the rest of the doorway.

"Hey," he greeted and I gave him my best smile, trying to drown out the concern on my face. "How's she doing?"

I shrugged, "she doesn't remember anything but she's pretty jumpy."

"Well, whatever she saw had her running, so I'm going to guess she's going to be that way for most of the day." I turned to him as he watched her, and I'm pretty sure the look on his face was a mirror of my own.

"Thanks for taking care of her," he looked up at me, one eyebrow up.

"Jen, you don't have to thank me."

"I just don't know…" I started but stopped, this wasn't the place to admit things, not with all these people around and Jared knew it. He just gave me a nod and patted me on the shoulder but I wondered if he really knew how much it meant that I could trust her with him, because there was no one I trusted more. "When is Misha getting here, don't we need to get this thing started?"

"Make-up," Jared replied and I had to roll my eyes. He knew everything, like where everyone was at any given time and they didn't even have to be guest stars or co-stars, you could pick a name out of a hat and the guy would come up with the correct location. That was what Jared did, just like what Cari was doing with the lines. The little ticks that made them work, and I smiled, shaking my head. "I also sent him for coffee."

"You didn't order her that Chai stuff, did you?" I asked, and looked at him, the grin forming on his face. "She's going to hate you, man."

"I told him to put Chai on the cup but make it a coffee, just to lighten the mood." Just as he said that, we both watched as Cari put in her earbuds, and cranked up the music on her phone. The two of us smiled at the way her fingers went with the beat in her ears and she made her way up the stairs to the top of the landing. "Yeah, on second thought, maybe coffee isn't what she needs."

"It's certainly what I need," I laughed and turned to walk past him. He followed me, after taking a moment to look up at her. The two of us made our way down the hallway and I stopped, turned and looked at Jared, who screeched to a halt beside me. I put my hand up, in one of these "let me get this straight" kind of moves, but took a second to do anything, which had him looking at me completely confused. I looked up and down the hallway and stepped closer. He didn't moved, I mean it wasn't like we didn't stand that close all the time, but this time I was doing it so that I could whisper. "You kissed her last night."

I had never seen Jared's face turn so red before, and he gave me a sly kind of smile as his hand came up and rubbed the back of his neck. I watched as he fought for the words, as if he needed to make up some kind of reason for his action.

"Look, Jen," he started, the nervous twitch in his body told me that he wasn't even sure where to go with this conversation, "I'm sorry, it just kind of happened."

"With me lying on her lap?" I had no idea why he was getting so ramped up, I was the one standing there with a cheesy ass grin on my face.

"Jen, I didn't mean to…" God, I loved when I could make him trip over his words and I finally got him to look at me, I mean really look at the smile on my face. I patted him on the stomach with the back of my hand twice and pointed at him, trying to make my face a stern as possible.

"Just keep it PG!" I barked and raised my eyebrows. "No tongue."

I watched his face go slack, as if he weren't even sure what the hell happened, before I winked at him and continued to move on down the hall. I heard him let out a breath and all I could picture was him leaning against the wall with his head back. Yep, it was going to be an interesting day.

Misha arrived just in time! I swiped the coffee from him and sat back in one of the black fabric chairs that had my name on it, actually I don't know if it was mine or Jay's but at that point, I didn't care. I watched him as he moved through a dozen people, finding Jared once again standing in the bunker doorway, and Cari at the top of the stairs where he coerced her to come down and get the cup, which wasn't really the Chai that it was made out to be.

She removed the lid, sniffed it and rolled her eyes in Jared's direction, a small little smirk spreading across her face as she sat down on the bottom step. Her eyes seemed to scan the room as she took a sip of the hot beverage but when they landed on me, I thought I might just die. With the lighting hitting them just right, they looked as if they were glowing and the way she stared was dangerous and full of sex.

I shifted in my chair, giving her a little smirk back and watched as the corners of her lips turned up when she pulled the cup away. Misha was talking to her, nudging her leg until her attention fell to him, but as he spoke, her eyes shifted back up and she looked at me from under her hair. Very interesting day, indeed.

Happy I could sit out this scene, I stayed quiet and watched the way that it played out. I had seen her work before, Hell, I purposely stayed hidden on set JUST to watch her work, but I had never witnessed the interactions between her, Jared and Misha, not in this light.

Just before set was called, Cari disappeared, she was gone for no more than ten minutes but that was when they called action. Jared walked into the main hall, turned towards the camera, which gave us a view of the library tables and took two steps up before raising his eyes. In typical Jared fashion, he jumped, dropping the book on the floor as he stared. The camera fixed on Misha would now catch a shot of the angel standing there.

"Hello, Sam." Misha's deep Cas voice seemed to be echoing today.

"Jesus, Cas, a little warning would be nice." Jared grumbled and bent down, picking up the book as he sighed. He placed the leather-bound edition on the table and turned towards Misha who had stepped closer, letting a little worry cross his face. "What's up?"

"Where's Dean?" Misha questioned.

"He went out for a store run, Cas, what's going on?" This was the great part of sitting in the chair, I didn't have lines but I knew every one of them.

"It's Nic," Misha whispered, and I had totally forgotten about this part. Jared's actions were completely on point, he shifted uneasy, stepped closer to Misha and turned his head just a bit.

"You know where she is, don't you?"

"Yes, she was in Sioux Falls with Jody, but Sam, she's not there anymore." Again with the confusion as Misha continued. "I put her in Dean's bedroom."

"You did what?" He stopped and stared at him for just a second and that was when they yelled "cut!"

I stood when they moved to head towards the bedroom set but when I stepped away from the chair a little hand snaked around my arm and I looked down at Cari, not at all surprised to see blood on her face this time, and she gave me a wicked smile. Stepping up to Jared and Misha, the four of us stood in a small circle, waiting for the scene to set but I noticed the way that Misha was looking down at her.

"Did you sleep okay?" He asked, always observant of her.

"I slept like crap, thank you very much, but I was very well protected and warm," she answered, her brows creasing, "why are you asking?"

"You look tired," he replied, just as nonchalantly as she did and I shook my head.

"Sleepwalking will do that to you," Jared whispered and I looked up at him. He still had that look of worry on his face whenever he looked at her, but it might have been more of the fact that he was curious of her dream. Cari rolled her eyes, tucked herself more into my arms as I wrapped one around her shoulder and she closed her eyes. "Well, let's go do this."

Cari snuck out from under my arm, bound over to the table and grabbed her coffee as Misha and her walked down the hallway towards the bedroom. I smiled as I watched the way her body moved when she walked away from me but it was Jared's pat my arm that brought me back to the real world and I cleared my throat, stuck one hand in the pocket of my jeans, hoping to hide the evidence of just watching her created.

"We need to talk," he said softly and I turned to look up at him. I grinned because I knew just what he was going to say.

"Jay, it was only a kiss," I watched as his lips tightened, and I could tell that he didn't see it that way, of course, neither did I.

"It shouldn't have happened." I laughed and shook my head, looking at the cup in my hands.

"Just like the one in the bathroom should have never happened after that scene, or any other time after that, but it did." I looked up at him once again and watched as he shifted his weight. "You can't help who you love, Jay, you told me that."

"But she's yours," he sighed.

"No," I shook my head and glanced down the hallway at the blue-eyed woman that stared us down. She was responding to Misha but her eyes were darting back and forth between us. That sly, little, knowing grin had the heat rushing through me and I turned to Jared. "She's ours." Jared exhaled, a bit over exaggerated for me but I couldn't help but see the conflict in his eyes. "Face it, dude, you have it bad for her, just as much as I do."

"And you're okay with this?"

"You know what she told me last night?" I smiled and turned completely to him. "That she didn't come into this blind, that she knew who I was, and I'm telling you the same thing. Neither of us are going into this with our eyes closed, with an expectation that she will always be one or the others, and to be honest, Jared, if she was going to love someone else, I would rather it be you above anyone."

"She doesn't love me, not like she loves you." He shook his head.

"No, but not kicking you down when you kissed her tells me one thing, she does love you in some way." I took a deep breath and watched his face. "Just take it slow, take it easy, and let her make the next move. Maybe… maybe we'll all figure it out."

I gave him a wink as they called us down and listened as he gave a "hmm" kind of noise before he followed me.

As I stood just off camera, waiting on my cue, I saw Jared round the corner quickly into the room and stopped, staring at the woman lying motionless on the bed. His breath caught, but his chest heaved as he looked at the bloody state she was in. Her face was covered in blood, cuts and scrapes graced her skin and the black and blue of the punches she took were beginning to darken and swell. She certainly knew how to put up a fight but there was something wrong with this picture.

He knelt on the bed, cupping her face in his hands as he moved her gently, taking in a quick scan of her wounds before he turned to Misha. "What the hell happened to her?"

"I'm not sure," Misha whispered, "but whatever it is, I can't heal her."

"What?" Jared looked at him more concerned now than before. "What could have done this to her that even you can't heal?"

"I don't know, Sam, but this is the safest place for her to be right now." Misha watched as Cari moaned when Jared moved from the bed. Getting a strange look of uncertainty, the angel titled his head as Jared grabbed the end of her shirt and rolled it up to just below her bra line. There, marking her entire ribcage was deep hints of black.

"Her ribs are broken."

I made my debut at that moment. "Sammy?" I questioned as I went to go by but stopped and looked at the two men standing in my room. "What…?" My feet stopped moving as I looked over Cari, at the blood on her face, the bruises on her stomach and I moved quickly, pushing Jared aside. I debated in my actions on whether or not to even touch her, but I turned towards Misha. "What happened?"

"She was attacked," that got him a roll of my eyes, "I didn't make it there in time to get a look at what did it, but she called out to me. This was how I found her."

"So you brought her here?" I made it come out as a snap, but I also tried to keep my voice a little uneven as I shook my head. "Can you heal her?"

"No, she has to do that on her own." Misha answered and I reached down a shaky hand, pushing her blood-caked hair from her face. In an effort to control my emotions, I turned and walked towards the door. "Dean?"

"I'm going to get a washcloth and the first aid kit." I answered and walked out the door, leaving Jared and Misha to watch me leave.

Jared leaned against the dresser, his arms crossed over his chest as he watched me gently wipe the blood from her face, once that was clean, I moved her shirt, watched the rise and fall of her chest as the camera panned in on my hand running gently over the curve of her ribs.

"Son of a Bitch!" I growled and pulled the shirt down slowly, I stood and moved towards the dresser, placing my fist on the wood. I was supposed to be contemplating what she might have been thinking but what I was really doing was trying to get myself under control from the fact that I was touching her so softly and she had shivered under my fingers. After a moment to compose myself, I turned to Jared. "She needs a doctor."

"She's a nephilim, what is a doctor going to do for her?" Jared questioned.

"I don't know, maybe make sure she's not bleeding to death! I snapped and looked at him helplessly. "We can't just sit back and hope she wakes up."

"There's nothing else we can do, Dean," Jared whispered.

"Sam's right, we can't take her out of the bunker." Misha spoke up appearing in the doorway, I turned to him quickly.

"Can you at least be a little helpful and let me know if she's going to live?" I could see the faces of both of them. Dean wasn't supposed to care this much, not about Nic, but he did and this was one of those hot/cold scenes.

Misha gave me a tight-lipped expression as he walked over to the bed, and I stepped back as he placed his hand over her stomach, not quite touching it but just letting it hover there. He closed his eyes and when visual FX was done, there would be a soft glow under his palm. Misha held the face for a moment and then closed his hand, stood and turned to me.

"She's not dying," he stated bluntly, "she's just injured. I fixed what I could of her ribs, a few were broken, but easily repaired, the other damage, that's something I can't do anything about."

"Well, when will she wake up?" I snapped, this time Jared moved away from where he was standing, trying to close the distance between himself and me as I became visibly upset.

"I don't know." Cas admitted and the shock, no, the fear swept over my face.

CUT!

I released the breath I was holding, and looked down at Cari, who had opened her eyes to see the three of us standing above her. I couldn't help the smile that crossed my lips as she slowly sat up and looked around.

"I'm starving, when's lunch?" And with that she was out of the bed and out the door, leaving the three of us behind.


	21. Rainbows and Lollipops

**Rainbows and Lollipops – Cari**

I watched Jared as he stood on the other side of the room, his eyes constantly flicking in my direction as he spoke to the young woman, I believe her name was Aileen, and it wasn't that it was anything unusual for him to keep an eye on me, even with Jensen sitting right across the table, but the emotion in his blue-green eyes had me curious.

"What's up with Jay?" I questioned and watched as Jensen took a bite of his burger, glanced back at the man and shrugged, before catching my eyes. "Oh, don't give me that crap, Ackles, you two know everything there is to know about each other." I laughed as Jensen nodded in agreement but didn't bother to respond. "What happened?"

"Nothing happened," Jensen finally replied, putting the burger down as he wiped his lips. "He's just a little…unsure."

"Unsure of what?"

"Babe, what's with the twenty questions?" I stopped for a second, never having heard that tone from him before, and watched his expression as he sighed.

"I'm sorry, am I bothering you?" I asked, putting the coffee cup down rather hard on the table. Jensen looked up at me, and I could tell something was bothering, but he was silent, as he gave just a little shake of his head. "Okay."

I licked my lips, stood and walked away from him, throwing the cup in the trash. I didn't bother to look at any of them as I moved through the crowd, disappearing into the sea of bodies that surrounded the food. Did he follow? Did I care? Well yeah, of course I care, but the fact that he wouldn't talked to me seemed to bother me more than anything.

I decided not to go back to my trailer, because if any of them did follow, that would be the first place they looked, and I forgot my coat. The next place was Jensen and Jared's, again, no coat. But, they didn't know about my little hiding spot, a place that I went when I really wanted to be alone, and it probably wasn't the safest place ever because of the way it was constructed but it always held my weight.

The Stairs to Nowhere, set up on the back soundstage, in a darkened spot where they only went one place, up to a platform and the light that shined through the windows that graced the top of the building. There was very little light, not that I really needed any, but as I climbed those steps, finding myself at the top, I felt content to just sit with my legs dangling off the sides, looking up at the filtered light through the dirty windows.

Thoughts flowed through my head, not of what was I thinking, but about what Jensen might be, or Jared for that matter. Both had been acting a little strange that morning, one because of a nightmare, one because of something different, something I couldn't quite put my finger on. With a groan, I laid back on the wood, which was surprisingly clean despite the fact that I was sure no one came up there to sweep.

I placed my hands behind my head and closed my eyes.

It seemed like only a second passed, but when I sat up, thinking I had missed my call, I found myself in my trailer, knife in hand. My heart raced, my feet didn't want to move, but where I was in the bedroom didn't do me any good when something was moving in the kitchen. The knife that I held wasn't mine, it was one that Nic carried on set, a Bowie, her Spectrum blade, which shined different shades of purples, pinks, greens and blues, but why was I holding it.

Flipping it in my hand, I took a deep breath, glanced down at the empty bed and moved from the bedroom. It was an almost instantaneous twist in my stomach as I looked over my bland colored wall, once that were now coated in red splattered, and I don't just mean on the walls, everything was covered in blood. In the kitchen, not far away, was something lurking behind the counter, and with silent steps and almost equally silent breaths, which I know I would never had pulled off if I was conscious, I stepped up to the counter.

The first thing I saw were bare legs, and ones I knew oh so well, but they were laying on the linoleum twitching unnaturally. I swallowed back my fear as I rounded the counter to see something, some sort of monster, straddling the limp body of Jensen. I wanted to scream, wanted to just let out what was inside, especially when I looked down at the blank stare his eyes were giving me, already turning that cloudy shade of death.

With as much anger as I could put behind it, I kicked out with my bare foot, knocking into the backside of whatever was feeding on him and I watched as the dark mass turned towards me, its face covered in Jensen's blood, and I caught a quick glance at the gaping hole in the man's neck. Readying the blade as it stood, I looked at the creature in front of me that had no real features, no solid mass that I could made out except that mouth full of sharp teeth.

I backed away, my breathing becoming almost too erratic for me to keep up and bumped into the coffee table. Remind me to slap Jared for rearranging my living room the next time I saw him, if I ever saw him again. The thing inched closer, what the hell was it, and what did I need to do to stop it. Instinct took over and I swung with the blade, slicing through the blackness and it howled in pain. YES! The Bowie worked.

I was in full hunter mode, whatever that meant, but I knew then what I needed to do to stop it. It rushed me, grabbing me by one arm as its teeth snapped down on my shoulder, digging in and I know I screamed, whether in reality or just the dream, and it was loud and angry. I used my free arm, the one not pained by its attack and jabbed the knife as far up and into it as I could.

It backed away, stumbling back, still hissing, still growling, but I brought the bloody knife, if you could call the goop that coated it blood, and swung sideways, as hard and swift as I could, feeling it catch only for a second on the vertebrae in its neck before it sliced completely through.

I let my breath go, but the head didn't move, instead I looked up and saw Jared standing there, hands clutched at his throat as the red blood cascaded down, his eyes filled with shock.

With a start, I sat straight up and looked around. I could hear my name, first in Jared's voice and then in Jensen's. My cellphone vibrated against my leg and I fumbled to unclip it before I watched the insane amount of text messages that flowed to it, messages from both.

"Hey," I heard Jensen's voice, at the bottom of the stairs, and before I could answer anything, I was staring at the two of them. Suddenly, they weren't the living, breathing men that stood before me, they were the dead or dying things in my dream and I shuffled back. "Cari?" Jensen's voice was his own, nothing scary about it, but I could see the spot on his throat that had been ripped open, the death in his eyes. "Hey, take it easy, it's just me."

"Jen, that's the same look she had this morning," Jared's voice had my head whipping in his direction, and I looked him over, the thin red line that graced his throat still leaked out the crimson blood onto his shirt and I shook my head. "Hey BB," he called me softly, the tone was light and full of love but I couldn't get past the death. "Come on closer, you're getting a little too close to the edge.

Too close to the edge? Oh I was pretty sure I had just jumped off the deep end!

They didn't move, didn't attempt to reach out to me as I stared for a few minutes more, watching the gore fade away as the tears began to cascade down my face. Never had I been so terrified of a dream, or had one follow me into the waking world but this one had and now I understood what Jared had been so concerned about. Was this what I had been dreaming of that morning? The blood everywhere, Jensen dead on my kitchen floor, Jared with his throat cut.

I pulled my knees to my chest and closed my eyes, hoping to stop the tears, trying to control the fear, but nothing worked, not until I felt a hand on my ankle. My eye flew open and I stared at Jensen, whose look of concern just about had me weeping again.

"Baby, you've got to come back this way, it's not safe." His voice was tender and cautious, and definitely Jensen.

"Don't call me baby," I mumbled, shaking my head, "not after what I let happen to you."

Okay, so maybe that didn't make much sense to him but it was the only thing that my brain would process.

With a deep breath in, something hard to do when you were still trying to catch it from crying, I slid closer to that hand, and he moved with me, his fingers moving up to my knee until I was sitting on the edge, legs hanging over as he stood between them. I tried not to move as his hand came up and his fingers gently pressed against my cheek, the feeling of real flesh against my skin had the tears rippling down my face once again as his arm snaked around my waist and pulled me into a crushing embrace.

Jared was suddenly as close as he could get and I felt him wrap around me as well, the smell of their cologne, their bodies intertwined and I was lost in a sea of something that was all Jared and Jensen. Jen's stubbled cheek lay against mine as his breath whispered against my ear and I could feel Jared's lips, his nose and the warmth of his mouth against the other side of my head, just behind my ear.

How did I tell them? How did I say I'm sorry for letting one of them die and for killing the other? There was no way to explain that, no way to let them know I wasn't strong enough to save one, or recognize the other.

They held me for as long as they could, which I was grateful for because there was no way I was going to be able to do anything on my own. When Jared finally backed away, when there was room enough to blink and see the light shine through, I took in as much of them as I could before I shook. Jensen's hands came up to my cheeks, pressing gently on my skin as he looked deep into my eyes and I gave him a slight nod as I brought my own hand up to grasp his wrist.

"What did you see?" He questioned, but I swallowed painfully and shook my head.

"I don't…"I started and cleared my throat, glancing over at Jared, whose eyes were full of pain, "I can't talk about it right now."

"Hey," Jen whispered as the tears started to flow once more, his fingers brushed against me as I turned back to him, "it's okay, whenever you're ready." I nodded at him and reached out my hand towards Jared, who took it firmly in his, while I was still holding Jen's wrist with the other. "We're not going anywhere, Cari, you're safe, you'll always be safe."

But that was just it, I was safe but they weren't and I couldn't get over that feeling.

I heard the footsteps before I saw the man at the bottom of the stairs and the three of us. Misha sighed, his eyes filled with worry as he looked up and shrugged.

"They want us back on set," his voice was quiet, as if he knew something was up but didn't ask.

Jared nodded, turned to me and ran his hand along my arm before he kissed me on the temple and headed down the stairs. Taking a few needed breaths, I closed my eyes and caught the racing beat of my heart, before finally looking into the loving eyes of the man in front of me. Jensen gave me a half smile, showing me some of his worry and I just rolled my eyes.

"Alright," I whispered and grabbed the other hand on my face, moving his reluctant hold, as I smiled the best I could. "This chick-flick moment is over!"

I released him, put my hands on his hips and gave him a little push to step back, but apparently my hands on his hips did just the opposite as he pushed forward and kissed me softly on the lips, lingering there for more than a moment, letting me know that he was real, and I couldn't suppress the moan that escaped me. That little noise had him back away, his forehead still pressed to mine, his nose and lips just a breath away.

"Don't ever think you're alone," he whispered, the feel of his warm breath against my chilling lips made me shiver and I thought about how weird it seemed that I could be totally afraid one moment and completely engrossed in this one man the next. "I love you."

"Jensen," I whispered, my hands sliding around his hips. Dammit! I was supposed to be pushing him away, why was I pulling him closer? At the sound of his name, I could feel the goose bumps rise on his arms, and he brought those lips just a little closer. "I love you too."

He captured me in a sensual kiss, his wet lips pulling me deeper into him and if I could have stayed there forever, washing away the fear of the dream, I certainly would have but the clear sound of Jared's loud cough had him breaking away before either of us wanted to. Jensen stepped back, his eyes going to the ceiling as he grinned, like a kid caught in the cookie jar and he turned to Jared, who had his eyebrow raised in annoyance.

"Yeah," Jensen laughed, taking my hand as he helped me down to the step, "we're coming."

"Yeah, I'm sure you would have been if I hadn't come back to get you." The man at the bottom of the stairs snickered as he started to walk away before we reached him. I rolled my eyes as we caught up and the three of us walked back to set.

 **Shouldn't you be doing something – Jared**

I still didn't get it, didn't understand the reaction she had to a nightmare, didn't get the whole reason she was scared but I did understand one thing about Cari, there was no way she was letting something as terrifying as she was feeling right then stop her from doing anything. I was pacing off set, while they were deep in the woods. I didn't even want to know what was going on but I knew one thing for sure, I really wasn't all that comfortable with her being out there in the darkness.

Jensen was on the soundstage, filming in the bunker with Misha, the second crew was out there with her filming another section of the scene, the one where she battles the monster that leads to the first part that we had filmed this morning, but it was set up to almost be a one camera deal, and I was stuck on the outskirts of the damned trees just waiting.

Jensen hadn't wanted her to go alone, not that I wanted her to be either but this was the best choice. They wanted me in the warming trailer, to keep out of the elements but I couldn't take the waiting around. As I moved back and forth, the coat bundled up around me, my hands stuffed into the pockets of my jeans, I felt my cell vibrate in my pocket. If all three of them were on set, who the hell was texting me now? But I had to smile at the name that flashed on the screen.

Cari: TELL ME YOU ARE NOT STANDING OUTSIDE IN THIS WEATHER WALKING YOUR HAPPY ASS BACK AND FORTH WAITING FOR ME TO FINISH!

How the hell did she know what I was doing? I looked around in the darkness but smiled as I replied back. I CAN'T JUST SIT INSIDE AND WAIT.

Cari: YES! YES YOU CAN!

WHAT GOOD IS IT GOING TO DO ME TO BE INSIDE WHEN I'M STILL GOING TO BE PACING.

Cari: YOU'RE AS MUCH OF AN ASS AS HE IS!

YEAH BUT YOU LOVE ME ANYWAY.

Cari: HA, YOU WISH!

YOU KNOW WHAT WE HAVEN'T DONE IN A WHILE?

Cari: ANYTHING THAT INVOLVES THE WARDROBE TRAILER?

I could tell that she was trying to lighten the mood and I just wanted to go along with her but at the same time, I just wanted her to be here instead of out there. YEAH, THAT!

Cari: OH MY GOD! DO YOU THINK WE'LL BE DONE IN TIME TO GET SOME PANCAKES?

I DON'T KNOW, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IF YOU'RE TEXTING ME? YOU SHOULD BE SHOOTING.

Cari: THEY…AH…THEY LOST THE MONSTER.

I'M SORRY, WHAT?

Cari: I GUESS THEY LOST THE PROP GUY IN THE WOODS. A COUPLE OF THEM ARE LOOKING FOR HIM, BUT I'M NOT ALONE SO DON'T FREAK OUT. JULIO IS RIGHT BESIDE ME WITH THAT DAMN CAMERA ROLLING, YOU KNOW IN CASE I RUN INTO A TREE WHILE I'M TEXTING.

I couldn't believe her luck and shook my head. DO YOU NEED ME TO DO ANYTHING?

Cari: COULD YOU BRING ME A CANDY BAR? I MEAN I'M SURE YOU HAVE SOMETHING TUCKED INTO THAT COAT OF YOURS.

NO, I'M NOT BRINGING YOU A CANDY BAR! I laughed as I texted her back and paused for a moment.

Cari: WHAT GOOD ARE YOU THEN, TALL MAN?

HEY WATCH IT, BB, I KNOW WHERE YOU SLEEP.

Cari: WOW, ARE WE GOING THERE NOW?

YOU WANNA?

Cari: DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU'RE BRINGING TO THE PARTY!

Oh, God, really. I know I started it but this time it just seemed to make me feel a bit…more.

TELL YOU WHAT, WHY DON'T I JUST MAKE IT A SURPRISE.

Cari: I HATE SURPRISES, COME ON, LET ME HAVE IT, WHAT DO YOU GOT?

MORE THAT YOU CAN HANDLE, BB!

Cari: OH, JAY, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH I COULD MAKE YOU SQUIRM RIGHT NOW.

SQUIRM OR QUIVER.

Cari: SHAKE UNTIL YOUR KNEES GIVE OUT.

DAMN, GIRL, YOU ARE THE BIGGEST PERVERT I'VE EVER MET.

Cari: ONLY WHEN I GET TO PLAY WITH THE BEST.

UGH, OKAY, IT MIGHT BE COLD BUT THIS CONVERSATION IS ABOUT TO GET TOO HEATED FOR ME, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO BE DONE?

Cari: WHEN I'M MOANING AND CLENCHING THE SHEETS.

OH, HOLY HELL!

Cari: THERE'S NOTHING HOLY IN HELL! BUT FOR YOU, I'LL TONE IT DOWN….A LITTLE.

GOOD BECAUSE JEN'S GOING TO GET AN EARFUL WHEN WE GET BACK, YOU NEED TO BE TAKEN CARE OF.

Cari: TELL ME SOMETHING, JAY, and with that, she skillfully changed the subject, WHAT THE HELL WAS UP TODAY WITH YOU AND JEN?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

Cari: GIVE ME A BREAK! YOU DON'T THINK I KNOW YOU WELL ENOUGH TO KNOW SOMETHING'S BUGGING YOU, SO SPIT IT OUT.

I sighed, yeah this was going to be an interesting conversation. I KISSED YOU LAST NIGHT.

Cari: YEAH, I KNOW, I WAS THERE.

AND JEN BASICALLY TOLD ME TO KEEP IT PG, NO TONGUE NEXT TIME. Oh, she didn't realize just how curious I was to hear her reaction to this.

Cari: SO NO TONGUE, GOT IT!

Okay, so maybe that wasn't the reaction I was expecting.

YOU KNOW THE TWO OF YOU CAN BE PRETTY AGGRIVATING! HOW ARE YOU BOTH OKAY WITH WHAT HAPPENED?

Cari: WELL, IF YOU THINK IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA, WE SHOULD TRY IT AGAIN AND SEE HOW IT FEELS.

DID YOU HIT YOUR HEAD OR SOMETHING?

Cari: ARE YOU BREAKING A RULE?

I THOUGHT YOU SAID NO EX'S BROTHERS OR FRIENDS.

Cari: I DIDN'T REALIZE HE WAS AN EX.

Wow, she was a persistent and annoying as Jen when he was in one of these moods. I'M GOING TO KISS YOU WHEN YOU COME OUT OF THE WOODS.

Cari: PROMISE?

YEAH, WHAT THE HELL! IF THE TWO OF YOU ARE GOING TO BE THIS WAY ABOUT IT, WHY NOT?

"Okay," her voice spoke up right behind me, which made me spin on my toes. I hadn't realized that I had been pacing the whole time, not even looking up as the ATV approached with her on it. I apparently hadn't even heard the engine cut, but there she was standing there in her heavy winter coat, her hands in her pockets, smiling up at me as if she had just won the lottery.

"I…ah," I fumbled as I put the phone in my pocket and watched that little half-grin she always gave Jensen spread across her face. It was the look of the little devil in her, the way she narrowed her eyes just as bit as if she were waiting to hear your excuse only to shrug it off. "Are you really going to hold me to that?"

"You promised," she shrugged and stepped closer, but I was surprised to find myself stepping back.

I watched that smile go full feature and then she bit her bottom lip. I'm pretty sure she was doing it on purpose, but before I could really get away, I bumped back into the cold metal of the warming trailer. She reached up and placed her hands on my chest, and I could feel the warmth of them through my shirt but as her body pressed closer, I felt mine shake.

"Wait," I whispered and placed my hands on hers, glancing around at the area around us. Apparently, we were the only two nutty enough to stay outside. "I can't, I'm sorry."

She smiled at me, SMILED, not that she hadn't been before but this one was real, like she was actually happy to hear it and I felt my whole body relax under her touch. She gave me a once over look and stepped back.

"You know, the two of you get pretty uptight about the littlest things." Cari shook her head. "A kiss, that was what was going on ALL day? You two were freaking out over a kiss?"

"It wasn't just…" she raised her hand up as if she had heard enough and shook her head.

"They're my lips, I can do with them as I please, and Jay, don't you think if I had an issue with it, I would have just sent my foot flying, I mean think about the position you were in," she shook her head, still observing my face. "Honestly, I think the two of you have some issues."

"Yeah, we both love you and don't want to see you hurt." I snapped, which I hadn't intended on doing but the words just came out.

"I know," she replied and backed away a bit, looking up at the sky, "and that's one of the issues, you both love me, I love both of you, one little kiss is not going to change any of that." She was suddenly against me again, body pressed against mine and her hand reached up to caress my cheek, which I lowered my head towards, letting my hair fall in front of my face. "You need to just come to me, Jared, trust me."

"I do trust you," I whispered and placed my hand over the one on my cheek, then reached out and put my own on her neck, staring down into her eyes, "and you have to trust me. Trust me enough to tell me what happened in that dream, what got you so terrified?"

I felt her shiver under my touch as her lips parted and the smile faded, her eyes shifted away and then back again. "Fine," she whispered, "but I can't tell it twice so we need to have a family meeting."

"Family meeting it is." I sighed and leaned down, resting my forehead against hers. We stood there for a few minutes before the cells in both of our pockets went off. "That would be Jen."

"So, they're done, I'm done. Let's go somewhere warm." She sighed and I nodded as I held her hand in mine and the two of us headed for the waiting car.

 **Hey I just put up the first chapter in the Scarred Winchester Story, called Dark Hunters.** s/12378284/1/Dark-Hunters


	22. Monster Mash

**The Monster Mash – Jensen**

We were in my trailer, it was just a bigger space for her to pace and as she did, I couldn't help but look at Jared, who was watching her with eagle eyes. He quickly glanced at me, his brows creased together, that same worried looked he always gave me when things were a little bit out of his hands, but he went right back to watching her move from one side of the room to the other.

I sat back on the couch, and studied her myself, from the way her legs looked in the pair of dark blue, skinny jeans to the round profile of her breasts as the flannel shirt she wore as a sweater swayed back and forth while she moved. Everything about her was enticing, and it took all I had to let her keep moving, because I just wanted to pull her down onto my lap.

When Jared said we had to have a "family meeting", he knew that those were the two words out of the whole English language that I dreaded most, more so because of the fact that nothing good ever came out of a "family meeting", and why the hell wasn't Misha here? I mean, he was family right? So why did he get to skip out.

I moved again on the couch, sitting forwards this time with my elbows on my knees as Cari walked by once more, this time I reached out a hand and brushed her hip as she passed. I felt her hand as her fingers tapped over mine and the next time she stepped past, she was closer to me, close enough so that it wasn't a brush of my fingers, but the palm of my hands, and the next time I was able to reach out and grab her.

I pulled her down in my lap, turned her so she was facing Jared on one of my knees and wrapped my arms around her waist, as I pressed my lips to her shoulders.

"Now, that you have worn a path in my carpet," I mumbled into her shirt, and listened to her take a deep breath in, "you want to tell us about that dream, or what?"

"Not really," she mumbled and I felt her muscles move under my forehead as I smiled and rested it against the back of her neck. It took her a moment to start, but I could already feel her starting to shake as she got up the nerve. "It was the middle of the night, I was standing in the bedroom, my Bowie in hand, Nic's Bowie and something was moving in the kitchen, but all of my senses told me that it wasn't right, wasn't natural. I thought I was dreaming, but it felt so real." I sat back and watched as she tilted her head down, playing with her fingers and I reached out the tips of mine to trace what little of that tribal tattoo was sticking out of the top of her shirt, trying to ease the shaking. "I saw legs on the floor of the kitchen, moving…no twitching and when I was able to look over, I saw Jensen's eyes, dead and open, something was eating him."

She was talking like she was telling a story, as if the two of us weren't in the room anymore and I tilted my body just past her so that I could see Jared, who was staring at her, awe-struck and confused. He shook his head as I mouthed to him "what is she doing?" He lowered his head, just like she was, and he started playing with his fingers, imitating her. The circles I was drawing on the back of her neck with my own fingers pressed a little harder, letting her know I was there and slowly I sat forward, catching her around the waist again. Her hands moved, grasping mine just as quickly as I went to hold her and she finally continued.

"It came after me, whatever the hell it was, all I saw was teeth and blood, Jensen's blood on its face. And I stabbed it in the stomach with the knife. There was black good all over everything and…and then I sliced its throat, but when I looked up, I didn't see a monster, I saw…" she paused for a second, "I saw Jared and I killed him. I couldn't save you, Jen, and I couldn't keep Jared from dying because I was the one that killed him."

She stood from my lap just as fast as she finished her sentence and moved over to where the television hung on the wall. She reached out and put her hand on the wall, steadying herself as she caught her breath before turning to both of us, wiping the moisture from her eyes. I watched the wall go up in her eyes, that one little defense mechanism that kept her from emotionally exploding, as she turned and put her back to the fake brick tiles.

"So, there you have it," she announced and placed her hand in her pockets as she glanced between the two of us. "Big, bad, scary dream and now, it's out in the open and now you know why I freaked out."

"You do realize that we're both fine," Jared asked softly and she looked at him, with a smartass stare in her blue-eyes. Yep, the wall was up and she was going to pay for it later.

"Yes, I know it was just a dream and that the two of you are safe and happy, and sitting here with me right now," she answered and put her head back against the brick. Jared stood and walked over, I watched as he reached out a hand to her cheek, and kissed her softly on the lips, an action that surprisingly made me smile. She opened her eyes quickly and looked up at him. "What was that for?"

"To prove to you that I'm real, and I'm right here," he spoke softly to her, as if he were trying to keep her in that calm state. "And I'm not going anywhere."

"I know," she let out the breath she was holding and closed her eyes again. Jared smiled and kissed her forehead before he walked into the kitchen and grabbed a beer.

I watched her open her eyes and look at me, that expression of dread in her eyes and I shook my head, using my finger to beacon her over to me and as she stood with her legs on either side of mine, I grabbed her hips and tugged her down onto my lap. I could hear Jared pop the tops on the beer bottles and place mine on the coffee table as I slid her so close to me that she fit in the spot where my body bent with the couch.

I held her by the ribs, not hard but playfully and moved her until her chest rested against mine, her lips inches from my mouth and I smiled.

"Do you really think I would let anything actually eat me?" I asked and watched the smile that crossed her lips.

"You let me earlier," she whispered, but not quietly enough as Jared seemed to choke on whatever he had just had in his mouth.

I watched that little demon smile cross her lips as I pulled her down to mine, closing the distance between us and the heat that sparked when she gave me a little "hmmph" noise as she molded against me was a little too much. I didn't get how she could do that and all just by touch. Once second everything in the room was serious, the next I was at full attention and all I wanted was her. My fingers spanned her body as much as they could, pulling her in, feeling her shift on top of me and it was my time to moan, which got a whole-hearted laugh from the man across the way.

"I swear to God the two of you are like sex-crazed teenagers!" Jared's voice echoed in my ears and I took that as a cue to move away. Cari's blue eyes were locked on mine, sex-laden and droopy as she licked her lips and slid from my lap to my side, my hands unwilling to release her. "Maybe you should get a room!"

"That would probably be a bad idea," I whispered and watched her sit beside me on the couch. I closed my eyes and lay my forehead on her shoulder. "That would be a very bad idea."

"Only because you can't do anything about it," she smiled, which made me sit up and look at her. That grin was now aimed at me, and I shook my head. Yeah, she was right though, the one thing I wanted from her was something we absolutely couldn't do anything about and I shook my head.

"You little bitch," I said playfully and watched the grin grow.

"Yeah, you keep calling me that," she moved quickly, hopping up from the couch as she headed for the kitchen.

Jared, a little red in the face, shook his head and took a swig of his beer. I reached out and grabbed mine, still getting adjusted to the uncomfortable feeling she had left me with but she grabbed a bowl and poured a little of the potato chips that lay on the counter in it. I tried to not watch her eat because even that, at the moment, was one of the sexiest things I had ever seen.

My cell rang, and Cari looked up, as I picked it up off the table. With a curious look, I pressed the accept button and pressed it to my ear.

"Hey, honey." I smiled and listened to the kids playing in the background.

"Hey Sugar!" Danneel's voice sang over the phone. Cari took the bowl and walked over near Jared, plopping down in the seat beside him as the two of them watched me. "Whatcha up too?"

"Family meeting," I replied and listened to her groan, "yeah, that was my first thought too."

"So what was this one about?"

"Cari's nightmare," I answered and watched as the blue-eyed woman gave me a funny look.

"Is she okay?"

"Can I put you on speaker?" I questioned, because I could see this was going to be one of those conversations.

"Of course, I wanted to check how her last visit with the kids was anyway." I laughed as my wife spoke about my "girlfriend", I mean could I even call her that? I set the phone down, pressed the speaker button and looked up at Cari. "Hey, sweetie!"

"Hey, Dannie, are you okay?" Cari questioned, with serious concern in her voice.

"Yeah, I wanted to check in with you and see how things with the kids were." I watched Cari smile, her whole body relaxed and she sat forward on the couch.

"It was fun, we did the aquarium in Boston, the freedom trail and generally hung out and made nuisances of ourselves," she laughed and both Jared and I smiled at the sound of it. "I swear it was like being here with these two."

"Oh, you got Jared there with you too?" Danneel questioned as if she were actually surprised. "Oh, good, so Christmas break, I'm so excited."

"Me too, are we making plans or going with whatever happens?"

"Would you like us to leave the two of you alone?" Jared questioned, and I watched Cari turn to him. Danneel laughed, a good sign and all I could do was shake my head.

"Yes, Jay, actually, I think Cari and I are going to have a little bit of "us" time when she gets down here." Danneel said in a very sexy voice and I couldn't help but moan at the images that flew through my mind. "In fact, I may even shoot Gen a text and see if we can have some three-way girl time."

"Okay!" I groaned and I knew she was playing it up for Jared, but I was just about at my limit with the sexual innuendos because my wife wasn't here and what I needed, I couldn't have from the woman sitting across from me. "That's enough, I'm going to have blue balls by the time I get home."

"I'm sure Cari can help you with that," Danneel said seductively and my eyes widened as I looked up at the sly grin on Cari's face.

"You two are killing me!" I growled and snatched the phone from the table, marched back to the bedroom and closed the door, hearing Cari laugh as I moved away. I took Danneel off speaker phone and placed it to my ear. "I love you to death, Dannie, but oh my God, are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"Come on, Jensen, I know you love her, what's a little teasing between sisters." Danneel was having way too much fun with this.

"Am I on an episode of Sister Wives now?" I smiled and sat down on the bed.

"I think that's illegal no matter what state we live in right now but, is there a way to bring Gen in on it because she would have so much fun with Cari." I couldn't believe my wife right now, and I ran a hand through my hair, sighing loudly. "Baby, I know you love her, and she loves you, obviously, you can hear it in her voice when she talks about you."

"Wait, you two talk?" I was pleasantly but truly surprised.

"Both of us made it perfectly clear to each other that we were going to have an open line of communication, so yes, we talk maybe once or twice a week, which is why I called your phone because hers wasn't picking up." Okay, now I was wondering why Cari's phone wasn't working. "She texted me earlier about her nightmare."

"We just got her to talk about it, how did you two text?" I was amazed at how close my two girls were but the only thing it did was make me want both of them more, and to have them together so that I could BE with both of them.

"I'm a woman, Jen, and you were part of her dream, there was no way she was coming out and saying anything about it until she was ready but she texted and asked if I could give her a hand understanding it." Wow, my wife was fantastic.

"So, what did you come up with, because I'm at a loss here?"

"She's afraid to lose you and to hurt Jared, and I told her that neither one of those things were going to happen." The woman was brilliant. "Wanna talk to the kids?"

"Of course!" I smiled widely and listened to her go round up the three little monsters.

 **As the Snow Falls- Cari**

I stood in the middle of the doorway, the dingy old shack was the backdrop behind me and all I could do is roll my eyes at Julio. I was beyond annoyed that morning and shook my head as I listened to the commotion behind me that some of the crew were making. I crossed my arms over my chest and stared up at the rundown ceiling, puckering my lips as it continued.

It was then that I felt it, the shake of the room and that caught my attention. Granted the shack itself wasn't very old but there had been some pretty heavy snowfall this year. Looking back at the camera, the concern crossed my face.

"That's not part of the script," I whispered and turned towards the creaking noise. Looking up, I watched the ceiling bow downward and the two men that were standing across the room from me went wide-eyed as the wood began to splinter. I turned to Julio, who put the camera away and took my hand. We were stuck in the innermost corner of the small four room shack and the crew across from us near the entrance, had no way to cover the space before it happened.

The ceiling gave way, the wood and snow piled down into the set and both Julio and I ducked as the rest of the building started to come down around us. We could hear the yelling of the crew as everything moved and shook but there was no way the two of us were getting from that spot. He did his best to shield me as I did mine to protect him and the camera, but as the wood splintered and crashed down around us and on top of us, I could feel the slices across my skin. I felt his hand on my back trying to hold me in tightly, but it was the sudden pain on the back of my head that had the world spinning.

My vision blurred, the noise started to echo and then there was nothing but darkness.

 **When Darkness Falls –Jensen**.

I took my feet down from the table in the bunker as cut was yelled in the middle of the scene. Slowly, as I stared at Jared's confused face, I put the research book I had been holding down slowly and stood. Misha, who had just arrived on set, coming straight from make-up, rushed towards us. We could see the crew as they moved towards the door and Jared shook his head.

"What's going on?" I finally yelled and caught the attention of Glenn. "Hey, Glenn, what's up?"

"There's been an accident," he shrugged and took off.

150 people working on set and you would think I could have gotten something more than "there's been an accident", but I could see that Jared already had his phone out and he had completely skipped the text part. He was calling her, the only person of our little family that was off location, but as I watched him, he did nothing but shake his head.

"Straight to voicemail," he whispered as he came around the table and stood by me. As if my phone was magic and she would suddenly pick up, I pulled out my cell and pressed her contact. He was right, three rings and straight to the annoying little voicemail she had put just for us. "I'm going to go see what I can find out."

But that was when Jim came around the corner, stepping into the bunker with the three of us, and he didn't look happy, in fact, he looked like someone had just pulled the rug from under his feet. He was pale and sweaty and looking at the fake bourbon like he could use a stiff drink.

"What's going on, Jim?" Misha questioned and watched the man shake his head.

"There was an accident," Jim whispered.

"We got that," I snapped, and I shouldn't have but there was this nagging feeling in my gut.

"Take it easy, Jensen," he stood straight and stared me down, because, yeah that was really making me feel more at ease. "The shack they were filming Cari's scenes in," my knees nearly gave out just with those words, and Misha made sure that my ass didn't land on the ground as I tried to stay as focused as I could, but Jim could see what just those words did to me. "Okay, we don't know the extent of it yet. The roof gave way under the snow, Cari and Julio were inside, but they got them out."

"How is she?" I questioned and he looked at me, his face hard to read. "Jim," I stood and put my hand on his shoulder, Jared right beside me with his hand on my back, "you got to tell me now, how is she?"

"She'll be alright," he answered but that wasn't all of it, I could tell. "They were trapped for a little while, she was hit by a falling beam."

"Oh, my God." It didn't sound like it had left MY mouth, but those were my words as Jared's arms were now holding me up as I leaned back on him.

"Listen, she's in and out of consciousness and they brought her down to the hospital for observation." I could see Misha suddenly moving out of the corner of my eye, ones that were threatening to give into the darkness that a fainting spell would have brought on if it wasn't for Jared sitting me down at the table. "I'll send you down, but Jensen, you cannot freak out!"

"Can't freak out," I breathed through the spots that cascaded over my eyes. "Right, no freaking out."

Everything after that seemed to be a blur. I remember Jared and Misha pulling me towards the car, buckling me in the back as Misha took the front and Jared talking to me, his voice was the only anchor I had to giving into the growing fear in my gut. I felt his hand on my arm, in various places as I just sat and stared at the seat in front of me.

I don't even remember what I was focusing on, or how long it took us to get to Vancouver General but before I knew what was happening we were standing with Julio, who had a few bandages on his face and a butterfly stitch across his forehead. Jared's hand clamped down on the man's shoulder, letting him know that everything was going to be fine, but he hadn't released his hold on me.

It was another two hours before we heard anything and I had gone from shock to anger as I paced back and forth. I could feel my eyes filling with tears and then again, there were the moments when I just wanted to punch something, anything, and then back to the tears.

I picked up my cell, and dialed home, it was the only other thing I could think of doing. Jared was an emotional wreck, Misha's calm and rational voice might have just gotten him punched and one of the only other women in the world that could calm me was behind a door that I couldn't get through.

It rang twice before she picked up.

"Jensen, what's wrong?"

I tried to smile at her voice, because it made me happy to hear it, but damn that was all it took for my walls to break and I started to sob over the phone as I sank down to the floor, my legs pulled up to my knees as I Iowered my head into that spot between my chest and my jeans.

"Jen, talk to me, you're scaring me!" She snapped at me and suddenly I sniffled back the emotions.

"Cari's in the hospital, they won't tell me what's going on with her." I whispered and slowly put my head back against the wall, using my knee to prop my elbow on, helping to steady the phone against my ear.

"What?" I listened to the worry fill her voice as she whispered something to someone and took a second to move to a quieter space. "Do you want me to fly up there? What happened?"

"I don't know if you should fly up yet," but my heart skipped a beat that she would do that for her, "the roof collapsed at the location they were filming, Julio said she was hit by a beam and it knocked her out, but Dannie that was over two hours ago."

"Okay," she stated, and I could hear the emotions filling her voice, "we're going to stay calm, you need to stay calm. For Cari, Jensen, you need to keep yourself together."

"I know, hon, I know." I repeated and felt my shaking body steady. "What am I going to do? What if she's really hurt? I mean she has the kids at home…"

"Jen, I'll fly up there if she needs me to, I will be by her side if you need me to, but we have to wait to find out what's going on." I rubbed my eyes with my freehand and nodded, not that she could see me. "Where's Jared?"

I looked over at the man, who had stayed beside me the whole time, as he talked on the phone and taken my spot pacing back and forth across the waiting room.

"I think he's on the phone with Gen," I replied and heard her mumble.

"Yeah, that's her texting me now," she answered and I waited a moment for her to come back on the line. "Okay, baby, this is what I want you to do, go be with him, stay beside him and the two of you keep each other calm. He's not holding up as well as he looks either."

I smiled, "did Gen tell you that?"

"Yeah, but don't tell Jared," she laughed. "I love you, baby, tell Cari we love her too and give both of them hugs. Remember if you need me, if she needs me, I will be right there!"

"I love you." I whispered and listened to that little giggle she always gave me.

"I love you too." And with that she hung up the line.

I took a deep breath, slipped the phone in my pocket and moved from the wall to where Jared was standing, staring at me, his bright eyes filled with tears as he put his phone away. My arms circled around him and held him tightly as we both stood there in that embrace for what felt like forever before the doors opened and a doctor came out.

"Mr. Ackles?" He said and looked at me as I released Jared from the hug but didn't drop the hand that held his arm, steadying both of us for the news. "Cari's going to be fine." Everything rushed from my body as Misha stepped up next to us and the three of us exchanged relieved glances. "She did get a nasty gash to the head. We had to make sure that she didn't have any damage but the MRI and the CT scan both came back with negative results. There's no internal bleeding or swelling."

"Can we see her?" Misha asked quickly, impatiently as he shifted on his feet.

"You can, but please don't overdo it," the doctor looked at the concern on all of our faces. "One at a time would probably be best because the three of you look like you would break down and she needs to stay calm."

"Jen, you go." Jared whispered and patted me on the shoulder as I looked at Misha, who nodded in agreement. "Just tell her that we love her, and we'll be in after."

"And tell her that we're going to kick her ass!" Misha added, which made me smile because that was a definite brother move on his part.

"Yeah," I smiled, "okay." I went to move with the doctor but turned back to them, "text Dannie, tell her what's going on, please, and that I'll call her after."

"Sure," Jared said and gave me a half-smile before he tugged me in for a hug once again.

The light was off as I entered the room, or at least everything but the bathroom light was off. It was a small room off the trauma unit, probably used because of who she was, but when I stepped in, to see her on the bed, laying there with her eyes closed, nearly made my heart stop. I paused, wiped my hands on my jeans and tiptoed towards the bed.

"You don't have to sneak it, Jen, it's not like you're crawling in through my bedroom window," she giggled in a hushed tone.

I stopped dead in my tracks. That voice, oh my God, I never thought I would be happier to hear that voice in my life. I mean, every time she spoke it hit me like a hammer anyway, but this time it happened to be the most beautiful thing in the world. It took me a moment to catch my breath, to pull back the emotions and move forward.

She way she looked brought me back to the scene from the week before. She had the cuts across her face, the butterfly stitches along her forehead and a small bandage wrapped around her neck, probably to keep the gauze against her head wound. Her hands were covered in paper tape and small folded pieces of the two by two gauze. In one forearm was an IV line that ran to the bag on the other side of her bed.

"Did you gank it?" I smiled as I slowly sat down on the bed, hoping not to shift her much.

"Damn vamp didn't stand a chance!" She replied, her voice a bit weak for my taste but gorgeous all the same and I watched her blue eyes sparkle, almost thanking me that I didn't ask if she was alright. "But it got in a few good punches before I took its head off."

"That's my girl," I grinned and reached out, touching as much of her cheek as I could without aggravating the wounds. "Big, badass hunter took on a whole shack by yourself?"

"Hey, you and Jay weren't there to save my ass, I finally had to do it on my own." She laughed but gave a slight moan as she tried to catch her breath, and my face went flat. Instantly, her hand was on mine, squeezing my fingers. "Hey, he said nothing was broken but the pressure of the snow coming down gave me some pretty good bruises. I'll be fine, Jen."

"Yeah, good thing too," I shook my head, "Dannie is two seconds away from hopping a flight up here to keep you strapped in bed and Misha wants to kick your ass."

"Well, Misha can try," she rolled her eyes, and tugged me towards her. "As for your wife, please tell her I love her and she doesn't need to come all the way up, even though I so appreciate it."

"I'll tell her, you can tell Misha when he comes in." I scooted over on the bed, gently put my hand against her cheek and did the one thing I had wanted to do since I stepped foot in the room. I kissed her softly on the lips, connecting them like two pieces of a puzzle, her bottom lip inside mine, and I was so afraid that the tears were going to spill again. I lingered there as I put my forehead against hers, avoiding the stitches. "God, I was so afraid."

"Me too," she whispered, "I heard the boards crack and the snow and wood just started to fall. My thought," her lips smiled against mine, "my only thought was how the hell was I going to explain this to you."

I chuckled, and I don't usually like that word but it didn't come out at as real laugh, or just a giggle, it was a deep vibrating chuckle that shook my body. She was worried about explaining something to me.

"Did you kick the vamp's ass hard enough to shake the walls?"

"Apparently hard enough to bring down the ceiling," I sat back and watched her eyes, the way they looked at me, the worry they seemed to extend, and I licked my lips.

"I'm fine, Baby, please don't worry about me," I whispered and watched the corners of her lips turn up.

"What did I tell you about calling me Baby?" She replied, but that was when it happened, the tears started rolling down her cheeks and I gathered her up into my arms, as much as I could without hurting her. We stayed that way for a long, long time, because all I wanted to do was feel her, smell her and know what she was real, and alive.


	23. Some Kind of Beautiful

**Some Kind of Beautiful – Jared**

Jensen moved through the doors, glancing back at the hallway behind him before he focused right on me and I watched the smile light up his face. Everything that had me on edge just melted away. If Jensen was smiling, than Cari was good, and if she was good… I sank down into the closest chair as Jen stepped up to crouch in front of me. He placed his hands on my knees and looked up under my hair and straight into my eyes.

"She's good, man, real good." He whispered and reached up, running his fingers through the hair that fell in front of my face.

I smiled as he grabbed a handful of it and kissed me on the top of the head as he stood. This was a normal Jensen reaction to anything, to make sure that I was steady on my own feet and he stood there in front of me, as if guarding me. He had released my hair, tucked his hands in his pockets and just casually looked around as I placed my elbows on my knees and really let my head fall forward.

The conversation with Gen had me more emotional now than when it happened. She was desperate to get here, to check on Cari, to make sure she was okay, and I knew she even went as far as to contact Danneel to check on Jensen, but all that made me realize just how much she had become such a big part of our lives, when our wives were ready to drop everything to come up.

When I had called the girls back, they were already together, though I'm not sure they were really apart but I know Gen put the speaker phone on and I was talking to both of them at once as soon as Jensen had stepped through those doors. I answered questions to the best of my knowledge. No, they didn't need to come, the doctor said she was fine. Yes, all the tests came back normal. No, there was no internal bleeding or swelling. Yes, Jensen was in there with her now, and again, no, you don't need to come up.

I smiled as I thought about the two women on the other end of the phone, how strong their connection was to this one woman who they had adopted, no matter the strange dynamics of our relationship with her. With a deep breath, I stood up from the chair and looked at Jensen, who eyed me over one time, just to make sure I was okay, before he gestured towards the door.

The walk down the hall to her room was probably the longest I had ever taken to get to any part of the hospital, not that I was in it a lot, but when the kids were born, I ran, this time I dreaded entering the room. Jen said she was good, but I still was ready for the worst.

The light was dim, I could see her sitting up in bed as I rounded the corner and stopped, watching as she lifted her head to look at me, blue eyes smiling and her arms reached out. I had mine around her so fast I don't remember how I got from the door to the bed, but the IV line and the bandages that she was wrapped in told me to be gentle even as I wanted to hold her so tight she became part of me.

"Christ, woman, you're going to be the death of me!" I whispered in her ear, kissing across her face to plant a little brush of my lips down on hers, before I backed away. She smiled as she reached up with both hands and cupped my cheeks.

"You're Sam Fucking Winchester, you're not exactly afraid of death!" She snickered and I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, but right now I'm Jared "you scared the hell out of me" Padalecki!" I answered and felt her fingers do almost the same things Jensen's had done, run through my hair and fist up a small part before she let it go.

"You talked them out of coming, right?" She begged to know and I nodded.

"But, only until they can hear it from you that you're going to be okay," I watched her shake her head and give me a tight-lipped grin.

"I don't know about you Padackles!" She sighed, using the cute Fandom name for our extended family, "you're awful possessive."

"When it comes to you, apparently we are." I sat back on the bed and scanned over her. "Ribs?"

"Bruised but not broken," she answered.

"Back of the noggin?"

"A minor cut and some swelling, got a good egg and it's not even Easter, but I'll live."

"Cuts?"

"A few internal ones on the forehead, closed off by the butterflies."

"Concussion?"

"Not sure yet," this answer made me look at her, "well, minor or major, you didn't specify."

"Hmmph," I shook my head and looked at the monitors she was on. "So, minor or major?"

"Minor probably, I mean, the light is killing me right now, the headache is probably staying away because of the medication and the Doc said I was in for one hell of an emotional rollercoaster because of the depression it might cause." She was honest at least, but it didn't make me feel any better to know how hurt she really was considering she was playing it off.

"What are we going to do with you?" I whispered, taking her small hand in mine, just to touch her as she sat there, eyes locked on my face, her head slowly leaned back on the pillow and I watched as her lids began to droop.

"Take me home," she answered and I looked up from the tiny digits I was playing with to the worry in her eyes. "I don't want to be here alone."

"You need to stay, they need to watch you," I scooted closer to her, so that I could lean over her waist and make sure she could see the intent in my eyes. Her nose wasn't more than six inches from mine and I could feel the warmth of her breath against my face. "We're not going to leave you alone, Cari, we never would." I could see her giving into the pain medication and I ran the tips of my fingers down the side of her face, avoiding the scratches. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Good," she whispered as her eyes closed and her fingers loosened on mine, "good."

I sent a text out to Jensen, letting him know that she was sleeping and that they could both come in, since there was no way of getting her riled up if she wasn't even awake. Within minutes, the two silhouettes of Jensen and Misha were standing in the doorway. I moved from the bed as Misha made his way over, and stood back by Jensen as we watched the brotherly attention he was showing her.

His fingers ghosted over her hair, pushing it aside to see the stitches, and down over her face before he sat down slowly on the bed and took her hand in his, putting the back of it to his cheek. Jensen smiled, crossed his arms and shook his head as Misha closed his eyes tightly, letting a shaky breath release from his body.

Upon request, chairs were brought in, reclining ones that we would be more comfortable on because they knew, there was no way any of us was leaving that room.

 **Who Turn on the Light – Cari**

I was awake and doing the one thing the doctors and nurses told me not to do, stare at the phone and send text messages but I was in a group chat with Gen and Danneel, which included pictures (I'll explain in a moment) and updating my mom with the various details of what had happened the day before.

The nurses had come in every two hours to check on me, every four to make sure that the pain medication was working and a few just popped into see the various array of sleeping bodies that were sprawled around the room. Now, onto the reason the pictures were mentioned. Take a moment, if you will, to imagine Jared curled up in a small, plastic, fake-something, tan recliner, his long legs curled up against him with his arms crossed and a light coat covering him, his beany pulled down over his eyes, that was a sight to see.

Misha, who had the other recliner, was stretched out as far as his body could go, arms limp over the sides of the chair, so I knew at some point he was going to wake up with them full of pins and needles, but his head was back, lips slightly open and all that hair was sticking up everywhere as he perched his legs on the end of the bed, crossed at the ankles.

Now Jensen, he was the main reason for the photographs, and I didn't consider them blackmail photos, which I wasn't allowed to take per agreement, because since I had both wives on the phone, how could I resist. The nurses had lowered the bed sometime during the night, but not completely straight so I was sitting up just a bit. Jensen, who must have been sitting on the end of it, a part where my feet didn't stretch too, looked as though he had just fallen over in his spot.

He lay on his right side, his left hand tucked under his cheek as his right hung off the bed and his legs were curled up as much as he could to fit in the small space. Feeling sorry for the boys, two of the nurses brought blankets in at different times of the night and Jensen's was adorably tucked around him. So, like I said, I was in a group chat with Gen and Dannie, sending them pictures of their amazing other halves and the girls were loving it.

GenP: SO ARE THEY GOING TO LET YOU GO TODAY?

I DON'T KNOW, THEY SAID THERE WASN'T REALLY WRONG BUT THE FACT THAT I WAS KNOCKED OUT HAD THEM KEEP ME, WHICH IS FINE BECAUSE THE LIGHT IS STILL BOTHERING ME.

DA: I'M STILL EXTENDING THE OFFER TO COME UP.

SWEETIE, YOU HAVE THE THREE KIDS TO WORRY ABOUT, AND AS MUCH AS I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THE LITTLE RUGRATS, ALL SIX OF THEM, WOULD IT REALLY MAKE SENSE TO DRAG THEM UP HERE TO WATCH ME MOPE AROUND?

GenP: BUT YOU WILL LET US KNOW WHEN YOU DO IF YOU NEED IT. I WISH YOU WERE COMING DOWN FOR THANKSGIVING, AT LEAST THEN WE COULD SEE THAT YOU WERE FINE WITH OUR OWN EYES.

I LOVE YOU TWO! I tried not to laugh, but definitely smile at their worry. I CAN'T WAIT FOR CHRISTMAS, THIS IS GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN!

DA: SPEAKING OF THAT, JARED SAID YOU WERE COMING BEFORE CHRISTMAS, RIGHT?

YEAH THE KIDS HAVE TO GO TO THEIR DAD'S THE WEEKEND AFTER, SO IF THAT'S OKAY, THE WEEK BEFORE SHOULD BE GOOD. NINE KIDS IN EITHER OF YOUR HOUSES, ARE YOU READY?

DA: MISHA AND VICKY ARE COMING DOWN SO WE'LL HAVE ELEVEN!

HE DIDN'T TELL ME THAT.

GenP: SHIT, I THINK WE RUINED A SURPRISE.

DA: PROMISE US YOU WILL ACT LIKE YOU HAD NO CLUE.

HMM, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I WOULD EVER PULL OFF ACTING SURPRISED.

GenP: YEAH, YOU'RE GOING TO BE JUST FINE!

DA: SARCASM MUST BE A TRAIT TO WORK ON SPN BECAUSE YOU SOUND JUST LIKE THE GUYS.

HEY, THEY LEARNED FROM THE BEST. I watched as Jared stretched out on the couch, arms, legs, back, everything moved off the chair. JARED'S WAKING UP.

GenP: AWE, KISS HIM FOR ME WHEN HE'S UP AND AROUND AND TELL HIM I LOVE HIM.

DA: WE'LL LET YOU GO BECAUSE THAT MEANS JENSEN WON'T BE TOO FAR BEHIND, ESPECIALLY WHEN HE HEARS YOUR VOICE.

WILL DO LADIES. ENJOY THE DAY, AND I NEED MY FIX SO SELFIES WITH THE KIDS? THEY SHOW ME PICTURES OF MADDIE, ZEP AND ARROW, BUT REALLY I NEED GROUP SELFIES!

DA: YOU KNOW JUST BECAUSE YOU BUMPED YOUR HEAD DOESN'T MEAN YOU GET SPECIAL SELFIE TREATMENT LOL.

GenP: HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO WRANGLE TWO BOYS TOGETHER TO TAKE A PICTURE. OH WAIT, YEAH, YOU HAVE. I'LL DO MY BEST.

DA: ME TOO! LOVE YOU

GenP: LOVE YOU.

LOVE YOU BOTH, THE GIANT'S EYES ARE OPEN AND LOOKING AT ME LIKE I'M IN TROUBLE. I stared at Jared as his eyes frowned at the device in my hand. I looked down once more, saw that they had sent kiss emojis and put the cell on the table next to me. He stood up, stretching this time and I used my finger to tell him to come closer.

He smiled as he moved around the end of the bed, maneuvering around the end of Jensen's legs, and leaned down over me. I grabbed his shirt and brought him in for a light peck on the lips.

"You wife says she loves you." I whispered as softly as I could with him still close enough to hear. The smile spread across his face as he glanced at the phone.

"Is that who you were texting?" He asked as he grabbed the phone off the counter and pressed the screen to pop open the text. I watched his eyes roll as he scrolled though the messages and his face dropped at not only the pictures I had sent of them but also the mention of Misha. "That was your Christmas surprise."

"Shush, I can ACT surprised!" I answered and snatched the phone away.

The sudden jostle of the bed had Jensen sitting upright in seconds, his green eyes flicking back and forth between us and suddenly he was up from the bed. Jared moved back, the side of lip curved up in a smile as he knew what was coming next when Jensen put his hands on my cheek and kissed me wholeheartedly on the lips. A new kind of warmth spread through me as I closed my eyes and let the feeling drift down, cutting out the pain of every little scratch, and then, more than anything, I wanted to be back at the trailer so he could continue doing it without interruption.

When he backed away, he was all smiles as he sat on the bed and looked over at Jared with an apologizing smile. It took him a bit longer to release my face but slowly his fingers fell away.

"When can you go home?" Jensen questioned, excitedly and the three of us watched as Misha shifted in his spot.

"Not until the doctor comes in. Jen, it's like eight in the morning." I laughed and watched as he shook his head.

"Eight? That's it?" He rolled his eyes and looked around. "They don't have coffee makers in this place?"

"Dude, it's not a hotel." Jared giggled and shook his head, but Jensen just shrugged. "But there is a coffee shop on the main floor. With her tied to the bed, what do you say we go for a walk?"

"I'm not tied to anything," I mumbled but then looked at the expression of the green-eyed man in front of me and watched the wheels turn before I glanced up at Jared. "Way to make him perverted first thing in the morning, Jay!"

"Hey, he has his own brain, it's not my fault which one he thinks with," Jared laughed and pulled at Jensen's arm. "Come on! Coffee!"

"Yeah, okay!" Jensen grumbled and kissed me again. "Want anything?"

"Coffee, the normal way, and a muffin, chocolate chip. Get something for Sleeping Beauty over there, I'm sure he'll wake up soon." I grinned and they both took a look at Misha, who had managed to get his limp arms back into the seat.

With two lingering kisses on the side of my head that didn't have the stitches, one from each of them, I sat back and admired the way they left the room. As soon as they were out of sight, I grabbed the box of tissues that the nurses left and began to roll them in balls, pegging them at the sleeping man. Finally figuring out that they just weren't hard enough, I reached for the stack of plastic cups that were beside the water pitcher.

Stuffing enough tissues in the cup to give it some weight, I tossed the first one and hit his chest, the next two bounced off different parts of his arms but finally, the forth one, hit him dead center on his forehead and the man groaned at me, opening one eye to stare me down as I lifted the fifth cup, ready to toss, but I froze mid-swing.

"You know, Cari, if I didn't love you, I would so duct tape you to the bed!" He grumbled and shifted in the chair, his deep voice was even deeper just after waking up and I couldn't help but smile.

"You know, Mish, if I didn't love you…that voice would get me every time!" I replied and watched as he rolled his eyes.

"How can you wake up a pervert after a head injury?" He questioned and crossed his arms under the blanket, bunching it up around his chest, but he had both eyes open at that time and sat staring at me, "oh wait, you were always a pervert!"

"I learned it from my brother," I wanted to laugh, needed to laugh, but it hurt way too much.

"Where's Jay squared? He scratched at the budding stubble on his face and looked around.

"Coffee run, I told them to make sure to get you something good."

"Oh, wonderful," I'm sure it was supposed to be a sort of thank you, but it came out dripping with sarcasm. "How are you feeling?"

"Like someone needs to turn off the damned sun! The light is killing me." Misha looked behind him at the shades and pushed himself up from the chair. I watched as he slid the curtain across, and I sighed with relief. There was no way I was going to be able to look in his direction with the sun that bright. While he was up, he came over to the bed, kissed me on the forehead, placed a hand on the bed behind my shoulder and looked into my eyes. I watched his movements before finally pushing him away. "Dude, don't EMT me! I was one too, I know the signs of a concussion and I can tell you right now, I'm fine!"

"Light sensitivity!" Misha growled.

"Someone dropped a four by four on the back of my head, there's going to be sensitivity," I growled.

"And snarkiness," he replied and sat back down on the chair.

"Yeah, sorry, mood swings come with the package." I shrugged, and watched as he tilted his head at me. "You're going to be that one, aren't you?"

"That one what? The one that won't let you out of my sight, the one that will watch your every move to see if something, anything is wrong?" His voice was full of concern but definitely that of a family member and I rolled my eyes, nodding. "Yep, I will be that one, and you'll either hate me for it, or love me, it doesn't matter as long as you're okay."

"I'm not going to hate you!" I snapped and what was when the boys walked into the room, just in time to see the exchange of irritated looks.

"Whoa, whoa, what's going on in here?" Jensen questioned, handing Misha his coffee. Misha mumbled a "thanks" and watched me as Jen brought me the coffee and muffin. "So, who's going to talk first?"

"We were just doing the concerned brother thing," I answered and watched Jared sit down in the chair he had slept in. Jensen nodded and looked back and forth between us.

"Well, the two of you need to kiss and make up." He smiled and sipped out of the hot coffee cup. Misha rolled his eyes, playing the irritated brother and I made a scoffing noise to go along with it. "Jesus, maybe the two of you really are related."

There was a knock on the door as a young male doctor entered the room, he looked nervously at the three men that surrounded me protectively and I smiled.

"Don't worry, Doc, they don't bite." I smiled; much to his relief and he moved closer to the bed, trying to look as comfortable as possible moving past Jensen's overpowering presence as the man stood just beside the window, not three feet from me, with his arms crossed.

"So, Ms. Gray, it looks like everything came out fine, observation wise, we're sure there won't be any major repercussions of the head injury, but I'm sure, as you already know, you may experience some mood changes," which got Misha to laugh, well more like "ha" at the suggestion, and I rolled my eyes at him, "light sensitivity, possibly some headaches."

"I have three already, why would I want more?" I questioned and listened to Jared choke on the small piece of muffin he put in his mouth.

"Don't worry, Doc, she's not getting out of our sights anytime soon." Jensen smiled and the doctor nodded, gave me some papers and headed towards the door.

"You'll be able to go home in a couple hours, the nurses will make their last rounds, make sure you have the medication you need, and we'll send you on your way. Do you need a note for work?" He asked before he left, but all that question got him was a smile from all of us.

"No, I think I'll be good." I laughed and watched as he glanced over the three men in the room before leaving. I glanced around at the boys, watching as they watched me take a bite of the muffin and we stood in silence.


	24. The Aftermath

**The Aftermath – Jensen**

It had only been two days, and I'm sitting here watching her walk around set as if nothing happened, as if a roof falling on her didn't faze her in the least. I watched from the bunker stairway as she moved about, running lines in her head again, earbuds in, completely oblivious to anyone around her as we waited for the others. Cast call was at 10 but per her usual, she was here early and since it had only been TWO days, it was my time to sit with her.

She had her headaches, her mood swings and her scars, which played right into the episode but she could still get me with that one little look, like she was doing right now. As she paced, her black hair falling in cascades, her stare was peering through it with those bright blue eyes. I gave her a sly grin, as if I knew she were looking at me but it wasn't affecting me like she wanted it too, which was completely wrong because it was turning me inside out just to see them locked on me.

It was like she was two different people sometimes, one for the world to see and then one just for me and when those two met, the life as we knew it was turned upside down. I shook my head and brought the coffee cup to my lips as she turned and moved again, this time so that she was walking towards me, then spinning on her heels to walk away, a movement I appreciated but damn was it making it hard to breath.

She stopped for a moment, letting me take in everything that she was, from the black hunter's boots to the way the blue jeans hugged her, the black tank that was tucked in at the waist with this black belt, it was the only one she would wear because there was no metal on it, and just above that tank was a small little flannel number. Not a men's sized, but a petite light blue and black woman's flannel that curved with her body. Damn, it was hot, and I really should have stopped looking but the way the hair came down her shoulders. I couldn't help but bite my lower lip hard enough to feel the pain, since I was sure that she wasn't the only one looking at me.

Mark walked in at that time, walked with his normal Crowley swagger, dressed in his black suit and he took a seat beside me on the stairway as I leaned forward with my elbows on my knees.

"Hello, Dean." He smiled and watched as I gave him a look, turning my head in his direction, as if to ask why the hell he had called me that. "Sorry, Jensen, but the way you look at her is all Dean. Conquest much?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I answered and brought my eyes back to the woman in front of me, who had resumed her pacing.

"Do I look like I'm blind?" Mark laughed, switching out of character, "You've had it bad for that one since the moment you met, I can see it. Most people can't but I can."

"Yeah," I admitted it because well, it was Mark and like Misha had told her, there were only so many people that had ever seen us in our element, off set, who would even know what they were looking at. He smiled, which I could see out of the corner of my eye as I sighed. "I'm worried about her, ya know."

"When some little demon takes a blow to the head like that, we all get worried," he admitted, loving to use the pet name he had given her. "I think you boys are doing exactly what a loving family should do, be overbearing."

"We're not crowding her." I laughed and sat back, resting my elbows on the step behind me so that I could look the man in the eyes. "The doctor said to look out for anything unusual."

"The only unusual thing I see is that between the three of you, she hasn't had a moment of peace to get over what happened." I watched as Mark's eyes turned towards the woman and he sighed. "You…you I get, there's something there, but Jared and Misha need to step back, she can't have all three of you up her ass while she heals. She's going to snap."

"And you know this how?" I watched him smile.

"Outside observation," he turned his grin to me and patted me on the knee as he stood. With one last look, a pair of raised eyebrows, he stepped away, moving towards her. "Ah, my little demon!"

"Mark," she smiled and hugged him tightly. "I didn't think you were coming on set today."

"We have a scene later, precious, don't you remember?" He whispered and I watched her shake her head, confused. "Well, no matter, I'm here now and we'll figure it out." He kissed her on the forehead, stepped away and walked off set.

Now I was a little bit uneasy, she never forgot the scenes for the day. With a sigh, she shook her head and walked over to sit next to me. I moved my hand and let my fingers glide up and down her spine, giving a small reassurance.

"What is it?" I whispered.

"I can't remember them," she turned to me, frustration in her eyes, "my lines are sticking."

"It's part of the concussion," I tried to sound understanding but damn if I wasn't worried as hell.

"Yeah, I get that, but my brain isn't working right, and that pisses me off." She growled and ran her hands through her hair, the anger coming out in her voice. "They're going to fire me."

"They can't fire you," I replied and watched those blue eyes snap up at me, ones that were filled with anger and self-doubt, "they're the ones that dropped a house on you, they can't fire you for something they caused."

Cari shook her head, she knew I was right but that part of her brain was so erratic with emotions that she wasn't sure what she truly believed anymore. I used my free hand, the one that was running along her back, to smooth her hair away from her face before I cupped my fingers under her chin and turned her towards me.

"Everything will work out, we'll take it slow and you'll see, it will be fine," I smiled and brought my lips to her forehead, not the spot that I wanted them to be but right then, anywhere on her was a necessity.

 **An Insane Proposition – Cari**

Misha and I stood in the bunker, facing one another, the look on his face was pure frustration, the look on mine, probably pure anger. I clenched my fists, trying my hardest to remember what line came next, but with Misha it was always easy to follow along and a little leeway with the adlib wasn't an issue at the moment as long as I got the point across.

"What you're proposing is completely insane, Cas!" I growled through clenched teeth. I watched the man before me, the way his stoic face took on a hint of confusion.

"The plan is simple, how can it be insane?" He answered with a deep Castiel voice. I shook my head, looking up to the ceiling as I crossed my arms.

"Um, let me see," I took a deep breath, hoping I got this right and lowered my head to look at him. "Sneak INTO Hell, grab one of the most guarded items in Crowley's collection, and sneak BACK out without being seen."

"You have done that before, haven't you?" Misha stepped forward.

"Yeah, before Heaven and Hell were put on high alert because some rogue demi-arch was found roaming around killing people…things…" I let out a breath, and moved just a bit closer to him, looking up into those blue eyes of his. "Getting in is the easy part, hell, getting past the guards is a cakewalk but getting out, that might pose a problem."

"I'm sure with your set of skills, the problem should be minimal," he had a point, which I wasn't going to tell him but then again, he wasn't the one with a Winchester up his ass. I took a deep breath, gave him one last irritating look and nodded my head. With a sigh, I listened to them yell "cut" which was a blessing for me and Misha closed the distance, putting both hands on my shoulders as I let my head drop forward.

"Hey, you did it," he whispered, his fingers going to the back of my neck.

"So why do I feel like I just fucked it all up?" I sighed and shook my head, rubbing the top of it against his shirt, Misha leaned down the best he could and kissed the back of my head.

"You ready for the next step?" I stepped back, picked my head up and took a deep breath.

"Onto Hell?" I laughed and watched him give me a knowing grin.

"Onto explaining this to the boys," he replied and silently let a laugh go through him.

"Yeah, I guess," I shrugged. "Bring it."

"You're sending…HER?" Jensen snapped, looking from me to Misha as he leaned up against the table, arms crossed, dangerous look in his eyes as if he weren't sure if he wanted to kiss me or well, I was pretty sure that was what he wanted to do, but he was supposed to be thinking of throttling me. "I don't know, Cas, it's not one of your better plans."

"Actually, it doesn't sound like a bad plan at all," Jared spoke up, and I looked at him, stepping sideways to see him with his feet up on a chair, a book in his hand and he waited a second as the silence rolled to turn and look up at the three of us stared his way. "What? She's the only one that can get in without us walking right up to the front door and knocking."

"Yeah, and she barely escaped the last BS plan we went with, look at her, Sam, she's a mess." Jensen turned back to me and I gave him my best "what the hell do you care" look and watched as his eyes dropped and he fumbled. "It's not a good idea."

"All I'm saying, Dean is that Nic is our best bet, and it's one item." Jared put the book down and walked over to stand by his brother. "We need it to complete the spell."

"Like we needed the "Finger of Truth" for the last screwed up magic trick we pulled, no thanks Sammy!" Jensen turned his angry eyes to me, studied me for a minute, shook his head and walked out of the room.

I let out a sigh as the green-eyed man walked past me and I watched as Sam tried to convince me with just a glance to stay put, but that wasn't going to happen. I turned just as fast and followed down the hallway towards where the bedrooms were, cameras for the second set were focused on us, Jensen in front of me, as we made our way down the line. He stopped at his door, just in time for me to grab his arm and spin him in my direction.

The way the angles were set up seemed perfect, they could see him over my shoulder and me over his, we also could get the two of us in the hallway.

"What's your problem?" I snapped at him and watched his eyes narrow.

"My problem?" Jensen shook his head as he looked at the door, then back at me. "You're a self-proclaimed thief, you've done nothing but get Cas in the middle of every little crisis you've had since showing your face, and you took a car to drive to Jody's. My problem is trouble follows you closer than a foul odor."

"Oh, and you're so perfect, Dean!" I said and shook my head as I dropped my hand from his arm, turned and headed back towards the main room.

"Wait!" He sighed, and I could hear the emotions give way in his voice as his footsteps came closer. I stopped, not bothering to turn around. "There's something else."

"Ha!" I spun towards him. "What? Me just being me isn't a big enough issue for you?"

"No," he stated and I looked at him as if he had slapped me. "The issue isn't you, it's me."

"Oh, great, a counseling session." I snickered and suddenly felt his hand on my cheek.

"My issue is seeing you like this, Nicci," he whispered and I looked up at him, my foot stepping back to move away from him but it never happened, I just let my lids fall as his thumb caressed my cheek. "I can't stand to see you like this, the cuts, the bruises. I wanted to punch someone the last time Cas brought you in here like that, and we couldn't even find the damn thing."

"So you're worried about my face?" I wanted to smile, in fact I gave him my usual "yeah, whatever" grin and watched as his lips parted.

"I worried about you, as much as it kills me to admit it, Angel, I can't stand to see you hurting." His voice was low, sexy and I almost forgot that I was being Nic as I let out a sigh. I stared up into his eyes as he stepped closer, about to lean in for a kiss when we both heard the footfalls behind us. Jared was coming down the hall. Jensen backed away slowly, his eyes scorching into mine and I shook my head, watching him drop his hand. "It's just a bad idea! Period, end of story. Get it, Nic, it ain't going to happen!"

Those were his words, spoken just for Sam, and I shook my head, turned and pushed past the taller of the two headed back the way I had come once again.

CUT!

Stepping just to the other side of the doorway to the kitchen, outside the shots of the cameras, I pressed my hands to my head and closed my eyes a white searing pain flashed through me. Yep, it was time for medication again, but I didn't expect to see Misha standing there staring at me with worry in his eyes when I opened them.

"You okay?" He said softly as he closed the space between us, I mean, any closer and I would have hit my head if I lowered it, but Misha lowered his instead, creating an air of mystery that made me smile. We were eye to eye as I turned my head towards him and nodded. "You don't look okay."

"It's just a headache," I answered, my own voice low, as if we were making sure that he secret stayed between us. "I'm going to run back to the trailer and get my meds, you wanna come with?"

"Yeah, let me just text Jensen, I think they're setting up for a scene with him and Jared anyway." Misha pulled out the phone, still not moving from the small personal bubble we created and I watched him send the text away, heard it beep in response and felt his hand take mine as we made our way off set.

I swear the man watched me like a hawk as I took the pill bottles from the cabinet and read the labels, but at that moment I was actually glad that he was blocking the bathroom door. The headache had gotten so bad that I couldn't even see straight and finally I handed them off to him before I squeezed by.

"I can't even read them right now." I sighed and made my way to the living room. Misha looked over both bottles, figured out which one was as needed and popped the top. I grabbed a water from the fridge and unscrewed the cover as he handed me two of the white oblong pills. Without a second thought, I popped both in my mouth and swallowed them down, chasing them with the cold water. "What's the next scene, do you remember?"

"I think we're going to a me and Jensen scene, before you come back on set. I can check but I think you're only on for one more, tonight with Mark." I could see the furrowed brow of the man who had become my big brother. I moved towards the couch and got comfortable in the corner, pulling my legs up to my chest as I let the heavy feeling in my skull bring it down to rest. "Actually, it's lunch time, do you want some food? It says to eat food when you take these things."

I smiled at the sound of his voice, and closed my eyes as I gave a slight nod. I felt his lips against my temple and then the door shut as he exited but it was when the silence finally hit my ears that everything seemed to be so loud. I could hear the tick of the clock, the hum of the fridge, hell, I could almost hear the heater kick on but as I squeezed my eyes tightly, knowing that it wouldn't help but hoping that it would, every emotion from the last three days hit me.

I had a roof cave in on me! I felt my lips quiver as the tears started to fall. I had snow pile on top of my chest, squeezing it so hard that I thought I was going to die from not being able to breath. I could feel the rough edges of the wood that splintered across my shoulders and the cold…the painful cold that was like a thousand needles over every part of exposed flesh. I thought I was going to die, I thought that this was the end when I ducked down with Julio, and what was worse, I never got to say goodbye to my kids, let alone Jensen and Jared.

I opened my eyes, and looked around the room, hoping to find comfort in the fact that I was warm, dressed, not dying, and able to breath but it had overwhelmed me and I stood up quickly, made for the bathroom and barely made it to the toilet before throwing up what little I had to eat, and the pills that Misha had just given me.

Once everything had emptied from my stomach, I flushed and sat back against the wall, one leg bent up so that I could put my elbow on it as I used the at same arm to support my head, pressing against the throbbing pain just under the skin.

I was shaking, still staring at the floor, not sure if I was going to be sick again or not, when Misha called out as he opened the door to the trailer. I didn't even want to reply, afraid that my own voice would echo so loudly in my own ears that my head would explode. I heard him put the plate down, the fall of his rushed footsteps and suddenly he was crouched down in front of me, his eyes filled with sadness as he finally sat down to the side, still facing me.

"What happened?"

"I threw up," it was a weak response but the only real answer I could give him. "The pills came up with it, and the headache is getting worse."

"Oh, sweetheart," he whispered and brushed the hair from my face.

I struggled to find any words that would explain what I was feeling at that moment because while my mouth wanted to say something, my brain was going off on some wild tangent about why he wasn't with me, why he didn't use his Angel Mojo to get me out of there but I knew that it wasn't real. Misha didn't have powers and Cas didn't exist so my thoughts were too jumbled to make it out of my mouth, and what did was completely irrelevant to the situation.

"I sorry," I replied as the tears came again, and I felt his hand on my cheek.

"For what?" He returned but with a smile on his face. Why the hell was he smiling?

"Everything." I sighed and closed my eyes.

I felt him release me, heard the shifting of his clothes and then his hands as they tucked under my armpits and he slowly pulled me to my feet. I'm not sure if he literally lifted me up like I was one of his kids or if I had walked to my room but what I felt next was the softness of my pillow and the warmth of a blanket as he grabbed a throw to cover the light from the windows.

The bed shifted under his weight and the bruising on my ribs gave me a start, but it slowly eased as he began to "pet" my head, trying to comfort me. I wanted to smile, because it wasn't his fingers running through my hair, it was his palm gliding over it, like I was something that needed to be pet, but at the same time, it was so soothing that I didn't remember much but that feeling.

 **Like a Bomb Went Off – Jensen**

A week, one week since the accident and those mood swings were in full force. The memory had improved but her attitude hadn't, in fact, I don't think I had ever seen her so angry…with everything! She was a spitfire on her best days, and her attitude with most people, could go either way but it seemed that the concussion was really starting to get to her since she was just about at the end of her rope with everyone.

This particular day, I was standing outside in the hallway waiting for her, not because there was anything really wrong but she had asked me to walk with her to the production office so she could have some sort of conversation with Jim. I could see her through the windows, as she paced (never a good sign), and I watched the look on Jim's face as he listened but I couldn't really make out what was going on. When she was done, he nodded and she said something quickly, then turned and walked out, leaving the door open behind her. Jim looked at me, held his hands up in a shrug and then flashed his phone, which meant he would tell me later, IF she didn't tell me first.

I followed her down to the set and watched as she stopped dead, just before entering the building. She had her hands fisted tightly, almost to the point where she was white-knuckled and her eyes were closed. I watched her lower her head, just enough so that she was hiding behind her hair again. I didn't get too close, I didn't want to invade her space, but when she turned quickly, snatched the sleeve of my jacket and pulled me…granted, I weigh more that she does, so really pulling me was completely out of the question…to the spot behind the trailers, I knew something was up.

She pushed on my chest as I stood with my back to the tailgate and found myself sitting on the bumper of someone's temporary home, but there were no windows anywhere.

"Hey," I whispered as she stepped close to me, standing in between my legs, putting her hands on my chest. Her eyes were full of anger, and passion and, oh hell…I was in trouble. "Baby, what's going on?"

She ran her hand up my chest, her blue eyes locked on mine, but the grin on her face was less than angelic and something inside me began to burn. Yeah, this was something she needed, to let out some pent up aggression and I tried to hide the smile that rose on my lips as her fingers grasped a handful of my hair.

There was a dangerous expression in those eyes, as she stared under the black eyeliner, which made them even more powerful to look at, and a low rumble escaped my throat as she gave my hair a slight tug. My hands came up, grasping at her hips and I squeezed, pulling her right towards the uncomfortable solid reaction of her little game. The grip on my hair became harder, not painful but definitely on the edge of it and I leaned my head back towards the angle she was tugging in.

"What have I told you," she whispered as I watched her lips draw closer to my neck. When her breath hit my skin, especially in the cold air of the November day, it was like fire and ice and I had goose bumps running over every inch of me. I could feel the hardness thicken and my fingers clenched tighter. "About calling me 'Baby'?"

Her mouth closed down on my throat and I know I moaned but I could feel one shift through her as I moved my left hand. Her free hand, the one that braced against my chest, slowly moved to the front of my jeans, gliding over the evidence of just how quickly she could make me want her. I was so done for after that, as she left a blazing line of nips and kisses along the line of my jaw, her hand pressing harder against my erection as she created the friction I so desperately wanted, and I unzipped her coat, moved my hand into her shirt and slid my palm along her hot skin. If I could have taken her right there I would have, but damn it all, I just held on.

My thumb ran over her nipple, enticing a noise from her lips as she lingered on my cheek before she tugged me down for a kiss, something I had hoped she would do, but this was her deal and I wasn't forcing any issue. Her mouth was just as hot against my lips as it was on my skin but I was done playing. My right hand slipped to her ass, giving her cheek a squeeze as I slid to the edge of the bumper and held her tightly to me. She gripped me then, trying to get her fingers around me through the harsh material of my jeans, and I growled and moaned, or one and then the other, I didn't know, I didn't care. I longed for her touch, for her!

Her tongue invaded roughly and knowing what she wanted made me do the same, even as I teased the peaked skin under her bra. What I wouldn't have given at that moment for five minutes and a bedroom door, but this was so much more…just more as the kisses became heated, almost needy, like she had something to claim.

I never wanted to be taken by someone as much as I wanted it at that second, and I would have given it all to her, would have surrendered everything to just let her have whatever she needed, but that bliss, the minutes of unspoken devotion was interrupted, as always, by the sound of someone calling my name. She didn't release me, at least not right away, not until I was breathless and just about undone, especially with how her hand rested against me. I closed my eyes tightly when she pulled her lips away, and I leaned my head back against the trailer.

She didn't back away, even with the threat of being caught, even when I removed my hand from her shirt, in fact she came closer, still pressing against me, still moving to keep that friction. I could feel it coming, if you will, and she pushed her thigh between my legs, pressing hard against my balls. Oh, I think she majored in kink torture because this was amazing.

Her lips were against my ear, her breath blowing made me moan but the words that came next had me whimpering, not a word I use easily, but she reduced me to it.

"How fast can you get off?" It wasn't the words, or the way that she said them, it was that she was unbuttoning my jeans as she asked that had me wrap my arm around her, pull her to the side, in case anyone came down the row and I opened my eyes to look at her.

"Do it," I begged and looked down, swallowing as she removed me from my confines. Her fingers wrapped around me and I stared back into those blue oceans again. "Please!"

I watched that evil, bitchy grin cross her face as she suddenly moved. I was expecting her hands to keep the pace, to move things along but there was no way I was holding out for longer than a minute with that hot mouth wrapped around me. I gripped the shoulders of her coat as I clenched my teeth. Begging was going to be my new favorite thing is this was what happened.

I was swelling, I could feel it rising and my thoughts should have been on what if someone came around the corner, but they weren't. Everything was focused on this one woman and the magic she could do with her mouth, with her tongue and … Oh my GOD!

"Wait," I managed, through clenched teeth and felt her pull away. She gripped my jeans and pulled me forward, and I put my head down on her shoulder as she managed to aim where it landed. I moaned through it, muffled by her coat but in her ear and I'm pretty sure I ripped the seam of something. When she let me go, and I mean really let me go, she made sure that I was well put away and at least a little presentable before she pushed me back against the camper.

I stared up at her as she stood, her eyes a little narrow and that little sly grin slid up one side of her lip. I sat there, trying to catch my breath as she leaned down, gave me a light peck on the lips and backed away, only slightly, to whisper to me.

"I love you, Jen." she winked and suddenly she was gone.

I let out the loudest moan I could and closed my eyes as I kept my head back against the trailer. There was no way I was moving, at least, not for a few minutes.

That was the last time I saw her before set, and she was off with Misha for most of the day, filming something that had to do with the story arc while Jared and I investigated a case but the text messages that came through from here were full of innuendos, and pissed off rambles. I couldn't tell which was more prominent by the time I got back to the trailer but I knew one thing, whoever was at the receiving end of her wrath was in for it.

Misha banged on the trailer door not more than five minutes after the two of us got back from location and when Jared opened the door, the older man's blue eyes were wide.

"I can't get her to calm down, you're going to have to come help." He growled and that instantly had Jared out the door.

"What's going on?" I questioned as we move towards her trailer.

"She's on a call with her ex, apparently the kids were over today and something was brought up, I don't know but they're arguing, and she's quiet, which means she's about to go off like a rocket." It wasn't like Misha to be so flustered but apparently this was not something he was prepared to handle.

When we stepped into the living room, Jared was standing just to the side of the chair, Cari was at the end of the coffee table, her arms crossed with the laptop open in front of her. She wasn't looking down at the screen, she was just standing there with a scowl on her face and the look of death in her eyes.

"You're a bitch, you're off whoring around while your kids are at home and they need their mother, where the fuck are you? How many of them have you done? Huh, spread your legs to get where you are? I will take you to court, I'll get custody of them and you will never see them again!" His voice set me on edge and I moved to get closer to her but she shook her head, looking straight at me, still not replying. "Oh, is one of them there? You're little Supernatural superheroes to the rescue? Which one is it, the one you're fucking or is it all of them, you're screwing all of them aren't you."

"That's it!" I yelled and walked over to where she stood, and looked down at the screen. "Look you little sadistic bastard, I don't know who the hell you think you are but you don't talk to a woman, any woman that way let alone the mother of your children!"

The man on the screen just laughed and shook his head. "Ah, that's funny, because the mother of my children would be at home with them, instead of a nine hour flight away when they need her."

"You little cock-sucker!" I swore and felt her hand on my arm. I turned towards her, and the anger on my face softened as I stared into her hardened eyes. She just shook her head and I took a deep breath as I stood straight. I pointed a finger at the screen. "Pray you never meet me in a dark alley somewhere pal, I'll make you eat every word you say to her."

"Is that so?" He was a mocking bastard if I ever saw one and I was about to launch again, but her grip and the way she looked at me had me stepping back, just out of view of the camera. I watched as she held in that emotion, how her lips went tight, and even earlier when she was a different kind of dangerous, was nothing compared to this. "Tell your little actor buddy that I just got him threatening me on tape."

"Video," she replied, which was the first word she had said since we stepped in and I looked straight at her as if she were insane.

"Whatever! It doesn't matter because I'm going to sue his ass and take the kids!"

In a totally Cari move, she cleared her throat, reached up to scratch a little spot behind her ear and sighed, before looking at the laptop again, asking in her nonchalant way: "Are you finished?"

"Oh I have everything I need."

"Actually," she stated calmly, "you don't.

"Screw you, bitch, I have it all."

"And everything is inadmissible," it was the casual way she replied that had Jared with a wide grin on his face, as I turned to him for any help as to what the hell she was doing. "In the state of Massachusetts, the age of understanding is thirteen, at that point in time, the child or children in this case can choose which parent they want to live with, regardless of the kidnapping law. Which means, I can take them out of the state if I want to so long as I have their best interests in mind as well as their consent stating that they want to live with me."

"That's not true!" He snapped. "You're not allowed to take them out of state without my permission."

Was that right, seriously even if he was being a douchebag?

"Actually, that was true," her words made my heart sink, but her expression didn't change, "when she was six and we moved because it was healthier for our son, however now that she is thirteen and the boys are older, you "allowing" me to do anything has gone out the window. Good luck thinking you can still control me after all these years. I thought we had been through this already, how many times have you won a court case against me?"

"Oh, you'll see, I have a lawyer now."

"Oh, no, not a lawyer," she stated in a monotone voice that made me smile as she rolled her eyes. "I could have three for every one you sick on me. OH and one other thing before you try and go off on my family and friends, your "video" is inadmissible in court. You must state at the beginning of the conversation to all parties involved that you are recording, in any way meaning penning, video, audio recording said conversation so that those answering you may have the chance to refuse to be recorded or end the call. Since you did none of this, neither for me nor him, you can take your little threats and shove them up your happy ass!"

Once she said her piece, she leaned down to the camera, gave him a big smile and pressed the end button. The three of us stood there, impressed by what she had rattled off in the small amount of time that she had answered, and just watched her. What she did next was unexpected; she grabbed an aluminum bat from the side of the couch and walked quickly past us, grabbing her coat along the way.

Misha followed instantly, but Jared gave me a questioning look as I soon followed. Cari with a bat, probably not a good idea.

"Cari, wait up!" Misha yelled as moved in the fading light. He didn't try to catch up, completely, since she was swinging that bad one handed and doing a pretty good job of looking like she was about to kill someone.

I thought I knew where she was headed, but she turned quickly just before the gate and moved through the snow that covered the ground. Rain had taken a lot of the inches but it was still ankle deep and before we knew it the only way we were keeping up was to watch her footprints.

She had ducked through a hole in the fence and moved through the woods. What the hell was she doing? Where exactly was she going?

When we stopped, or at least when Jared and I caught up with Misha, he had stopped, just outside a small clearing that held four or five cars. They were one we wrecked over the years, some totaled beyond repair, but most purposely left in that state and I watched, as Jared grabbed my coat to stop me from going closer, as she stood at the front bumper of an old car, not a model I could make out in the trees.

The silence was almost too much but all three of us jumped when she swung the first time and the sound of the bat hit the hood of the car echoed, after that it was complete mayhem. She went to town on that thing, swinging with everything she had, as she yelled, and I mean she let out some wild screams as the bad came crashing down on the car.

The hood took a beating, denting under her strength, which I was surprised to see equaled her anger. My jaw dropped as she just kept going, and the grip on my jacket from Jared, tightened. Misha put his hands to his face, just shaking his head, until those swings became less and less and with one final fall of the bat, the windshield shattered.

For a moment, she stood there in silence again, looking at the job she had done before she turned towards us and went to walk by, pressing the bat against Misha's chest before she did so, and he took it from her but made no attempt to touch her in anyway. Now I knew why she would always go to the gym when she needed to, because her angry was downright scary as shit!


	25. When the Night Falls in Around Me

Xmas in Austin – j2

When the Night Falls in Around Me – Cari

Two days, well, today and then the flight is tomorrow. Two day and I'll be back in the states for the longest vacation yet. Thanksgiving break. Not something I was looking forward to, not after that shit the Ex pulled. What an ass, but I was fine with it now, a little aggression on the car and boom, no skin off my back.

Did I ever mention how much I hated the nights? I mean really hated trying to sleep, or not sleeping, or my meds to sleep not working. Ah, hell, I just hated everything about it, except for one six-foot thing. I turned over in his arms, one that was tucked under my head, the other securely around my waist and I smiled up at him. Jensen never looked more peaceful than when he was lying there. His eyes closed, the part of his pink lips, even the way he breathed was peaceful, and I wished I could join him, but as luck had it, I was wide freaking awake.

I wanted to wake him, wanted to do some pretty interesting things to him, but he had a long day, and apparently some pretty nasty fight scenes that took a lot out of him, since he had crawled into bed only about an hour ago and was deep into whatever dream he was having.

He hadn't even had the strength to change out of the sweats and tee-shirt he had come over with, after having a few beers with Jared and relaxing, but that was okay with me, I was just happy to have him there.

I reached up with the tips of my fingers and traced the line of his jaw, down his neck and along the collarbone that stuck out from under his shirt. My tongue went to my lips, damn was he hot, sexy and absolutely amazing to touch, but I did so lightly so that he wouldn't wake up, I wanted to admire him more.

I could feel the muscles in his arms, and traced them, traveling down over the one by my neck first, then around to the one that held my waist. The man was a work of art, a living breathing masterpiece, but even if I told him that, he would clam up and shake his head, like he did with every compliment I gave him.

Set was going to suck if I didn't get some sort of sleep and there was no way I was getting sleep if I kept touching him, which I had told myself I was going to do, you know stop touching him but as I ran my hand down his side, I felt the little bit of flesh where his shirt had risen. Oh, that was a temptation that I couldn't help as I let my palm flatten against the warmth of it and explored the feel of his abs, all the way up his chest, but still he never moved, never shifted his breathing, even though I had.

With a roll of my yes, my fingers felt that light line of hair that marked over his navel and I tried to swallow as I followed it down to where it disappeared beneath his waistband. This made him shift and quickly I took my hand away. I was hot now, there was no way I was sleeping and slowly I moved out of the bed, making sure the covers kept in the warmth as I headed towards the shower. Yeah a nice cold shower was definitely what I needed.

With one last look at the man in my bed, I turned and headed for the bathroom. Stripping away everything I was wearing, not that it was much, I stepped under the hot jets that came down. Thank God for good water pressure because I needed something to take the edge of.

My mind had been so much clearer the last few days, and I was able to think about the scenes I needed to work on for the next day, without worry, which seemed to be easing the tension growing below my waist.

I let the hot water try to ease my mind and body as I stood there but from under the spray I heard the door to the bathroom open and without turning, since I thought Jensen was just there to use the toilet, I closed my eyes. That was until the door opened and I felt the warmth of a body pressed against mine as I faced the back wall of the standup shower.

He was hotter than the water itself and I took in a deep breath as his body molded to mine from behind, completely naked. Now, over the course of what we had started there seemed to be one unspoken rule, neither one of us could be fully naked at the same time as the other. There was always that thin piece of cotton between us but right now, as we stood there, I could feel the length of him pressing against my back as his legs brushed against my ass.

He curled his body down, chest to my back and his arms wrapped around my waist while he kissed along my shoulder and up to my neck where he buried his face against the slope of it. I heard him moan in a deep, sleepy voice which vibrated through my body. It wasn't a sex moan, but something that just escaped him.

"Did I wake you?" I whispered, as if there were anyone else to hear. His lips touched again, sending shiver down my body as he shook his head, the tickling sensation of his stubbles spread to every nerve.

"You're leaving tomorrow, I want to spend every minute I can with you." He admitted, which in his current sleeping state, wasn't a surprise. He was open and honest with me in every way but the best times to get him to talk was just after he woke up when the filter was completely gone.

"You'll be with me on set all day," I giggled and moved to turn and face him, but his arms tightened and I couldn't move. "Jensen, as much as I love this, you need to get some sleep."

"Not yet," he replied bringing his lips up to breathlessly speak those words in my ear.

Okay, not yet.

I mean, who was I to argue since one of his hands started traveling, cupping my left breast in his hand as he used his other, spreading his fingers wide against my stomach, to hold me there as he slowly moved that rock-hard arousal against my back. I let out a moan, not sure where the hell it came from but it was definitely what I wanted to do.

His fingers did amazing things to my peaks and valley and, oh just the feel of him anywhere on me was almost too much, especially with the water flowing over us. That hand that held me still, slid lower and his middle finger curled into my heat, flicking first at the bundle of nerves that sent my legs shaking before he entered me. He was the one that moaned this time, pushing upwards and in as I caught my breath, all the while his lips stayed close to my ear.

The frantic rise of everything in me was nearly my downfall as the man worked magic with his hands and my legs shook, having trouble holding me up. He slipped lower, another finger curved and I let out a small cry as he pushed forward. Not that I couldn't handle two but the man was skillful and I could feel the edge creeping closer.

It felt like this went on for hours, and when I was finally unable to hold back, I cried out in complete satisfaction, reaching down to grip his wrist, but he didn't stop, he kept me going. Over and over I continued to fall, or rise, I wasn't sure which way I was going but the stars behind my closed eyes were harsh and the end was mind blowing. I rested my head against the wall as he withdrew, and slid back up, just that little bit, his body stilled as he rested his lips on my shoulders on again.

I tried to breath, tried to catch myself as my legs buckled just a bit before I was able to steady myself and I heard him give a little giggle, as if bringing me to submission was the funniest thing he had ever done.

"I got you," he said softly, "I won't let you go."

"Oh, Jensen, I don't think I can walk." I mumbled as I straightened the best I could and leaned my head back against his shoulder.

"You don't have too," he smiled on my skin. "I'll carry you."

I felt him release me for just a second, but in that time I thought I was going down. Skillfully he turned the water off and reached for the towel that hung over the glass door. I could feel the warm cloth against me as he went to wrap me up.

"Don't," I groaned and felt his hand stop, his mouth against my ear once again.

"If I don't cover you up, we're going to be in some serious trouble." I stiffened at his words but he didn't pull away, in fact his breathing quickened, and like I said, just woken from sleep was the best time to get anything out of Jensen. "I want to be inside you, I want to feel you around me, and if you don't let me cover you up…I'm afraid."

"Do it," I snapped, knowing just how he was feeling and I felt the towel wrap tightly around my waist, not so much my chest, but definitely a way of putting something between that evidence and my heat.

The door opened and his arms moved me once he stepped from the shower. I was swiftly lifted, an arm under my knee and I wrapped my own around his neck then he moved me back to the bedroom where I was placed gently on the bed, and watched as he quickly found the discarded sweats he had brought with him, creating yet another barrier.

I was going completely naked, to hell with getting dressed because I was sated and tired, finally. With his body, warm and half clothed pulling tightly back against him, I felt his arm slip under my neck and one arm wrap around my waist.

He did the same thing every time he held me like that, his face against my head, his lips on my shoulder and I smiled, letting my eyes drift shut. What a way to fall asleep, and I was loving every second of it as we both dozed off into darkness.

Mark stood looking at me, his "Crowley eyes" staring as they narrowed and I shook my head, giving him just a bit of an attitude and a grin. He wasn't moving, just sitting there on this throne like a good King of Hell, but I watched for a moment, with action being called thirty seconds before. I stuck my hands in the pockets of my coat and noticed the way he slowly shook his head, before yelling.

"Line!" And I burst out laughing. "Fucking A," he said and stared down at me, "who the hell taught you to look at someone like that?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about!" I smiled in return and Mark looked over at the directors who were just smiling, apparently this had been going on all day.

"She's looking at me as if I were some sort of piece of meat," he laughed as he complained. "I'm the King of Hell, don't treat me like some john you just picked up."

I shrugged, taking my hands out of my pockets and watched him step down from the chair and walk over. With a little grin, he leaned down beside me and whispered in my ear.

"You think you could save the bedroom eyes for Jensen so we can get this thing done?" His accent was too much, especially that close and whispering, and I found myself smiling.

"I'll try, but you know, Mark…" I teased.

"Christ, she's determined to have all of us!" He announced as he walked back to the chair. I composed myself as we set up for the camera again and he cleared his throat. His face went blank, and then I watched the pure Crowley bitchiness form on him, which was when I took my same stance. Eyes relaxed, as if this wasn't an issue with me, and my lips turned up, finding anything he said a joke before it left his mouth. Finally, when Mark nodded, they called action again and he slowly leaned forward in the set. "So you think you can just walk in here and take what you want?"

"That was the plan," I said, trying to look as if I was contemplating it, "Yeah, pretty much."

"Where's your little pretty boys?"

"Not coming, if that's why you're asking." I replied and glanced around the room at the various things that had been changed. Moving from the spot that I had been "ordered" to stay I, I made my way over to the knife table, standing just to the side so that my back wasn't to the camera but I wasn't directly behind it, but was quickly met with the end of an angel blade by the large security guard that was standing right there. "I have no intention of throwing one at him, but keep pointing that at me and you might just lose an eye."

The man looked over at Crowley, and the camera caught him wave the man off, while I kept my sight locked. The blade disappeared and I let my fingers cross over the knives. The camera picking up the small movement of my fingers, as I found one that caught my interest.

"So, my darling Demi, what gave you the balls to come down into my home and wander about?" I picked up the blade and brought it to my eye level, not blocking my face but as I turned it in my hand, inspecting the cut of the metal, I shrugged.

"I was bored," I answered, casually and put the knife back before continuing my lap around the table until I was right back to my mark, looking up at him. "Looking for a challenge since my "pretty boys" pretty much kicked me to the curb."

"The Winchesters finally got smart enough to set you free?" He asked curiously and I watched him rub his hand across his beard. "Funny how I don't see that happening."

"Believe it or not, well, that's what happened." I tucked my hands in the pocket of my dark leather coat and let out a sigh. "So, what are you going to do with me, oh King of Demons?"

"I think I know exactly what to do with you." He smiled and I stood there, the grin coming up on my face once more, as "Cut" was called and Mark got up, walking down to me once again. He leaned in close, as all the boys did and smiled. "I think I'm going to throttle you!"

"Why's that?" I laughed and he grabbed my upper arm, playfully as he pretended to pull me as we walked off set. I watched the seriousness cross his face as he turned toward me and reached a hand, smoothing down my hair as he smiled.

"How are you feeling?" His fatherly voice seemed to make me smile. The man wasn't old enough to be that at all but here he was playing the part.

"Mood swings are good, headaches are gone, except for some mornings when the light from the catwalk just kills me, doc said that might take a bit longer, and my memory is just fine." I looked at him as he stared me down, his eyes narrowing again as he looked over my face to see if I was lying, but he gave me that smile, a truly Mark smile and wrapped his arms around me.

"Good, I couldn't in good conscious send you home without making sure that everything was going to be fine." He mumbled against my head as I returned his embraced. I didn't understand these guys, they were all so easy to fall into, to hold and just feel safe with. "So, what are my Demon's plans for Thanksgiving?"

"Sit at home while the kids go to their dad's, try not to think about using a bat on him and basically miss all of you!" I replied, muffled by the fact that my face was buried in his shirt. He cleared his throat as he stepped back a bit, which made me look up and his eyes gestured from me to something behind me and I smiled, knowing just what that look was for. "Tell me that man isn't standing there glaring at you!"

"Oh, sweetheart, he's not glaring, he's shooting daggers at me with his eyes." Mark laughed and released me as I felt the strong hand I knew well, glide across the back of my neck and I turned my head up to see Jensen looking down at me smiling. "Well, then, I'll be off to leave you two lovers alone."

"Thanks Mark," Jensen smiled shaking his head, and he really did mean thank you because he knew at the man was just looking out for my well-being. I seemed to have body swapped as Jensen wrapped his arms around me from behind and moved me further away from the crowd. We made our way back set to the Stairway to Nowhere and sat down next to each other, as much of our bodies touching as possible. "You doing okay?"

"Well, besides the fact that I'm about to go home for a week to spend a holiday alone without my kids or the four of you," I smiled up at him as I turned and put my leg over his knee. "I'm doing pretty well. I mean, we'll have screen time, I'm sure. What are your big plans with Danneel and the kids? You and Jay getting together for dinner?"

"Actually, yeah that's the plan." He took my hand in his and kissed the top of my knuckles, each one slowly. He stopped with my hand against his lips and sighed. "I don't want to leave you." He whispered, his breath breezing over my fingers. "I wish I could steal you!"

"It won't be forever, besides you and Dannie needs some you time and you need to work off that hard-on you're sporting before it gets you in trouble." I laughed and watched him turn red in the ears. What did I say? Apparently, my mouth lost its filter. "This morning was a pretty close call."

"I didn't say it so that you would be upset, I said it because I don't want any secrets between us." His hand released mine and those fingers slipped behind my neck, pulling me in closer so he could whisper against my ear. "Both of us like that in such a small space would have been trouble, because being inside you in any way nearly killed me. That's just a rule I can't break."

"Jen, I would never ask you to do anything that would put you and Dannie in danger, especially that, and trust me, your fingers worked really…really well." I felt the blush running up my neck, and it seemed the hotter I got, the closer he pressed and I let my eyes roll back. "Maybe this isn't the best time to talk about it."

"Why, you getting hot and bothered?" I opened my eyes and drew back, looking into those blazing green eyes. With a deep breath, I put some distance between us and looked down.

"Looks like I'm not the only one," I teased back and watched as his arm came down across his waist, just as a few of the crew started to come through the quiet set. Jensen shook his head as he looked at me with a tight-lipped smile. I patted him on the knee as I watched him try to defuse himself. "So, anyway, flight leaves at 6 tomorrow morning."

"I know, I have all your itinerary written down on my calendar, believe me, I'm not missing sending you off." Jensen sighed. I knew this was going to be hard on him but I knew we would make it through. "Dinner tonight?"

"You and me, or you, me and the two amigos?" I smiled and watched him shrug.

"I get you after everyone goes to bed so if Jared and Misha want to tag along, I have no problem with that." He winked and that made me laugh.

"Why are you so "let's share" all of a sudden?" I questioned and watched as he looked around, moved his arms to rest his elbow on the step behind him and reached out to play with the end of my chair.

"Because I've finally figured out that you're mine, no matter who else you spend time with and I'm okay with that." He spoke softly, letting me know that this was another one of his little admissions, like he wanted to get everything he was holding in off his chest before we were apart for a week. I turned to look at him, staring him down and I smiled. "Besides, it's Jared and Misha, not like we've never had dinner with them before."

"Eating in, or dining out?" I whispered leaning back on the step.

"We have a plan." He winked, which made me nervous as he suddenly stood, grabbed my hand and pulled me with him back to set where Mark was waiting for me. Jensen pulled me against his side kissed me against the temple, no doubt leaving a bruise and then the man was gone again.

Oh, this was going to be an interesting night.

I looked around as Mark and I stood just around the corner of the hallway, listening for the slate to drop and I casually touched the sides of the wall, gritting my fingers together at the fake dirt and ding that would have been there in real life, if it wasn't so skillfully painted on and I turned my head to find Mark looking at me is if I were insane. I wiped the smile from my face and brushed my hands off, as if I had offended him.

"What the hell are you doing?" He laughed.

"I'm getting into character," I shrugged and he shook his head.

"I honestly believe you are the only person I have ever met that doesn't leave character," he grinned, "ever."

"Why not just be who I am best," I winked, "me."

ACTION!

We rounded the corner, Mark with his hands behind his back as I stuffed mine in the pockets of my leather coat, glancing around at the walls. We had abandoned the throne room and were now down deeper into the "palace".

"So, you're idea of what to do with me involves creepy hallways?" I questioned and gave him a look, just a small look that had him roll his eyes.

"It's not what to do with you, Pet, it's what you can do for me." Mark stopped in front of a door, one simply marked with a symbol and turned to me just a little. "There's magic behind here, magic I can't touch."

"Angel magic?" I laughed and watched as he nodded. "You realize that I'm only half right, that stuff could kill me just as quick as it could make you Crowley soup."

"Believe me, I know, but I have a feeling that your Archangel side will protect you more than you think." I closed my eyes and watched as he opened the door. I expected the bright light of an Angel's grace to blind me, but it was just a dark room with nothing much in it except one little box in the center.

"You're kidding, right?" I said as I peeked in. "A box?"

"Oh, it's not just a box. It's the Pandora's box."

"Wait," I turned back to him and gave him a look of disbelief, "Pandora was an angel?"

"A fallen one," he leaned in close, "apparently your father pissed her off."

"Oh wonderful, so what are the chances that she didn't ward it against any of his essence?" I groaned and rolled my eyes. Mark gestured into the room and I shook my head, turned towards the door and placed both hands on the wood beside it.

CUT!

And they were setting up for the next scene, moving the cameras around to that room to get me coming in, straight on and from the side. I could see my little mark on the floor, understood my stage direction and shook my head. This was a piece of cake but then again, I decided to look up, big mistake.

The ceiling resembled the one in the shack and my mind instantly went to the incident, the way it bowed, the sound of the crackling noise, the splinter under the weight of the snow and I slowly backed out to the wall behind me, trying desperately to catch my breath. I felt Mark's hands on me as I closed my eyes and counted back from ten, a trick I had learned weeks ago.

"What is it?" He questioned, and I heard the approaching footsteps that stopped beside me. As I opened my eyes, I glanced from Mark to Jim Michael's, whose face was oozing concern.

"Just a bit of a flashback." I smiled and stood up straight. Jim, curious, walked into the room and looked up. He seemed to get it as he turned and shook his head.

"We don't have to do it right now, you're on set all day." He reassured me, but I shook my head.

"Horses, right?" I swallowed. "Just gotta get back on it."

"You're talking about a roof that fell on you, not a ski trip that went bad." Jim sighed and I let out a breath.

"I know, and I'll be okay with it, just keep rolling if I screw it up, I'll get it right," I whispered and watched as he debated. "Jim, please, I need this." Finally, the executive producer nodded and walked off set, but I could see the worry in Mark's eyes. "I got this, I swear!"

I took my place, both hands on the door sill looking into the room. I closed my eyes, counted back from ten and listened to the slate drop. I opened my eyes and looked around the room, with a glance back at Mark over my shoulder, and took a step into the room.

It worked out just as it was supposed to and I used the fear to my advantage as I made my way towards the box. One foot in front of the other right? I felt like I was in Tomb Raider, trying not to step on the wrong stones but there wasn't any traps, it was just me taking my time to get to the center of the room. With a bit of a shake in my hands, coming naturally from the anxiety, I reached out and placed them both on the lid of the box. Licking my lips, I bit down gently on my bottom one, and slowly opened the lid. The camera was focused on the 2/3rds of my face, the other third was blocked by the lid as I opened it and my eyes grew wide, the light that they installed in the box to slowly brighten as it opened illuminated my blue eyes as the shot would go suddenly dark.

CUT!

"Perfect!" Jim yelled and I let go of the lid, letting it clank closed before I turned and looked at Mark.

I hurried from the room and felt his arm catch me before I could take off like a bat out of hell. I took two deep breaths and the man began to walk me off set. I was happy that Mark hadn't released me, but I was ecstatic to see Misha as the man walked off of the bunker stage. I watched his face grow concerned as Mark released me and I moved into Misha's arms.

"What happened?" Misha questioned.

"A little demon PTSD." Mark smiled, but ran his hand down the back of my head. "The room with the box was a bit much for her, but she did brilliant and made it through the scene."

"Are you done for the day?" Misha's embrace tightened as my hands gripped his shirt, but he wasn't talking to me, he was speaking to the other man. I assumed Mark had nodded since the next thing I heard was Misha's reply. "Maybe we should stop back at the trailer," I moved my head back to look up at him. "How are you feeling?"

"I don't need my meds if that's what you're asking. I have a scene with Jensen scheduled and I don't need to be slurring my speech." I smiled and watched as his grin crept up on his face. He leaned down and kissed me on the forehead.

"Fine, but you're not going anywhere alone, just in case." He stated, overly protective as always. Mark "hmmph"-ed at him and shook his head before kissing me on the back of the head and walking away.

Leave it to Misha to make me feel like a little sister…again!


	26. A Little Table Talk

Author's note: This one is from both the boys POV, fair warning that there is a little bit of...fun...in the second part. Don't strangle the messenger but yeah, have "fun" with it.

A Little Table Talk – Jensen

She stood there staring at me, her eyes narrowed as she stood with her back against the wall, her hands tucked in the small of her back, probably wrapped around the handle of the little Walther she kept back there. One foot was up, her knee bent as the sole was pressed against the wall. I could see the blade she carried in the cuff of her "hunter" boots as she liked to call them, and I let out a sigh. This was the last scene of the night and then we were finally off to dinner but there was just something about it that I couldn't get right. I had already messed up about seven times and I know that she was getting a little on edge.

With a roll of my eyes, I moved to walk past her from the main room to the kitchen.

"What?" I asked as she kicked away from the wall and followed me down into the room.

"I'm sorry, were you asking me?" She questioned sarcastically as I poured a cup of coffee and set the pot down on the machine once again before looking up into her eyes.

"Yeah, what do you want?" I watched that smile cross her lips and it took everything I had not to fall out of character. Damn it!

"If I said you, would you freak out?" She whispered just as I took a sip of the coffee. It took all I had not to spit it out because she hit that line dead on. I put the cup down and rounded the table, but as I moved towards her, she backed up hitting the wall with a bit of a "hmmph" as the air rushed from her. I stopped just far enough away so that the cameras could still catch her face as I looked down at her. "Yeah, I guess you would."

"I'm not freaking out," I whispered and brought my hand up to touch her cheek, but she jumped as I did so, a reaction I had expected of her. "Why are you so scared?"

"I'm not scared."

"You jumped a foot."

"I'm," she paused, glanced away from me and then came back to look into my eyes, her lips parting. "I'm just not used to this."

"This?" I questioned. "A guy wanting to touch you?"

"Anyone wanting to touch me," her voice went soft as I relaxed my shoulders, trying to help her as my hand came down on the soft skin of her neck and I felt her tense. "People, humans, they only touch when they want to abuse."

"I don't want to hurt you." I said softly, my thoughts wandering to what she might be talking about and slowly I leaned down, brushing her lips with mine in a soft sweep and I felt her reach up and grab my shirt. It was all for the camera but I wanted it as much as Dean did, but that soft touch was enough as I backed away. Not too much, not with a powerful Demi-arch freaking out. The space between us was just enough for me to still feel her heat and I had to keep looking into her eyes because anywhere else and I was falling out of character. "Nic," I started but brought my head up suddenly as we heard the door to the bunker open.

"Dean?" Jared yelled as I heard his keys land on the small table at the bottom of the stairs and just like that, the woman who had been trapped between me and the wall was gone. I stood straight as Jared stepped into the kitchen and looked at me with a bit of confusion. "What are you doing?"

"Just…" I started and shook my head, moving back towards the coffee cup, "nothing."

"Ah-huh," Jared nodded and walked by me to put the bags he was holding on the counter. "So that wasn't Nic that you just had pinned there?"

I nearly coughed up a lung as I swallowed my coffee the wrong way and watched as Jared smiled. That was totally an unscripted line but they hadn't yelled cut as I tried to catch my breath. Doing the best I could to remain Dean, I stood up straight, side of my fit against my chest and I looked over at him.

"What?" I stated in disbelief, "no!"

Jared gave me one of his little sideways smiles and nodded as he grabbed something out of the bag and put it way in the fridge. That was when I saw Cari sneaking past the door to the hallway, that sly smile on her face as she moved silently, and Jared turned just as she slipped past without being seen. I let out a little bit of a sigh and they called it.

CUT! WRAP!

Thank God! I turned completely as Cari came back into the room and leaned against the doorsill. Jared placed the non-perishable items back into the bag so he knew where to start when we picked up filming after dropping her at the airport. She smiled at the two of us, as Jared looked over at her and smiled.

"So, what's the plan for tonight again?" She questioned and we watched as the crew began to move things around so that they could get off set. Jared let out a little laugh, like a choked back sound and when I looked over at him, that smile faded as I slowly shook my head. "Oh, come on, I don't like that!"

"What?" I smiled, stepping up to her. I bent my knees and grasped her by the hips so that I could lean down and look into her eyes without looking like I wanted to kiss her, which I really, really wanted to do but there was still crew members wandering around. The glare in her blue eyes told me she wasn't up for secrets let alone surprises and I sighed, glanced back at Jared, who shrugged and crossed his arms. "We had a plan to take you to that little diner that Misha brought you to, you know the haunted crepes, but," I looked at my best friend again for just a moment then turned to her once more, "we were kind of thinking of having a night in."

"We always have a night in, Jensen," she smiled, her eyes lighting up. Her hands reached out, and I closed my eyes at the feel of her warm skin against my neck. "I have no issue with staying in with the three of you, and I'm only assuming Misha is going to show up," it took me a moment to look at her once again, my drug of choice…her hands…were making it really hard to stay focused as her thumb ran over the skin behind my ears. "But please tell me we are not having pizza."

"Chinese." Jared grinned as he moved towards us, and put a hand on my shoulder, helping to break the connection and I slid back from her touch.

"Good, I'm starving." I couldn't believe how easy she released me and slipped between the two of us, as if we were just obstacles in her way. Both of us turned, smiling and followed after her.

I was impressed when I walked into the trailer, and my guess was that Cari was awe-struck. Somehow, while on set most of the day, Jared had managed to turn our little home-away-from-home into what looked like the interior of a small Chinese restaurant, complete with pillows on the floor to sit on instead of the couches around the table. I nodded my head and elbowed Jay in the ribs as he smiled.

Misha stepped in behind us, bags in hand filled with the food we ordered and the four of us went about sitting down for dinner. It was a mess, but we seemed to duck and weave around each other with skilled practice. Jared grabbed the plates, Misha put the food from the Styrofoam boxes into bowls, I grabbed the beer and soda from the refrigerator and Cari set the table, all with light conversations going on.

Once we sat down, Cari beside me, Jared across from me and Misha to his right, we all started digging in and it was good, a nice relaxing night, but as Cari switched to her root beer and vodka things seemed to get a little hectic.

With the table cleaned off, and the food put away, I sat on the floor with her behind me on the couch, fingers running up and down the back of my neck as Jared lounged on the couch across from us and Misha kissed Cari quickly, before waving to us as he stepped out of the trailer.

Did I tell you I want you? – Jared

Misha left, having to be onset earlier than the rest of us, but he promised to stop by the trailer and say goodbye before we took Cari to the airport. I had kept my position, lying the full length of the couch as Jensen sat with his head back on the other couch and Cari sat up, with her legs on either side of his shoulders, her hands still going through his hair. It was still the same way that we had been before Misha's exit but this time, her eyes were locked on mine.

"Let's play a game," she whispered, her voice held a sultry tone as her eyes narrowed and she scanned over the length of me. I smiled at her, laughing quietly as Jensen suddenly picked his head up and turned to face her.

"What kind of game? And am I drunk enough for it?" I rolled my eyes as I shook my head. When it came to Cari, Jensen didn't need to be drunk to join in, he just went with it and we both knew it, but if he was asking it made me think there was no way I was drunk enough for it.

"Truth or Dare," she smiled and my head whipped in her direction.

I remembered the last time the two of them played that little game and the smile faded from my lips. Should I protest, should I say no? Where the hell would I go if I did? Down into Jensen's room, over into mine? Oh my God, what was I going to do because "Truth or Dare" with these two could be so much worse than "Never Have I Ever".

"You really need to be drunk?" Cari laughed and I watched that sly little grin cross her face. She looked just as sneaky as Nic when she did that but it definitely got Jensen's attention every time.

"Really? Truth or Dare?" I questioned, and watched her eyes come back to mine.

The blue under her lashes seemed to sparkle with such a strange light that I couldn't help but be caught in them as I sat up and grabbed the still chilled beer from the table in front of me. Jensen, who had sat forward to grab his, handed the rocks glass back to the woman behind him as she downed what was left in it before hopping up to get a refill. When she did so, her leg went right over Jensen's head as if she had kicked it up and I took a deep breath.

THIS was a very, very BAD idea!

Jensen had this smile plastered on his face as he grinned at me but there was no way I wanted to give in. I'm sure if I had asked what he was smiling about, he would have tried to convince me that this would be fun, that there was no harm in it and that it was just a game, but in all reality, it was never a game, not with these two, not with HER!

Okay, so I admit, at least to myself, that the attraction I had to her was growing and really, really hard to keep a handle on, especially when I saw the two of them together. I wasn't jealous, no way! I mean it wasn't that way. When I saw them steal a kiss, or a hug, or even just a look, it made it so much worse to want her because I wanted to watch them do that. How weird am I that the best thing that could happen during the course of the day was to catch a peek of the two of them sneaking around? It was a strange turn-on and I found myself doing it more and more.

The little kisses I was able to steal from her didn't even do it for me, I mean, sure they were amazing but I felt better knowing that she was kissing him, that he was holding her. Ugh, what the hell was wrong with me?

With a huff I sat back on the couch and turned my head towards the kitchen, just enough so that I could watch her do a little dance to whatever song happened to be playing in her head. She moved to the beat of her own drum, pouring two shots of the vodka into the glass before topping it off with the root beer, though I still wasn't even sure that was even a tempting combination to try, but she seemed to love it.

When she made her way back in the room, I looked over to find Jensen staring at me. He had the little bit of flush to his face that told me he was getting to THAT limit on his beer, and by THAT limit, I meant that the inhibitions would soon disappear and I would really, really be in trouble.

"So, are we playing or what?" Cari asked as she sat on the couch next to Jensen instead of behind him this time, then switched her position to sit on the floor closer to the coffee table so that she could see us both. "OH, come on! You two are such brats, just play the stupid fucking game!"

"Wow, Mouth, you kiss your mother with that thing?" Jensen laughed as he turned to her and I watched as she put the glass on the table, crawled over slowly and pressed her body against his as she put both hands on his cheeks. Jensen looked up at her and I could see his eyes going from her blue ones to her lips, before she brought her mouth to his. I shifted as I watched, apparently too noticeably since Jensen's eyes flickered to me as her lips claimed his.

What the hell made that so hot to watch? What the hell was wrong with me?

I shifted again, this time pretending to notice the…well whatever else was in front of me instead of the two lovers across from me. Cari sat back, ran her thumb over his lips and moved back to her drink, which she took a large sip of before shivering at either the bubbles or the alcohol.

"Okay," she whispered, putting the cup down and she looked up at me, "Truth or Dare, Jay?"

"Why do I have to go first?" I whined and rolled my eyes. All right, so we were really playing this, and I was in so much trouble. "Truth." I watched as Cari smiled, and as much as I hated to admit that Jensen was right and it was sexy as hell, the thought of what she could possibly be thinking of at the moment scared the hell out of me. Her nose did a little scrunch as she opened her mouth and then closed it again as if debating on the question. "Come on already!"

"Have you ever found a cosplay version of yourself sexy?" Cari laughed and I cocked my head a bit before watching Jensen break down into hysterical laughter on the other side of the room.

"Cosplay, like the people who dress up like me at the Cons?" I questioned and narrowed my eyes. The thought of anyone dressed as me being attractive confused me but I had to admit there were some that just...ugh.

"Yes," I admitted, taking a long drink from the amber bottle before I raised an eyebrow in her direction. "I mean, not the ones that are totally dressed as me, with the short hair and stuff, but some of the women who still let their hair loose, and they have to be wearing something tight."

I watched the grin come across her face, not a full-on, teeth shining grin but enough to make the corners of her mouth turn up and she winked. This was going to be a long night but I knew the rules and it was my turn to ask. Glancing back and forth between them, I finally settled on Jensen.

"Truth or dare, Jense?" I asked quickly and watched as he sat there, one knee raised, his beer twirling in his hand that rested there and the other hand came up to run though his hair.

"Truth," he said softly, more like he was questioning his own answer and I knew I needed to think of something good.

"All right," I watched Cari swirl her drink before she brought the glass to her lips and just that action alone made me turn to him, because there was no way I could watch her mouth on anything else at the moment. "Ever find a guy attractive?"

"Jay, that's a stupid question," he stated defensively and I smiled, because I knew the answer, but to listen to Cari almost choke on the liquid in her mouth was all worth it. Jensen rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Yeah, I have a few times, but we're all human, I've never acted on it if that's what you're getting at."

"Call me curious…" Cari started but her words were instantly silenced as Jensen looked over at her, a certain glare in his eyes that made her stop and smile. "Never mind."

"Truth or Dare, Sweetheart," the last word from Jensen's lips was a drawn out, sarcastic tone because unless it was out of concern, no one really called her anything like that. Cari never stopped smiling, she had so many different expressions but they all had to do with her mouth and her eyes, and you could tell how much hell you were going to be in just by the way the corners turned.

"Dare," she whispered changing the game up and I watched Jensen's face fill with surprise. Apparently, he wasn't expecting her to go there this soon.

"Dare, huh?" he grinned and looked at me, oh this couldn't be good, but he licked his lips and nodded, before looking at her. "Okay," he nodded, his lips becoming this teasing frown and I swear he almost looked like Walter the puppet from Jeff Dunham. "I dare you to flash him."

"You want me to show my boobs to Jared?" She laughed, which was just as funny to hear as to see, because she literally put her whole body behind it and tossed her head back as she caught her breath before looking at me. "Fine."

The smile faded from my face as I listened to her agree to it. Yeah, she hadn't even had two of the glasses yet and I knew that she was in complete control of her faculties when she got up on her knees and grabbed the end of her shirt.

"Ut-uh!" Jensen quickly stopped and I caught my heart, thinking he had changed his mind and that I was going to be spared but I knew that look as their eyes connected. "Stand up and walk over in front of him, and you have to do it for more than ten seconds."

"You can't change the rules once I've accepted, Ackles, that isn't fair," she said with a bit of sass, but it didn't matter what she said because she was up on her feet already.

Could I just close my eyes and pretend I wasn't about to see what she was doing, could I just protest and…oh God, she was standing right in front of me. I watched her small hands grasp the hem of her shirt, the thin tight one that had Batman written across the chest and tight as hell to start with, leaving little to my imagination but I felt my lips part as she began to bring it up. The little bit of skin that started to show had my eyes instantly there and I made a point to wrap my hand tighter around the beer because I was afraid it was going to drop.

They continued to pull up, and I watched as her fingers scooped under the edge of her bra, bringing that up with it. My breath caught in my chest as she slipped it over her nipples, letting me have a full on view of her body. Wow, she was perfect! They were Bs, I think, just enough that I wanted to reach out and cup my hand around them and the dark circles around her nipples were tight as the chill in the air make her stand at attention.

Jesus, she really needed to put her shirt down because I could feel the hard pressure growing and ten seconds felt like ten minutes as I just admired the woman in front of me. Slowly, the cloth came back down, the bra cupped her once again and I found myself sitting back, not that I had even realized I had moved at and when she glanced back at Jensen, I did too.

His face was full of just every kind of emotion, but he was biting on his bottom lip, a sure sign that her actions were a complete turn-on for him. Cari looked at me, scanned me over from head to toe and stopped at the obvious change in my attention, her eyes resting on my crotch before she met my eyes and gave me a wink.

I let out a breath as she moved back to her seat and put my head back on the couch. Yep, this game was going to be pure torture. Jensen's lips widened into a bright smile as his eyes continued to lock on me. He knew what he was doing, that fucker! And when I had collected myself, I returned the stare and shook my head.

We were back around to the beginning, and there was no way I was doing a dare from either of them. Cari glanced over at me from the top of her glass, and she slowly put it down.

"Jared, truth or dare?"

"Truth!" I said instantly and shifted on the couch.

"Your greatest tease," she whispered and I closed my eyes. How did she know to ask that and would I really answer it, but she took my body language as confusion because she elaborated on it. "What turns you on, like a kink, whips and chains?"

"Ooh, shiny things," Jensen added.

I knew if I didn't say something this could go on forever and I didn't want to be grilled, so I locked my gaze on her. "You." Apparently, not the answer she had expected and for a moment, the woman who had the answer and response to everything was silent. I snuck a glance in Jensen's direction to see the confusion on his face as well. "Watching the two of you sneak around, that gets me up."

I had let it out so fast that it was a bit before either one of them said anything. Cari's eyes lowered to her glass but I could see the wheels turning in her mind as her cheeks puffed up with a smile, and Jensen, he just stared at me, his mouth opened, his eyes wide.

"Us?" He swallowed, and took a quick swig of his beer, "really?" I nodded slowly and watched as he glanced over at Cari, who was still going through the thoughts in her own mind. "And that's a thing for you? Just watching?"

"Yeah, I mean, I guess." I shrugged and shook my head. I never had to explain it to anyone before. "It's just, I don't know, sexy as fuck to watch."

"Man, I knew you were kinking but DAMN!" Jensen laughed which gave me some relief that he didn't think I was a freak, but it was Cari's eyes that snapped up to meet mine that made me worry because there was a different smile teasing on her lips right at that moment.

"Well," she whispered and I watched her tongue slide across her teeth, "I guess I'll have to do more of that."

I rolled my eyes and moaned, there was no way I was going to be able to handle MORE of that, not after what she had just done, because now I would be me imagining her half-naked as they snuck around. I heard her make a little noise and I looked over at her. Her expression was one of lust as she tried to hide the blush that ran up on her neck.

"Okay," I smiled and turned to Jensen, "moving on."

"Now wait," he said as he put his hand up, "we need to switch directions."

"No, that's not how this works," Cari spoke up.

"This isn't how any of this works, Chicky," Jensen teased, "we're making our own damn rules up as we go, we always have."

Cari kind of nodded as she opened her hands and gave a shrug. "Fine, we can switch directions, or wait, better yet, you call out whoever you want to but, you can't call on the last person that went, so Jared, pick one."

"Jensen," I teased, oh was I going to get him back for that little flash idea. Jen turned to me, wide-eyed, like he had no clue I was going to pick him. Yeah, right! "Truth or Dare?"

"Hm, after your confession," he chuckled at me, "dare."

"I dare you," I smiled and watched as he shifted a bit uncomfortably as he wait for me to continue, "to try and last two minutes with Cari without touching her."

"Okay," Jensen grinned and looked over at the woman who sat on the floor, her eyebrows up. "I'm going to guess there are rules involved."

"Yeah, she can do anything she wants, but you can't touch her at all." I heard him growl as his eyes grew dark as thoughts flashed across his face.

Yes! I love when I can get Jensen backed in a corner. Cari stood up and looked at me, her eyes full of playfulness. Yeah I didn't think she would have a problem with this dare at all, I just hoped that I survived it.

I watched as Jensen slid up to the couch from the floor and sat back as Cari walked over. Watching her was like a tease all in itself, especially when she stood between his legs and glanced back over her shoulder at me. For a second, she just stood there, but then she backed away. I watched her take Jensen's hand and pull him up by the wrist, he wasn't touching her, just staring into her eyes as she lead him to the chair that was next to me. She was giving me a view that I wouldn't otherwise have.

God, who created this woman, she was like sin itself! I watched her push Jensen down into the chair and move to straddle his lap. He bit down on his bottom lip as his hands came over and his fingers dug into the fabric of the armrests. She got comfortable, pressing her body as close to his as possible and I watched Jensen's eyes close as he leaned his head back, when she brought her fingers up to caress his face.

My eyes were glued to the scene in front of me as his hands clenched into fists as her mouth came down on his, her lips giving him gentle brushes. She moved her hair out of the way so that I could have a full view of what was going on. The countdown had begun and she was going all in on this one. I watched her move, how her lips traced light angel kisses over his cheek and down his jaw to his neck. Her hand released his face and reached down between them.

I couldn't stop the images that were flowing through my mind as he suddenly took a deep breath, and his eyes flew open, staring up at her with such want. Whatever she was doing between them, it had him parting his lips, and the sounds that were coming from him, made me moan lowly. I watched Cari smile as she glanced over at me, licked her lips and went back to kissing along his neck. Her hand came up and slid under his shirt, digging her nails into him as she clenched her fingers together, eliciting more moans and soft sex noises than I had ever heard from Jensen.

He didn't last very long, not with whatever she was doing with him, because he suddenly reached up, grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled her into the deepest kiss I had ever seen before grasping her waist and pulling her tight against him.

I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face and the breathless way that I felt because, dammit, I was more than a freak when it came to the two of them and the way watching them made me feel. When Jensen broke free, and released her I could tell that both of them were breathless, but he never took his eyes off of her as she sat back.

Cari slowly stood, finding her footing as she took a step back from him and Jensen moved from the chair, never breaking their stare, and sat back down on the floor as she finally looked at me. The smile that crossed her face was one of pure enjoyment as her blue eyes took in the way I sat, both arms across the back of the couch, my hips adjusted to help curve the discomfort of the erection I was sporting, and she winked as she sank down to the carpet to grab her drink.

"Well," Jensen whispered as he grabbed his beer and took a sip of it, those sex-laden eyes locked on mine. "I failed that one miserably."

"I'd say so," I laughed, "how long did you get? About a minute before you gave in?"

"About that, but you have never…" he put the beer on the table suddenly and looked over at Cari before turning back to me. "Truth or Dare."

"Me?" I could almost see the wheels turning in his head. "Dare."

"She gets to kiss you," he stated quickly, and Cari turned to look at him, her drink against her lips as she paused and stared. Jensen turned to her and winked. "Not just a soft kiss, a real one."

"Shit!" She mumbled as she smiled widely and looked over at me.

My face went completely blank as I thought of the repercussion this dare might have and my heart started to skip. Did I accept it? Did I back out? What harm could it cause? What harm could it NOT cause, this was Jensen's girl, the one he was in love with and he was daring me to kiss her. What the hell?

Cari shook her head at him, as she stood, drank down the rest of her root beer and shook slightly at the feeling that burned in her throat. With a quick release of breath, she moved over towards me and stood there looking down.

I stared up at her, not sure of what to do or think, but she didn't move, she just licked her lips. I rolled my eyes at it because there was nothing hotter than her doing that, especially at that moment when I was harder than hell and Jensen's dare echoed in my ear.

"I'm not going to touch you until you say it's okay," she whispered and my eyes traveled the length of her body, resting on the rise and fall of her chest before I made it back to her eyes.

I don't remember nodding, I mean I did, but it was slow and drawn out and when her legs came over mine, I held my breath. She was barely a noticeable weight on my legs but she was still sitting to far back. I never moved my arms though, never made a move to push her away or pull her closer. I heard Jensen move as he got comfortable in the chair that Cari had him in just moments ago. She turned her head to look at him, as he sat like this was the prize fight and he had all his cards down on the table. At least, that was what it looked like out of the corner of my eyes because my vision rested on the woman before me.

She reached out slowly, as if she were afraid I was going to break, but the moment her fingers touched my chest, everything was on her, my thoughts, my eyes, my wandering fantasies. My lips parted as she ran her fingers through my hair, not that she hadn't done it a million times before but that one time was so electric that I felt it in every part of me.

She smiled as she suddenly moved, closing the distance against me, her body pressing and I let one hand come down from the couch to touch the small of her back. Her lips were just a breath away from him, and my eyes darted towards Jensen, waiting for him to stop this…this whatever it was so that I could feel something other than the overwhelming need to take her.

Her fingers trailed the back of my neck, and I closed my eyes, letting the feel of it send a pulse to every nerve ending in my body, including the one she happened to be sitting on, and I moaned, at least, I'm pretty sure that was me and not her, but whoever it was, it made me pull her closer. I could feel her heat, not only from her lips but from HER as well and I just wanted to give in to whatever primal lust flowed through me and she hadn't even made contact yet.

This was it, this was what made Jensen so damned protective, so overly out of control and I got it, I really did, but now I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to unfeel what was I was at that very moment. How could I let her go knowing what she was doing to me, and then it happened, she closed the distance and I was in heaven.

The light seemed to explode behind my eyes, as the heat from her lips sent shivers through me. She didn't do the light kisses that we had been playing with. This one was demanding and powerful and I could taste her drink on her tongue. She smelled like root beer and whipped vodka and everything that made her a woman and I just wanted to drink her in. The hand that I had spread on her back moved lower and I grabbed her ass, pulling her hard onto the rise of my jeans and she let out this noise, a bit of surprise, a bit of turned on but the kiss was deep and needy and my other hand tangled in her hair.

It was all I could do to pull away, there was no way I was hanging on any longer. It was too fast, too soon and way too much. She sat back, swallowed hard and looked at me in shock as if she hadn't expected to feel that way about it either. Yep, nothing after this was ever going to be the same.


	27. I'm Drowning in the Water

I'm Drowning in the water - Cari

The shrill ring of the phone at four in the morning was not exactly what I wanted to hear in a dead sleep, but I felt Jensen move beside me as his arm slipped from my waist and it took me a moment to get my eyes to open.

As I slipped from bed, not bothering to grab my sweater, I padded out to the living room where Jared was fast asleep stretched out on the couch, snoring and completely oblivious to the phone that vibrated across the coffee table. His arm was over his eyes and his lips were separated slightly, giving him that kissable look but it was the harsh ring in my ear that made me snatch the device from the wood.

Looking at the screen and then the time, I swiped quickly and put the contraption to my ear.

"Evie?" I whispered, having seen Genevieve's name on the caller idea. Her breath came quickly over the line and I knew she was upset at something.

"Cari," she whispered in a scared voice.

"Sweetheart, it's me, what going on?" I asked as I sat down on the couch across from Jared and grabbed the blanket, covering the fact that I had walked out in a tanktop and panties.

"I'm sorry," she sighed, "I had a bad dream."

"Do you want me to wake up Jay?"

"No," she answered sharply. "The dream was about you, actually. Can't you just come home with the boys this weekend?"

"Wish I could, hon, but I have to get the kids going to their dad's, trust me I really wish I could snatch them and fly down." I put my head back on the couch and stared out the window at the light above the trailer. "So, I'm going to guess it was a really bad dream if you're calling."

"I didn't think you would answer your phone, I know you have to get up to leave soon but I thought Jared might answer his."

"Ah, yeah, no. He's passed out on the couch across from me. I heard the phone from the bedroom." I laughed and listened to her giggle. "What's so funny?"

"The fact that he's on the couch, after what happened last night, I would think he would have been curled up with you and Jen in the bedroom." This made me sit up and look over at the man that lay across the room.

"Wait, what did he tell you?" I questioned full of surprise.

"Everything." She said seductively and I moaned in embarrassment, but the little noise from me seemed to get an odd response from Gen. "Can you do that again?"

"What, truth or dare with Jared?" I smiled.

"No, moan." I stopped dead and tried to catch my words but the only thing I could think of was the woman on the other end and I found myself picturing her lying in bed with just a skimpy slip on and I closed my eyes tightly, that picture alone made me moan with frustration. Why did I have to be attracted to both sexes, better yet, why did I have to be attracted to both men AND both their wives. "Yes, that's perfect."

"Evie, you're killing me!" I groaned and lay back on the couch, putting my free hand up behind my head. "What do you need?" I wasn't sure I should have been asking, I mean, especially when she asked me to make a noise that would have had the boys up in arms let alone a woman. "I can't take the dream away but I can put your mind on something else."

"Your eyes." Her voice lowered as she spoke, turning so seductive that I didn't know what to do with myself as I felt the flush race through my body. "You're so beautiful, I hope the boys tell you that every day."

"They tell me I'm something, not sure if I would classify it as beautiful, but I'll take the sexy eye rolls and the threats to strangle me as compliments any day." I laughed and closed my eyes. "So my eyes are what you need?"

"No, you are." This should have come to a shock, but the answer was what I had expected after hearing her ask me to moan again. "I'm sorry, is this uncomfortable?"

"Only because you're all the way down in Texas." I admitted, because yeah, what else would I do at four in the morning but be perfectly honest with the woman on the phone.

"Cari, there's something I have to tell you," I glanced over at Jared, as he shifted on the couch and I rolled my eyes.

"I can only imagine." I gave her a low growl in my voice. Was I really doing this, was I really hitting on Jared's WIFE? More than that, was I letting her literally hit on me? "Just tell me, Evie, don't hold back."

She paused for a second, and I could almost hear her sucking on those full lips of hers, the dark hair cascading over her pillow as she stared up at the ceiling, almost exactly what I was doing. She let out a sigh, like one of those just after sex kind of release sighs that made me warm in more places than it should have.

"I want to know what it's like to kiss you," I smiled, trying hard to hold in my giggle, because, if I was honest and it was four in the morning, I would have admitted that it wasn't the first time I had hoped she wanted to as much as I did, but it made me wonder if Jared had told her about our "Never" game and all that I had confessed.

"Oh, Eve," it was barely as sound as the thoughts flowed through me, "that could get us in a lot of trouble."

"You'd be okay with it?" I laughed that time, but stopped myself from saying that I would be more than okay.

"Yeah, I would." I heard her giggle and the blankets around her shift. "Evie, go to bed. There's time before Maddie gets up to still get in a few hours."

"I'm not going to sleep," she confessed and I heard the smile in her voice, "I'm going to think about you, and Jared."

I groaned again, this time loud enough to catch the attention of the man on the other side of the room. Jared's eyes fluttered open and he turned his head to peek at me from under his arm, something that looked just as sexy as hell, and I took a deep breath.

"Yeah, I think I'm going to think about you and Jared too," I smiled and watch the confusion cross his face as I bit down on my lower lip. "Go to bed, Gen."

Jared sat up at that point and noticed that I was on his phone, his head tilted a little bit and he watched as I turned, the blanket slipping from my bare legs and I watched him with dreamy eyes. She giggled as she filled the line with silence, and some sporadic breathing.

"You're not sleeping, are you?" I whispered and watched Jared's face. A low moan came from the phone that had me instantly rolling my eyes. God, I was not immune to any of them, and right now Gen's soft noises was just about to have me coming undone without the pleasure. "Tell me what you're doing."

"Ut-huh," she hummed breathlessly. "When you come down for Christmas, I'll show you."

"Oh, God," I let my head drop back, wishing I had that same release at the moment but as it was, I was trying to hold Jared's eyes but doing that with very little success. "I think I need to wake up Jensen."

"Jared's there," she whimpered and my eyes flew open, scanning over the man before me, "wake him up."

"I can't do that, Gen," I stated matter-of-factly, "as much as I would love to, you're not here and I can't do that."

"What hell is going on?" Jared questioned, his lips barely moving, and even the words were less than whispers, as if he didn't want her to know he was awake.

"I got to go." I sighed as again, I sat back and listened, trying really hard to keep myself composed. "Evie, you got to let me go." I could feel the couch beside me dip with the weight of the man who decided to join me and I tilted the phone so he could hear what his wife was doing. I didn't bother to open my eyes, I just listened to hear and felt the warm breath of Jared against my cheek, brushing across my lips as I waited for her to finish. His hand came down on my bare leg, fingers gently kneading like a cat as he realized what was going on. My hand came clasping down on his to make sure he didn't move any closer to the heat that was at the edge of his fingers. "Gen! Please!"

I heard her go, listened to her breath come out in shaky little pants and finally, after what seemed like forever, she giggled again into the phone. Jared sat back, his hand still not moving and I slowly opened my eyes to stare into his blue-green ones, and the darkness that centered in them was almost dangerous.

"Goodnight, sweetie," she whispered to me and I smiled.

"Goodnight, Evie," I replied and listened to the line hang up. With a sigh, I placed the phone on the table and looked down at the hand on my leg. I had no idea what do to next, the danger in Jared's eyes kept me from moving too fast as they flashed from lips to my own blue eyes and finally, his lips parted, he let out a breath and moved away, taking the heat of his hand with him. I stood quickly, the blanket falling the rest of the way and I looked at him quickly. "I need a cold shower."

With that, I was off and the door to the bathroom closed quickly behind me, which I also locked. With the back of my head against the sealed door, I let out the ragged breath that I had been holding and the one question that I had been trying to keep away from my thoughts came flying forward.

What the hell was I going to do now?

The mad dash to the airport wasn't anything new for us, we seemed to be late on everything, but after the heated phone call with Genevieve this morning, things were a little more…well, mad. Jared and I didn't discuss what happened, in fact, when Jensen woke up and I stepped out of the bathroom to get my clothes, to grab my bag and make sure I was all set, the conversation was forgotten all together. Of course, the slamming of the door, the heated kisses against my lips and the fact that his body pressed me down against the mattress would make anyone forget.

I relished in that feeling, the one where the heat of his body seemed to wrap around me, the way his lips brushed careful kisses and bruising, possessive ones across mine. And when his fingers found the heat that I so desperately needed relief from, the sounds he managed to pull from me while smiling and quietly trying to get me to a new high, at the same time that he encouraged me to lower the volume, were almost too much to take.

I looked down at him, as his lips brushed over my navel, over the little hints of stretch marks that I had been trying forever to get rid of, and suddenly those green eyes snapped up at me, locking me in a stare as he pressed his fingers deeper, his palm against my sweet spot. His lips had me trapped, no matter how much I wanted to move and suddenly I could feel the buildup, the way that my body reacted to him as it always did, with an exaggerated intensity that made me bite down on my lip to keep from screaming.

The word came crashing down around me, starburst behind my lids as I closed them tightly and tried to breathe though the waves of overheated lust that flashed through my body. When it finally came to a stop, when my body just relaxed down on the bed, Jensen, with the biggest smile on my face, moved up to cover me with his body once again and stare down into my eyes.

"Better?" He whispered, and I glanced down between us at the fact that his fingers still lingered.

"I'm not sure I can stand up, if that's what you're asking." I laughed and reached up, cupping his face in mine as I looked deep into his eyes. The emotions stirred in me as I thought about the fact that in little over an hour I would be away from him for a week. "It will hold me over until you get back."

"Good, but we're going to have to do some 'us' time, you know." He teased and rolled off the bed, the pad of his finger brushing over me.

"Asshole!" I growled as the shockwave moved through me and I watched him put a shirt on. He turned and gave me his best half-cocked smile and a slight nod of his head before he looked at the fact that my jeans were around my knees and my shirt up near my bra line.

"Yeah, but you love me," he leaned down for a kiss and I playfully turned my head away. His hand was suddenly on my cheek, his thumb caressing just under my jaw and he brought me back to him. The look in his eyes was all I needed to know that there was so much more he wanted to do, but he leaned down and kissed me again.

"I do love you." I smiled and watched as he proceeded to pull down my shirt, and help me with the jeans he had so skillfully moved out of the way, but his touch was still too much on my sensitive skin, and I moaned as his fingers danced along my hips while pulling up the harsh material. This stopped him and I watched him take a deep breath before continuing.

He slipped out of the room before I could even make it from the bed, leaving me to try and catch my breath, my heart and make my body cooperate but it wasn't the man that had just left my room that I was afraid of facing. It was the one that I had bolted from when he sat with his hand on my leg. Shaking a little on the outside, and mostly on the inside, I gathered my nerves and walked out into the living room.

Jared looked up at me, from where he had huddled in front of Jensen, whose back was too me, and his eyes met mine. Jen stood with his arms crossed, his head and own and slowly also turned towards me. His hand was against his lips, like he was deep in thought and even though I should have been worried about what was going through his head, I found myself wondering if he had washed his hands.

"Well… what's going on?" I stepped closer and watched as Jensen stepped to the side, letting me pass as I grabbed my sneakers from beside the door. My eyes flicked from one of the boys to the other.

"We were just discussing truth or dare." Jared stated, clearing his throat, my eyes locked on his and I watched as his seriousness went to a complete smile. "And Jen's total lack of self-control."

"I'm pretty sure yours was just as lax as well." I winked and watched as he nodded.

"Yeah," he laughed, "you have a point."

"Ah-huh, that's the word you're going to go with?" Jensen smiled as he sat down and pulled his own boots on. Jared shook his head, grabbed the coffee cup and raised it to his lips, his eyes still on me.

Yeah, the conversation we were going to have when he stopped being okay with it was not going to be an easy one. With a deep breath, I sighed and grabbed my coat as Jensen grabbed my bag. Time to get this circus on the road.

How many times do I have to say goodbye -Jensen

She smiled up at me, her hands pressed against my chest and I couldn't hold back the smile. How many times was I going to have to do this? How many times could I hold on and then just let go? Every time she turned away at the airport, it felt like a string snapped at me and a part of me was being torn away, but I was never going to tell her that, I was just going to smile and count the minutes until she returned.

Jared had the same face on this time, a smile with pain hiding underneath, and I don't know why but that made me lighthearted. Someone to share my pain maybe, someone else to feel that loss when she was gone? It didn't really matter because it meant that I wasn't alone.

Cari cleared her throat backing away as I released the soft grip I had on her lips, and the strong one I had on her waist. She had already given Jared a kiss goodbye, though I was sure it affected him more this time than before, but I watched as she took a shaky breath, grabbed her carry-on and backed away, with just a small wink of an eye.

She wasn't messing around this time, she couldn't take the goodbyes any more than we could, so she started to walk away, but paused, turned and looked at the two of us.

"I love you," she said staring me down and I grinned, narrowing my eyes.

"I know." But it wasn't meant to be a sarcastic reply and I knew she got it because she smiled. "I love you too."

"And you," she turned towards Jared. "I love you too."

"Yeah, I love you," he answered but I could hear the hitch in his voice as she turned and started to walk. "Hey!" he hollered after her and Cari turned while she was moving, stepping backwards as she went. "Text us, BB."

"Yeah, I know the drill." And with a smile, she whipped around and caught up with the TSA guide that was bringing her to the terminal.

We waited, which was our usual, outside the airport as the plane departed. Waited for that one little noise that might set us on the right path. Damn, am I being sappy this morning, but hell, I couldn't help it, a week without her, a HOLIDAY week when our families should be together, she was flying out across the country in the wrong direction.

Jared stood by the side of the SUV, his hands buried in his pockets as he watched the sky. I paced, with no way of standing still, as I kicked the rocks on the ground.

"She talked to Gen this morning." Jared whispered, and I whirled around on my heels to look at him, but his expression hadn't changed, he was still staring upwards.

"You talked to her last night too," I shrugged, waiting on his reply and I watched as he turned his head in my direction, his brows creased in confusion.

"Yeah, but she…" he stopped, which made me only more curious, and I smiled as his face started to turn red.

"What?" I watched his lips turn up into a grin and he gave a little shake of his head. "Dude, spit it out."

"She was listening to Gen." I raised my brows and I felt my mouth form into an O as I got the visual in my head, but the smile didn't leave his face. "Yeah, it was pretty intense."

"And you didn't bother to wake me up?" I questioned and watched as he looked at me, the smile fading.

"Wake you up?" He snapped, but it was a playful voice, "dude, I couldn't even move from the couch as I listened to it!"

"Wait, you listened?" Wow, I was getting more and more turned on and I stepped closer, "and…"

"Hottest thing ever!" Jared laughed and shook his head. I blinked a few times, thinking about just what was going on and licked my lips. With a quick breath out, I felt the smile creep up on my lips and found myself almost nodding at the scene that was forming in my head. "Jen, what the hell?"

"Yeah, I don't know, man." I laughed and crossed my arms, the cold chill in the air suddenly gone and replaced by heat. "What do you think?"

"About what?" Jared laughed. "About our little Demi?" I shook my head at that nickname but then gave him a quick nod. "Are you upset?"

"Should I be, I mean, first you…and don't get me wrong, I'm totally okay with that," I looked up at him, watched the concern that crossed his face as we stopped for a moment, still waiting on that tone before I continued. "And, not that I'm not okay with Gen either, but," the words faltered and I found myself tripping over my words, "I just…"

"She's still yours, Jen." My hand found my face and I breathed into my palm, rubbing it against the stubble that was popping up there. He had found exactly what I was thinking but couldn't verbalize. "She's still only yours."

"Yeah," I let the hand drop and put my hands on my hips, "but she's playing with Gen."

"No," this stopped me for a second and my eyes snapped up to look at him in confusion. Jared smiled one of those "so get this" kind of smiles, and shrugged. "She's not, Gen called to talk to me, and Gen was the one who initiated it."

"But she listened."

"So did I."

"Dude, it's your wife."

"And your girlfriend, and I didn't do a damn thing to stop either of them, but she didn't reply, she didn't encourage her, Jen, she just listened."

I really wasn't upset about it, I wasn't even confused but the reality of it was, I had no idea how I was supposed to feel. She hadn't cheated on me, and how would I classify anything she did as cheating since I was already married and I practically encouraged what she did with Jared the night before. She had come to bed with me, she had only gone THAT far with me, but there was still that little tug at my heart just from her listening? How is that even fair?

Saved by the bell, and my own thoughts as the messenger on both phones pinged at the same time. With a sigh, and some relief, I reached in and pulled mine from the front pocket of my jeans but Jared already had his in his hand.

"She's up and at cruising altitude." Jared whispered out loud and then glanced at the time. "Perfect, because we have an hour and a half before you need to be onset."

"Well, let's get moving." I sighed, and the two of us climbed in. I was too, I don't know, caught in my own emotions to reply at all, except to tell her that I loved her and that we were headed to set. I could feel Jared's eyes on me the whole time and the guilty look on his face didn't help the situation at all.


	28. I'm a Little Unsteady

**I'm a little unsteady – Jared**

This wasn't my scene, this was a conversation between Jensen and Misha, a kind of realization that Dean really cared about Nic and there was just some things, like sending her into the fire with Crowley that wasn't sitting well with Dean at all, but it wasn't my scene.

I was sitting in the corner, on the top of some stacked equipment cases large enough so that I could recline on, stretch my legs and still be able to put my elbow up on the other one as I held my phone in my hand and stared at the wall. It wasn't that I wasn't interested in what Jen and Misha were doing, but a conversation with a certain woman was making my head spin.

HOW'S THE FLIGHT, BB?

Cari: AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE…I DON'T KNOW…WORKING OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

I smiled at the response because it was totally an "I'm on a plane, freaking out" reply.

DID YOU TAKE YOUR MEDS, I CAN FEEL YOUR ANXIETY FROM HERE.

Cari: LISTEN TALLMAN, I'M DOING JUST FINE. IN FACT, YEAH I TOOK THEM ABOUT TEN MINUTES AGO, THANKS FOR ASKING. EVERYTHING GOOD THERE?

I TOLD JEN ABOUT YOUR PHONE CALL LAST NIGHT.

Cari: I FIGURED YOU WOULD.

ARE YOU MAD? I paused for a moment and part of me hoped she was, but a larger part hoped she wasn't, I didn't want to leave it hanging.

Cari: OUR RULES, JAY, NO SECRETS, REMEMBER?

I smiled as I read this. YEAH, NO SECRETS.

Cari: HOW DID HE HANDLE IT, I MEAN BESIDES THE SPORATIC TEXTS I'VE GOTTEN FROM HIM.

I THINK IT CONFUSED HIM, I MEAN, HE DIDN'T REALLY TALK ABOUT IT AFTER.

Cari: SHIT!

RELAX, HE'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

Cari: NOT THE POINT, JARED.

Okay, big freak out time because she so rarely used my name in text messages. CARI, SERIOUSLY, HE JUST NEEDS TO PROCESS IT.

Cari: AND WHAT ABOUT YOU, SHE'S YOUR WIFE.

YOU KNOW, I SWEAR THE TWO OF YOU ARE ON THE SAME WAVE LENGTH, BECAUSE HE SAID THE SAME THING. I'M GOOD, THOUGH I'M NOT SURE WHY, BUT THIS IS GEN WE'RE TALKING ABOUT AND I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE KNOWN ABOUT THE LITTLE CRUSH SHE'S BEEN SPORTING FOR YOU SINCE THIS WHOLE THING BEGAN.

Cari: YOU KNEW SHE WAS CRUSHING AND YOU LET LAST NIGHT CONTINUE.

YOU WEREN'T HAVING SEX, BB, YOU WERE LISTENING TO HER… I DON'T KNOW, LET OUT A LITTLE PENT UP AGGRESSION.

Cari: A LITTLE? And I had to smile, because usually you couldn't tell a person's emotions through a text but there was so much I knew about her that I could almost see the eye roll from here. DID YOU HEAR THE SIGH AT THE END, THE GOODBYE, THAT WASN'T A LITTLE, JAY!

GOD, I SWEAR THE TWO OF YOU OVERTHINK THINGS SO MUCH THAT WHAT ISN'T AN ISSUE BECOMES ONE. IF I'M OKAY WITH THIS, SHOULDN'T YOU TWO BE?

Cari: MY LIFE WITH THE TWO OF YOU HAS SO MUCH STUFF IN IT THAT SHOULDN'T BE OKAY. ABOUT LAST NIGHT…

WHICH PART? I smiled and bit down on my lips because there was so much floating around in my head about _last night_ that I couldn't even think straight. THE FLASHING, OR THE KISSING?

Cari: IF YOU WANT TO PLAY IT THAT WAY, HOW ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU GET UP WATCHING THE TWO OF US SNEAK AROUND.

WELL PLAYED, WELL PLAYED. BUT I'M NOT ASHAMED OF THAT.

Cari: HA! YOU SHOULDN'T BE ASHAMED, IT'S NOT A BAD KINK TO HAVE, TRUST ME THERE ARE SOME OTHERS THAT, WELL, YOU'D BE AFRAID OF.

THAT YOU HAVE?

Cari: ARE WE REALLY GOING TO GO THERE RIGHT NOW?

WHY NOT?

Cari: TELL ME YOU ARE NOT SITTING IN SOME BACK CORNER WAITING FOR JEN TO FINISH A SCENE TALKING FETISHES WITH ME?

WHAT DID YOU HACK INTO THE SECURITY CAMERAS? I laughed out loud at this one and thank God I wasn't anywhere near the actual spot where they were filming, because that would have just shot the scene. I AM ACTUALLY SITTING OVER BY THE LOADING AREA. SO, KINKS YOU HAVE THAT MIGHT SCARE ME?

There was a long pause before the bubble started moving, before she started what seemed like a book and suddenly there were only three words.

Cari: SHARP SHINY THINGS.

KNIFE PLAY?

Cari: I TOLD YOU IT WOULD SCARE YOU.

YOU MEAN ACTUALLY CUTTING OR JUST PLAY?

Cari: NOT IMPORTANT

IT SO TOTALLY IS! I couldn't help the suddenly overwhelming feeling of needing to protect her, especially with the fact that she was talking about letting someone hold a knife to her skin, no matter what kinky way it happened to be. It made me shiver as the images came at me, her head back, the blade at her throat but that dangerous darkness in her eyes as she fought with desire and the fact that, yeah that thing could slice her at any moment. HAVE YOU EVER?

Cari: ARE WE DRINKING?

JUST… JUST PROMISE ME YOU WILL NEVER TELL ME WHO, BECAUSE I'LL KILL'EM.

Cari: WOW, WAY TO BE JEALOUS.

I'M NOT JEALOUS, I'M PISSED… AND TURNED ON… WTH!

Cari: THAT'S WHY IT'S CALLED A KINK, JARED. And I could almost feel her laughing. ARE YOU GOING TO TELL JEN?

THAT YOU'RE INTO KNIFE PLAY? YOU REALLY THINK THAT WILL GO OVER WELL? I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT…REALLY THINK ABOUT IT.

Cari: YEP, YOU HAVE A POINT. BUT WHAT IF…

WHAT IF WHAT?

Cari: WHAT IF I WANT TO…

OH, GOD, THE MEDICATION IS KICKING IN, ISN'T IT?

Cari: WELL, DUH!

I THINK WE'LL WAIT UNTIL LATER WHEN WE CAN BE ON SCREEN AND DISCUSS IT, I CAN'T DO THAT OVER A TEXT.

Cari: LMAO! FINE, YA BIG BABY, GET ME ALL WORKED UP AND LET ME HANG OUT HERE A 37 THOUSAND FEET.

YOU'RE INSANE.

Cari: HA! WE ESTABLISHED THAT IN OUR RELATIONSHIP MONTHS AGO! WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?

SITTING IN THE CORNER WATCHING YOU AND MY BROTHER SNEAK AROUND.

Cari: WOW, JUST, WOW. I watched the bubble again for a little bit before I replied but that was just about the time that Jensen walked around the corner. He stopped, his brows went up and a curious look went across his face. I DON'T THINK I CAN DO THIS.

THINK OF IT AS JUST ANOTHER VACATION TO SEE THE KIDS.

Cari: NOT SURE THAT'S GOING TO WORK THIS TIME, HATE THE HOLIDAYS, HATE THAT YOU GUYS ARE SO FAR AWAY, AND HATE THAT JENSEN IS NOT ANSWERING ME.

HE JUST GOT OFF SET, BB, GIVE HIM A MINUTE. I looked up at Jensen as he stood near the end of my feet and waved the phone at him. "You really need to talk to her."

"Is she okay?" He whispered and watched as I gave him my best answer, just a shrug. "Is it really that bad?"

"That you all but shut down over a little bit of her listening to something like that?" I stated and sighed. "Yeah, pretty much."

Jensen took out his phone and pushed my legs down from the box, essentially making it so I had to sit up. He took a deep breath and began to type, what he was saying wasn't something that I was about to question, that was between the two of them, but the look on his face was full of concern as he waited for a response. When that message dinged through, I watched his body relax, all the tense muscles just released and he closed his eyes, rubbing his hand over his face.

"All good?" I whispered and watched as he put that phone down and nodded. "Good, what's next?"

"A plane ride," he stated and pushed himself up to look at me, still leaning forward. "I don't want her to be alone, I want to go to Massachusetts and get her."

"And do what? Last I heard kidnapping is still a crime." I smiled and watched as he shook her head.

"It just bothers me so much." Jensen hung his head, grabbed his phone and rubbed the back of his neck. "Ugh!" he growled loudly, catching the attention of some of the crew before he looked at me. "This is going to suck!"

"It will be over before you know it." I hopped down, grabbed my own phone and the copy of the lines I needed to say before patting him on the shoulder. "Come on, we have a scene."

"Yeah, whatever."

I could tell that Jensen was going to have a hard time, but the constant text messages during the day between the three of us at least kept him on some sort of even keel. We just had to make it through the rest of the week.

 **Day Two, J2 – Cari**

The kids had finally gone to bed, not really to bed but definitely quieted down and I made my way to the basement. I had found that it was really hard to have a Skype conversation with anyone with three kids. Don't get me wrong, my children are by far the most awesome and well-behaved ones on the planet (and hell yes I'm bias) but when you get onto the computer with Uncle Jared and Jensen, it's not easy to get a moment alone.

So the basement was set up with a small room, insulated and heated so that the electronic equipment survived but it wasn't just as Skype room, it was also a video game room for the kids when "hacker central" rolled around at least once every month and a half, and usually on the week that I was home. When you have 6-8 teenagers all in one space with just as many TVs and game consoles, sticking them in the basement isn't a bad thing, but right now, this was all my time and they were all in bed.

It was nine-thirty Vancouver time zero-dark-thirty mine, which meant my body was totally thrown off again. I was wide awake when I should be sleeping but that's okay because I got to see my boys tonight.

I clicked on the computer, logged onto Skype, and then put the aux cord in, watching as it flowed to the 50 inch television in the room. I heard the tell-tail ring that was connecting the call with the boys, and watched as the screen went right to video, but all I could see was the black shirt in front of me. Finally, Jensen back away from the camera licking his lips as he adjusted it and walked over to flip off some lights.

"Hey gorgeous!" I smiled as he winked at me and made himself comfortable in the recliner he had pulled up closer to the computer. "Where's the rest of the pains?"

"Ah, Misha is on his way, he's coming up from Washington, but is about ten minutes out and Jared, is in the bedroom." He watched the smile that formed on my face as I said that and I got a roll of his eyes and a smile. "Want me to take you back there?"

"No, I want you to take me to your room," I winked and watched him grin. I loved to look at him, even on screen, especially one this big. He was larger than life to me in person, pretty much everything to me except the kids and my friends but if I could just sit back and watch him, just for the day, I would.

"You know, all you have to do is ask," he winked and it was my turn to make faces at him, the one specific one that made him squirm, a slight little turn of my lips as I thought of the things I could do to him. He looked up past the camera at the door. "Misha's here."

"Mr. Owl," I said quickly and watched as he leaned in closer to the camera.

"What about it?" I raised my eyebrows and smiled.

"When we need screen time alone, it's the question posed to Mr. Owl." I watched the thought filter through his mind and suddenly the eyebrows went up.

"That's actually… pretty freaking ingenious."

I watched Jensen take a sip of the water he had and then look up as Misha did something out of camera view, but I watched as Jensen reached out an arm and sat back with a beer in his hand. He adjusted the computer so that Misha was now in frame and there was an empty spot for Jared once the man entered the room.

"Hey, little girl," Misha whispered, sitting forward in the seat, "you want some candy?"

"Eew!" I laughed, but couldn't help the grin as his lips pressed on the camera and Jensen gave him an irritated look while he wiped it off. "Mish, we could have done a conference call with this you know."

"Are you kidding, I needed to get out of the house, what a better excuse than this?" He sat back, taking the beer that had been sitting on the table and took a drink of it. "Besides, I have to go over something with the brothers here, a few details about …thanksgiving."

"You're going down to Austin?" I watched Jen's "way to make her sad" look as he snapped his head towards Misha and rolled his eyes. I knew what he was referring to, my Christmas surprise but he had slipped up and I wanted to make him squirm trying to get back control of the situation.

"We were…ah, discussing it as a possibility, but I don't think it's going to happen." Misha smiled. "Darius is coming out and a few of Vicky's friends were coming up to the house."

I grinned. Good save, and also saved by the Moose as Jared entered the picture, grabbing the other beer that was on the table before sitting down.

"Hey, BB!" Jared smiled and blew me a kiss, which saved Jensen the trouble of wiping the camera down again. "How's it hanging?"

"Loosely and slightly to the left," I replied casually and watched him almost choke on that sip of beer he had just taken. Jensen gave a large cheeky grin and patted Jared on the back, and listened to Misha laugh. "I miss you guys."

"We miss you too," Misha said as he sat forward. "When do you have to bring them over?"

"Tomorrow about noonish, when are you guys leaving?"

"Flights are booked for Tuesday night," Jared sighed, setting the beer down. "What's going on? What's on your mind?"

"Honestly," I shook my head and scooted down so that I was sitting on the carpet instead of the couch and put my head back on the seat. "What the hell am I doing here?"

"Hey, don't talk like that!" Jensen barked quickly, which made me raise my head.

"No, I mean what the hell am I doing here? I should be up in, I don't know, Washington, in a house where the kids are with me all the time." I shook my head and shrugged. "I think I'm going to look into a lawyer, I mean we need to not keep doing this, it's not healthy for the kids, it's not healthy for me."

"Hey, we're here when you want to get the ball rolling on it," Jared stated sitting forward, final having caught his breath. "Better yet, why don't we get you a place in Austin, you can be by the girls and the kids can all go to the same school district."

I nodded and sighed. My eyes were caught by Jensen and I felt myself being drawn into the sea of green on my screen. He gave me a little corner grin, which seemed to go straight to my heart and I couldn't do anything else but smile back.

The conversation continued and the games went on, and I mean literal games. Somehow, we were able to bring charades into the chat and it was them against me, or me against them, I wasn't sure but I knew one thing, Jensen had this bad habit of giving me hints with just the roll of his eyes.

It was a little before three when Jared told me he loved me and blew me kisses before disappearing off to his bedroom, and just it was just a little while later that Misha tried to convince me that he was standing outside my window and to let him in before he snuck off to head back home, which meant that nothing of the trip actually got accomplished in being discussed. Which left Jensen there to pull the laptop onto his lap and stare at me for a little while. I had managed to lay down on the couch, the blankets wrapped around me and the computer sat on the coffee table, having been disconnected from the television about an hour before and the two of us sat in silence.

"I don't like this," he sighed, his finger against his lip, a sure sign that the man himself was skating the edge of flight or fight. "I don't like you being there alone, not without the kids, or Kathy, can't you go to Kathy's while they're gone?"

"Jen, I don't want to, I mean I love her to death but I still have to get things situated here, bills, food, you know crap stuff like that." I ran my hand through my hair and looked at the ceiling as I felt the emotions welling up in my eyes. "God, I wish you were here."

"So do I, sweetheart, so do I." I listened to the pain in his voice and turned just in time to see him grab his cell phone. I half expected to have mine go off but there was nothing, no vibration from the table, no little ding that told me a message had gone through, nothing and I sat up, just watching the screen as he sat forward, put the computer down in the same spot it was, giving me a full view, and Jensen put his elbows to his knees. I watched them bounce nervously, as he watched the phone and then when it vibrated he snatched it up. With a confusing look in his eyes, he glanced up at the computer and licked his lips. "You said you were dropping them off at noon tomorrow?"

"Yeah and they'll be back Friday," I answered and watched as his fingers moved over the keyboard on the small device. "Jen, what are you doing?"

"Oh, um, Danneel was asking about when you might be there for a flower arrangement she wants to send you for the holiday," he said but I watched with curiosity as his face lit up with a giant smile. "She wanted to make sure that you'd be there to answer the door."

"Well, I have no plans except maybe with the parents on Thursday, like I said, I had planned on just hanging here doing things."

But his smile, whatever scheming little idea had popped into his head, it kept that smile plastered there until we decided that it was actually getting late...two hours later. I could barely keep my eyes open as I watched him look me over, still dressed despite the fact that we could have easily gone down that nice little road of Skype sexting. I had watched him pick up and put down that phone more than a dozen times in the last few hours, each time making that smile wider and I wondered just what he was up to but I never bothered to ask.

"Hey, beautiful, why don't you go to bed," he whispered and watched as I stretched my arms above my head.

"I don't want to," I mumbled and watched as he gave a small grin before he licked his lips.

"Why not?"

"You're not here," I sighed and his eyes did that one thing that they always did when he was thinking too much, they became half-lids and full of mischief. "Will you stay on until I fall asleep?"

"Will you take me to your room? I don't want you to fall asleep in the basement." He laughed as he replied. I shrugged and sat up, grabbing the laptop from the table and made my way up the stairway, as if giving him a tour. Everything was off in the basement, everything was turned down on the first floor so by the time I got to my room, I didn't know if I was wide awake or ready to sleep again.

The boys were quiet, even the princess was dead asleep so when I curled up on the bed and set the computer down, plugging it into the extra port, I was able to see him in the dark, and watched as he settled down on his own bed.

"Jensen," I heard myself whisper when I knew that might fight with sleep was almost at an end, that I was losing. "I love you!"

"I love you too, now, go to sleep, I'm still right here." His voice seemed to penetrate the darkness as he started to sing "Angeles" very softly and I let it take over until the dreams set in.

The day started out with a rush. Bodies hit the floor running, all three kids were moving and getting ready for the week. Ryan was off to spend the next few days with his girlfriend's family in West Virginia, something we had planned a while ago, so he was the first one out the door with hugs and kisses and lots of emergency contacts, and of course the credit card in case of emergencies.

The next hour was spent getting the other two settled and packed before we headed out of the house, and stopped to get some much needed coffee, which was such a relief for me because the little bit of sleep I did get, I managed to toss and turn before settling down. Once the trip to Dunkin was managed, we were on the road, not that it took a long time to get there, but the hassle of driving the 45 minutes there and then the same on the return trip was something I could have done without that day.

When the kids were kissed and loved and smiling as they headed into the building, I slipped on my headset and cranked the Shinedown that blared through the Pandora stream. Part of me wanted to just drive, to head somewhere and not look back, at least not for a few days. As luck would have it, and my ability to just kind of zone while I was driving, I found myself back in the same parking spot where I had left from that morning.

I stared up at the condo, hoping that something would change but it didn't, hoping that when I walked in that door, something would be different but it wasn't and both Jared and Jensen were onset for most of the day, at least until five my time, another four hours.

Random text and strange little recordings had been coming through all day. It was as if Jensen was just sending things to continue being in contact but I didn't mind, I love to overhear the laughter of Jared in the background, the sound of Misha cursing at the prank that was being pulled on him and I absolutely loved when Jensen broke out into a little song, sending a snippet of it to me in a message. But it was strange that at three Eastern Standard Time everything from Jensen stopped.

Jared, on the other hand, seemed to take over.

JP: HEY BB! I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU.

I smiled when this one came through, just as I was finishing with the vacuuming of the upstairs hall. OKAY, YOU PEAKED MY INTEREST, SHOOT.

JP: WHAT'S BLACK AND RED AND BLUE ALL OVER?

YOU BEING AN ASSHOLE! WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THIS DUMB RIDDLE?

JP: I'M BORED.

WHERE' YOUR PARTNER IN CRIME, ISN'T HE KEEPING YOU BUSY?

JP: HE TOOK OFF A LITTLE WHILE AGO, WITH MISHA, I GUESS SOMETHING CAME UP AND MISH NEEDED A RIDE HOME, SOMETHING ABOUT DROPPING ONE CAR OFF AND COMING BACK WITH ANOTHER.

THAT MAKES SENSE ABOUT THE RADIO SILENCE. I sat down on the couch, having grabbed a cup of coffee and debated on whether or not to turn on the television, but I turned to the phone in my hand instead. HEY ARE YOU ON SET?

JP: NAH, THEY KICKED ME OFF JUST BEFORE I TEXTED YOU, GONNA HEAD BACK TO THE TRAILER AND PACK. WHAT'S UP?

WANNA VIDEO?

JP: YOU MEAN I GET TO SEE YOUR BEAUTIFUL FACE?

YOU SAID YOU WERE BORED RIGHT? I'M IN A HOUSE ALL BY MYSELF AND I FIGURED WHAT THE HELL? SO?

JP: YOU REALLY DON'T HAVE TO ASK TWICE. I'M SET WHEN YOU ARE SO JUST DIAL ME.

I pushed the call button on the Facetime app and waited for it to ring through on his end. When it connected, I could see Jared sitting in the Impala, which was a weird enough place to find him but the smile on his face told me something was up.

"I thought you said they kicked you out." I grinned and watched as he raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah, they kicked me off, but that didn't mean I had to go home, I mean I was going to but I just thought she looked lonely." Jared laughed and I couldn't help but smile. There was just something childlike in his eyes as he sat behind the steering wheel, something he didn't always get to do with Jensen being so protective of the car. "So," he braced the phone up on the steering column and angled it so I could see him and some of the background that surrounded him. Yeah, they had her in the men of letters garage. "What are you doing?"

"Cleaning my house," I said as I rolled my eyes.

"Funny, you look like you're sitting on the couch." He joked and I shook my head.

"Well, okay, I was cleaning my house and then some pain in the ass Moose decided that he was going to start texting me." I answered and watched as he nodded.

"Did Dannie's flowers show up yet?" He questioned, which in itself was such a random thing, and I looked at him oddly before shaking my head. "Hmm, sorry, Jen said something about them before he left."

"Jared, what are you hiding?" I whispered and narrowed my eyes at him. This got me a blank stare, one that I usually only got from Tom when Gen was up with the kids or we were Skyping and the little Padalecki had snatched some gummy bears.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he shrugged and glanced around but I smiled at him and he tried his best to ignore me.

"Jay, seriously, what's going on?" I smiled and suddenly he gave me a sigh, as if he were giving up.

"So, the flowers aren't everything," he admitted.

"Okay…"

"The girls sent you some perishable food items, they wanted you to have a good holiday so, I guess they're kind of concerned about the arrival time." I shook my head and closed my eyes. "Hey, wasn't my idea."

"Between you and Jensen, I don't know which one to kick harder." I growled and rubbed my nose. "I'm not a starving artist and I love that you guys did that but I'm okay with being alone right now, you guys don't have to make sure I eat too."

"Okay, BB, here's the thing," he took the phone and held it up so I could see the sincerity in his face. "You may be okay with being alone, but the rest of your family isn't. We all want you here with us, we wish we could just take you and keep you, so if doing this eases the girls' minds, then let them do it. I know it helps Jen and Misha to know you're being taken care of."

"And what about you?" I sat forward, listening to the car that pulled into the cul-da-sac, it was an engine that I didn't recognize, but then again, there should have been more coming and going this week anyway because of the holiday, but this one stopped right in front of my house. "Sounds like your food delivery is here."

I stood as I took him with me, but I didn't head towards the door in case it was the neighbors getting visitors, which would have been downright creepy.

"I just want you to be happy, Cari, that's all I have ever wanted for you," he whispered and I looked at the screen as the figure approached the door, giving only a silhouette as I watched the arm reach out for the doorbell. "Just remember I love you."

"I love you too, Jay." I sighed and listened to the chime. "I guess that's for me, you wanna hang on the line?"

"Nah, I think you'll have your hands full for a little bit, so call me back later." I smiled at him, watched him wink and blow me a kiss before the line went dead.

Slipping the phone in my pocket, I walked over pulled open the door. It took me a minute to get it open, which meant that I was looking down, fiddling with the lock, so I didn't bother looking up until I had it open and a hand had grasped it to help catch it from the wind.

I nearly lost my breath, couldn't catch my heart as I raised my head and stared at the man that stood on my front step. He was wearing a baseball hat, a heavy canvas jacket, blue jeans and sneakers, a little lighter dressed than usual but when his eyes met mine, the smile that lit up his face, nearly made me pass out.

I took a deep breath, still standing there in shock, and licked my lips to find the words.

"Jensen?"


	29. No Place I'd Rather Be

**No Place I'd Rather Be - Jensen**

She stepped back a bit as I stood smiling down at her, in fact, she started to sway and I found myself reaching out for her before I even got all the way in the door. Her blue eyes stared up at me in complete shock. I wanted to surprise her, and apparently, I did a damn good job of it because she was just about ready to pass out.

I felt her hand come up and catch me by the elbows as I wrapped my arms around her waist and braced her against me.

"Easy," I whispered as I leaned into catch her eyes, to see if I couldn't get her to focus and her feet finally planted firmly on the ground, "easy there, sweets."

"Jensen," she said my name a second time, in the same sultry whisper that she always did, the kind of whisper that had need and want all wrapped up in one word. The hallway was pretty small and it didn't take much of a turn to put her back against the basement door, not only to support her but to give me something to lean on when I took one of my arms from her waist and reached up to touch her cheek. "What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't," I admitted, but lost the words for that split second as I looked at her lips. Damn two days and I missed her more than life itself, and now here I was fumbling over everything just because she was so close. "I couldn't let you be here alone, not the whole time. I needed to be with you."

"You're supposed to be on your way to Austin," she stated and I listened to the life come back to her voice. She stood up straight, bringing her lips within just a breath of mine and I managed to back off a bit before we knocked heads. I felt her fingers move from my elbows up, tracing my chest until they rested on my neck, one little pad rubbing the stubble on my jaw. It was so hard to resist her, so hard to keep this distance. "What about Danneel?"

"She knows," I grinned, still waiting for it to register with her. "Did you really think I was texting her about flowers that late at night? I had to come out here, I had to know that you were going to be all right. She told me to come, Cari, she was the one that told me that right now, for at least the night, I needed to be here with you."

She reached her hand up, shaking as if it still hadn't registered that I was standing here pressing her against the door and she touched my cheek. It was so gentle that I moaned, so much emotion in that little touch and I had held out for as long as I could.

My lips captured hers as I cupped her face with both hands, there was no way I was letting her go, not for a long, long time and I claimed her, without any doubt claimed her as mine for the rest of her life with that one kiss. Her hands came down, grasping at my waist, pulling me in. I was there with her, she was with me and I wasn't as lost as I had felt in two days, no, I was completely and irrevocably head over heels in love with the woman in my arms and I was whole again. My heart was split into so many pieces, Danneel, the kids, Jared but right now this was the piece I needed to connect with.

I moved her over towards the couch, having taken a glance around the room in order to situate myself before starting this little tryst and before I knew it she was straddling me, connected against me right where I wanted her to be, and as much as it was uncomfortable to be so hard in that position, I didn't have the heart to pull away to adjust it, I just wanted to touch her.

She backed away, placing her forehead against mine as she caught her breath from the marathon kiss we had jumped into as soon as she was sitting on top of me. I felt her reach up and snatch the damn cap from my head and put it on the chair beside us as her hands ran through my hair.

The smile hadn't left her lips since she finally figured out that I was real and not a figment of her imagination, and it was a devil of a smile, mixed with lust, happiness and everything that made up Cari. I had never seen her so enthralled with something as she was right now, like this was the first time we have ever been together and she just had to investigate, and touch and oh, my God, where the hell was her hand going?

"I hate you," she said with a snicker and stared into my eyes from under her lashes. "You nearly gave me a heart attack."

"Hmm," I grinned, spreading my arms out across the back of the couch as I felt her hands trail down to slip under my tee-shirt, but I fought to keep my eyes from rolling back in my head as she ghosted along the waistline of my jeans. If she kept going we were both going to be in trouble and I had a plan for tonight. "I would say mission accomplished then."

"If I didn't love you so much, I'd say you were an asshole, you and Jared."

"He was on the phone, wasn't he?" I laughed and reached down to cup her ass in my hand, pulling her forward.

"We were actually on a video call," she pressed her chest against me as her fingers danced over my nipples, pulling a growl from somewhere deep as she gave them a little flick. What the hell!

"You have two choices right now," I swallowed hard, "back away and we can go out to dinner like I planned, or keep doing that and I'm going to have to go looking for your bedroom."

"Top of the stairs, second door on the left," she whispered against my lips as she moved in. Sin, the woman was pure sin, but that was okay with me because I had a plan B, and possibly a C…in fact I had run through the entire alphabet on the plane ride over, so you know what, dinner can wait.

"Okay, well, you just sealed your fate," I said in all seriousness as I brought the other hand down to tangle in her hair. God, I loved her hair, loved the way it fell, loved it when I could pull at it in a ponytail, but right then I loved that I could feel it at all.

I scooped her up, letting her lock her legs around my waist. For such a feisty thing, she weighted nothing and I was about to take advantage of that. She tilted her head down, running her lips along my neck line as I made my way up the stairs to the second floor. Her bedroom wasn't hard to find, in fact when I looked around it, I noticed she hadn't even unpacked from coming home, as if she intended to run away again, but not tonight. Tonight, she was all mine.

I dumped her unceremoniously on the bed and watched as she smiled up at me, that hair everywhere and slowly I moved in making her scoot back so that we were able to use the whole of the queen-sized thing. When she came to rest on her elbows, I stopped my advance, leaned down on my knees and elbows and caught the end of her shirt. My lips brushed the skin that I bared there and I watched as I trailed along when she closed her eyes and those lips that I loved to kiss so much parted.

I reached down and unzipped my jeans because, damn was it getting uncomfortable. She heard the pop of the button and looked down at me, her blue eyes filled with lust and I had just about as much as I could take. I sat back, stripped my tee-shirt off and pressed down into her, resting between her legs as I kissed her with everything that I had. My need outweighing any sense in my head.

She was what I wanted, what I needed and I couldn't stand to be apart from her for one more second.

The moan that came from her as I skillfully removed her shirt was something that made the growing need to be naked just that much more and I was done, so done. Clothes were coming off and I didn't care how unromantic it was, I would get to that part later, right now I just needed so badly.

I kissed down across her neck, making my way over her breasts, teasing with everything that I had as her hands shot up and gripped my hair, yep, just what I needed. The lower I sank the more noises she made, the harder I got. I wasn't going to last if she kept that up but I would give her credit that she wasn't just throwing clothing to the wind. She actually had some patience as I popped the button on her jeans and slowly kissed my way down, inch by inch as I removed them, until I hit her heat.

I paused, taking in the scent of her and I looked up into her beat red face, smiling. Did she know how beautiful she was right then, wild and full of want? I found myself staring, just staring for a moment before my hands moved again, this time removing the damn material that stood in the way of her and I, of a heated kiss that stoked a fire between us. She tasted like heaven, and when I slipped a finger in slowly, felt that wet velvet heat surround me, it took all I had not to throw caution to the wind and do what I really wanted right then and there.

I was able to get my jeans off effortlessly with one hand as I paid close attention to the little noises she was making, well they weren't little but damn, I wanted more, but I didn't just toss the jeans away. I reached into the pocket and snatched out the little foil wrapper, placing it on the bed beside me. Licking my lips, feeling her come undone beneath the touch of my hand and the flick of my tongue was my cue to move along, move it to the next level.

I trailed my way back to where I had started, pressed hard against her body, one that was wide open for me now, but I could feel her heart thump against me as I shivered when my length caressed against the slick heat of her.

"Jensen," she whispered, her eyes wide with worry. "That's probably not the best idea." I knew what she meant, the lack of a barrier, the unwritten rule that kept us in control, but I just gave her a grin. "We can't, not without breaking it."

"I want to break it," I whispered, swallowing, hoping she wouldn't say no, hoping beyond hope that she wouldn't turn me away and I snatched that little packet off the bed. She looked at it as I held it up, her eyes filled with confusion, as if I were the diabolical master planner that was about to ruin her. "Say it's okay, Cari."

"Danneel," was her response, I knew it would be.

"She knows," I whispered, and watched her eyes grow wide. "Sweetheart, you don't think I would come here with this kind of intent without really thinking everything through. You can call her if you want, call her right now."

"I'm lying under you, naked and you want me to call your wife?" She laughed and closed her eyes for a second, but in that moment, she moved her hips, causing me to rub against her and she moaned, God, she moaned like it was the last mortal sin and I almost lost it waiting for her. "My God," she sighed and did it again. Her eyes opened and the want in them was incredible. "I trust you, Jensen, I trust every word you say and I want you so bad it hurts."

"I'll show you my phone," I begged and waited for her to accept but then she did that hip thing again and my hand dropped the condom, reached down and pressed against her hip, keeping her still. "Keep doing that and I won't be able to wait for an answer."

"Yes," she said breathlessly and it was nearly over before it started. Her hand came up and touched my face, bringing my lips to hers as she softly kissed them, brushing back and forth, a motion she knew just turned me on more. "I need you, Jensen."

That was what I was waiting to hear, what I needed to hear from her and I snatched that little packet up, trying not to break the connection our lips had as I slipped it on before settling back down between her thighs. Jesus, was this really happening? She moved against me, a slight rub against the tip, adjusting herself and me without my hands even venturing further and suddenly, I slipped in. I heard her breath catch and I slowly backed away, not moving the rest of my body as our eyes locked.

This was her choice, she needed to move to make it happen, I wasn't going to rush her, didn't want to hurt her, but her tongue flicked out, tasting where my lips had been and suddenly she moved, taking me in deeper. The heat was amazing, and overwhelming, all-consuming as I let the noise escape me, still, I held my ground, not moving, waiting for her to adjust.

"Oh, God!" I whispered, lowering down to capture her lips once more just as she thrusted her hips up, taking me in until there was nothing separating our bodies. I had to stop this time, catch my breath because it was the most amazing feeling in the world and I needed it to last. This one night, this was all we had, this was the permission I was given and I wasn't going to waste it. She dipped back down, sliding me out and then thrust back up again and the only word that escaped my lips before this turned into a need was her name. "Cari."

I moved this time, set a pace, let the feeling of her body under me be the guide to how fast or slow this needed to go, and I needed slow, I needed it to drag out, I needed the torture, but she was in a different frame, her need was hot and heavy and fast, but not a marathon, just enough so that I felt her stroke down me until she had no more room to go.

Her legs wrapped around my hips as I slipped my hand beneath the small of her back, bringing her up at another angle, filling her more, delving in deep and I could feel myself tighten, thicken. Damn this wasn't going to last as long as I wanted, but it was pure heaven, and unadulterated sin at the same time. She gripped my hair, then my shoulder and skillfully turned me, flipping us both over on the bed, not breaking the contact and suddenly she was straddling me, letting me feel how completely encased I was in her heat and her hips moved, circled, moved in a dance that not only was I not used too, which made everything ten times more sensitive, but also in a way that hit the right spot for her.

Her fingers dug deep as she leaned forward and placed them on my chest. I reached up, grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled her into another lip locking embrace. I could feel the swell coming, and I backed away just enough to breath.

"I'm not going to make it, you have to slow down," I pleaded, but she had set the pace, the way she needed for her own goal and as she clenched around me, I knew she was close. So close that I could feel the wash of heat run over me and I was coming undone. "Jesus," I whispered, and looked down at the spot where our bodies connected.

I was slick from her, and just as she cried out, as her muscles clenched around me, I was done. My hands slapped down on her hips, gripping tight as I thrust up into her, quickly, just as the wave shocked though me and I could feel the release began to pump from me. I had felt the orgasm from her hands, from her mouth, but that was nothing compared to what her body made me feel, and finally, when she leaned forward, when I stopped thrusting up into her with that needed release, she placed her sweat drenched head on my chest and I laid back, closing my eyes.

 **Any Way You Want It – Cari**

I could hear the soft breathing from Jensen, which meant that he had probably lapsed into that post-sex sedation that usually claimed him whenever I was done getting my hands on him and I couldn't help by smile. His heartbeat was strong and steady, which made me realize that I was stuck there, not that I was complaining but the growing need to move was always my downfall.

His arms slipped from me as I sat up, but that didn't help the fact that even soft, the man was still locked inside my body, and the movement caused him to sink a little deeper in. I rolled my eyes, wanting so desperately to start moving on him again, to bring him back up to that height where we were before, but there's a saying about too much of a good thing, and the need for another rubber. With a breath to prepare myself, I slowly pulled away, feeling him slip out as I did so and I moved to the side of the bed, admiring the way that he was laying, legs slightly apart, one hand on his stomach, the other out on the bed and his head turned to the side, a completely sated look on his face.

Yep, I could have stood there for hours but being away from his heat had given me a chill in my bones that I couldn't take. I reached over, grabbing the first tee-shirt I could get and slipped it over my head. Instantly I knew which one I had because it smelled like Jensen in every way possible, and it was addicting, just as much as the man himself.

I shivered at the thought of what had just happened, tasted him on my lips and felt him still within me even though we were apart, and I longed to keep that feeling, never let it go. I slipped out of the room, headed down to the kitchen and started a pot of coffee because I was still on Vancouver time and running on what we usually had to keep us awake, a good strong cup of joe. Jensen had mentioned dinner but then again, I would be damned if I was going to let him out of the house, let alone that bed if he didn't put something on before I was finished with my cup.

I heard the squeak of the floorboards as Jensen stood up from the bed, a great indication that I always had some sort of forewarning that my kids were awake first thing in the morning, an early warning system of the mayhem that was about to begin, but I heard him hop around, saunter off to the bathroom and then slowly come down the stairs.

He stood in the doorway shirtless with his jeans unbuttoned as I followed that fine line of hair to where it disappeared behind the zipper before I pushed out the chair with my feet and rose to get him a cup of coffee. Jensen ran a hand through his hair, spiking it even more than it already was and waited for me to set the mug down before he reached out and pulled me onto his lap.

"Well, hello there," I winked and his hand tangled in my hair, pulling me in for a kiss that could start the whole house burning down. I felt the ache between my legs, the need to have him there again but he slowly backed away, catching his breath as he did so. "What's the matter, Jen?"

He sighed, knowing that I could always guess when there was something on his mind. He drew in a deep breath and gave me a sex-laden smile. "That was the most amazing thing I've ever felt."

"I think the first time with anyone is the most amazing," I whispered, not downplaying his feeling but trying to get a reaction from him, and it worked because he tugged me in for another breath stealing kiss, this time I moaned against his lips as he pulled away, "but then again, I could be wrong."

"We could try it again if you're not convinced," he smirked and I let out another sound as he pulled me up against that zipper, completely unaware that I wasn't wearing anything else but the shirt.

"Oh, I am very much convinced, but, you know, you should always try something again, just to make sure that it was amazing the first time." I winked and felt his hand slide under my shirt, maybe he was completely aware at my lack of anything under there. His fingers kneaded into my cheeks as he drew in a deep breath when he placed his lips against my neck. Apparently, I smelled really good because he hmm-ed as he did it again. "Is this all we're doing tonight because I could so get used to this?"

Jensen back away a bit and looked up into my eyes, he had gone serious and I knew that there was something he needed to say.

"Tell me how you got here," I whispered, knowing exactly what he was thinking about, "tell me about the rules of this."

"It's just tonight, or until I leave for the airport," he said as he tried to smile but I could see the pain in his eyes, as if the night was gone already. "When we get home, I mean back on set home, the rule goes back in place."

"So, this is our hall pass?" I grinned and he tilted his head, a little confused at the nonchalant way that I was handling this, but I put my hand on his cheek, "Whatever agreement you and Dani have come up with, a hall pass, a get out of jail free card, I'm okay with it."

"After that," his eyes went to the ceiling, "you're going to be okay going back to the way things were before tonight?"

"Yes," I answered honestly.

"How?" I grinned and pushed my hips closer to him, getting the eye roll that I wanted.

"Because even if this is just for tonight, it doesn't change tomorrow or the fact that I still love you and that I get to be with you on set," I whispered, our stomachs now touching as his hands rose from my ass to my hips bringing my shirt with them. "It doesn't change that I get to see you every day and we can do…other things to be close. This is only one part of us, an amazing part, but it doesn't define us, Jen."

After a moment of quiet reflection, and his hands sliding up more to my waist, holding me just under my ribs, he leaned in for a kiss, "where the hell did I find you?"

"Actually, we kind of found each other on the side of the road in Connecticut," I smiled as I moved my mouth over his cheek, listened to him suck in a deep breath as his fingers grasped just a little tighter. "Hmm, you said something about dinner?"

"Uh, yeah," he mumbled but he didn't move, "not that I want to leave because you in just my shirt is sexy as hell."

I smiled at him as I sat back and went to move from his grip, but he wouldn't budge. I locked eyes with him, a game he wanted to play as he slid his hand around and dipped low enough to slip inside. I fought to keep my lids from closing as his finger curled flicking at that one little spot deep inside, a spot he had become a master at finding.

The way he moved was amazing because before I knew what was going on, his jeans were pushed down below his hips and I was listening to his teeth tear into that foil wrapper. He pulled me up against him, lifted me just a bit and brought me down on him slowly, torturously slow, enough so that I could feel every inch of him before I was seated flush against his skin. I leaned my head forward, resting it on his shoulder as he moved, just little stokes that rubbed against the one place he had just been teasing.

There was no way I was holding on to anything very long with the way he played, fast, slow, and a near complete stop as he lifted me and brought me over to the couch, sitting down to get a better angle instead of the hard kitchen chair. I had never felt something quite like what Jensen was doing to me now and it sent me careening over the edge before I had enough time to think about it, only to bring me back to the beginning once more as he continued.

He moved once more, this time to lay me back on the couch, but he didn't come down to me. He left one foot on the floor, the other leg bent, and his arm dipped behind my back, pulling my hips up to him. This angle had me clawing at the furniture, digging into his bent leg as I once again plummeted over, the light bursting behind my tightly closed lids and he was right behind me this time. I was just in time to feel him swell, to see the look of ecstasy on his face as his strokes became short and buried deep, until he froze, his lips parted and a low moan escaped him, his fingers clenching the fabric of the couch, or at least what he could grab before he let out a breath and sat down in the spot he knelt, still clinging to me.

"Maybe one night is a good thing," he smiled down at me, "Christ woman, any more like this and I'll be dead!"

Okay, I couldn't help but laugh at that, but if this man wanted dinner, I was going to need a shower.


	30. Gonna Go Back In Time

Gonna Go Back in Time – Jared

Stuck in the air by myself a million and a half things were going through my head. Jensen made it, obviously, but was Cari okay with the surprise visit? Were they having dinner? Were they wearing protection? What the hell were they doing right now and why couldn't I watch?

Okay so maybe the last one was a bit extreme but come on, they knew my secret anyway, why not use it. The thoughts in the forefront of my head told me to leave them well enough alone, but why couldn't I have gone with him, and in the back of my mind was the "duh!" thought of they really needed some alone time. All of which made perfectly logical sense but for me, right now, alone in an airplane headed for home, it was the only thing that occupied my thoughts, well that and the wild imagination I had about what was actually going on at Cari's house.

My thoughts turned to Gen, and exactly how I was going to handle what happened when I got home. I mean I knew how I was going to handle the whole phone-sex thingy with her and Cari but the fact that she probably knew that Jensen had gone to Massachusetts, the fact that she probably knew what was going on at that moment. Granted none of us REALLY knew what was going on, but if I ventured to guess…ugh, I really shouldn't be guessing anything sitting in this seat, surrounded by people and fantasizing about my best friend and his, our…no his girlfriend.

So, I decided that I was going to close my eyes and think about something completely different. Like Gummy Bears and honey buns…and yep, nope that wasn't working either because I was associating gummy bears with Jensen and honey buns…she was on my lap the other night, kissing me, like full on tongue in my mouth kissing me and damn, it was good.

Where the hell was Misha when I needed him? Okay, so even that train of thought was going to go wrong because of all the shippers, and why was I thinking about shippers anyway, I wanted Misha here because he could talk me out of anything stupid, like the fact that I had my phone in my hand and I so badly wanted to message them, but I didn't, I put the phone away. So, Misha, yeah, brother in arms, brother to Cari, BIG brother to Cari and would probably kick my ass if he knew I was even thinking about this crap.

UGH! I was so dead.

It was then that the messenger went off.

Curious to see who it was, I slipped the damn thing back out of my pocket and tapped the screen twice to bring up a picture message. My eyes rolled because yeah, I so wasn't sure what I was getting when I looked at stuff like that especially with Jensen's name tagged at the top of it, but curiosity won and I was touching the little button to open the file.

It was cute, the way that Jensen had Cari almost on his knee, sitting in a dimly lit restaurant somewhere in Massachusetts, probably close to home but what got me was the fact that someone else was taking the picture because both of them had their hands shaped like hearts. The caption under the photo was one that melted my heart and made me miss Cari more, knowing that I would see Jensen soon enough.

"We miss and love you buddy!" was typed under the picture and I took a deep breath, saving it to my phone as I typed back.

YOU TWO ARE KILLING ME! HOW IS YOUR "US" TIME?

JA: OMG AMAZING!

MAKE SURE YOU SAVE SOME OF HER FOR ME. And I really sent that, but then I quickly added. THAT CAME OUT TOTALLY WRONG.

JA: SHE'S LAUGHING HER ASS OF ABOUT IT THOUGH SO IT'S FINE. YOU ON THE PLANE?

YEAH ALMOST THERE, SHOULD LAND IN ABOUT AN HOUR. WHEN DO YOU COME IN TOMORORW?

JA: NOT LATE ENOUGH, IS THAT BAD TO SAY.

ONLY IF YOU DON'T SHARE DETAILS.

JA: REALLY, YOU WANNA KNOW ABOUT IT?

DUDE, WE SHARE EVERYTHING. I stopped for a moment, thought about the fact that he knew my "kink" as Cari called it and sighed. OKAY, SO MAYBE WE DON'T HAVE TO SHARE THAT PARTICULAR PART OF IT.

JA: I WAS ONLY GOING TO TELL YOU IF SHE WAS OKAY WITH THE TELLING PART.

I watched the bubble for a few minutes and waited, was the guy writing a book or something? What the hell was taking him so long. And then it popped up.

JA: NO ONE CAN KNOW ABOUT THIS, JAY, I MEAN NO ONE OUTSIDE THE FIVE OF US.

YOU REALLY THINK I'M GOING TO TELL? I DON'T EVEN REALLY WANT TO DISCUSS IT WITH GEN WHEN I GET HOME!

JA: YOU WOULD TALK ABOUT IT WITH HER?

I rolled my eyes and sighed, yeah probably not the best thing to tell him, but I let my thumbs run over the keyboard.

DO YOU REMEMBER THE TIME THAT YOU AND I WERE TALKING ABOUT THIS THEORETICALLY HAPPENING? I MEAN, WAY BEFORE CARI CAME INTO THE PICTURE, JUST AFTER YOU AND DANI GOT MARRIED?

JA: YEAH, IT WAS AN OPEN TAB, LIKE THE FOUR OF US WOULD ALWAYS TALK ABOUT WHAT WOULD AFFECT THE FAMILY. I waited for him to get it and then the bubble started again. SHIT, I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THAT. IT'S NOT IN THE RULES, JAY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT WHAT CARI AND I ARE DOING RIGHT NOW, I MEAN IT CAN WAIT UNTIL I GET HOME SO WE'RE ALL INVOLVED.

THAT'S JUST IT, WE WON'T ALL BE INVOLVED, CARI WILL STILL BE AT HOME AND IT WILL STILL BE THE FOUR OF US.

JA: . . .

I'M SORRY, JEN, THAT'S THE TRUTH.

JA: IT'S COOL, MAN, I KNOW SHE HAS TO STAY, BUT HEY IT WON'T BE FOR TOO LONG AND WE'LL BE BACK ON SET.

JENSEN, IT'S NOT COOL AND YOU CAN TELL ME TO SHUT THE HELL UP.

JA: SO, SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY.

I smiled at this, knowing that the knowledge of having to leave her was always in the front of his mind but I didn't need to keep bringing it up. I sighed, looked at the picture of the two of them that I scrolled back to and let my fingers go over the keyboard again.

HEY, MAN, ENJOY IT, LOVE IT, LOVE HER. I'LL TALK TO YOU TOMORROW BEFORE YOU TAKE OFF.

JA: YEAH, JUST… I DON'T KNOW, TAKE WHAT THE GIRLS SAY WITH A GRAIN OF SALT. DANI KNOWS WHAT'S GOING ON, SHE'S ON BOARD WITH IT, WE'RE COOL. THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS, AND NO, YOU DON'T KNOW ANY DETAILS SO DON'T SAVE THAT STUPID PICTURE TO YOUR STUPID PHONE!

Okay, he knew me way too well, but I was still saving the picture.

ENJOY DINNER, JEN.

JA: YEAH, WHATEVER, SHUT UP AND FLY THE DAMNED PLANE.

NOT FLYING.

JA: THEN HAVE A BEER FOR ME! WHO'S MEETING YOU AT THE AIRPORT?

AH, NOT SURE YET, WHOEVER HAPPENS TO BE THERE WHEN I GET OUT OF THE BAGGAGE AREA. I hadn't really thought of it much, but now that he mentioned it. DAMMIT, NOW I HAVE TO MESSEGE GEN AND SEE WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON.

JA: GOOD LUCK WITH THAT BUDDY!

KISS BB FOR ME!

JA: OH, I'LL KISS HER, I'LL DO MORE THAN KISS HER…

WOW, FOR SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T WANT TO GO THERE.

JA: AH! BITE ME! :-)

I took a deep breath and looked out the window. Why was going home always so odd, I mean I loved being with my kids and Gen, seeing family, hitting the bar. San Jac was my favorite spot to be when I was home and wasn't with them but this time was just a little different.

JA: HEY, JAR?

YEAH? I typed back as soon as it buzzed in my hand.

JA: DON'T OVER THINK IT, OK.

I knew exactly what he meant, like he had been sitting here reading my mind, and I found myself smiling, remembering back to that first flight home after our flat tire debacle, Jen trying not to show me how distracted that one woman had made him but I knew, just like he knew now, that no matter what we did, the two of us always went the same direction, out of control.

WHAT'S FOR DESSERT, OR SHOULD I EVEN ASK?

JA: ACTUALLY, WE'RE GETTING A COUPLE THINGS TO GO BUT I DON'T HONESTLY KNOW WHAT'S NEXT.

HAVE FUN, JENSE.

JA: MISS YOU BRO.

YEAH, ME TOO.

JA: I'LL PASS ON THE KISSES.

NO TONGUE.

JA: RIGHT KEEPING IT PG!

LOL, NOT ON MY ACCOUNT I HOPE, BECAUSE PG WENT OUT THE DOOR WHEN YOU DARED HER TO KISS ME. HEY, WHY THE HELL ARE WE STILL DOING THIS ANYWAY? YOU'RE AT DINNER WITH HER, YOU SHOULDN'T BE ON THE PHONE.

JA: SHE'S IN THE LADIES ROOM.

ARE YOU SURE SHE'S NOT READING OVER YOUR SHOULDER?

JA: NAH, SHE WOULDN'T HAVE TO, I'D HAND HER THE DAMN PHONE AND TELL HER TO ANNOY YOU HERSELF. There was a pause from me because I didn't have much response to that but then the bubbles started moving again. OK, SHE'S BACK AND WE ARE OFF. LOVE YA, JAY!

LOVE YA! And that was it, the messages stopped. I looked at the picture one more time and slipped the phone pack in my pocket only to have it vibrate once more. This time the download was a video and with the sound off I didn't hear anything, so I grabbed the earbuds that were tucked in my pocket and plugged them in.

Pressing play on the video I watched as Cari walked out in front of Jensen.

 _"Cari, tell Jared how much you love him,"_ Jensen's voice was full of laughter and she stopped, swinging around to face him with that sly little grin on her face and she stepped closer to the camera.

 _"Are you recording this?"_ she questioned, looked at the phone and then at the man behind it.

 _"As a matter of fact, yes."_ His tone was just as playful as it was when the two of them were sneaking around.

Cari grinned at the device and licked her lips, giving me a shiver as she brought her eyes up to look at me from under her lashes, pure sex in their blue glow.

 _"I love you, Tallman, and I'll see you soon."_ She smiled, man did I love that smile and she blew me a kiss, before giggling at Jensen, but her eyes didn't leave the screen. _"I miss you, but I'll see you in a few days, be good, kiss those kids, kiss that wife and tell her it's from me."_

Holy hell, I can't believe she just said that, but she blew me a kiss once more and Jensen turned the camera on him.

 _"Love ya, man, see you tomorrow night."_ I watched as per usual, Jensen fished around for the off button before Cari's small finger came into frame and the video went black.

With a deep breath in, I swallowed hard, let the air out slowly and pressed play on the video again. Why did I think it was the only thing that might get me through the next hour? And what the hell was I going to do for the next few days? Skype was definitely in order and so was some time at the bar, mostly time with Gen and the kids, and Maddie was just starting to crawl, plus the twins' birthday party. Yeah, that was going to be my distraction, all of these events would keep my mind off the one person that I wanted to be there.

The video ended once more and my thumb hovered over it before it came down and I pressed play.

 **Until We Hit the Ground – Cari**

I woke with a shiver sometime in the middle of the night, the warm body that I had fallen asleep wrapped around was now gone from bed, and I slowly sat up. I could hear mumbling as I made my way out of the room and headed down towards the kitchen where glow of the blue light from Jensen's phone illuminated the room.

Quietly, I stopped in the doorway as I watched him smiling, the phone held away from his ear, on speaker but it wasn't very loud. There were only two people that I could imagine him talking to sometime around zero-dark-thirty but by the smile that crossed his face, I knew for sure it wasn't Jared. He looked up at me, the smile never faltering and he winked.

"She's awake, isn't she?" Dani's voice whispered through the room.

"Yeah," he answered, still looking at me as he said it with a grin.

"Oh my God, let me talk to her," Dani giggled, which put me a little off as he held out the phone. Not sure just what the hell to do, considering not two hours before we had been in the middle of a marathon and here he was handing me the phone his wife was on. I rubbed my eyes, grabbed a seat and took the phone from him.

"Hey sweetie," I mumbled as I lay my head on my arm, staring at Jensen and not the blank phone screen, "why aren't you asleep?"

"Um, it's like ten-thirty here," she laughed and I could hear the small giggles of the kids in the background. "Besides the twins apparently don't think it's bedtime yet."

"I think it's bedtime," I answered, stifling a yawn and Jensen smiled.

"Well, that boy will wear you out no matter what time of day it is," she replied and I sat up straight, not sure that I had heard her correctly as the smile widened on Jensen's face. "I'll take that silence as a thank you and I will return it with a your welcome"

"Holy hell," I laughed and pushed my hair back from my face. "I'm so glad the two of you find this so very amusing."

"Well, we love you and I know how much Jensen…" Dani trailed off a little but she was still talking, suddenly she was loud again. "…part of the family. Sorry, Zep stole the phone and I had to chase him down."

"It's okay," I smiled and looked at Jensen as he put his head down on his arms and just watched me from across the table. "So, when do I need to send him back?"

"After you have thoroughly gotten him out of your system…for now," she giggled, and yet again in amazement, I sat shocked. For now, what did she mean for now? "I have to put the kids to bed, they are finally starting to wear down. Jensen, I love you!"

"Love you too, baby," he grinned but I could hear the sleepiness in his voice.

"And you, Cari, I love you too." She echoed and the smile that crossed my face was a mile wide.

"I love you too, Dani, kiss the kids for me."

"Kiss my husband for me," she replied and the phone went dead. Like there was no real goodbye just a click. No need for further words and I put the phone down, reached across the table and took Jensen's in mine.

"Come on, I'm not sure if you need to be back in bed or if you need a shower to wake up," I whispered, tugging him to his feet, but his arms wrapped around me and his lips went straight to my neck as he pulled me into his embrace. Taking a deep breath, he then sighed against me.

"This is all I need," he whispered, and I felt myself shake just a little before slipping my arms around his waist.

"You do know that I will never get you out of my system, right?" I laughed and felt his fingers curl and gently run up my spin, another small shake going through me.

"I hope not," he sighed and reached around, taking my hand as he stepped back, looking down into my eyes. "I love you, more than you know, and I have no idea where this is going, and honestly, I don't care because right now I have you, and Dani and the kids and my brother and that's all I need in life."

I didn't need to repeat what he meant to me, he knew it, and he didn't wait for an answer either before he started tugging me up the stairs to the bedroom.

There wasn't anything sexy or maybe that wasn't the right word, because anything that Jensen did was sexy, but there wasn't anything SEX-y going on. When we got back in bed, he pulled me to him, his chest against my back and he wrapped his arms around me, putting his lips back against my neck. My mind ventured to what was coming next, to the fact that he was leaving and that I would be alone, but I pushed it aside, I didn't want to think about it, I just wanted to enjoy the fact that he was there with me now, and we had done the most amazing things with each other, to each other, and I feel asleep with a smile on my lips, and his body wrapped around me.

The vibration of the phone on the nightstand woke me from the bliss that I was in, but as I opened my eyes and looked out the top of the curtain, purposely kept low enough so that I could see the sunlight stream through, I realized just how bright it was outside. With a roll of my eye, I took a deep breath and glance at Jensen, still sound asleep on the bed beside me.

With a smile, I grabbed the phone, watched Misha's name flash across the caller ID and quietly made my way out of the bed and the room before picking up the line.

"Misha?" I whispered, thinking maybe West or Maison had gotten into his contacts and you know, maybe needed an Auntie Cari fix, but that laugh that could only belong to Misha echoed on the phone.

"Seriously, were you still sleeping?" He questioned and I groaned as I made my way towards the kitchen to start the coffee. "It's like 8:30 here, that's almost noon for you, what the hell are you still doing in bed?"

"Late night!" I snapped and listened to the pot start to brew. "What do you want, pain in my ass?"

"Can't a brother call to check on his little sister?" he said playfully and I found the same chair Jensen had been sitting in the night before to plunk my tired ass down in.

"I guess, but usually with you, there's an ulterior motive." I smiled and glanced at the snow outside the window.

"None this time, I promise, just worried about you being alone." He sighed and I couldn't help but glance at the stairway.

"I'm doing okay, Mish, really." The machine behind me beeped, bringing me back to the house I sat in with the man that lay in the bed upstairs and I smiled, I really was doing okay, at least until tonight and I let out a breath that caught his attention.

"I call bullshit!" he snapped and I pulled the phone away from my ear to give it a dirty look. "You shouldn't be alone right now, it's the holidays! Christ, I knew I should have just come down there and got you."

"Misha," I whispered, several times actually, trying to catch his attention has he went into a spiraling rant. "MISHA!" this yell had him stop midsentence, and I listened to him breath, "I'm not alone, okay, I have family here, I'm going there tomorrow. I have people I can be with, I just chose not to."

"Why?" he questioned, which was not only a normal thing with him but it was something I expected. "Why would you chose not to be with someone, somewhere?"

"It's simple really," I smiled, "I don't practice Thanksgiving, I always say what I'm thankful for everyday and you know how much I love turkey, so that's not the main point of it anymore for me." I waited on him, waited for some sort of reply but my head snapped up when I saw Jensen coming down the stairs in a tee-shirt and boxers, and my finger went automatically to my lips. "You'll video call me later, right?"

"Of course, I thought we were going to play Red Dead Redemption later too," he said excitedly, and yes, Misha and I had bought an online game together so that we could play. Shh, don't tell the boys, this was our secret.

"Well, yeah, I still have to kick your zombie fighting ass." I laughed and watched as Jensen gave me a strange look while he poured two cups of coffee and sat down at the table, sliding my cup towards me.

"Well, we'll see how that pans out," he sighed, but I knew he didn't want to get off the phone. "Duty calls, Vicky and I are taking the kids over to the park, going to build a snowman."

I listened to him laugh as I rolled my eyes at the last time he sent me a picture of the "snowman" that he had built for me.

"Could you, ah, try not to make it have a penis this time?" I questioned and watched Jensen roll his eyes. "I'd like to be able to show people some of the cool stuff my big brother does."

"That reminds me…"

"Penises on a snowman reminds you of something?"

"Jackass!" he growled, "No, I have the new script for next week, do you want me to email it to you? Advanced copy, you might want a peek"

"And that has to do with penises how?"

"Can you stop with the penis jokes for two seconds?" I could hear him getting frustrated but there was definitely a smile on his lips. "What is it with you and phallic mentions?"

"Maybe I just like the word penis." I replied and watched Jensen almost choke on his coffee.

"I think you need to video call with Jen later and not so much with me." Misha joked. "Speaking of the brooding alpha male, have you heard from him? I tried to call his cell last night, but all I got was voicemail and Danneel said he was out with Jared, who was at San Jac's last night."

"How do you know he was out?"

"I'm sorry, have you ever seen his Instagram notifications blow up? I have and its definitely all about the girls when it comes to the selfies, okay, I can't really say that because he's an equal opportunity selfie-er, does that make sense?" Misha was rambling now, not really wanting to go. "Anyway, Jensen was in none of the pictures."

"Maybe he was quietly hiding in the background." I shrugged, not that he could see me, but I watched Jensen with interest as the guy stretched out. "Maybe he was just laying low."

"I know, this isn't easy on him either." Misha sighed.

"Misha, can we not talk about Jensen while we're on the phone?" I whispered and watched as Jen gave me a questioning look. I muted the phone just a second and smiled at Jensen, "I'm trying to appear upset that you're not sitting here half-naked in my kitchen."

"Oh, right," Jensen whispered and got up, heading towards the coffee pot again, "gotcha."

I smiled when he kissed me on the head on the way by but quickly wiped the smile from my face as I unmuted the phone and cleared my throat.

"Did you just mute me?" This was so totally a Cas moment that I smiled and had to come up with something fast.

"Did you really want to hear a toilet flushing?"

"You took me to the bathroom with you?"

"Misha, seriously, who's older, you're acting like your two," I snarked back at him, our regular banter resuming, "yes, I took you to the bathroom, big shocker, guess what you've been in there plenty of times when we've been on the phone."

"I'm so totally grossed out right now," he teased and I rolled my eyes. "Okay, Sis, kids are bundled and we are headed out for the snow ball fight of the century."

"Awesome, let Vicky hit you in the head once for me," I grinned and listened to the laugh in the background that I know could only be her. "Love you guys."

"Love you too," Misha whispered, the sadness in his voice once more. "I'll call you tonight before I get online."

"Remember, I'm three hours behind so no starting without me." I took a sip of the coffee Jensen had placed before me and nearly choked on it because of the heat. How was it that my coffee cup cooperated for him but for me it was instantly cold?

"Well, duh!" He picked and then I heard him blow me a kiss through the phone. "Talk to you later."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," I mocked. "Love ya!"

"Love ya, tootles." And the line went dead. I wasn't really sure what it was with people just hanging but I guess when you didn't want to think about saying goodbye, hanging up was the best policy.

I looked up at Jensen, placing the phone down on table as I did so and he reached over and took my hand. I wrapped my fingers around his and let him pull me over to his seat, hugging me tightly on his lap. I knew it was only for the night, for some part of today, but I felt so much more alone thinking about him leaving now than when I stepped away from him at the airport in Vancouver.

We could swear nothing changes when you fall in love with someone like this, you can say that being so close didn't make a bit of difference, that everything remained exactly the same. Except it never does, it always changes, always make some little shift with these obscure and oblivious changes


	31. I was late for this, late for that

I was late for this, late for that – Jensen

I don't think I could have held her any tighter, not with my arms, not with my heart, but I wanted to, God did I want to.

We were standing in the middle of one of the halls in the airport, it wasn't more than five, maybe, yeah, maybe a little later, but I know we stood there for a while, because I just couldn't let go. She had been silent, the only thing I heard was her breathing but what I felt was worse. I felt her body shaking, her heart thump against me, and I knew that nothing was ever going to be the same. Hell, I didn't want it to be, I wanted it to be so much more.

When had this raven-haired, blue-eyed beauty with the sinful smile become so much a part of me that it hurt to breath even thinking of walking away? When had I grown so infatuated with her that nothing in my life would ever be the same?

I thought I didn't have an answer, I thought it would never come to me, because I had asked this a million times but I knew, just knew the moment it all changed.

Those words that left my mouth, _"Hey, do you need some help?"_ were the first things I had ever said to her, and I watched those blue eyes look up at me, and her reply just had me from the jump.

 _"No thanks, believe it or not, some women know how to change a tire."_ And IF I were an asshole, I would have just walked away from the tone of her voice, and she had pretty much just told me to take a hike but all I wanted to do was get to know her better, from that split second, from that one little sentence I was hooked.

Maybe it was the sound of her voice, maybe it was the way the sun hit her eyes, or maybe it was just that moment when everything in your life takes a turn and you know that you're in the right spot at the right time. An instant connection, but then again, it might have been instant sarcasm as well, but the chemistry was there.

"Okay," I whispered, I know I whispered, it, at least I knew I breathed it, even as my hands went through her hair and my lips touched her skin, "okay, sweetheart, I have to go." I felt her nod but neither of us moved. "I have to go, but I don't want to, I want to stay here with you, just for now."

"Jen, you have to go see the family," and her voice was like the wind, just flowing over me.

"I know," was all I could come back with, and it wasn't that I didn't want to see them, hell, I wanted it more than anything but I wanted to take her with me too. I wanted it all, I wanted them both, her family and mine all in the same place. Her kids and my kids, her and Danneel, I wanted it all, but it wasn't possible, was it? "I know, baby, I just…I have to go, and I can't."

She laughed at that moment, just a subtle little laugh that had my hands cupping her cheeks so that I could have her looking up at me and when those devilish little eyes caught mine, I nearly feel harder than I already had because they seemed to shine with love. God, why am I such a sap right now. Come on, Jensen, get ahold of yourself! Anyway, that laugh just tugged at me, and I couldn't help but smile.

"You know you're just going to video me later," she grinned. Yeah, she knew me well, but this time I got to do with kids on my lap who could see her and she could fawn over, and Dani, they would finally get to see each other again, even on a video. Damn, was I one lucky man.

I leaned in and kissed her softly, just wanting to hold onto that moment before I really had to go. Her lips were warm and tempting and they tasted like her and she smelled like her and I just wanted to wrap myself around her and never let go, but I did. I backed away and kept going until only our fingers touched. I watched her eyes fill with tears, but she smiled and I blinked back mine but didn't move forward, because if I did I would have missed my flight and she would have been pissed.

"I'm sorry, sweets." I sighed.

She blinked a few times, but then the smile grew. "You'll be even more sorry if I have to drag you to the terminal." Yeah, like threats from her were really going to scare me, but she was right, and she was so much stronger than I was. I took a deep breath, prepared myself to let go and swallowed hard. "I love you, Dean."

"I love you, Nicci," I replied, and winked.

Using our character names was something new, but in an airport of people that might recognize me as or the other, well, it was best if they saw me as Dean, and probably wouldn't question why he was there, plus, I loved giving her little nicknames. That was when she did it, she took that final step back, she became the strong one, and dropped my fingers. And all I could do was turn and walk away.

My heart shattered as I moved through the building but just before I reached the gate, before I was able to take one step forward, I turned just to see. She was there, leaning against the wall, just watching, and I just wanted to run back to her, wanted to sweep her in my arms and kiss her, but I didn't. I licked the dryness from my lips, wiped the back of my hands across my eyes and pulled the ballcap lower. She gave me a little smile, and I returned it with a wink before I disappeared around the corner to check in.

It wasn't more than five minutes that passed, probably some of the longest five minutes in a while, before my phone went off. A simple text message, one that brought a smile to my face.

Cari: KICK IT IN THE ASS.

She didn't know Kim but man that one text made grin like a stupid son of a bitch. She knew what I was feeling, the fight or flight because all I wanted to do was protect her and sure enough, she was able to show me once again that while I wanted to do it, she didn't need it.

So I replied: ALWAYS!

And I took that last step, the one that would take me away from her for more than a week. I stepped onto the walkway, headed for the flight to Austin.

You would have thought we had enough of each other but sometime between here and there, the messenger popped up with a message, in fact it was a group message.

JarPad: HEY JEN, BB AND I WERE TALKING AND WE THOUGHT WE MIGHT GET YOU IN ON THIS DEBATE.

Oh, God, this couldn't end any way but perverted. So, I replied. YOU DO REALIZE THIS IS A SOCIAL MEDIA SIGHT, RIGHT?

Cari: OKAY, SO UNLESS EVERYONE IN THE WORLD HAS YOUR PASSWORD, NO ONE ELSE IS GOING TO SEE THIS. YOU GAME?

I had to smile, because I knew they weren't going to leave me alone. YEAH, I'M GAME.

JarPad: HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION, A MAN COMES HOME FROM WORK AND FINDS HIS WIFE WITH HIS BEST FRIEND, BUT ISN'T UPSET ABOUT IT BECAUSE HE KNEW IT WAS GOING ON BEFORE AND HE WAS ALSO SLEEPING WITH THE BEST FRIEND AND THE WIFE KNEW ABOUT IT.

OKAY, WHERE THE HELL DO YOU GUYS START THESE CONVERSATIONS FROM?

Cari: WE WERE WATCHING A SHOW TOGETHER.

JarPad: DON'T FROWN AT ME SISTER, YOU SAID YOU LIKED IT.

Cari: I LIKED IT UNTIL THE END, TALLMAN SO JUST GET ON WITH YOUR QUESTION. MY ISSUE WITH THIS IS GOOD OR BAD, AND NOW ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS: DID THEY HAVE RULES?

OKAY, HOW IS THIS EVEN A DEBATE? I typed back, shaking my head, which got a worried looked from the man beside me as I tapped away at the small keyboard. IF SHE KNEW AND HE KNEW AND THEY WERE OKAY WITH IT, WHY IS IT AN ISSUE?

JarPad: MY POINT EXACTLY.

Cari: DID HE POINT OUT THAT THE PERSON THE WIFE WAS SLEEPING WITH WAS A GIRL? SO THE BEST FRIEND OF THE HUSBAND IS A GIRL.

WHAT'S THE NAME OF THIS MOVIE? I smiled, only because I knew it would get a rise out of Cari, but she didn't fall for it. NO SERIOUSLY, HOW IS THIS ANY DIFFERENT THAN WHAT WE DO?

Cari: I'M NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND AND I'M NOT SLEEPING WITH YOUR WIFE.

JarPad: AND I AM YOUR BF BUT STILL NOT SLEEPING WITH YOUR WIFE, OR A GIRL.

DUDE, GUYS, REALLY THIS IS THE STUPIDEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD. And I'm sitting here laughing my ass off but can't tell them that because they seemed seriously into this debate, which was, at the moment, going absolutely nowhere.

JarPad: HEY, JEN, WHO'S PICKING YOU UP AT THE AIRPORT?

I ASSUMED IT WOULD BE DANI WITH THE KIDS, WHY?

JarPad: CURIOSITY.

YOU DOING OKAY, SWEETS? I typed to Cari and watched Jared's bubble pop up.

JarPad: I'M DOING GREAT, HONEY.

SCREW OFF, JAY! I laughed but waited for her to answer, I think we both waited, in fact my heart started to race when we were still waiting a few minutes later. CARI?

JarPad: CHILL, JEN, SHE'S FINE.

HOW DO YOU KNOW? NO ONE IS THERE WITH HER. SHIT, I SHOULD HAVE STAYED.

Cari: DON'T GET YOUR BOXERS IN A BUNCH, I HAD TO ANSWER THE DOOR. SOME PACKAGE FROM VANCOUVER ARRIVED. APPARENTY, YOU BOYS AREN'T THE ONLY ONES WORRIED. THE CREW SENT A CARE PACKAGE.

JarPad: OH YEAH, WHAT'S IN IT?

PROBABLY CHOCOLATE, LOTS AND LOTS OF CHOCOLATE.

Cari: A COUPLE MOVIES TOO, JULIO AND I WERE TALKING ABOUT A FEW THAT I HADN'T SEEN YET AND HERE THEY ARE. GREAT, CHOCOLATE AND MOVIES, I LOVE THANKSGIVING.

You know how you can't ever tell what kind of mood someone is in by the way they text, because there's no expression in it, yeah that was what was going on right now. I couldn't tell if she was hurting, lonely, mad, hell, I couldn't tell if she was joking and that right there almost set me off.

YOU OKAY, BABE? I had to ask, no matter how much she hated it.

Cari: I'M GOLDEN, REALLY, I'VE GOT BOTH OF YOU RIGHT NOW, KIND OF, AND A BOX FULL OF CANDY, IT'S PRETTY SWEET.

JarPad: OOH BRING SOME BACK TO BC WITH YOU!

Cari: YEAH, AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN, NEITHER OF YOU SHARED WITH JD SENT YOU THAT BOX FROM SAMUEL'S. Her typing paused for a moment. YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M GOING DOWN THERE. DO YOU THINK HE'LL BE HOME, I MEAN IT IS THE HOLIDAY WEEK, OR DO YOU THINK HE'LL BE AT SOME CON.

I smiled, at least JD could be close to her. I'LL TEXT AND FIND OUT.

Cari: COOL, AT LEAST THEN I MIGHT BE ABLE TO GET SOME MORE CANDY AND SHIP IT TO YOU GUYS.

JarPad: OOH CANDY.

I rolled my eyes and sat back to watch the rest of this text conversation unfold as it turned into a really interesting little thing about rope candy and how much strength you needed to break it should you be tied up with it. The things the two of them came up with was amazing, and all I had to do was sit back and watch because there wasn't any need to egg them on. It made me feel ten times better though because she wasn't alone, she was with us both in some way and she seemed happy.

The next week was going to be hell for her and I needed to be in contact as much as I could, and I knew that Danneel would understand it, but would my in-laws, would Jared's? I put the phone on my lap and rubbed my eyes. God, I could go for a nap.

The first step's the one you believe in – Cari

The video game that I was playing while curled up in the quiet house alone was "Burnout: Revenge", crashing cars on in an attempt to score the highest points was one of my favorite things to do, especially when I was bored and frustrated.

Jensen arrived safely at home, and was greeted by Jared, which got me a short little video from both of them and the girls about how much they loved me, which in turn reminded me that I was stuck across the country alone… well alone by choice.

The other reason that I was sitting here battling the God only knows how many trucks and cars just to get the gold star was that the script Misha sent me had a scene in it that I certainly wasn't going to enjoy. So totally pissed off about it. Anyway, there wasn't much I could do except complain but it flowed the with the storyline and I loved my job and my boys so I was going to do it, like it or not. The problem was, Jensen wasn't going to be in it so Jared and I were flying back early to shoot it.

The phone beside me rang for a video call and I propped it up on the table as I accepted Misha's incoming communication, which right now sounds weird. His face popped up on the screen just as West came flying over the couch, which knocked Misha, the controller and the phone down. I waited patiently as I smiled while the two of them tried to get themselves organized. Apparently West was going to watch.

"Hey, little girl," Misha smiled.

"Eww," I mocked, "could you not say it in such a stalker voice?"

He rolled his eyes as at me and looked up at the television as we both logged in online. "I'll try my very best, but you know how much I love to stalk you."

"I love you, but you're weird," I teased and listened to West laugh. "Dude, tell your dad that he's weird."

"It's better than being normal." West replied. Smartass little kid, just like his dad.

"You have a valid point, young man." I grinned and watched as both of us popped onto the screen. "Hey look, West, I'm waving." Getting the characters in the video to do what I wanted actually took me a long time to figure out, but the giggle from the little man on the other end made me smile. I missed my kids, and just wanted to have them home. "So, what's tonight's mission?"

"Totally inhalation of the zombie populations."

"Really, that's what you're going with?" I questioned and looked at the screen. The video call was just so that we felt like we were in the same room together but really, we were just killing time and playing video games. I heard Misha scoff in my general direction. "Hey, I'm not saying let's not try, because I'm totally good with your realistic goals."

"You know you suck, right?" Misha laughed. "And, I'm pretty sure you've been hanging around the J's too long because seriously, I'm starting not to like you."

He says this as he saves my ass in the video game.

"Yeah, I think you've been Cas too long, I mean, could you get anymore…Cas-like?" Okay, bad comeback and the video game paused. I looked down at the phone and watched his brow furrow. "What?"

"Really, that's all you got?" his voice filled with worry. "Okay, is there something you need to talk about because usually you're pretty fast on the comebacks and that was so completely lame."

"No, Mish, really, I'm good, just tired."

"Then why are you up playing with me, go to bed!" he snapped. Note to self, make sure when one of the kids invents time travel, you go back and make sure Misha becomes something OTHER than your big brother. What a pain in my…

"I'm not going to bed. Come on! Just play the stupid game, we're not going to be able to do this until after Thursday and you promised me!" I whined and watched him roll his eyes, West snickering at his father.

"Okay! Fine!" he gave in and un-paused the game. Okay, changed my mind, so totally keeping him as a brother.

We went on to play well into the night, even by his standards, but as I walked up to bed, I could smell Jensen's cologne all over the second floor and when I hit the sheets I grabbed the pillow that he used because it smelled like him. Sighing, I closed my eyes and waited for the darkness, but it didn't come right away, in fact a text message came first.

JA: I LOVE YOU, SLEEP WELL, AT LEAST I HOPE YOU'RE SLEEPING. IF YOU'RE NOT, I'M COMING UP THERE TO KICK YOUR ASS TO SLEEP. CALL ME IN THE MORNING WHEN YOU WAKE UP, I DON'T CARE THAT WE'RE EARLIER THAN YOU, I JUST WANT TO HEAR YOUR VOICE. JAY SAID HI, SO DID THE GIRLS. I MISS YOU.

Did I answer him, did I tell him that I loved and missed him too? Would that really get him to fly back here and kick my ass, or kiss my ass, or hell, just kiss me? Probably not! But that darkness did come and I went with it with a smile on my face and sweet, sweet dreams of Jensen.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn -Jared

I held the phone to my ear, it was Friday night, the girls were getting the kids in bed, Jensen was trying to figure out something with Jason and I was out on the patio, looking over the city with the phone to my ear, but it was the voice on the other line that I was just listening too.

"Are you paying attention, Jay?" She laughed and suddenly the smile went wide and I couldn't help but shake my head.

"Yeah, I'm here," I whispered.

"You might be there but you're not listening for shit!" Cari snapped and that just made me take a deep breath because there was no way she was even the slightest bit mad. "So, I'll ask it again, did you or did you not, send this package to my house?"

"Did not!" I admitted and listened to her shake the box. "What the hell, what if you break it?"

"How do you know if it's breakable if you didn't send it?" She retorted and I turned to lean against the wall. Looking into the house, I watched as Jensen moved towards the bar, poured himself a jack and coke and looked around as he took a shot right from the bottle.

"Hey, Car, have you heard from Jen today?" I questioned, just wondering what was up because something was bothering my brother and I couldn't get him to spill.

"This morning before the in-laws came over, but he seemed a little off. What happened last night? The message I got from him was twelve kinds of crazy and didn't sound like him at all." I closed my eyes and shook my head. Yeah yesterday wasn't a good day at all, but I wasn't going to tell her that.

"Not sure, but he seems kind of distant today," I watched as he turned towards me, took a swig of the drink in his hand and offered me up one but I shook my head as he shrugged and headed out my way. "Subject change, what's in the box?"

"I don't know, I'm still too creeped out to open it." She laughed and knew exactly why we were switching it up. Jen came out and leaned on the wall as he looked out over the city.

"Just open the box!" I laughed and this caught Jensen's attention.

"What's going on?" He asked and I smiled as I put the phone down and turned it on speaker.

"Cari got a present." His eyebrows went up.

"From who?" And there was that protective side.

"I don't know, I haven't opened it yet," she laughed, and I watched that brighten Jensen's dark mood. "I'm kind of creeped out, I mean what if someone decided to pull a Seven on me and this is my wife's head."

"You don't have a wife, Cari," Jensen replied but rolled his eyes as he smiled.

"HEY lover!" she beamed and we could hear her shaking the box again.

"Just open it." Jen encouraged, and I watched as he shook the glass, rattling the ice around.

"God, you're so demanding." We heard the tape rip as she put something through it and then there was silence. "Oh my fucking God! I'm going to kill Misha!" This has both of us looking at each other and then the phone. "Hang up!"

"What?" I asked, completely confused by the request.

"Jared, hang up the phone, seriously, you have to see this." SHE was laughing, what the hell could Misha have sent her that would have her laughing like that?

"Okay," I hit the end button and immediately got in an incoming messenger video call. I clicked the accept and smiled as I saw her beautiful face on screen. She was sitting in front of the computer, a big ass smile on her face and tears in her eyes. "Okay," I whispered and moved so that both Jen and I were in the shot. "What the hell is so funny?"

"Dear Cari, I thought you might be lonely on your week away from you guys, so I thought I would send along a little reminder of both, love your always vigilant big brother." She read aloud and held up the cheesy "thinking of you" card. "Apparently, I need to slap him."

"What did he send you?" Jensen questioned, his face giving off the vibe that he was more confused that Misha was sending her something to remind her of us than anything.

"Moose and squirrel," she smiled, but what she held up was far, far from any furry animal I had ever seen and I just broke down laughing. Jensen closed his eyes after staring at the screen for what seemed like way too long before he shook his head. The man had sent her dildos, and not just any but ones with little stimulators on the ends that looked like forest creatures. "How cute, he even made sure there were enough batteries."

"I'm gonna kill him," Jensen whispered shaking his head. "Who does that? I mean seriously, what kind of nutcase did you adopt."

"Hey, he was yours first." She smiled and turned one on, and I couldn't even stand up as the little tail on what looked like the squirrel twirled around. "They're actually kind of cute, the way the tail moves around."

"Okay, can you put it away?" Oh, no, I knew the instant he said it that there was going to be an issue and I closed my eyes as I watched her reach for the waist of her pants.

"Where would you like me to put it?" She teased and I watched as Jensen took a deep breath, turned a little bit of red and licked his lips. Yeah, and they were on my phone. He slid down the wall next to me, his eyes wide as he looked at the screen.

"I, ah, I don't need to see this," I said softly and went to get up, but Jensen's free hand was on my shirt before I could move.

"You told her to open, you sit your ass right there!" he scolded and looked at me as I turned red. She didn't show us anything, in fact, all you heard was the sound of the machines and the look on her face as she did… well, whatever it was she was doing below the screen but it was the hottest thing I had ever seen, I mean. "Jesus, baby," Jensen sighed as I watched that drink come to his mouth, but his hands were shaking. "Maybe I won't kill Misha."

"I might," I whispered, though I tried to pull my eyes away from the way her blue ones stared at the screen. "If I live long enough."

Cari moaned one last time, just as the girls started to come out of the house and she must have noticed that both of us looked up over the camera because the buzzing stopped and so did she, but she lay back on the couch and smiled.

"Tell your girls I said "you're welcome"," she whispered as she blew us both kisses and disconnected the call.

Yeah, there wasn't a quiet spot in either house that night and though I was pretty sure that I was still going to kill Misha when I saw him, I know Gen was pretty satisfied and actually texted Cari to tell her so. What a weird, strange and unusual family, but at some point we had to go back to work, and that was going to be just as hard to leave Gen and the kids as it was to leave Cari in Vancouver.


	32. Seriously Messed Up

Seriously messed up – Cari

It was way too bright in the room, especially with the light from the overhead hitting the falling snow. I was cold! The damn trailer was going from way too hot to way too cold after a series of strange mishaps with the heating system, and right now I was freezing my ass off. Checking the temperature in the living room, the setting read somewhere in the range of 58 degrees at two in the morning. With a groan, I grabbed my cell phone and dialed Jared's number.

Thanksgiving break was over and I had been back for a few days, so had Jared because of the scenes we had to shoot, but Jensen was flying in sometime later today so I only had one of my boys. The phone rang twice and I heard a sleepy moan on the other end, before an actual word came through.

"Hello," he whispered and I suddenly felt bad for waking him up.

"I'm sorry, Jay but can I come over?" I spoke softly into the phone.

"Is that fucking heat broken again?" He growled, not because it was broken, but because this wasn't the first time I had called freezing in the last two days. "I'm sorry, of course you can come over, sweetheart. I'll unlock the door."

"Okay, I'll be right there." I hung up the phone, slipped on the pair of boots by the door and my heavy jacket before locking and rushing out of the trailer.

Jared was only two trailers over from me and it wasn't like it was a long haul, but I was already shivering and the front that was coming in brought some blistery winter weather with it. I grabbed the handle with my sleeve, pulled it open and felt the wave of heat that hit me as I stepped inside. I kicked my boots off and hung the coat up before locking the door behind me. I knew exactly where I was going and there was no stopping between here and there.

Jared's bed was huge, a California King took up almost his whole room but the man needed it with his height. He moved the blankets aside as I entered the doorway and hurriedly I climbed in under them. His arms were surprisingly warm, pulling me against hot skin as I tried to control the shiver through my body.

"I'm going to kill'em," he mumbled still half asleep as his hands rubbed up and down my back. He was warm, very warm and half naked, only wearing a pair of thin sweats, which I was sure he put on only because I was coming over. I knew he preferred to be naked to sleep, but I was just grateful to not be cold anymore, no matter his manner of undress. "To hell with that, I'm going to let Jensen kill them."

"How many times has this happened?" I laughed, my arms curled up between the two of us as my forehead pressed against his chest and his chin came down to rest on the top of mine. "I think they might be doing it on purpose to see which one of you I run to when I'm freezing my ass off."

Daring in his half-sleep state, he reached down and grabbed a handful of my right ass cheek, then moved his hand up to rub my back again.

"Nope, it's still there, apparently it's not that cold in there." He chuckled and the deep laugh vibrated through his body, but as odd as it would have seemed to others to see him do that, no one would have noticed I was the one playing with his chest hairs as his large hands seemed to cover all of my back. "It has to be five or six times since it started getting cold, and I think you've gone to Jensen's more than mine."

"Why Padalecki, that sounded a bit like jealousy." I smiled as I tilted my head back and looked up at him.

Jared moved back a bit and looked down into my eyes the best he could in the darkness before his lips pressed gently on mine, glad that the habit he had started shortly after my return from my trip home earlier in the month hadn't faded. That gentle kiss was still heated with protection and want, that was fine with me, except that one time where the want outweighed the protectiveness… even Jensen gave a small grin every time it happened.

"Tell you what," his voice went deep, his forehead pressed against mine, and his hands slowed, "we'll take turns from now on, Jensen gets you next time, I get you after that and no one can say anything. Now shut up and go to sleep, I'm fucking tired."

"Hard week?" I whispered, something was still off from Monday when he had returned, and listened to him sigh.

"Mm-hmm," he answered but didn't elaborate. I wondered exactly what happened because Jensen had the same kind of reaction when I asked him how vacation had gone.

The twins' birthday was coming up in less than a week and they had thrown a party for them but there was something in the way they responded to the question when I asked that made me curious. I definitely needed to know if something was wrong, especially if I was making plans for Austin at Christmas.

I could feel his fingers glide up my back to curl into my hair as his body relaxed around me and I decided that maybe I could get him to tell me over breakfast. The warmth of the body that surrounded me and the even way he was breathing lulled me into an easy sleep that I longed for.

The alarm clock beside the bed had been buzzing for five minutes before I felt the bed sink and the man beside me move. He clicked it off, looked at the time, moaned and put the damn thing back down on the counter. Jared stretched out beside me, placing his chin on my shoulder as his lips danced over my cheek and his hand fell on my stomach, his fingers stretching as wide as they could.

"Stop trying to seduce me, I'm too tired!" I smiled and turned over on my side, pressing my back against him as he moved to spoon up against me, his face in my hair.

"I'm not trying to seduce you, Gray," his voice low and playful, "I am seducing you."

"Yeah and unless you got pancakes waiting, it isn't working." I laughed and turned my head to look into his eyes and watched the smile cross his face.

"Is that what Jen does? Makes you pancakes to get in your pants?" He grinned widely.

"No, because he's not in my pants…however pancakes might be a good suggestion should it come to that." I went to sit up and felt his arm block me from moving. "Not funny Jared!"

"You can't leave," he whispered and I turned on the bed to face him, propping myself up as I leaned on my hand.

"Why?"

"Your trailer is freezing, where are you going to go?" I looked around the room as I thought about it and let myself fall back on the bed.

"My clothes are there, I have to take a shower and we have to be on set for ten." I grumbled, and rubbed my eyes. "What time is it anyway?"

"Eight." He said as he flipped the covers off and scooted off the bed, leaving me with a large pile of the comforter. I smiled as I watched the muscles in his back move as he walked, barefoot, out towards the kitchen. "Coffee?"

"Please." I sighed sitting up. "What am I going to do?"

"Tell Nancy the truth," Jared said as he came back to stand in the doorway, the coffee machine working in the background. "It's not like anything happened and she knows you've had problems with the heater, AND she knows you either stay with me or Jensen when it happens so if you walk into wardrobe in your pajamas, no big deal."

"Really, and the whole shower thing?" Jared came back into the room and climbed up the bed, sitting at the bottom near my feet, where my legs stretched out, and his hand went to my thigh.

"You can use one of my t-shirts." This got him one of those "are you kidding" looks.

"Great, all I'll need is a belt and I'll have a dress." I smiled and watched him run a hand through his hair, smiling with a little bit of blush. "I appreciate it, Jay, but I think we'll just go with the first suggestion. I'll tell Nancy what happened."

"Good." He laughed as he leaned in and kissed my forehead, jumping off the bed to rush to the kitchen. "Just leave out the whole sleeping in my bed part."

"I always do," I sighed and slipped from the warmth of the covers, meeting him in the kitchen as he poured two cups of coffee.

Oddly enough, as we enjoyed the first cup of liquid breakfast there was a light knock at the door. Jared looked at me, as I raised my eyebrows and gave him a bit of a shrug. He stepped over and opened the door, looked at the person standing there and then at me as Misha walked in, confusion on his face.

"Good…morning?" he said looking back and forth between us.

"Yeah," I smiled and took another sip of the steaming liquid, wrapping my hands around the cup. "Not so much."

"Oh, shit, the heat again?" He questioned as he slipped off his coat and watched me nod. Jared poured him a cup and Misha took a seat at the counter beside me, before he looked up at Jared. "This is bullshit, we can't have her trailer hopping in the middle of the night."

"I know," Jared sighed and I rolled my eyes at both of them.

"You're going to get sick if they don't fix it," I turned to my 'big brother' and wanted to kick him. It was too early in the morning for this.

"Did you bring pancakes?" I asked him and watched Jared gave him a half-smile as Misha looked at me in confusion before he shook his head. "Then don't talk to me until my first cup is gone."

I watched him turn to Jared and mouth the word "wow" before he went back to his own cup. My eyes locked on Jared's and I watched him try not to laugh. The phone in the other room went off and, thinking it was mine I placed the cup down before racing for it. I picked up Jared's, looked at the caller ID and held it up to him.

"Wife?" I asked as I started to walk out with it but he shook his head and let it go to voicemail when he took it from my hand. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, it's just too early." He sighed and waved it off as nothing but I knew it was nothing. "Are you awake enough to shower first?"

"Maybe," I narrowed my eyes at him, glanced down at the phone and then stared at him as he rolled his eyes and checked the voicemail. I gave him a smile, got up from the chair, kissed Misha on the cheek and headed off to the bathroom.

If you can hear me out there -Jared

Misha looked at me as I put the phone down, sighed and grabbed the coffee cup. His eyes just followed every movement but there was no judgement, no questions, just a silent support that had me wondering what the hell he was thinking.

"Out with it," I growled, not exactly the happiest camper either. It wasn't that I slept, because I did, and it always helped to have her close, but the nightmares that kept me from getting a good night sleep since I got back were driving me completely insane.

"Why don't you just tell her?" Misha questioned.

"Yeah and risk losing her before Jen gets back, risking the chance that she'll back away because of it, not a chance in hell." I sighed. "This is something Jen should really talk to her about, I mean, in all honesty."

"In all honestly, Jared, you both should tell her whatever it is that's going on in your head, no secrets remember."

"What about you? No secrets, so why are you up here now when you don't shoot until later today?" I watched as Misha put the cup down and looked up at me with just a slight shake of his head. "Come on, you've been doing it more often, Mish, you weren't even scheduled yesterday but you showed up to what, hang around with her on set?"

"You make it sound like…" Misha looked over that the bathroom door, making sure he still heard the shower before he turned back to me. "Just like you and Jensen, I missed her over the holiday, but sometimes that comes through as something other than platonic and you know my history, so sometimes it gets a little rocky."

"At home?" Misha nodded, which I thought was just odd and blinked as I tried to understand, "but you're like her brother, there's nothing romantic there at all!"

"I know, but it's complicated." Misha sighed, and that was when the water turned off. A few minutes later, the door opened and a towel-clad Cari walked out, clothes in hand and looked up at me. I tried to breath, it wasn't like I hadn't seen her in a towel before but so much had happened that I found myself staring at the bare curve of her shoulders and I took a deep breath when she winked and disappeared into the room. "You see that, that look of devotion, we all have that look and even when they say they understand, they really don't."

Misha and Vicky were fighting? Over Cari? I pulled the beany I had off the counter and slipped it on as I watched him look down at his cup. His eyes were filled with sadness but as soon as the girl in the other room started to whistle as she dressed, they lit up and he smiled, picked up the cell and dialed out.

"What are you doing?"

"Hey, Ken," he said as the maintenance manager picked up the line. "Yeah, it's Misha, look Cari's heat is out again, she said something about it going out in the middle of the night. No, no, she's fine, crashed on a couch for the night but looked we… really, that would be great. Thanks… yep… bye."

"So?" Misha set the phone down.

"So, they're going over as soon as one of the HVAC guys arrive." He shrugged and picked up the cup just as Cari came out of the room, one of my flannel shirts wrapped around her. Misha looked at her odd, checked out the temperature in the room and reached out a hand to touch her forehead as she sat beside him. "What's going on? You cold again?"

"No, I'm just a little too perky this morning," she smiled as she winked up at me and I rolled my eyes. Misha attempted a sip of his coffee but the grin on his face didn't fade and he put the cup down just so that he could look at her once more.

My imagination was going wild as to how she looked without that flannel on, what did she get by hiding how she looked under it, but I cleared my throat, turned towards the fridge, hiding the fact that I was adjusting myself before I came back with the pot to refill her cup, and set the creamer on the counter.

How did it happen? How did we go from who we were before to thinking everything in sexual terms? Okay, I give that we were never really NOT thinking about sex or about Cari but now it was just that every little thing was an innuendo and as much as I loved it, I wasn't sure how much more I could take. Even the little touches of her hand along mine when she took the bottle I offered seemed to set me off. Sometimes, I just wanted it back to the way it was, but then again, I wouldn't trade this for anything.

Misha went to his trailer for something, having excused himself with a rough kiss on Cari's head before bolting out the door, and that was my cue that it was time to get dressed. She waited until I had my jeans on before knocking on the door, but didn't wait for an answer when suddenly she was sitting on the unmade bed we had shared just a few hours ago. I could see her in the mirror, her eyes going over my back as I grabbed the tee-shirt from the drawer.

"Gonna talk to me, Tallman?" She questioned and I just kind of brushed it off, and gave her a shrug, but I was saved by the bell as my cell beeped at me.

JA: SECURITY SUCKS. RUNNING A LITTLE BEHIND. CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU GUYS. CAN'T GET CARI ON HER PHONE, IS SHE OKAY?

I looked at the woman who was now laying on my bed swinging the leg that hung over the side as she stared up at the ceiling and I quickly snuck a picture of it before sending it to him.

HEAT WENT OUT IN HER ROOM AGAIN, SHE ENDED UP IN MINE, WE'RE JUST GETTING READY TO GO TO MAKE-UP BUT YEAH BB IS GREAT, SHE'S CURRENTLY BORED OUT OF HER MIND.

After a moment of the picture sending, it pinged again, but now Cari didn't even seem to notice as she was humming a familiar song, and just relaxing as I went about my normal morning routine, which meant leaving the room.

JA: DUDE, ARE YOU SHRITLESS?

HAD TO GET DRESSED, JEN. NOTHING HAPPENED.

JA: I BELIEVE YOU, BUT I'M SURPRISED SHE'S NOT TRYING TO GET AN EYEFULL.

I laughed at this, what the hell! SLEPT RIGHT NEXT TO ME ALL NIGHT, DOESN'T REALLY NEED ANYMORE OF AN EYEFULL. SHE MISSES YOU THOUGH, I CAN TELL.

JA: YEAH, WELL, I MISS HER TOO, AND YOU, AND WHAT THE HELL IS TAKING SO LONG. LISTEN, DO ME A FAVOR, DON'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THIS WEEKEND.

HAVEN'T AND WON'T. I reassured him and smiled as he sent some kind of thumbs up thing, or maybe he was flipping me off.

JA: AWESOME, THEY'RE GETTING READY TO BOARD. SEE YOU SOON.

YEAH, SEE YOU SOON MAN. LOVE YA.

JA: LOVE YA TOO. KISS THE GIRL FOR ME.

WILL DO! I put the phone down and grabbed the toothbrush, still listening to the sound of the woman in the other room.


	33. And When You Call and Need Me Near

And when you call and need me near – Cari

Nancy was completely floored by the fact that I was yet again frozen out of my trailer and she was on the phone with maintenance as soon as I told her what had happened. She wasn't the only call that morning, apparently Misha had already called when I was in the shower and they were on the issue as Nancy was on the phone but she noticed that I was a bit warm to the touch.

"You can't stay there until they actually make sure they fix the issue, every other day of dealing with that is going to get you sick." She said sternly and I looked up I the mirror at her, smiling.

"You're not the first person to tell me that," I grinned and closed my eyes as she began to do my hair, the second cup of coffee hadn't kicked in yet and I found myself dozing as she did what she needed to with it. The door opened, and closed, which jostled me back to awareness and I looked over at Jared as he found his way to his chair, smiling at me. "Morning, Gorgeous."

"Morning, Beautiful." He grinned and watched quietly as Nancy finished up with my hair before he started his usual stuff. For him that was shaving, which he took his time with since Jensen was the scruffy brother and Jared loved to have that smooth face.

"Jared, can she stay with you until they fix the heat?" Nancy asked and I quickly looked over at him. His eyes met mine but he gave her a slight shrug.

"Of course, I have an extra couch. I hear that their trying to fix it now though, but I'm sure she knows the offer is open." And I watched him go back to what he was doing, the smile playing on my lips but neither of us gave away the fact that there was no couch involved, no matter how many times I tried to convince the boys that it might be a better idea.

We weren't far from where we had to be, which was the main sound stage and the Men of Letters bunker set up inside. But as we entered we noticed the strange way that people were milling around. Usually there was more hustle and bustle, more loud orders being yelled across the set, or cameras rolling, this time, though, there was an eerie…well quietness wasn't the word for it, but it was definitely there.

"Hey," Jared stopped Jake, one of the PAs and looked around. "What's going on?"

"Um, you guys should really go see Rob." Jake replied and the look on his face terrified me.

I wasn't waiting around, as my feet started moving towards the production office that they set up inside the building. Not the main office but just where staff would gather to talk about the small things. Jared wasn't far behind me as I moved quickly through the crowd.

I stepped into the doorway, noticed that they were all silent and staring up at the television set, at the fire that burned brightly on the news and I felt my breath give out as I read the description on the bottom. Flight 241 from Denver to Vancouver had gone down during landing, slipping off the runway, which caused it to lose control. My knees were weak, my eyes filled with black and white dots and I knew that some of the people in the room had turned in my direction, but it was Jared's strong arm that I felt across my waist from behind as I lost everything in that moment, and he moved me to a chair.

What was Jensen's flight number? When was he coming in? Wasn't he supposed to arrive at the same time this one did? Has anyone called the airline? Has anyone called to check Jensen's phone? All those questions should have come out of my mouth but I was too busy trying to catch my breath and stop the world from spinning.

"Hey," Jared's voice moved through the fog as I felt his hand on my face, pushing the hair back from my eyes, holding me steady as he made sure I didn't fall out of my chair. All eyes were on me now, on the reaction to the news on the television and the cascade of tears running down my face. Why wasn't Jared answering any of my questions? "Cari, focus."

"Jensen," I whispered, but it barely came out as I stared into his eyes, my hand reaching out for his face as I tried to hold onto something real. He closed his eyes as I pressed my palm against his cheek, feeling him shake.

"Shh," he said softly, and I watched the tear slip from his before he wrapped me tightly in his arms.

I understood the quiet now, the reason no one was rolling, why the whole crew was silent. No one had heard from him, no one knew anything. I pushed Jared back, quickly, it was just a natural instinct to get him to move, and grabbed my phone, sending a shout-out over to messenger because yeah, we hadn't done this enough times to know every way to get in contact with him.

"Are you sending him a message?" Jared whispered not sure what my fingers were doing as he put his head on my shoulder when he leaned down to watch what I was typing and I nodded. Personal space between us had become pretty null and the crew went with it, waiting for our huddle to break as Misha and Mark entered the room. I could hear Misha asking the questions I couldn't, his voice moving closer, as my fingers shook, trying to type. ACKLES, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?

You would think I could be a little more delicate; that I would have started with something simple like "hi are you alive", or "hey, I heard your plane went down," but that wasn't it, that wasn't what I sent. "Where the fuck are you" seemed appropriate for this conversation and my heart stopped as the message was seen. No only seen but I watched the little chat head pop down and those three little dots start moving.

I couldn't breathe, couldn't think as I just waited, staring. Jared's hand came up to rest on the back of my neck, his eyes closed not wanting to see the response, especially if it was something that wasn't what we wanted. It seemed to take forever, like what was he doing writing a freaking book? The seconds ticked on, time seemed to slow and then pop, there it was.

I swear I stopped breathing, that my heart stopped beating, but I reached over, placing my hand on Jared's cheek as I tried to find my words, and not just my words, Jensen's words that popped on my screen.

"I missed my flight." I whispered, and they barely came out audible as I swallowed hard and watched Jared pick his head up. The tears streamed down my face as I looked at him, the look of confusion at my words made him take the phone and turn it in my hands. "I missed my flight."

Jared shook his head and looked up at Misha, the next one closest to me, and he smiled. The bubbles started moving again and this time, I had more of a voice when the message came through. "He's in Seattle."

"What?" Rob questioned and moved over towards us, all eyes and ears on me now as I watched the conversation grow. Jared took over this time because there was no way I was repeating anything this time around.

"He missed his flight," Jared repeated loud enough to let everyone know just what was going on and we watched the way people seemed to sit or lean against the tables and chairs, the wall, and I felt Misha's lips against the top of my head as Jared collapsed to his knees on the floor in front of me, bracing as much of himself as he could against my legs.

JensenAckles: OH CHRIST, I JUST SAW THE NEWS, IS EVERYONE UP THERE OKAY? I'M SO SORRY! I LOVE YOU! WHERE'S JARED?

I turned the screen and let the man beside me see what was written before Jared almost broke out in laughter, his normal nervous thing at an inappropriate time. His hands came up, cupped my face and Jared kissed me softly on the lips. Screw the people in the room, he was completely emotional and needed something to ground him, but I closed my eyes, needing that contact too, and touched my fingers to the smooth skin of his face, finally being able to breath.

When Jared let me go, he pressed his forehead against mine as we both looked down at the phone while I replied. I LOVE YOU TOO! WHEN IS YOUR FLIGHT? I NEED YOU HERE, I NEED YOU TO COME HOME! I'm sure my reply would tell him how worried I was but it also sounded like an order. I'VE GOT JARED, HE'S RIGHT HERE WITH ME.

JensenAckles: WE'RE ABOUT TO TAKE OFF, BOARDING NOW. FUCK WHATEVER IS GOING ON, I NEED YOU TWO AT THE AIRPORT! YOU HAVE TO BE THE FIRST PEOPLE I SEE. I'M SO FUCKED UP RIGHT NOW!

WE'LL BE THERE, IF I HAVE TO GET FIRED TO DO IT! I looked up at Robert, a pleading look in my yes.

"Two hours," I pleaded and wiped my eyes. "He's boarding now but he wants us to be there when he gets off the plane. Please, Rob, just two hours."

"Go!" The man had a heart of gold and suddenly he was on the radio. "Send a car around, we need to get Cari and Jared to the airport."

I smiled down at Jared, who was slowly finding the strength to get up off the floor and he reached down and grabbed my hand, pulling me up, but my knees were still weak and I let myself lean against him. I needed to get it under control.

WE'RE COMING! Was all I texted and felt Misha hugging me from behind. I let the fact that I was slowly disappearing into a sea of men give me some kind of strength but the fact was, there was only one that I needed to hold and he was still an hour off.

The ride there took about twenty minutes and Jared's hand never left mine as I moved over into the middle of the seat. Both of us were buckled in, but neither of us said a word as his hand wrapped protectively around my fingers, his leg tight against me and I shook my head, still breathing.

JensenAckles: 3O MINUTES, ARE YOU COMING?

My fingers flew over the keyboard. IN ROUTE, WE'LL MEET AT THE GATE.

JensenAckles: YOU BETTER BE THERE.

I'M COMING, WE'RE COMING, JEN.

JensenAckles: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OTHER PLANE?

NOTHING YOU NEED TO WORRY ABOUT, YOU'RE SAFE, WE CAN TALK ABOUT THAT LATER.

JensenAckles: I'M FUCKING DRIVING TO SEATTLE NEXT TIME AND CATCHING A FLIGHT HOME FROM THERE. YOU! YOU ARE NEVER ALLOWED TO GET ON A PLANE AGAIN! EVER!

I laughed out loud and watched as Jared looked over at my messages.

JensenAckles: AND JARED! DON'T GET ME STARTED ON HIM, BECAUSE I SWEAR NEITHER OF YOU ARE BEING LET OUT OF MY SIGHT!

TAKE A DEEP BREATH, BABY, WE'RE BOTH HERE AND YOU WILL BE SOON. NO NEED TO FREAK OUT ON THE PLANE.

JensenAckles: OKAY, AIRPLANE MODE…HOW WRONG DOES THAT SOUND? BE ON THE GROUND SOON, BE THERE! PROMISE ME!

WE'LL BE THERE. I PROMISE!

I glanced up at the driver and tapped on the seat, Morgan, I think his name was. "You need to drive just a little faster please."

Jared pulled me through the airport, not a hard task considering the height difference but we weren't going the normal route, we were ducking through hallways and making our way to the back entrance where Jensen always departed the terminal and once there, two of us waited, just stood there waiting. Jared's hands were up, tented over his mouth as he paced, wearing a hole in the rug with the giant shoes of his as I tried my best not to hop up and down for the millionth time.

"Why the hell isn't he here yet?" Jared grumbled and looked over at me. He stopped, put his hands on his hips and looked up at the ceiling before he checked his watch one more time.

"Hey!" Was the next thing we heard coming at us down the hallways in a voice that was unmistakable and both of us turned to see Jensen in full stride headed toward us.

His arms opened and he caught Jared in a bear hug, both men with their eyes tightly closed as neither wanted to let the other go. They whispered words to each other, words no one would ever hear because they were holding on that tight, but I knew what they were saying, I could tell by their eyes and the way that Jensen took Jared's face in his hands when they backed away, the tears running down the younger man's face. They were words of love and reassurance and that Jensen would never leave him, and I couldn't help but smile because everything he ever told Jared would be held true.

I let it go on, not wanting to break the bond, not wanting to see Jensen release him because for every ounce of me that needed the man, Jared needed him more. Slowly I stood, not wanting to interrupt, just wanting to watch it closer and both men turned to look at me, Jared's eyes brimmed with so much emotion that I had to catch my breath, but it was Jensen and the love in his eyes that made mine well up.

I don't remember how I got into his arms, not really even sure how the distance was covered, but I felt his lips pressing against mine, claiming, fierce and full of so much of everything, every emotion that one could possibly feel, and the passionate kiss turned into sloppy little planted kisses that half missed my lips as he held me just as tight, not wanting to let go.

"I love you!" he whispered against my lips. It wasn't the first time I had heard those words from him, but it felt like it because my heart just melted. "I love you." He repeated as he kissed over to my ear putting his head against me as he wrapped his arms around me and scooped me up from the floor. Jared was suddenly at my back, the two of them holding me in a group hug, and Jensen's hand slid from my back and I felt him reach over, grab Jared by the neck and hold us both, before repeating. "I love you!"

The ride back to set was still quiet but again I was in the middle, one hand collected by each man and every emotion I had felt that morning was slowly fading into the worst headache I could ever imagine. I rested my head against Jensen's shoulder as he looked out the window. His head turned, kissed me on my hair but I knew he was looking at Jared.

Call me a sinner; call me a saint – Jensen

She was all I could look at, well her and Jared, but he had gone onto set. Everything had been switched around, everything screwed up, but they rearranged the schedule and now I had her all to myself for more than half the day and she was all I could look at.

She was sitting on the counter…again…watching the news from there as I moved about the trailer, putting away the things in my bag. And all I wanted to do was touch her. Jared had taken the fact that his screen sets were moved up with one of his knowing smiled and he had patted me on the shoulder as he left, but did he really know what he was doing. She swung her feet as she reached up with the remote and clicked the power button off, letting out a sigh of relief and her eyes turned to me. I stood in the bedroom doorway, glancing over at her as I put the socks into the drawer and watched her hop down.

She wasn't being really stealthy this morning, hell, she was being down right playful, but a scare like the airline would have made me into a monster so when the smile played on her lips, I didn't mind at all.

She moved around me, brushing up against my ass as she did so and climbed up on the side of the dresser I wasn't busy stuffing things into and crossed her arms.

"So, I'm going to darken the mood for a minute," she said casually and this got me to smile. Did she realize that it would never happen? I looked up at her, from under my lashes and continued to do what I needed to without really moving, before going back to the whole unpacking thing.

"Alright." I answered and watched as she bit the side of her lips, instant turn-on.

"What happened this week?" She whispered and I raised my eyebrows…okay so maybe she could darken the mood. "In Austin, Jensen, what the hell happened? Jared won't say anything about it and you clearly didn't have the time of your life either."

"It's nothing," I replied and watched her nod… nope that was going to be way too easy.

"If it was nothing, you would have blurted it out in one of our many…many conversations, so what happen?"

"Not going to let it go, are you?" I asked, straightening up as I turned, placing my hip against the dresser, and watched as she shook her head. "Why?"

"Because something upset you and upset Jared and I have to know whose ass I'm kicking for hurting my boys!" She smiled and looked at me with deadly serious eyes. The smile faded from my lips and I glanced over at the things that graced my dresser, her body being one of them.

"Dannie and Gen's parents pretty much handed us our asses." I answered and tapped my fist on the counter. "They don't like how much time we spend with you, they don't like the looks that we give you and well, let's just say Jared and I gave them a piece of our minds that probably shouldn't have been said."

"Okay, so what did the girls do?" She questioned as her brow creased in concern.

"They reassured their parents that there was nothing going on between us, that they trusted you and us completely and when they left, the girls gave us strict instructions not to break the rules."

"Rule." She laughed, which made me nod. I watched her get adjusted on the dresser, her hands grasping at the wood and she cocked her head, looking at me with all seriousness. "Tell me something, though," she started and gave a quick look around the room, "if the girls trust me enough to just give you a little pep talk on the rules, what do you think December is going to be like?"

"Oh, don't worry about December," I laughed and moved over. My hands went to her knees and moved them, giving me enough space to stand in between them as I sucked on my lip, gazing over her face. "You probably won't see the in-laws, just us and trust me, you'll have fun."

"Hmm, I'm not so sure I like the sound of your "fun"," she laughed as my hands moved up from her knees to where the jeans folded between her thighs.

I leaned in, her hands not moving and pressed my cheek against hers, my lips caressing her ear as I felt her body move against mine. Just that little touch had her arching towards me and I heard a moan from somewhere, her or me, it didn't really matter.

"Tell me you love me," I begged, knowing that she did, but she hadn't said it at the airport, there were too many emotions for that. "I need to hear you say it."

"Jensen," her voice was barely as breath as it cascaded over my skin. The fact that I could make her that breathless just by speaking had me uncomfortable in so many good ways that the grip on her legs tightened. "I love you."

"Mmm," I hummed and let my lips trail down her neck, tasting everything that she was, but she smelled like Jared's body wash and I couldn't help the smile that rose on my lips as I opened my mouth and captured her shoulder, nipping down a little harder, wanting to mark her as mine. "You slept at Jared's."

Her hands moved from the dresser to my hips and I felt her nails dig in. "The heat broke again, I had to shower there."

"Yeah, but now you smell like him," I whispered, the need to get his scent off her made me moan even deeper as my hands moved, grabbed her by the hips and pulled her as close to me as we could get in this position. "I need you to not smell like Jared."

"There's only one way that's going to happen." She reached in between us and palmed over the way my jeans bulged outwards. My head dropped to her shoulder. Seriously, every time! Her hand went for the button on my jeans and I swatted her away.

"Me first." I growled and grabbed the end of her shirt, pulling it quickly over her head, watching it land on the floor. My arms wrapped around her, picking her up from the dresser and I turned, laying her on the bed.

I wanted to worship every inch of her as my lips trailed down and over her neck. The bra was quickly removed, finding a spot somewhere in the room and the need to feel her was so intense, so overwhelming that I didn't spend time on formalities. There was a rush, and her jeans were gone, the thin panties were tossed and I found her heat with my tongue. I missed the taste of her, the smell of her and as she moved against me, her hips jumping at the sensitive touch of my probing, I growled. I'm not even sure where it came from but I know my hand locked her down.

She was moaning into her arm, as the other one grasped my hair, giving me gentle encouraging tugs as her body trembled. Oh my God, she was sin incarnate and I was loving every second of it. Feeling her shiver as she came completely undone under my hands, I moved back slowly, kissing my way up to capture her mouth. This was what we did with the one RULE.

My whole body shook as her hands slid over me, my mouth still locked down on hers but it hitched when she went for my jeans. Her small fingers were talented and before I could react, I felt the material side down over my hips. To say it was a relief would have been an understatement. I was free and her hands were wrapped around me. Chilled digits that did amazing things as they moved and swirled up around my length and, oh my God, there was no way I was lasting very long with her under me. Christ, even the one rule wouldn't have made it if we continued to lay in that position.

She seemed to have the same idea and kinked my elbow out. To avoid landing on her, I moved to the side and let her roll me onto my back, my feet off the bed and I propped myself up on my elbows as she kissed a heated trail down, pushing the rest of the jeans from my legs. Wide open and naked had never made me feel more exposed but damn did she know what she was doing. I could watch her hands all day but that sex-filled look in her eyes made it hard to look anywhere else.

Her mouth was hot, and glided over me like some sort of wet velvet sheath, her hands taking up the space where those lips couldn't reach and I let out a moan that sent shockwaves through me as she continued her exploration of every inch of me. There was no way this was lasting as long as I wanted it too, and I wished it would go on forever. Her fingers tickled my sack, encouraging more noises to escape unexpectedly and her lips widened, trying to smile as she held me in, and then let me loose. I could feel it coming, the end was so close as my balls pulled up against my skin and the already throbbing hardness grew painful.

"Wait, wait, wait," I managed to get out just before the lights exploded behind my closed eyes. Her ONE rule, not that she only had that one, was established early on in the "hands-on" phase and there was no way I was going to break it. She had to watch, and fair warnings about coming were part of the rules that I wasn't allowed to break.

She smiled as those blue eyes looked up at me and I tried my hardest not to throw my head back as the heat pumped from me. It had to be the most powerful feeling I had ever experienced by far and the fact that I had my eyes locked on hers as it happened, small whimpers escaping me not by choice, made it even more so.

My arms gave out, finally as the feeling was replaced by the tingle of her hand on my body and she grabbed a towel, handing it to me as she fell on the bed. I smiled over at her, as she lay half off the bed on her stomach, slapped her across the ass and got up to use the bathroom. A towel was not going to cut it.

I relished the feeling of the warm water as I quickly cleaned up and pulled on a pair of sweatpants, but when I returned to the room, I found her under the blankets on her stomach, still obviously naked with one of my pillows up under her head. I jumped on the bed beside her, and watched as she closed her eyes, but the smile that crossed her face was still filled with pure sex and I moaned.

"You're going to kill me," I laughed and her hand reached out to rake down my chest. I ground my teeth at the feeling of her nails. "Little bitch!"

"I've got to mark you some way, even if these fade." She mumbled and went to move her hand, but I took it in mine, held it as she fell into a light sleep.

I knew the emotions of the day had taken their toll on everyone, especially her, and the headaches that came with that price was something she needed to deal with now before it became too big.


	34. You want to do what?

(I did a little bit of clean up, sorry for that, it was a rush job)

You want to do what? – Cari

I could hear the keys in the door as we lay there, me on my stomach, my bareback to the rest of the world, with the sheet pulled up to cover the rest of me, just to my hips, facing Jensen, as he lay on his side, green eyes scanning over my face with a small smile that graced his lips. I could feel the tips of his fingers running over my spine and watched those bright eyes flicker to the doorway as the footsteps stopped. I tried my best not to smile as he held the eyes of whoever was in the room, and by the smell of his cologne, I knew it was Jared.

"Well, that's not at all creepy," Jensen mumbled as he propped his head up with his hand and smiled. "How did you get in anyway?"

"Keys," Jared whispered and jingled the things in his hand. I could almost feel his eyes burrowing into my back as I watched Jensen's eyes, telling me just where he was. "Wow, I've never seen her ink."

"Those aren't all of them." Jensen laughed, of course he would know. Only the four on my back were showing, two on my shoulder blades, the family crest just below my hairline and the tribal butterfly for my daughter at my waist.

I could feel the heat of his fingers as Jared reached out. "Don't even think about it."

He jumped back, making Jensen laugh, which was rare in itself but this was full of surprise. Jared leaned over me, his bare arms pressed against my back and he kissed my cheek, and then his fingers tickled down my side before sliding across my skin.

"Like this?" He giggled, which was just as much a turn on as it was torture to have both of them touching me at once.

"Asshole." I mumbled putting my face into the pillow. Jared laughed and sat back on the floor. "Out, the both of you, I have to get dressed." I turned my head, glancing at the one that sat on the floor. "I assume that is what you came here for, to interrupt my bliss."

"I came here expecting to see you up and ready to go, not half-naked in bed." He winked.

"Oh, she's not half way anything." Jensen grinned as he got off the bed and grabbed his tee, Jared looked at me, eyes widening and he reached for the covers, but I snatched them up before he could tear them from me.

"OUT!" I yelled and laughed as he scrambled for the door, following after Jensen. With the door finally shut, I pulled on my clothing, and looked at the mess that I called hair. Great, back to make-up! I huffed it out as I stepped into the living room, trying to find my boot.

Nancy wasn't at all upset at the fact that she had to redo my hair, she just figured with all the emotions going on that I had almost pulled it out a couple times, not that I was rolling around in a bed with Jensen, but she made quick work of it and before I knew it, I was headed back on set.

Looking around the bunker, I had the copy in my hand, flipping through the little notes that I had scribbled there when I stopped at the kitchen doorway. Raising an eyebrow, then slowly raising my head, I listened to the voice that came from the other room. Someone was talking on the phone.

Okay, so me and curiosity were best of friends and that was what led my feet in the wrong direction. Moving down through the halls of this puzzle of a little set, I found myself standing in the armory, watching Misha sit on the step, his hand on the now silent phone as he sat with his eyes closed. For a moment, I left him in peace, in fact I was going to leave him entirely but he happened to glance up as I turned to move away.

"I need you," he whispered and I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and turned back to him.

"Like a hole in the head," I responded and took the first step forward. He rolled his eyes, his usual chipper disposition was completely gone as I watched the frown form on his face. Huffing, as if it were some big chore to be nice to him, I moved over and sat down on the step beside him, our bodies touching from shoulder to thigh and I reached over and took his hand. "What happened?"

"Stress," he shrugged, "things at home, they've gotten a bit choppy."

"I never noticed," I stated sarcastically, but maybe it was just the day because I was usually pretty good at reigning in the sarcasm and being the loving friend he needed. I slapped my hand down on his knee and that got him to look up, I mean really look up and stare me in the eyes with a narrowed expression on his. Yep, just what I wanted, his full attention and I couldn't help but smile. "I could run away, you know, if it's giving you that much grief, I mean, think of the headline," I took my hand from his leg and open both my arms wide as if showcasing a movie title. "Actress disappears from set, never to be seen again. Police are calling it _SUPERNATURAL_!"

"SO not funny." Misha shook his head but when I smiled apparently it was contagious because one of my favorite things in the world was to see him grin and slowly I watched it grow, until he couldn't help it and all I saw was his cheeks lift up and that full-on smile crossed his lips. "You're an asshole."

"Yep, just like opinions, Collins," I laughed as I slapped his knee again, heard him huff in pain as I got up and turned around to face him. I put both hands on his shoulders and leaned down as I close as I could to his face, making blue to blue contact. "Listen, everyone has one, and Vicky has her own, she's entitled to it. We know the truth, you and I and as long as we are honest with ourselves, each other and her, it will straighten itself out. It might be rocky for a bit, Mish, but trust me, you'll be good."

"I love you." He whispered, his hand reaching up to touch my cheek and this made me smile.

"I don't like you at all," I countered, a response he expected and it didn't change the smile that was plastered on his lips, it only made it grow. I moved my hand, ran it through that mess of black hair and gripped him tightly at the back of his skull before I leaned in and kissed him on the forehead. "It's going to be fine, Mish, totally fine."

"Don't you have a scene?" He snapped, his hand resting on my hip and I moved back to stand straight, watching him close his eyes. "Or at least someone else to bother the shit out of?"

"Actually, I do," I beamed, "guest star on set today. Kind of eager to meet the woman."

"Oh, no, wait…" He stood as I moved away, flipping the pages of the copy in my hand and I stopped before the door, "you and guest stars, that could spell trouble."

"Everything we do spells trouble." I laughed as he rushed to catch up with me. I felt his arm reach around my shoulder and he pulled me close as we moved through the set to where Jared and Jensen stood in the war room, waiting on us to arrive. Misha was not on set, at least not at that moment as Cas but I knew he had a scene later. Both boys turned to look as us as we stepped through the door. "Wow, now if that isn't the best pair of guilty faces you've ever seen."

"Says the woman who walks into the room with Misha wrapped around her." Jared laughed and I made an eww face, making him break down even more. "So anyone seen the new kid?"

"I don't think she's a kid," I replied and looked past them at the woman standing in the doorway. Jensen followed my line of sight and I watched his brow go up. She was tall, maybe five-eight, dressed all in a tight black suit, but she looked almost Fed like and I realized, I have no scenes with her. Must be a J2 thing. "Hmm, might be my cue, what are we shooting first?"

"Bunker," Jared said softly as he moved a bit closer, like he was preparing to protect me from her, or the opposite, her from me. Jensen noticed his motion and turned to look at me. His eyes told me he wanted to reach out, that guest stars only meant one thing in his book. Separation, and it sucked. "So, let's get this show on the road."

"Yeah," I whispered, catching Jensen's green eyes, "let's."

The crew had been moving around us the whole time and I watched Misha duck off set, moving towards wardrobe and make-up as I made my way up the stairs. Jared had been on set all morning, shooting scenes in the bunker and outside with… what was her name again? So this was my scene with the boys and then we were off to location.

Jensen sat at the table, pen tapping away at the wood, book on his lap as he thumped out the tune for a Metallica song. I sat up on the walkway, just above the top of the stairs, legs dangling between the bars, just watching him, but that was when Jared walked in, looked up at me, gave me just this little look and shook his head.

He made his way to the table and sat down in his usual chair, this time angling it so that he could see both me and Jensen and he sat back, eyes up in my direction but he addressed the man across from him.

"Anything?" Jared questioned.

"Zilch!" Jensen's voice went all Dean and I tried not to shiver at it, but it did make me smile, something that got an eye roll from Jared. "Man, what are you looking at?" Jensen twirled around in the chair and looked up at me, gave me his best irritated face and went back to looking at his brother. "What gives? The two of you have been shooting daggers at each other for weeks."

Yes, this was one of those fun and annoying episodes where Jared and I spent time alone without "Dean", fun right, except that we got on each other's nerves big time. Remember, I said that Jared and I had been alone on set for a few days and when Misha emailed me the script that I wouldn't like it… Well this was is, we had basically almost gotten down to blows and this was our first scene with Jensen.

"It's nothing, forget it." Jared said pointedly and grabbed a book but his eyed trained back on mine none the less Jensen glanced back up just once more before I became annoyed. With the cameras on him, I moved, stood from my spot, and bolted off to my next mark, one that had me standing off camera. This is where Audio would insert the rush of whatever noise Nic made when she did a hasty retreat. Jensen looked up at his brother not needing to know that I had zapped out and his brows creased.

"Wanna tell me what the hell happened while I was gone?" Jensen questioned and Jared slammed the book shut

The younger of the two cast his eyes up to the empty balcony and ran a hand down his face. "She was worried about you."

"And you what, got all protective and got into a catfight, come on Sammy, I know both of you care but, really?"

"It's not that easy, Dean, have you seen her on edge?" Jensen just gave him a look and watched Jared shift. "Okay, listen, I couldn't get her to calm down, and she swung, I'm sure it was unintentional but it started something and now I just can't get rid of it."

"Started something?" Jensen questioned, seriously but the corner of his lips went up, "like a crush?"

"What?" Jared snapped, "No!"

"Ah-huh," But the smile didn't fade from Jensen's lips. "She does that you know."

"Gets you riled up?" Jared started to smile.

"Makes you care, whether you want to or not." The older one sighed, and the two just sat there a moment, before Jensen cleared his throat. "So what about this case?"

CUT!

It was cute to watch that from the sidelines but man did I ever love watching the two of them and their real nonverbal stuff, it was funny to see. Jared would do some stupid thing with his eyes, which told Jensen that he wasn't really liking the scene, it didn't feel right, and Jensen would just shrug and shake his head, kind of doing the _it's alright we can make it work_ deal but then they would turn those eyes on me as I stood at the bottom of the stairs and that communication went completely south.

Camera reset and we were waiting on that nice little clapboard again. This time Jensen is in the kitchen, making something, I think it was a pot of coffee, not that I cared nor needed to care as far as Nic was concerned, but I stood just outside the kitchen door, in the hallway leading to the bedrooms waiting on my mark. Restlessly. With a deep breath, I leaned close to the wall and fidgeted with the paint that was there, something that got an eye roll from Julio, who was in my line of sight just inside the room. I looked up at him, stuck my hands in my jean pockets and waited for Ackles to get his mark straight.

"Rolling!" was called and the clapboard came down. I waited ten beats then made my way towards the door.

"Hey!" I heard Jensen's voice call from the kitchen and put on the breaks just past the doorway. Stepped back two steps and looked down into the kitchen area. He was leaning against the table, mug in hand but arms mostly crossed. Glancing around, looking for Moose, I stepped in slowly and made my way towards him. "What's up with you and Sammy?"

"What's not up with your brother?" I growled and that was when I blinked, holding back emotions.

"He said you were worried about me," which usually would get me a little smile from him but I watched him be all Dean-like and concerned.

"yeah, sorry about that." I stopped about three feet from him and shrugged, before landing my sights on him. "You were radio silent, I can't exactly pop out too far, and I got worried. So sue me."

"Nic," he whispered and put the cup down on the table. I flinched as he stepped forwards, still not used to the attention of a man, especially that one, but I steadied myself as he reached out and put his hands on my arms. "It's okay to be worried," he said softly, and I could almost feel the cameras over my shoulder, but his eyes were locked on mine. "Just don't go trying to take Sam's head off for it."

"I'm not used to this, Dean," I growled and made the attempt to step back but didn't managed to do anything of sort. With a deep breath, I shook my head. "Not used to the caring, not used to being part of something, and it's kind of confusing."

"You're telling me, we're not used to having someone bunking down with us, besides Cas, so it's been a major shift for all of us," he leaned forward, but I wasn't ready for another kiss, and he knew it, so he just rested his lips against my forehead. "just don't punch my brother again, okay?"

"yeah," I sighed, and he let me go, grabbed his cup and went to walk out but I clenched my fists. "Dean," he stopped and turned to look at me. "I can't be alone."

With a deep breath, and I watched those shoulders straighten as he thought about something, anything to get that look in his eyes, before his hand slowly came out and he held it palm up. Nervously, I stepped forward, slipped my hand into his and he squeezed my fingers between his, eyes locking on mine.

"You don't have to be." He sighed.

CUT!

The thing at this point between the two of them was that it was till platonic, save for the small kiss that Dean had given her, so the audience is left with a _what the hell happened_ kind of moment when the scene is left RIGHT THERE. Nowhere in the script does it say what happens next, it just hops to the next scene, which doesn't include me. In fact a lot of the next few scenes doesn't include me, but one of them had me all alone, which is what happened next. So a quick run to wardrobe and I was changed out of my clothes and into a new set.

The problem was, while I was doing Second Unit, and yes I know how wrong that sounds, the boys were going off to location, something I could get to after my scene was done, and so was their new little friend.

I passed her on the way out to wardrobe, checking my cell phone as I went and happened to glance up between the trailers to see her leaning against one… one that had the boys name on it, and I made a move that kept me just out of sight from her as she smiled and dialed a number.

"Yes, on set," she laughed, her voice grating on my nerves, "yes, you can totally see it." Hmm, see what? "No, I can't take a picture of it but if I see them sneaking around together I will definitely let you know. Yes, seriously, it's both of them and Misha. No, no, I don't think Jared is involved at all but there is definitely something between her and Jensen."

Oh! Crap! I sighed and let my head fall back against the metal. I pulled out my phone and texted as I moved away, sending one to Jared.

TELL ME YOU GUYS ARE NOT IN YOUR TRAILER HAVING A FULL ON DISCUSSION ABOUT ME OR MISAH!

JP: AH, WHAT'S UP BB, WE'RE HEADED TO SET. ARE YOU OKAY?

YEAH, YOU'RE NEW LITTLE FRIEND, YOU KNOW THE ONE THAT IS ALL DECKED OUT IN FED THREADS? YEAH SHE'S LEANING AGAINST YOUR TRAILER TALKING ON THE PHONE BUT APPARENTLY YOU AREN'T AN ISSUE. A THREESOME BETWEEN ME, M AND JEN ARE.

JP: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE I HAVE IT WRONG BUT SHE WAS ON THE PHONE, SOMETHING ABOUT US SNEAKING AROUND TOGETHER, ME AND THE OTHER TWO, BUT SHE DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE INVOLVED.

JP: YEAH, I'M PRETTY SURE I'M MORE INVOLVED THAN MISHA!

SERIOUSLY ARE YOU GETTING UPSET THAT SHE DOESN'T THINK YOU AND I ARE FUCKING AROUND?

JP: SORRY, NO, YOU'RE RIGHT, THIS COULD BE AN ISSUE.

YEAH, SO TOTALLY NOT A COULD BE THERE TALLMAN.

JP: LISTEN, BB, JUST KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN AND WHEN YOU CAN, CHECK IN. THERE IS NO WAY I'M TELLING JEN THIS NOW, HE'LL GO STRAIGHT TO JIM.

WHY DO I NOT SEE THAT AS A BAD IDEA? SHE'S A THREAT, JAY, TO ALL FOUR OF US. WHAT IF SHE GOES TO SOMEONE, HELL WHAT IF SHE SEES SOMETHING.

JP: SHE WON'T SEE, WE'LL JUST HAVE TO BE CAREFUL.

YEAH, I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. I rolled my eyes, it means there is no way I'm staying away from the for four more days while she's on set filming. ALRIGHT, I HAVE TO GET GOING. UGH! THIS SUCKS! COME BY LATER, WE'LL DO DINNER.

JP: YEAH, WE'LL DO SOMETHING. 😊

DUDE, I AM NOT ON THE MENU.

JP: COULD BE…

I'M STOPPING NOW. GOT TO BE TO WARDROBE.

JP: HMM, TIES… TWO HOURS… WHEN YOU FINISH SET, WARDROBE IN TWO HOURS.

I knew what he was doing, trying to get my mind off it and it did make me smile. HOW DO YOU MOAN ON A TEXT MESSAGE BECAUSE YEAH, I COULD GO FOR TIES AND A GOOD BDSM SCENE?

JP: WOW, WAY TO TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL.

HEY YOU STARTED IT.

JP: JENSEN IS WONDERING WHAT THE HELL WE ARE TAKING ABOUT, WOULD YOU JUST TEXT HIM.

YEAH, LET ME GET RIGHT ON THAT. I sent him a heart, not that I usually would but it meant that I was switching to send things to Jensen, the problem was what I really wanted to tell him was not something he could really deal with and I watched as her car pulled away. Yeah this was going to suck.

The Nowhere Kids – Jensen

Her texts were a little quirky and just this side of almost sexual but she was keeping a good pace. I know it killed her that we were already off set and she was stuck there, especially after all the plane crap that went down, and who was I to blame her. If it wasn't for the man beside me and her on the phone, I wouldn't have left the trailer. Granted, I saw the aftermath and they were stuck in the middle of the rollercoaster but man, the feelings it brought to the surface was almost too much.

On location, we were set up next to the police station, a normal thing for this type of episode, but what I didn't get about it all as we played our parts and did our lines, what the way Jared kept looking at Alexis, the guest star when they called cut, or any scene because he seemed very distracted, missed his lines or was generally in a rotten mood.

"Hey," I whispered as we walked with Clif back to the trailer but he didn't look at me, in fact the perpetual grimace on his face just got deeper, I grabbed him by the arm and swung him around, but I watched his fists clench up. "What the hell, man?"

"Sorry," he mumbled, and turned to step beside me as the two of us marched on towards the trailer. "Look, man, I'm sorry, something's just on my mind and I can't shake it."

"So, spill." I encouraged him, but watched as he looked around, like it was a big secret and just shook his head, gestured to the trailer door and I rolled my eyes. Great, we're playing secret agent man. "Fine!"

I watched him grab his normal Diet Ginger Ale from the fridge, good thing I stocked up on it and I was a bit surprised that he bypassed the beer with the rate he was going, but I watched as he handed me a water, which really made me give him a look, before I put it down on the counter and braced my hands on its smooth surface.

"Gonna tell me what's going on, or do I have to call your other half and ask her what the hell is up?" and he knew by _other half_ I wasn't talking about Gen but it had occurred to me about the odd way Cari had been acting since we left set. Jared's lips thinned and I watched his jaw clench. "Guy, whatever it is, we've been through worse, so say or I will call her."

"You can't," he gruffed, "I made her promise not to tell you, and if she knew I opened my mouth, she'd have my ass!"

"Okay, you two have a secret?" I smiled, yeah cause secrets between the three of us always lasted SO long. "And you think it's going to piss me off?"

"Not so much a secret as a suspicion," Jared shrugged and I gave him a look, just a look that made his whole thought of holding out on me just crash down. "Look she thinks that Alexis is trying to get a beat on you, she heard her say that there was definitely something up between you, Cari and Misha."

"Misha?" I laughed, raised an eyebrow and shook my head, "really? Misha?"

"Not the point Jen, Cari is freaking out."

"So we play our parts," I shrugged, but after what happened over Thanksgiving that was going to nearly kill me. "So, ah, why not you?"

"I don't know, but Jen, you can't go a minute without thinking about her, how long are you going to last playing this thing for the next four days." He had a point, he had a lot of good points and as I braced myself against the sink, I let my head drop forward. "She needs to stay close to me."

This made me look up, not that I was in anyway saying no but if this chick even suspected something was going on between Cari and Jared, the four of us would all be screwed. I took a deep breath, a step back and ran a hand through my hair. What we needed was a good plan, what we had was pretty much crap. What made it worse was that she was on set and we were on location and all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around her and keep her safe, something she so totally didn't need.

I swung at the air, swung at the invisible monster in front of me and growled under my breath, before I turned back to Jared and watched what looked like pain flash through his face. With a deep breath, I moved back to the counter, leaned on it with my elbows and looked up at him.

"Okay, I say we just say fuck it and do what we always do," I shrugged as I watched his eyes go wide. "One of these days, shit is going to come out, we're not going to be able to keep this a secret forever so what the hell, why not just act like us. No one else ever sees it, I mean people we have known for years don't even have a clue."

"They weren't looking, she is." Jared said softly and I raised a brow.

"So, let's give her something to look for." I suggested and this had him taking a step back. "You, me, Misha, Cari, let's all just get right into it, I mean if she's looking for something and it's right there out in the open, what the hell are people going to say except it's some sort of joke, I mean, Christ, Jared, you're the king of pranks. Make some shit up!"

I watched as Jared stood there for a moment, his eyes going to the design on the counter and you could almost hear the gears turning in his head as the smile crossed his lips. Yep, I had to hand it to the man, when you needed something done, he was the go-to and damn did we need this chick off our tail. He looked up at me suddenly, a wide smile stretched across that face and I knew it, I just knew it.

"I got it."

Those were the words I needed to hear.

I looked down at my phone as the damn thing vibrated in my hand and exactly what I expected to see flashed across the screen.

CARI: I HATE YOU!

Yeah that was full of love and meant something completely different as I paused to take a second to respond back. WHAT? YOU ARE FULL OF SHIT, YOU LOVE ME!

CARI: NOT WHEN YOU TEXT ME PICTURES OF YOU STANDING NAKED IN A MIRROR, JENSEN, THAT'S JUST PORNOGRAPHIC AND TOTALLY NOT FAIR!

OH COME ON! YOU HAVE TO ADMIT, THAT WAS SEXY!

CARI: FIVE MINUTES, CAN I JUST HAVE YOU FOR FIVE MINTUES, I MEAN IT'S NOT A LOT TO ASK IS IT?

WE'RE ALMOST DONE, I SWEAR! I looked up at Jared, who stood waiting for me beside the Impala. It wasn't what I would have called warm outside and both of us had overcoats warm enough to keep us cozy, but I could tell the standing in the weather trying to get this scene right was wearing on him. Crap I felt like a douche because I was the one that kept fucking it up. This whole guest star thing, even with the big man's plan was just messing with my head. I took a deep breath and texted as I walked. TELL YOU WHAT, GIVE ME A HALF HOUR TO GET THIS SCENE SET IN STONE AND I SWEAR I WILL MEET YOU BACK AT THE TRAILER. OUR TRAILER. JUST LET YOURSELF IN, AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT ALEXIS, MISHA'S GOT HER COVERED.

CARI: THAT'S SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER HOW?

TRUST ME, PLEASE.

CARI: I ALWAYS TRUST YOU, IT'S HER THAT I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS ABOUT AND I SWEAR ON EVERYTHING THAT IS CASTIEL IF SHE SO MUCH AS… I watched the text come through but the chat bubble kept going as she regrouped. HURRY BACK, JEN, I'M SO DONE WITH TODAY.

SOON, SWEETS, SOON. I finished and suddenly slipped the phone in my pocket, having put it on silent. I knew that if I didn't answer, she would know they called action. Stepping up to Jared, he gave me that one look at that asked me if all was good. I just nodded and walked over to my mark.

Just a little while longer, I kept telling myself, just a little bit longer.


	35. No Shit, Sherlock

**No Shit Sherlock - Jared**

It was sometime after dark when pulled up on the lot. Jensen had been bouncing his knee the whole trip back. Cari hadn't stayed in the trailer either and Misha, well, he had managed to lose the Newbie and corralled Cari into the gym. The best part of this situation, no one had keys to it except us. The windows were frosted so there was no way anyone would see anything that was going on unless we let them in and guess what, that certainly wasn't going to happen.

Clif let us off by the gym door, careful to shut off the lights so that we weren't really noticed but as we ducked into the door, he pulled away, just to be sure. Only a few of the lights were on illuminating a small space on the matted floor and both Jensen and I stopped in the doorway, where Misha leaned against the wall, arms crossed in some sweats and a tee-shirt as if he were ready to go ten rounds with the woman on the mats.

I hard Jensen's breath hitch a he looked at her. Cari bounced on her toes, fists wrapped up in black tape, her hair up in a ponytail in shorts and a well fitted tank top. Her skin seemed to glow, the light shining off the fine film of sweat that covered her. Yeah, even now, her eyes were locked and hard as she swung at the invisible target, at least invisible to us.

"How long has she been at this?" Jensen was on edge, I could see it in his eyes, you could almost hear it in his voice but it was the way he licked his lips and looked ready to spring that had me putting a hand on his shoulder, kind of keeping him still as he glanced at Misha.

"An hour, maybe more," Misha sighed. "I got to her as fast as I could Jensen, and even then I think I was a little too late, she was already worked up to the point that she couldn't even sit put to look me in the eye."

"It okay," Jen sighed, patting his friend on the back, but I knew he couldn't hold back anymore and I took my hand from him. His lips parted as he looked at me, a defeated man who had basically had it with the day, as we all had, but he was kicking himself that he had let her get this strung out. He took a few steps forward but stopped and turned towards us. "Give me just a few okay, before you move in, I don't know what she's going to be like, but it looks like a bad one."

"Jen, we're not leaving you two, and we'll give you whatever space you need, but you're not here alone." I reassured him, as he took a deep breath and patted me on the chest before he moved over towards her, quietly and very slowly. Misha closed the distance between us, crossing his arms over his chest. "Shit, this is bad, isn't it?"

"She was close to how she was with the ex, after the concussion," Misha sighed, "I almost threw her in the car and took her for a drive but she suggested here, and I remembered that we were the only ones with the keys. She might have been freaking out, but she wasn't going to go too far without knowing where the hell the two of you were."

"So, we have a plan." I let out a breath as I watched Jensen rest his hands against her neck, bringing her eyes up to met his, but as much as I wanted to watch, I really had to tell Misha what was going on. "We're just going to let it out, I mean, what is she going to do if we're pretty straight out with our relationship."

"So the two of them are what, gonna make out on set?" Misha questioned softly.

"NO!" I smiled and glanced at him, "I didn't mean let that part out, but don't hold back on touching her, let her hold you, do what the hell you always do. You know, the way your heads are always so close together, do that."

"We're always that close because she's too damn short and I have to lean down to whisper to her." Misha laughed as he shook his head, but I knew he was joking, this was his way of dealing with the fact that someone was threatening our way of life.

Unfortunately, because she wasn't part of the scene, Cari knew nothing about what was being filmed tomorrow. Her and Misha were off set doing a Cas/Nic scene while we were stuck with Alexis and our location.

"Hey, hey, hey!" I heard Jensen's voice speak up, which caught my attention and I found eyes automatically going right to the couple in the middle of the floor. His hand brushed over her face, as he tried to catch her eyes. I could see the anger in them, the way she tried to avoid him, but as he calmed her, the way only he could, her blue eyes locked on his. "Ain't gonna happen, hear me?" he stated loud enough so that I could pinpoint the emotion in it, but her response was mumbled and between them. "Never, Cari, never and you know it."

I took a deep breath, watched her hands come up and wrap around his wrists as she held back everything the best she could. She trembled against his hold and I almost held my breath, almost because I shouldn't want this so much and I had to remember to breath. To yell out _just kiss her already_ would have probably been a bit much, but it was something I needed to see, something that would have made everything alright, but I knew one thing about the two, they had to make sure the other was stable before a kiss was brought into the mix because something that explosive would have Misha and I staring at another wall for the next thirty minutes, with our ears plugged.

"I'm not so sure this plan of yours is going to work," Misha sighed, "not without them sneaking off to a closet fourteen times a day." I thought he was serious until I looked over at the wide grin on his face. "And this is what gets us in trouble."

"This is what gets you in trouble, creeper," I laughed as he continued to look at he couple for a moment before he looked up at me and it faded. "Maybe you should admit to yourself that some of your feelings aren't all that brotherly."

"No," he said softly, shaking his head, "no neither of us want that, and neither of us need to have it become more complicated, Jared."

"There's nothing complicated about loving someone Mish." I sighed, when in truth once you started everything always got more complicated. I let out a breath, crossed my arms and turned to lean against the wall as Jensen pulled her in and wrapped his arms around her. He held her so close that she nearly disappeared into him and if it weren't for her small arms coming around his waist, you would have thought he was standing there alone.

"Jay!" he yelled, well, not so much yelled since we were only across the room, but his voice cutting through the silence made me jump, guess I had gotten lost in my own little world and suddenly my feet were moving. By the time I got to them, Jensen had his lips pressed against her head and she had her face buried in his shirt but he straightened and looked up at me. "I have to, um…" I knew he needed air, his own air to catch his emotions, and his eyes told me everything thing, "would you mind?"

"Nah, man, never," I smiled and he reached back, took one of her hands as she remained quiet, stepped back once and ran his fingers over her chin to bring her head up to look at him.

"I'm just going to grab some air, sweets," he said softly and bit down on his bottom lip. Cari nodded, but not a word, and with a sigh, clenched teeth, and a suddenly breath in, Jensen dipped down and kissed her softly. "Just outside, just for a minute."

Cari nodded, and Jensen stepped back, looking up at me. I could see the anger that fueled him blazing in his eyes as he held one of her hands, bringing it over to slip into mine before he quietly turned and walked past Misha, out the door without a look back and we listened to it slam behind him. Cari shivered in my arms as I reached out and pulled her closer.

Her blue eyes came up to mine and I watched her blink back the emotions. "I gotta get changed."

"Yeah," I whispered, and nodded, "let's, ah, I don't know."

"Jared," She smiled, "it's okay, I'm a big girl. I can even get my bra on all by myself."

"Funny!" I grinned and she moved away, headed straight for the changing room before she stopped and looked back at me.

"You coming?" And that stopped me as she gestured with her head. I looked at Misha, who was hiding a smile behind a closed fist as his face turned red and cleared my throat.

"Ah, yeah." I mean what was I going to say? Jensen asked me to stay with her, I couldn't really say no, could I? My feet didn't think so either as they started walking in that direction.

 **When Everything's Made to be Broken – Jensen**

She's everything, _everything_!

My mind wouldn't shut up, wouldn't stop fucking fuming and all I could do was pace. Good fucking thing it was so cold outside because I felt like I was a bomb waiting to go off, and hot, so fucking hot that I stripped off my jacket and held it in my arms. And then again, thank God it was a fucking jacket because if it was someone's neck, it would have been in a choke hold.

Jesus, I really needed to calm down. She was inside, she was safe. Hell, she was with freaking Jared, she couldn't be anymore safe unless she was outside with me, but I needed her to NOT be. I needed her with him, inside where it was warm, inside where I wasn't there ready to strangle someone. I hated to see her in pain, full of worry, full of… this week couldn't go fast enough!

When we had walked in, I watched her for as long as I could, the way she moved, the way the sweat just made her glow, like an angel, and all I wanted to do was touch her, to run my fingers down her back, to make her whole body shiver, but I knew she was manic, there was no way she wouldn't be. The anxiety rarely got her anymore, but when it did, it was hell, and right then, yeah, she was wound so tight she would have thrown a punch, not that I would have stopped her. So, slow as we go was the way and that's how I moved, until I could feel her, all of her against me. Not going to go into detail about what she freaked out on, I mean that's kind of a moot point, this fucking thing with Alexis had her up in arms, but she was afraid of losing me. Hell, we're all afraid of that, always, for many different reasons but that's never going to happen, not until I take my last breath.

I closed my eyes as I paced, closed them tight and thought back to that one night with her, the way she felt wrapped all around me. Hands, arms, lips, body… Jesus, she was like a drug and I took a deep breath, trying to calm my heart, trying to settle the reaction to the memory. Fucking jeans! Could I get her alone and let off some steam, hell yes, did I want to, beyond anything but now was not the time and while it might make for a great get away, here was not the place, not with Misha and Jared in the room… though I was pretty sure Jared wouldn't mind.

My thoughts went to Jared, not that way, no, but he had listened when I told him how it all went down. I mean I had to tell someone and with Cari, she was all for kissing and telling as long as it was with him. How screwed up is our relationship when I could tell Jared the details of some of the most intimate moments I had with someone else and it's not freaking strange at all. He thought the details were funny, probably because, you know, a moan in between every other word was something everyone absolutely did when telling stuff like that.

I found my pacing lessened. Why was it thinking of the two of them nearly settled my heart and my body into something completely controllable? I just wanted to take her back to my room and curl up with her on the bed, and hold her. Damn, it had been a long ass day.

With a deep breath, with my mind in line, I walked back towards the door, glanced around and slipped back inside.

Misha was sitting on the edge of the mat, his knees brought up, his elbows resting on them as he bounced a small ball between them and I stopped and looked down at him, a bit confused that he was in the room alone. With a shit-eating grin, he looked up at me, blue eyes flashed and I narrowed mine at his.

"I asked him to watch her, not steal her," I mumbled and watched his body move in a laugh. "Where the hell did they go?"

"Changing room, I think," Misha sighed, still grinning. I went to turn in that direction but quickly spun to look at him.

"You okay?" Had to ask, I mean, he was family and just as worried about her as I was.

"You know what's funny?" He said as he stood and licked his lips, an action I couldn't help but follow before I locked on his eyes. They stared at me for a moment before glancing towards the room. "Knowing she's with you, with him, that makes me okay. Weird, right? I could go home, couldn't leave her unless I _knew_ she was safe, and for some bizarre reason, safe implies that she's with either you or him, so yeah, I'm okay."

I grinned at him, knew the feeling well because that was exactly how I felt about him and Jared when it came to her. Misha patted me on the shoulder as he went to walk by but he paused for just a moment before I glanced over at him.

"Kiss her goodnight for me," he said softly, but there was just something different, gentler in the way he said it that had me nodding, before his smile came back and he walked out of the room, yelling back before the door opened, "and tell Jared to keep his hands to himself or I'll come back and kick his ass!"

I laughed as the door closed behind him and shook my head. Always the older brother, my ass! Misha was just like the rest of us, fucking love-struck! I walked towards the changing room, stopped for a moment as I heard the light whispers of a song and raised a brow before moving on. Rounding the corner of the lockers to where the showers were, I found Jared with his head back against the wall, legs stretched out uncomfortably on one of the fake iron benches. His eyes were closed and his lips were turned up in a smile.

 _"Carry on my wayward son, there'll be peace when you are done…"_ Cari's soft voice sang just above the sound of the spray behind the fabric curtain of the shower stall close to where he sat. Nope, he wasn't letting her get too far, but this wasn't the Kansas version of the song, it was the _FanFiction_ episode, choir-like voices, soft and definitely her style. I sat down beside him without a word and watched one of his eyes peek open before he closed it and went back to just listening. _"Once I rose above the noise and confusion, just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion, I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high."_

Yep, I was good, I closed my eyes and listened to her sing through the song, as the water moved around her and, oh, how I just wanted to be in there too, but she needed that time. It went quiet after she finished the song, but I could hear the way she moved behind the curtain, which meant she was rinsing out her hair and then like a bat out of hell, the fabric was ripped aside and she stepped out wrapped in a towel.

I heard Jared take a deep breath, and clear his throat as he sat up more and I opened my eyes fully to see the red that had risen in his cheeks. Licking my lips, I couldn't help but smile and turned to catch her blue ones as she gave him a wicked grin. Yeah she was in a better mood. With a sigh, she found a spot across from us on the other bench and sat down, her legs closed tight but that towel rose up on her thighs and I couldn't help if my eyes went over her. I watched her wink and licked my lips, oh this could go a million and a half ways but I just crossed my arms and waited.

Jared was fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, like seeing her half-naked was something new and I couldn't help but shake my head. It amazed me that she had that effect on him and slowly I leaned forward, elbows on my knees, getting me close enough that I could trace her knee with my fingers without stretching.

"So, what's the plan?" She asked, her voice steady and strong.

A wicked grin crossed my lips as I locked her in a stare, "how about I take you back to the room and do very bad things to you?"

"As tempting as that sounds," she laughed, and it was the best sound in the world, but when she stood up and moved towards me, pushing my shoulders back against the wall as her hands came to rest by my neck, then straddled my hips as the towel rose higher, I heard the man beside me take a deep breath. "Why wait until we get to the room?"

I gripped her hips, took in a deep breath of the body wash she used, something she kept in small supply here in the building and trailed my hand up her spine until I could place it against the bare skin of her neck. I think I hummed when I touched her, I know I did something that caught Jared's attention because he looked at me like I was dinner, not at all unusual but I know he had a thing for watching us together.

"I'd rather us be locked in the trailer." I replied and watched the smile fade from her face, "at least then I know I can lock the doors and trap this one inside so he has to endure all of the noises you make."

Jared cleared his throat and shook his head, it was so easy to make him squirm, but she took the hint and her eyes went over him before she bit down on her lip, worrying the bottom corner just a bit. With a deep breath, he leaned over, kissed her softly on the lips, less than five inches from my face, and why the hell that was a major turn-on, I have no idea but yeah, his big hand coming up to touch her cheek, the way his lips just claimed hers, holy shit was I in trouble. She sighed when he released her, when he backed away and stood.

"We need to get out of here anyway," he answered, looking down at the two of us, "and I need to call Gen, so if you two want to fool around at home, by all means, but I have to…" he paused, trying to find an excuse, but there was no way around it. "I think the two of you plan on killing me, so I'm just gonna go."

"No one is trying to kill you, Jared," she smiled and suddenly he was back at her, both hands holding her head still as his mouth just ravished hers and there I was with her on my lap, holding her up so she didn't fall back on the floor. I felt the grin on my lips fade as I watched, just sat there and watched, but I knew I couldn't breathe, and the fact that I was too hard to keep it in check was evident. When he backed away, her lips were parted, she was nearly panting and her hand came out to grip my shirt, like I was the last thing keeping her grounded and with her eyes locked on his, he gave her a wicked grin. "Okay, I think you're trying to kill me, that was…"

"Awesome!" I breathed, didn't think it was loud enough for him to hear but his eyes flickered to mine and my face dropped. Fuck! I said that out loud. Gripping Cari's hips tightly, I didn't know whether to pull her closer or actually push her off, but Jared let her go and walked out of the room. The look in her eyes was full of confusion when she turned back to me and met mine. "Son of a bitch, did that just actually happen?"

"Did you just say it was awesome?" She laughed, her fingers tracing my neck, and it took me a minute to come around.

"Yeah, I guess I kind of did." Why was that at all surprising, I mean, look at all that we had shared, but I felt her shift forward on me, right ON me and I groaned, my eyes rolled at the weight and the friction and the fact that she was completely bare-assed under the towel, but there was one thing that was on my mind, one thing that I couldn't get past, and she had to know. "I don't think I can share you with him."

"In what way? I mean that kiss was pure sex and you didn't seem to have a problem with it." Her tone was light, and I knew she was trying to keep things under control, which was fine because I needed that stability, but all I had to do was look at her and her hands were suddenly on my cheeks. "You're talking about sleeping with him?" She was quick, and I nodded, just once. "Rules, Jense, or at least one rule of mine. Never sleep with your lover's brother."

"You say that like it's so simple, but that, what I just saw, he loves you." I looked away, but pressed into the warmth of her hand.

"And I'm _in love_ with you, there's totally a difference," she whispered, "what we did over break," she shifted again which had me rolling my eyes, but it also made me look directly at her, "Jensen, what we did over break isn't something I take lightly, that was us, you and me, in the most amazing way possible, and you are the only one I would share that with."

"And if he wanted to fool around?"

"Your rules," she whispered, which meant leaving it up to me, not that I didn't push that line already, I mean come on, who tells their girl to go make out with their brother, but she was right, she had left it up to me before. "I love Jared, I really do, but it's you that I want completely, do you get that? I mean, really get that I don't want to sleep with anyone else?"

"Gen?" I brought it up because we never really did talk about it.

"Would I love to kiss her, absolutely, just kiss her, well her and Dannie but Jen, they are not YOU!" She took a deep breath and kissed me lightly on the lips. "I'm going to get dressed, and we're going to go back to the trailer, yours or mine, I don't care and I'm going to wrap you up in my arms and we are going to say screw it to this day. Besides, I have to be on set in the morning."

"Fine!" I rolled my eyes as she pushed off me and stood, dropping the towel to give me a full-frontal view, which had me shifting once again on the seat. "Hey, I forgot something," I smiled and beaconed her closer, when she leaned in I put one hand behind her head and held her there. "Misha said to kiss you goodnight for him."

"He did," she said softly, and a grin crossed her lips. "How sweet."

"Yeah, if he asks, don't tell him I did this," I whispered and pulled her in, kissing her with everything I had before I slipped in to taste her.

Holy fuck, she was like candy, sweet and something I could never get enough of, but I was kissing not to rival Jared but just to get close enough to breath her in, to want her to sink back on my lap completely naked, she had other ideas. With a giggle, she backed away, standing there breathless as she licked her lips and winked. Son of a bitch, she got the best of me, and I sunk back, just watched her, memorizing the movement of her muscles, the way her tattoos shifted with each lift of her arms. God, I wanted to trace them, but I knew we needed to get out of there, I knew I just needed my arms around her and her body close. She needed sleep.


	36. Indestructible

Indestructible – Cari

Set sucked! I mean really sucked. Granted it was me and Misha all day, but the fact that Alexis was with the boys on some other set in a completely different location made this whole thing SUCK! I paced quietly near the bench, and yes, another freaking bench, my hands tented over my nose and mouth. It wasn't cold outside, which was weird for the time of year, but it wasn't totally warm either, which made for a good excuse to keep pacing and not disappear into the warming trailer that they had there.

I could feel Misha's eyes on me, the way those electric blue ones followed with no judgement, and absolutely no filter, kind of like his mouth when he gave me all sorts of hell on the way here. I mean when he was explaining his issues with the plan he didn't hold anything back, so I did the same to him, no holds barred as we let out the frustrations of having this woman on set.

Don't get me wrong, I loved guest stars, loved them to death, but none of them have ever questioned what went on between us, no one ever actually even looked at us twice, any of us, so to have Alexis kind of put a wrench in our usual daily activities was something that pained me greatly. Hell, it pissed me right off.

"Could you stand put for two seconds, you're making me nauseous?" He moaned at me somewhere during the twentieth pass that I made. I stopped as requested and closed my eyes, before I turned in his direction and opened them, connecting blue to blue as I clenched and unclenched my fists. "You know they're adults, right?"

"I'm completely aware of their growth pattern, yes," I replied sarcastically and I wasn't sure if we were in Cas/Nic mode or Cari/Misha mode, but either way, the tension between the two of us was growing. With a deep breath, I moved to sit beside him, literally plunking myself down on the bench as I scooted over to touch him, link to him just by touch shoulder to thigh and I put my head on his arm. "This adulting thing is so much harder than I thought it was going to be. I mean raising my kids feels easier than this."

He gave a stark laugh, as he leaned forward, put his elbows on his thighs, breaking our connection. "Lots of things seem to be easier than this somedays."

"Mish, what's the matter with you?" I questioned. It was pretty direct and his head nearly swung around Exorcist style to look at me. "Sorry, that came out wrong, but really, what the hell has you so worked up?"

He sat back at that point, put his arm on the bench behind me, leaning in and suddenly I felt trapped as his other hand came down to the seat just on the other side of my leg. He was close, very, very close and it wasn't as if we had comfort issues with space but the look in his eyes told me there was something up.

"I'm confused." He admitted.

"About what to have for lunch, or what to do with the emotions that's streaming through your eyes?"

"How can it be that obvious to you?" He questioned, like the hours we spend on set wouldn't give me some insight into his Krushnic brain. "Vicky and I have been together for a very long time and I love her, I really do. I've never had… feelings for anyone else but her, so I'm sorry, if I seem out of sorts, but you're pretty much driving me fucking crazy."

"Wait, this whole deal between you and Vicky is because of me?" I smiled shaking my head, "seriously?"

"Have you ever questioned what you feel for Jensen? For Jared?"

"I question everything every day, Misha, there's nothing inside me that doesn't make me wonder if what I'm feeling is right or wrong." I reached up and placed a hand on the side of his neck, thumbing over his cheeks as I watched the confusion deepen. "I love you, you know that, as much as I love Jared, but…"

"And see, therein lies the issue, what do you do with it?" He wanted to move out of my touch, I could feel him stiffen as he moved his hand from beside my thigh to cover mine. "What if you didn't know how you truly felt? What if you questioned how much you loved someone?"

"Do you think you love me more than you should?"

"I think it's different that I expected."

"it's not a crime to care about someone a little more than you wanted. What did you tell me when this first started? When Jensen and I first admitted to what the hell was going on between us? Don't you think you should take your own advice, see where it goes?" I smiled.

"You're with Jensen, there is no seeing where anything goes," and I watched him shake his head. "I can't lose you because of this, and I certainly won't lose my wife and family because I can't figure out something as stupid as what the hell my mind keeps doing."

"Misha," I cupped his face with my other hand and smiled at him. "That right there… that should give you your answer. Your mind is thinking up fantasies, right, but unless you feel it in your heart, aren't they just that? Fantasies?" I watched his brow crease and his lips turn to a frown. "And as much as I love the fact that I can sneak in and become one of your dirty little secrets, there is no way we are crossing that line."

I watched as he took a breath, thought for a moment and that frown turned into something strange, like he had just tasted as sour lemon.

"I just had a thought," he whispered and that brought a smile to my face, because any thought that brought on that kind of reaction had to be good.

"Shocker," I stated sarcastically.

"I asked Jensen to kiss you goodnight for me…"

"Yeah, he told me."

His eyes locked on mine, "how did he do it?"

"Deep," I grinned, feeling him try to pull back, but I sat forward, my eyes going to his lips, just to add to the tension, "dirty and very, very thorough." Misha's fingers tightened around mine as he suddenly pulled back, but just before he slipped from my touch, I added, "with his tongue."

Ever seen a man turn green at the thought of a kiss? Yep, that's exactly what Misha did as he quickly made his way to the other side of the bench and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Can you be anymore disgusting?" he snapped. "I don't want to know the details of your kisses with Jensen!" That statement was said low enough that it was kept strictly between the two of us, but the laughing that was suddenly slipping from my lips was something I'm pretty sure the whole crew could hear. "What the hell is so funny?"

I got up and moved towards him, leaned down and narrowed my eyes at him as I pressed a hand to his chest. "That, my friend, is why you and I will never be anything more than siblings."

I gave him a slight push back as I stood and headed for the coffee cart. I heard the way his breath let out before I glanced back and watched that lighthearted grin cross his face as he stared at the ground before him. Turning back to my course, I heard him clear his throat.

"Coffee, Gray! Don't forget my damned coffee."

To which I replied with a resounding silent one finger salute.

Not that I would ever not get him the coffee he so rightfully deserved, but hell, I wasn't going to admit that I was actually listening to his "orders". That's not what little sisters did. Nope, this was going to totally be one of those "screw you" kind of days between him and I now, I could see it.

As I waited in line, I felt the vibration of my phone in my pocket, pulled it out and smiled at the text that came across the screen.

JA: I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU I LOVE YOU!

Yep, that was one man who not only had my heart, but also had perfect timing.

Misha looked at me, like the stoic little angel he was, his hands loose by his side but you could tell by his demeanor that he was frustrated, which was something that he pulled off well in character. I looked up at him, sitting on the back of the bench, my elbows on my knees and shrugged, trying just hard enough to keep my inner thoughts from becoming my outer ones.

It wasn't working.

"Come on, Cas, you can't be pissed for me doing what I have always done!" I snarked at him and watched as he sucked on the inside of his cheek just a little as he looked over the rest of the grounds before his eyes landed on mine. "And you sure as hell can't keep me cooped up in the bunker with the Winchesters, I'm pretty sure Sam wants to kill me and I have really no idea what the hell is going on in Dean's head half the time."

"They care about you," he stated, which got him nothing less than a roll of my eyes. "I know that you are… unsure, of them, but Nic, you know they would never hurt you, not now."

"What is so different from now than before, Cas?" I growled, standing up on the bench as I jumped down and looked up at Misha, just close enough so that we were both in the shot as he bent his head to stare me in the eyes. "I'm still me, I'm still a monster in their book and sooner or later, they'll get that, so Sam's protection, or Dean's affection, it doesn't matter. In the end, they'll do whatever it is that Winchesters do best, and I'll be dead."

I went to talk past him but his arm reached out and snagged me by the upper arm, turning me once again to face him.

"I would never let anything happen to you, even if it means coming between my family and you."

I smiled up at him, strangely happy to hear that but the smile slowly faded. "I would never ask you to step in front of those boys, Cas, you should know that. They need you, and like you said, they're your family."

I shook off his grip and headed in the direction of my mark, which meant headed straight for Julio and I heard the shift of his coat.

"So are you." He replied quietly and I bit down on my lip, before I sighed and headed past the camera, onto the next scene.

CUT!

I patted Julio on the head as he looked up and winked at me. "Don't get cocky, just cause you're the best camera man out there, don't give you the right to smirk at me like that."

"Who's smirking, I was admiring my camera work." He laughed as he smiled and shrugged.

"Yeah, I can't argue with you there." I shrugged and turned to watch Misha, who was getting pampered by the PA from make-up, apparently his hair was doing something funky and Cas like. "So, what's next?"

"Looks like you run into some demons," the man behind the camera replied.

"Ooh, demons, my favorite toys." I laughed and felt his hand on my back, patting me twice as he turned to head off and set up for the next scene.

I pulled out my phone and looked down at the stream of text messages from Jensen. Biting on my lip, I sent a text that I hoped he would get when he was NOT sitting in the middle of the bunker with a camera trained on him.

THINKING OF YOU, LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

And I sent it.

The reply I got made me think I had sent it to someone else, but it took me a moment to catch onto the play.

JA: I WANNA SEX YOU UP, I WANNA PLAY WITH YOUR BUTTONS, AND MAKE YOUR LEGS SHAKE.

JARED, GIVE HIM BACK THE PHONE, was the only thing I could reply. Sex you up? Really? I think that boy is way too stuck in someone else's childhood. AND THE ONLY BUTTONS YOUR PLAYING WITH ARE GOING TO BE THE LOCKS I PUT ON YOUR PHONE.

JA: HEY I CAN'T HELP IT IF HE DOESN'T HAVE A LOCK SCREEN PASSWORD. HOW ARE YOU HOLDING UP BB?

IS IT LUNCHTIME YET?

JA: LOOKING FOR SAUSAGE?

NO! I laughed and looked up to see Misha just giving me that face. I could feel the blush rush up on my cheeks and turned around. DEPENDS, WHAT ARE YOU OFFERING AND #POIDH!

JA: SERIOUSLY, YOU WANT PICTURES?

I wondered how far I could go with this before he actually gave Jensen the phone back.

I MEAN IF YOU'RE OFFERING, THEN WHY NOT, I HAVE TO HAVE SOMETHING TO LOOK AT WHILE I PLAY WITH MYSELF.

JA: CHRIST YOU DIDN'T JUST SEND THAT!

READ IT AGAIN, TALLMAN.

JA: YOU DID JUST SEND THAT! HOLY SHIT! OKAY, SO…

I waited for maybe about three minutes before I got tired of holding the silent device and stuffed it in my pocket, but it was just as I started to walk that it vibrated again and I closed my eyes, slowly pulling it out. With a deep breath, I looked down at the text that read. MULTIMEDIA MESSAGE. Oh crap, did he really send me what I think he did.

JA: DICK PIC JUST FOR YOU!

When I opened the file, I couldn't help but let that smile cross my face. Bowing my head in silent praise, I glanced once more at the picture of Dick Roman that graced my screen. Licking my lips, I tried to think of the perfect reply and I typed back.

NOW THAT'S A TURNON, HERE'S A PUSSY PIC FOR YOU! And I searched the internet for a cute picture of a kitten that I could send. Needless to say, Jensen didn't get his phone back for the next thirty-five minutes as Padalecki and I exchanged more than two dozen photos complete with crops, neckties and ball gags.

When I was called to set, hoping that the barrage of endless pictures had finally ceased, Misha walked over and handed me his phone. There on the screen was one little text, one little thing that made me bust out laughing.

It was a screen shot of all the innuendos that Jared and I had been sending back and forth, and right underneath it was a text from Jensen that simply stated: THIS HAPPENED ON YOUR WATCH.

I looked up at my "brother" and gave him the best set of puppy eyes I could muster up, but Misha just held out his hand. Punishment for it was simple and I handed him the phone that I had to dig out of my pocket. With a quick text to Jensen, which probably read something like "I have it now" or "I've got it covered", Misha grinned and walked away.

With a deep breath, I stuck my hands in my pockets, grinned and headed off to the small patch of woods where I was destined to _meet_ my demons for the next shoot. Jared had managed to keep my mind off Alexis, but without the distraction of the phone, my mind wandered to the scene that the boys were shooting at that moment. Needless to say, the smile faded and I wasn't happy.

Shake it off, shake it off – Jensen

You know, after a dozen years of playing a Winchester, you would think I would get how Dean ends up in these situations, or you would think, that I would understand why they put him in these situations, but as it happens, right now is really fucked up. I mean, I'm tied to a chair for Christ's sakes, and Sam, yeah, he's knocked out cold somewhere because the dumbass came barreling in to save the day.

These ropes really are itchy!

Can we call action yet?

I mean, I'm getting a cramp in my shoulder, is that normal?

Maybe, just maybe, I'm getting a little too old to play this kind of crap.

Was that my phone?

That was definitely my phone?

Wait, where is my phone?

OH… great! Jared has my phone… shit!

LINE! LINE!

CUT!

"HEY Jackles, you okay?" Jared questioned as I lifted my head to look up at him.

"Hmm?" I replied and watched the concern cross his face.

"Did you really hit your head when you hit that wall?" Jared squatted down in front of me and held a finger up so that I could see it.

"Dude, seriously, if you don't get that finger out of my face, I will bite it off!" I growled at him, but that only got the big man to smile. "I'm fine, I just didn't get much sleep last night."

"Yeah," he said, patting my leg as he raised a brow, "I know."

"What did I miss?" and the smile on his face got bigger.

"Your line for one," he laughed. Leave it to Jared to find it amusing that I missed MY line, consider how much he screwed his up. "Dude, you missed the whole scene, you were sleeping."

"Really?" I glanced around at the crew who was waiting to reset and I just shrugged.

"Yeah you were sawing wood and everything, it was actually pretty funny." He patted me on the thigh and that was when I realized that my fingers were pretty numb. "You need fifteen, I mean, want me to untie you?"

"NO, dumbass, I want you to leave me here until my fingers fall off." I snapped and watched him shake his head. He moved behind me and slipped the ropes off letting me flex my arms and my shoulder as I stood up slowly from the chair. Jared's large hand came crashing down on the one shoulder that wasn't sore but it was more to hold me up than anything as I felt myself sway. "I think I need something to eat too."

"What's going on, Jen?" he questioned, a little worried as he handed me my phone.

"I just kinda…" Jesus, why was it hard for me to admit anything to my best friend, my brother, but then again, standing in the middle of set with everyone standing around probably had something to do with it. He gave me a little nudge as the two of us moved towards the concession table that was set up just out of the way of the parade of bodies and he started filling the plate that he had given me to hold, but I stopped him just before the end, when I knew the coast was clear. I moved in close, personal space not being an issue between the two of us and took a deep breath. "I'm freaking out about Cari being so far away, I know she's with Misha but…"

"Yeah, I get it," he replied and smiled, "I've been checking on her. She's doing okay. But you… You need food and coffee and not to fuck up this next take or we're going to be here all day with Ms. Nosey-pants."

"Nosey-pants? Really, are you two?" I smiled at him but yeah, he had a point. This scene we were doing wasn't my favorite, in fact, if I had to repeat it too many times, I think I might hurl, so I needed to nail it the first time. "Alright, I'll shovel this down and we'll get back at it." I took a deep breath and looked down at the phone, scrolling through the pictures that graced the text message thread that I didn't do and I rolled my eyes as I looked up at his face. "You sent her Dick Roman pictures?"

Jared bust out laughing, which nearly had me spilling the plate that I was holding and I shook my head, pulled up Misha's messages and sent him a quick one before I stuffed my phone back in my pocket. I swear the two of them together were like children and it was either going to kill me or… you know what, we needed to move on with this day. I needed her, and I needed her bad.

Back in the saddle again, or at least the chair, I found myself tied up once again, this time with my phone securely locked so I didn't have to worry about Jared and his Dick pics, or Cari and her… never mind, I need to focus.

So, Sam was unconscious, I was pretty beaten up and stuck to this God-forsaken chair… again. Definitely more awake than last time, I was able to concentrate on what was going on. Action was called and I let my head lull back, my eyes flutter open and I cleared my throat.

"Sam!" I called out, not hearing anything but my echo. Okay no answer from my brother, that had me worried and I picked my head up the best I could. "Sammy?!"

Nothing again, but the door opened and in walked our little Ms. Nosey-pants, who turns out to be some stupid monster than I have to gank somewhere down the line but right now, she's strutting over to me like she's the biggest black widow ever. I DO NOT like this scene.

"Dean Winchester," she smiled, I didn't like that either, "You were easier to catch then I thought you would be." She stopped right in front of me, grabbed a fist full of my hair and tugged me back so my neck was craned so I could look up at her, "I have no idea why all the others as so afraid of you. You're just a human."

"Yeah, you say that now," I growled at her, "you won't be smiling when I rip your throat out with my hands for touching my brother."

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about Sam, he's not what I'm interested in."

"Have you met me?" I grinned. "So what are you supposed to be, some sort of hybrid?"

"No, just a monster with a Winchester Kink." She winked and suddenly was straddling my lap. Okay, so over the years with all the women that have been on set, it's become second nature to keep my body from responding to a pretty lady rubbing up on me, but this one was ten times easier because she was threating my girl, so the scowl on my face wasn't exactly acting. "You don't know all the bad… bad things I want to do to you right now."

"Oh, they can't be as bad as what I want to do, like cut your heart out with a spoon." I replied. Who came up with these lines? Would I really use a spoon? "So get on with it!"

"Not just yet, I need one thing from you," she smiled, which was when you would see the sharp teeth from the FX department across the perfect set of pearly whites she was showing me now.

"It doesn't matter what you want, I'm not giving you anything."

"Funny, I thought you were in the monster hunting business," she cooed as she ran her fingertips down my cheek, moving her lips closer to my ear. "All I want is one… little… demi-arch."

I let my eyes go wide, didn't say a word because I knew the camera was on me. She wanted Nic, they were after Nic and there was no way I was giving her to them.

NO way in hell!

CUT!

Oh, thank god, someone get this skank off me! I don't think I said it out loud but I certainly thought it, but she didn't move, in fact she moved her head to the other side of me, away from the cameras and the eyes of the other people in the room before I felt her breath on me again.

"I know about you and your little girl, Jensen." She whispered, and this time the wide eyes weren't acting, but the racing of my heart added to the fuming red that I felt rushing up my cheeks. "Does your wife know? Would you like her too?"

I pressed my cheek into her and turned my lips just a little as I clenched my teeth. "You're treading a very dangerous path, Alexis, do anything to me or Cari, or involve my wife in any of this and I will end your career before it starts."

"I won't do anything on one condition," she backed away to look me straight in the eyes as she smiled. "I want in."

Did she just… seriously, did I just hear her say…

WHAT THE EVER LIVING HELL?


	37. The Secret Side of Me

The secret side of me, I never let you see – Jared

Cari looked up at me, her blue eyes bright against pale skin as the words Jensen whispered sunk in. She was breathing hard, her lips moving as if she were trying to form the words, and then she sat back, the tears started to flow and that was when I moved. I had been standing against the counter, my arms crossed as Jensen explained everything, but when I saw the tears, I wasn't being a bystander anymore.

I knelt in front of her, like I had done when the airplane reports started to flash across the screen. I became her wall, her block against everything and I put my hands down on her thighs, the weight of them trying to ground her as her hands came up to cover her mouth.

The events that lead up to this point are probably moot considering that both of us were there, but we had to explain it to her, had to let her in on what happened on set.

I watched Jensen's eyes go wide when Alexis didn't move, when she switched her face to brush the other side of his and I just knew this was going to be bad. She backed away, looked down at him and suddenly his lips went slack and he stared up at her like he was going to wrap his hands around her throat, if they hadn't been tied behind the chair and when she moved… Christ, when she moved, she was smiling.

Jen never even bothered to struggled to get out after that, he just kind of sat there for a while and waited until the fire burned down before he looked up, locking me in a stare. I moved over to him slowly, probably with as much confusion written on my face as I felt through my body and I dipped down behind him to remove the ropes.

"Don't," he told me, it was the only word, he said but he clenched his fist and closed his eyes when I looked up at him.

"Talk to me." I whispered, but he shook my head.

"Not yet." Was all he replied and I stepped back, waiting for him to breath it out, because he needed to or he was going to explode. You don't just live with someone twenty-four/seven and not recognize the signs of impending doom, no matter how well they cover it up.

"Do you want me to get Cari?"

"No," it was only a whisper, "no, not yet. She's with Misha, she's safe."

Okay, what the fuck? Because as much as he loved Misha, he still has never admitted that he was comfortable with them being together. Not that he wasn't, he was always just… overprotective. He always wanted her closer than that, closer than "safe with Misha". I sighed, looking down at my brother and shook my head.

I had to do something. What the hell was going on?

"Okay, wait right here, I'll be back." I watched as he stared at the spot just in front of him but never bothered to move.

Shaking my head, I dug out my phone, sent a quick text to Mish, telling him to take her back to the trailer when they were done and we would meet them there, before I stepped up to Trevor and smiled at the man with the headphones on.

"Hey Jared, what's up?" He smiled and I tried to give him the best grin possible as if nothing was wrong but then I sighed.

"So, strange question, was your back-up audio on after recording?" the man thought for a moment, kind of wondered what the hell I was asking for but slid over to the recorders just down the way and checked the time stamp.

"Looks like it, why you need something?"

"Yeah, can you replay what was going on after they yelled cut?" I smiled, "Jensen thinks he might have screwed something up, like said Alexis name instead of her character."

"Yeah, sure." Trevor handed me the headset, rolled the recording back, well not really rolled since it was digital and let me hear it play and I felt the blood run from my face. "Everything cool?"

"Yeah, um…" I didn't know what to say, "can you make a recording of it before you erase? I mean so Jackles can hear it. Sometimes he thinks I'm lying."

Trevor just nodded, made a quick recording, slipped me the SD card and I was out the door and back to Jen. What the fuck was going on? I realized now why he hadn't wanted to move but man, I needed to get to Cari now, to hell with her being "safe with Misha".

I moved back behind Jensen, despite his protests and untied him before he could say anything else. Grabbing his arm, I pulled him up from the chair and then cupped his face between my hands, making him look at me.

"I got her, okay?" I whispered, staring him straight in the eyes, as he slowly nodded. "She doesn't think I'm involved, Jen, so listen, I got her."

"You're gonna get fired," he said softly, not like a man defeated, but like he was trying to keep some sort of secret.

"Pfft, like they're going to fire me after more than a dozen years, come on Jen, we've done pranks that cost this place money, what I wanna do is only going to look like a "Bad Day at Blackrock." I watched as he slowly came to, slowly nodded as he patted me on the arm.

"Let go of my face, dude, unless you plan on kissing me too." He joked but man, he wasn't even cracking a smile. I let him go as fast as I cool and smiled as we both stepped back, a little put off before he and I turned and walked off set. "So, do I even want to know your plan?"

"Probably not, this will be something that may or may not cost me some money, but hey, I heard what she said and there is no way she can get away with that." I took a deep breath, grabbed our coats, shoved his at him and the two of us headed out to the safety of our trailer. Once locked behind closed doors, I grabbed my phone.

HOW'S THE PAIN IN THE ASS? I texted Misha because the only thing that Jensen seemed to be doing was pacing.

MC: I THINK SHE'S ON TOO MUCH CAFFEINE OR SOME ADDERALL, NOT SURE WHO GAVE HER WHAT, BUT SHE'S BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS.

GIVE HER SOMETHING TO DO. I laughed, which got Jensen to come over, which was when I showed him the screen. His lips twitched up in a smile but he went back to pacing.

MC: YEAH, UNFORTUNATELY, THAT IS NOT AN OPTION, AND EW, DID YOU KNOW THAT JENSEN LITERALLY TONGUE FUCKED HER WHEN I ASKED HIM TO GIVE HER A KISS GOODNIGHT FOR ME. THAT IS NOT HOW I WOULD HAVE DONE IT. FUCKING GROSS!

I laughed really loud this time and shook my head. WHEN ARE THE TWO OF YOU DONE?"

MC: ONE MORE SCENE IF SHE CAN EVER GET HER LINES RIGHT.

I THINK HER AND J ARE ON THE SAME PAGE, TOOK HIM FOREVER, BUT TELL HER WE HAVE CHOCOLATE CAKE AND TEQUILA, IT MIGHT HELP.

MC: YOU'RE SERIOUSLY GOING TO GIVE HER SUGAR AND ALCOHOL?

MIGHT, BUT MIGHT NOT. BUT IT WILL GET HER ASS MOVING.

MC: OH, TRUST ME, RIGHT NOW HER ASS IS MOVING PLENTY.

There was silence from the man for just a few moments before a video popped through and all you could do was see her dancing in the trailer as he turned the phone on him to let us see him shaking his head before he turned it back on her. She had earbuds in and whatever she was listening to had her moving.

"Hey, Jen, come here," I laughed, again, and turned the screen so he could see it. The smile that crossed his face was perfect, so perfect in fact, that he stole my phone just to watch it again. I held out my hand and watched as he blindly handed me his. Rolling my eyes I text Misha on Jensen's phone.

JA: CARI, GIVE YOUR PHONE TO MISHA.

CG: ALREADY HAVE IT.

JA: JENSEN TOOK MY PHONE SO HE COULD WATCH HER DANCE.

CG: WELL IN THAT CASE, I SHOULD SEND HIM A VIDEO ON THIS ONE. HOLD ON, THEN YOU CAN SWITCH IT BACK.

JA: GOOD IDEA.

Again, I waited in the silence before a video text popped through and I smiled as I watched her dancing to a different beat, this time a little more slow, and a little bit more sexy. Snatching my phone from Jensen, I handed him his own and watched as his eyes grew large, before he took it and walked back over to the couch. This was him knowing she was safe, watching as if she didn't have a care in the world and that was what he wanted.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

MC: GOOD, IT WAS GETTING KIND OF WEIRD.

DON'T TELL ME THAT YOU'RE FREAKED OUT OVER THE KISS?

MC: GREAT DETAIL WAS PUT INTO THE TELLING OF THAT KISS, JAR, NOT AN IMAGE I WANT STUCK IN MY HEAD, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, IN FACT IF WE COULD NOT SPEAK OF IT AGAIN, THAT WOULD BE HELPFUL WITH THE NAUSEA.

I watched as Jensen smiled, which wasn't odd for him at all but the way his eyes lit up on the screen, I knew something had to be done and soon because this thing with Alexis was all I could think about. She was hurting two of the people that I cared about and it was really starting to piss me off.

HEY, MISH, DO YOU HAVE SCENES WITH ALEXIS?

MC: YEAH TOMORROW. I THINK THE LAST SCENE OF THE ONES YOU'RE DOING TODAY IS WHEN I POP IN. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LIKE IT.

MC: I RARELY DO WHEN IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH YOU, BUT ITS FOR HER SO, I'LL GRIN AND BARE IT.

LET ME GET THROUGH THE NEXT SCENE AND I'LL KNOW MORE ABOUT HOW WE SHOULD HANDLE THINGS.

MC: OKAY, WE'RE BEING CALLED BACK TO SET ANYWAY. TINY DANCER SAYS TO SAY HELLO, BUT I STILL HAVE HER PHONE BECAUSE OF YOUR RAMPID PHALLIC MESSAGES.

KEEP HER CLOSE.

MC: ALWAYS.

I set down the phone and cleared my throat as I went to the fridge.

"Jen, we have to go back." I spoke softly, not knowing what kind of reaction I was going to get from the man, but he looked up slowly, his eyes were full of life as he took them from the phone, but the knowledge that he had to see _her_ again made them dark and hard. "Keep that anger, you're going to need it."

Jensen stood, slipped his phone in his pocket and moved towards the door, stopping to stand beside me but the only thing I caught was him blinking for a long moment before he turned to face me.

"Fair warning, Jay," I had never heard his voice as low as it was at that moment, not volume wise, but just angry and ready to rip heads, "she so much as threatens to touch her, and I will break every finger twice."

"Jensen," I snapped, trying to break him out of it, "she's safe, she's with Misha." I saw him take a deep breath as he looked ahead, no longer seeing the room before him, no longer _seeing_ anything but read and I placed a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, you with me?"

"She…" he tried to stop the trembling I felt go through every muscle in his body and his jaw clenched. "she needs to be here, I can't take her being so far away."

"She's safe," I repeated and his head whipped around to stare at me, "and do you really think it will do her any good to see you like this? Think about how she was the other night when she freaked out on us, you think this is going to be better?"

"What?" he was taken back by the thought of it, and the memories filled his eyes, his brows creased together in worry and suddenly he was clearing his throat and unclenching his fists. Yeah, Jen got it, finally, he got it. "No, I can't have her worrying about this, I can't. Just make sure she stays far away from that bitch as she can, tell Misha. I can't text him. Hell if I texted, he'd have her on the first plane to Austin."

"Austin?" I grinned, "really?"

"Yep and her kids would be packed up by sundown and headed towards the airport." He slowly started to smile at the prospect of Cari and her kids at his place and I licked my lips because that thought alone made everything else go completely south. "That girl would be so tied up, she wouldn't know what day it was."

"Yeah," I chuckled, released his shoulder before giving it a pat, "you keep telling yourself that, because at some point, you're going to have to leave the room."

"Oh, no," Jen grinned, like a fucking devil, "no way I'm leaving her to let your skinny ass slip in."

And there went the images of her naked on the bed. I let my head just lull back and closed my eyes before I let out what I thought was a moan, but he slapped me across the stomach pretty hard, making that moan into a huff.

"Let's get to set and get this damn day over with." I heard him growl before I was able to catch my breath and straighten up. Jensen was all smiles now and there seemed to be nothing to erase that from his face, until of course we hit the same set we had just been in, and he laid eyes on Alexis, who was mumbling her own lines to herself. One word passed his lips, one word that was filled with anger and frustration and, well if she hadn't have pissed him off, I would have said I felt pity for her, but was trying to come between a protective man and what was his, so I wasn't sorry for her at all. "Perfect."

You look perfect tonight – Jensen

Back on set. Fucking wonderful. Just shoot me now! I mean really, could Dean just die in this episode, it would make things so much better. You know, die and come back. I wouldn't have to put up with Alexis the fucking… you know what, I'm just going to stop that thought right there.

It was one scene, one scene left, and I got to go back to the trailer and wrap my arms around Cari, maybe more than my legs. You know what, to hell with that, I'm going to take her into the city and we're going to get a hotel room and… Nope, nope, nope, not going to run because some chick decides she wants in on whatever the hell thing she knows nothing about.

I felt Jared behind me, all of this going through my head as I stood in the doorway. Over the sound of my thumping heart I could hear someone's voice, not sure whose, but I know I recognized it, I just couldn't…

"Jackles!" Jared yelled in my ear. I jumped around.

"What?" I snapped and watched the tall man smile at me like he had just pulled the best prank. "Shut up!"

With a deep breath, I moved into the room. I would not be afraid of this, I wouldn't let a woman step on my toes and take over MY house. This was MY house, my haven, my show, well not mine but you know what I mean. Christ, where was Cari, where was Misha.

Grabbing my phone, I sent a quick text out and waited for her to respond before I sat down on the chair that I ultimately would be tied to… again.

DINNER? JUST US? AFTER?

Cari: WHERE ARE WE GONG TO FIND A PLACE THAT DOESN'T KNOW US? YOU KNOW WHAT? DINNER SOUNDS GREAT. ARE YOU ON SET?

I'M ON SET BUT WE HAVEN'T STARTED ANYTHING YET. YOU?

Cari: NECK DEEP IN DEMONS, WELL, WILL BE, THEY'RE DOING A SET RESET BECAUSE HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED… MISHA… CAN'T KEEP HIS LINES STRAIGHT. SOMETHING ABOUT A KISS KEEPS SCREWING HIM UP.

REALLY? YOU TOLD HIM OUT YOUR GOODNIGHT KISS?

Cari: WHAT? EW, NO! I TOLD HIM ABOUT HIS GOODNIGHT KISS, FROM YOU, IN VIVID DETAIL, THOUROUGHLY.

YOU ARE CRUEL, AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT.

Cari: YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HIS FACE, MAN IF I KNEW HE WAS GOING TO REACT THAT WAY, I WOULD HAVE VIDEOED IT. OKAY, SWEETS, GOT TO GO, I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU TOO, BE GOOD.

Cari: PFFT, WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM? JARED. LOL

There was no good way to answer that question, so I just slipped the phone back in my pocket and made sure I locked it this time as I sat down in the chair and let them tie my hands behind my back. My eyes locked on Jared as I swallowed, seeing the door open and Alexis walk in with that smug smile on her face, but that was when I saw Jared move towards her. He looked at me, thank God he looked at me because it was just long enough for me to narrow my eyes and shake my head.

He couldn't confront her, not with me tied up, Jesus what the hell was he thinking? But he gave me his best "Sam" face, like the one that he does when he kind of questions Dean's motives and then stepped back, getting himself into place. I let my eyes go cold, thought back to what she said before, wanting nothing but to hit the bitch, and I don't hit women, hell I have a hard time just yelling at the kids but this one, oh she deserved it.

"You ready Cowboy?" Alexis questioned as she stood before me and I slowly looked up at her, but didn't say a word. We were known for our joking hospitality on set, making everyone feel at home, so how was I supposed to get past this without ringing her neck?

"Yeah, I'm getting into character." Was the stupidest thing I could come up with. Fuck me, I am so screwed. I closed my eyes, thought of Cari, of her kisses, of her skin, of that wild way that she smirked when she was in character, and the sexy way she moved to back it up. Yeah, she was a great distraction, more so than I thought since I hadn't even heard them yell "action." Not until the weight of the woman on my lap registered and my eyes focused on the confused face before me. "Are you okay, Jensen?"

"Um," I cleared my throat, not that I could adjust myself much in the chair but I nodded, "yeah, sure, I just…" I glanced at Jared who was looking at me like I had four freaking heads and then glanced out into the lights. "Ah, line?"

"You sure you're okay?" Jared asked, playing along, "I really think you might have hit your head."

"Dude," I snapped, looking up at him, "can we just go?"

"Yeah," he answered and nodded, moving back to his spot, and we both looked at the cameras.

"Lock it down!" One of the voices behind the lights yelled and I looked up at Alexis, picturing, I don't know, some sort of demon, a really, really ugly MoFo… with horns, and buckteeth, maybe a few missing. Some moles with a few hairs growing out of them.

"JENSEN!" Jared screamed again, which made me look past Alexis the best I could. "Any day now!"

"Right," I gave him a quick nod.

ROLLING!

"Nic?" I stated, deeping my voice to "Dean" level, "you really think I'm going to hand you Nicci?"

"Hand her to me, tell me where she is, it really doesn't matter, all I want is for you to call her and I know she'll come to save you," Alexis smiled as her fingers ran across my jaw, the other hand still yanking my hair. "She has a thing for you. You know that right, you can see it in her eyes."

"What makes you think I can call her? That she is even listening?" I questioned and shook my head. "right about now, she'd rather kill Sam than save him and I'm pretty positive I'm not on her best friend's list either, so why don't you just give up this little Black Parade you're planning and let me go."

"You're not going to convince me, Dean," Alexis laughed and moved off my lap. Thank God, I was almost set to hurl. I needed her as far away from me as possible, "I know what you want, deep down inside, I know what you long for and you have a monster kink, just like I have a Winchester one."

"Hey, screw you, lady!" I snapped as I fought with the ropes, just as I saw Jared stand. Sam to the rescue, well, kind of. Alexis spun and Jared was pushed up against the wall, throat being choked, something that Jared kind of got a little bit of a kick out of. "SAM!"

"Now, you can either tell me where your little play-toy is, or I can kill your brother." She smiled widely and I stared down at Jared for just a second before…

CUT!

But before my hands were untied, Alexis moved just a little closer and leaned down by my ear again. I was so done being tied up, so really freaking done. I set my jaw, waited for the words, closed my eyes as I held in the anger and swallowed as she breathed against my cheek.

"Tomorrow. First scene." She grinned, "You have until then to tell me your answer or I go to your wife, and I expose it all."

With that she backed away, gave me a wink and turned. Jared towered over her but she did nothing but smile, not intimidated at all, pat him on the stomach and walk by. I clenched my fist and struggled with the ropes.

"Get these off of me so I can squeeze my fingers around her throat!" I snapped, growling under my breath but Jared only loosened them before I felt him close enough to whisper.

"You can't kill the guest stars." Was that a giggle? Did Jared seriously just giggle?

"Just get me out of these!" I huffed and felt them finally release before I stood and turned to him. "We have to tell Cari, Jay, we have to tell her everything!"

"So," he said raising a brow as he held up the phone and a text from her that said: WE'RE BACK. "Let's go tell her."

She took a deep breath through those hands that covered her mouth and looked down at Jared, who was kneeling before her, hands on her thighs, and then she quickly placed them over his before she turned her sights on me.

"Um," she started but stopped for a minute as she wiped the tears away. I watched her take a breath, watched the pain drain from her eyes, the fear disappeared and slowly I saw something brewing, just as the edge of her lips curled up and she bit down on her bottom lip. "First scene, tomorrow?"

"Yeah, she was pretty specific," Jared said softly, he was always so good with her. Her eyes came up to fix on mine, and my heart skipped. The darkness in them set me on fire, and oh, man did I know what was coming next. I was pissed but that look in her eyes only told me one thing.

"I have an idea."

And the smile crept up on my lips because I knew this was going to be good.


	38. One Foot in Front of the Other

One foot in front of the other – Cari

I looked up at them, both men and their knowing grins and that alone told me whatever I had rattling around in my little brain was perfection fine with them… tomorrow, which was okay with me because I needed a drink. Jensen moved to sit beside me on the couch, which I happily made room for to accommodate his body, but he had other ideas and just pulled me up on his lap instead. Jared, who had been at my knees, holding me down as if I might fly away, shifted so that he was sitting against the couch on the floor, close enough so that I could play with his hair.

It was Misha that was missing and after the day we had, I was not surprised. With the whole talk about being more than friends, I would hope that he had rushed home to his wife, though a two-hour drive in this kind of weather was pushing it if he was rushing. I placed my head on Jen's shoulder and the three of us sat there quietly just for a little bit. The boys seemed lost in thought, letting their minds deflate from this bitch's plans and I was quietly scheming, until there was a knock at the door.

Jensen looked at Jared. Jared looked at him and then at me.

"I'm not moving!" I stated quite blatantly and curled up more again him, which made Jared smile before he placed that large hand on the sofa, shook his head and made his way over to the door. With a deep breath, he opened it and in walked the bitch in question, she was holding a script, pretending to look down at it as she made her way up the steps, right past Jared.

"Sorry to bother you guys but I have this one quest…" she stopped when her eyes came up and looked at me, and I mean looked right at me, but I placed a hand on Jensen chest and ran it up to his shoulder, his arms coming around to firmly hold me in place, "well, I see that my assumptions about the two of you were right?"

"I'm sorry," I whispered, not to her but to Jensen as I slowly moved my legs, shifted my body on his lap, something I knew would get an instant reaction from him and his hands went straight to my waist as he spread his legs so I could sit between them on the couch. One hand moved from me, the knuckles sliding up my spine where she couldn't see, until he huffed, completely muffled by said hand. "You had a question about what?"

"Do you always sit with your co-stars like that?" She asked, not missing a beat as she came in and Jared closed the door, because… hello we weren't heating the outside.

"Like what?" I smiled, and glanced back at Jensen. "Oh, you mean on his lap?" I stood, bit down on my lip and felt the one that remained on my hip try to grasp for my belt while the boys said nothing because I knew somewhere on her was some sort of recording device. "Only when I totally have a meltdown," I stated, as I approached but stopped less than two feet away, because, let's face it, any closer and I would have punched her, "you know, after some nobody walks into our space and throws an ultimatum on the table."

"I never said it was an ultimatum," she smiled her perfect smile and I scanned her over, looking for that cell phone. Jared cleared his throat, which caught my attention first and his eyes went to the small of her back. He knew what I was doing, and I gave him a nod when she turned to look at him, as if she had forgotten he was there. "It was a heavy suggestion that you couldn't refuse."

"Guess what," I grinned and heard Jared moan, his eyes closed, his hand went to his face. "I'm refusing."

"What?" She questioned.

"What?" Jensen mimed as I heard him sit forward. "Cari…"

"Are you insane?" Jared asked. Man, did I love when these boys played improv with me.

"I don't do things on other people's terms," I smiled, looking her over as she stared at me in disbelief. "You want this, you do it my way."

"You're way?" She laughed, "I think you're the one with the least amount to lose."

"Oh, my dear, dear Alexis," I whispered, so softly that it was almost… almost affectionate. "That's where I think you're wrong."

"So what are your terms," she shifted uncomfortably under my gaze and I couldn't help but smile, oh my God did I grin because as much as this was such an unexpected turn of events, it fit so perfectly into my plan.

"Ut-uh, you said tomorrow, first scene, so… you don't get anything until tomorrow," I whispered as I stepped up closer and ran my fingers over the lapel of the fed threads she was still wearing, "first scene."

With that I turned and moved back towards Jensen, who still looked a little confused but accepted me back on his lap with open arms. I leaned my head on his chest and felt his arms move to lock around me. This could all end tonight, this whole thing could suddenly blow up in my face, but I felt him turn his head, breath in the scent of my hair and slowly let that breath out, as if everything inside him just relaxed.

Alexis stared, but I didn't let her eyes go, even as I felt his lips kiss me gently, and his arms hold on tightly. She huffed, turned and walked passed Jared almost as quickly as she entered. And I held my breath waiting to hear her slip and fall on the snow outside BUT no such luck.

Jared turned, rubbed both hands through the scruff on his face and walked over, sitting on the coffee table right in front of me. "So, exactly what happens now, because the cat is out of the bag if she goes to anyone else."

"Well, if she was recording, like I think she was, nothing was said except that she had given Jensen an ultimatum on set, and I don't agree to her terms, so this all falls on her." I shrugged and sat up, sliding off his lap again. Jensen was surprisingly quiet this whole time, even as I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone. Jared looked at it questioningly as I pressed the light and gave him a smile. "I was looking for her phone, no one hides it unless they really want to get away with something. Mine has this neat little thing about the light going off for a screensaver, no matter if it's on a call or not, so recording our conversation wasn't going to light up my pocket, but I knew hers would so when she hid it, I pressed record."

"Wait, I thought you said recordings weren't admissible if the other party didn't know." Jensen rattled off as he sat forward.

"In court," I shrugged placed it down on the table beside Jared and took Jensen's hand. "I don't intend for it to go that far."

"So what now?" Jared sighed.

"Well, cast call is at eight, right?" I glanced over at the clock and sighed, before I looked at them. "Why don't we go out?"

"You wanna go out," Jensen questioned, confused, "in public with a maniac guest star on the loose?"

"You have a better idea, Ackles?" I grinned and turned to him, watching his eyes move to my lips then back up again. "That's not an idea, that's a given, doesn't mean that it has to happen right now."

"Jared, close your eyes," Jen smiled and reached for me, pulling so quickly that I was suddenly on my back, on the couch with him between my knees. "I have been away from you all day, it certainly does mean it has to happen right now."

"Okay, I'm going to go watch from the kitchen," Jared laughed, not keeping the little secret he had very secret anymore, "because up close, you just don't get the full view on it."

I smiled at him and shook my head, before I felt Jensen's fingers brush over my cheek and I turned my attention to the green-eyed man towering above me. I let my lips part as I reached my hand between us and grasped the bottom of his shirt, running my fingers along the naked skin of his waistline.

"We should call Danneel," I said softly as he brought his lips down, gently brushing mine and my body did the only natural thing it could as I arched up against him.

Jensen _hmmed_ as he continued with his gentle brushes, but that was before his hips pressed down and his hand moved up my shirt, thank God it was on the side of the couch away from Jared's prying eyes, not that I minded the Moose watching but the things I wanted to do to Jensen right there. Screw this, little kisses were not going to get me anywhere and I removed one hand from the warmth of his skin and gripped that little bit of hair on top of his head, pressing my lips up.

I knew what he needed then, and he was just waiting for the okay to do it. He needed that hard kiss, the one that told him it was okay, that said I was really there and wasn't afraid of the woman in the suit, the monster that threatened us, the one that I had a plan for and just as his tongue decided to slip between my lips and invade, as I let the taste of the beer he was drinking and the scent of his cologne fill my senses, I heard Jared moan over at the kitchen counter.

Good for him, I thought to myself, nothing in this family should be held back, not even something like what he needed, because tomorrow was going to be something altogether insane.

Jensen was wrapped around me in only his boxers, warm legs and arms tucked under and over me and I could have stayed there all day but there were phone calls to be made and plans to be hatched. Slipping out from where I was in the covers, I leaned down and kissed him as I slipped on a tee-shirt, then his soft flannel that I decided that I was stealing for the day, one that smelled like him and gave me courage before I hopped into my jeans and sat on the bed to pull my socks on. He took a deep breath, reached out and grabbed the back of my jeans.

"Really?" he whispered, "now?"

"It's the agreed upon time, Jen, so that we can make sure it's all straight, and yeah, I have to go now." I groaned and turned around, climbing over the bed so that I straddled his waist and pinned those stubborn arms to the mattress above my head. He looked up at me with sleepy green eyes and sighed. "You know, one of these days, when you come in with that ridiculous red-stripped tie on, I'm going to use it to strap you to the bed and do what I want to you."

"Promise?" he questioned, and I sunk down lower on his hips, sliding the soft material of the sheets across him, as he moaned.

"I swear," I smiled, and he closed his eyes tightly. I saw that tongue peek out from between his lips and quickly leaned down to kiss him and capture it, ravishing him with a kiss to take his breath away, and it work, and got him flustered.

I moved I released his hands, moving over to kiss his cheeks, to run my lips along his skin and when I glanced up from where I stopped, just over one of his hard nipples, I noticed the way he was biting his lip, trying to hold in the noises he was making, even as he panted through the breaths. With a smile, let my tongue flick out over the small, hard nub and his body clenched. Oh this was going to be fun.

I moved slowly down, taking the sheets with me the lower my lips traveled and suddenly his hands were tangled in my hair, not yanking but giving him something to hold onto as he let his legs spread so that I could rest between them, my knees tucked under me. I spread my fingers wide as I let them run over his hip bones, sought out the way they curved towards where I wanted to be and I licked up the length of him, drawing a groan from him.

I loved his noises, the way his hips moved up when I wrapped my fingers around the base of him and slowly twisted upwards until I hit just under the sensitive head. Looking up at his face, what little I could see because his head was thrown back giving me the view to only catch the bottom of his jaw.

"Jensen," I whispered, my hand moving back down, gripping tight and stroking just enough to draw a breath out of him. He tried to look at me, his eyes blown wide as I smiled, "up on your elbows." I love how he listened when he was at the mercy of my hands and propped himself up on his elbows, even with how much they shook. "Don't look away," I whispered as my tongue came down and licked at the tip, getting his teeth to suddenly clench, "promise."

"Yeah," he whispered softly, giving me a light nod of his head as I licked at him again before taking the top of him into my mouth, "oh God!"

His hand gripped into my hair as I began to move, sliding up and pressing down as I sucked in my cheeks. The little ohs and ahs were enough to make my own eyes roll, and the heat to begin to build. I loved to make him shake and it did wild things to me, which was probably the worst thing to do to myself, but hell, if it was going to make Jensen feel good, then I was all for the torture.

His body shook as he began to swell, especially when my nails began to run along the sides and under his tight balls. Those little noises became huffs of air as he tried his best to hold on but soon, I could feel the tightening of his hand in my hair and I knew it would be long.

"Wait, wait," he sighed, and I moved just as he clenched his teeth and the first pulse ran though him. He caught my eyes as I looked up, his lips parted as his free hand grasped the comforter, twisting it into a knot between his fingers, and he stared at me until the last rope was spent and slowly he let out a breath. "You are fucking amazing."

"Couldn't let you go to work without some sort of memory of me." I smiled back, both of us well aware of the man in the next room. I licked my lips, loving the taste of him, but I made a quick trip to the bathroom for a warm cloth and set it gently in his hand as I leaned down to kiss him. "I'm sorry I have to go."

"It's okay, I can hear the car outside," he replied but grabbed a handful of my shirt, "go and come back because I owe you the favor and so intend to make it worth your while."

"Hmm, I like the sound of that," I grinned as he kissed me solidly before letting me go, "I love you."

"I love you too, now go." He whispered, kissed me once more and I slipped out of the room.

I thought I was going to make it out of the trailer without any issue, but when I saw Jared asleep on the couch, I just had to stop. He had passed out after a few glasses of wine just before Jensen and I had snuck off to the room and apparently never made it to his own bed, so with a sigh, I sat down on the coffee table across from him for just a moment before he opened one eye, still droopy with sleep.

"I'm mad at you," he mumbled.

"Why?" which I could only be curious about.

"I heard you and Jen in there," he said like a kid pouting. I smiled, leaned over and kissed him softly.

"Jealous much?" Jared snaked his big hand into my hair and pulled me too him, to which I slid onto his lap, straddling him as he kissed me just as thoroughly as I had kissed Jensen. "You taste like Merlot," I mumbled between his kisses. "I like the taste of your tongue."

"Fucking flirt," he whispered as I moved off him and grabbed my boots. "I needed that to get through this. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle Jensen."

"You kiss him like that," I smiled licking my lips as I pulled on my coat, "and he'll be so breathless, that he'll be putty in your hands."

"Gross, but…" Jared smiled as I leaned down once more, "Good luck."

"Oh, me and Yorkey have an understanding," I winked, "Trust me, I'm not the one who's going to need the luck."

"Just be careful," he whispered as I grabbed his hand as he pulled me down for one last kiss.

"Always, Tallman." I smiled and moved away, glancing into the back room before I disappeared out of the trailer.

I climbed into the car that was idling just a few spaces down and closed the door behind me, snapping the passenger side belt before I looked up at Tom, the man who always seemed to be assigned to me.

"You sure you wanna go off lot to do this?" He asked as he pulled through the gates.

"Tom, I'm absolutely, one-hundred percent sure that this needs to be done in Surry. So if you're okay with this, I'm totally cool with it too." I winked and reached over, turning off the Christmas music as we headed towards the main road.

The cutest damned spot in Surry to catch coffee and a bite to eat Be'Wiched Café, was relatively quiet at that time of the morning, but it was the smirking face of the writer that was the best thing to see. He had a script in front of him and obviously someone on the line, so as I pulled out the chair, all I had to do was look him in the eyes to know it had been done.

"You wanna look it over?" Steve grinned.

"Did you get in everything we talked about?" I smiled.

"And then some," Davy Perez' voice spoke up and I leaned down to the phone.

"I love you, Davy, but you give me too much leeway." I laughed and heard him blow me a kiss.

"Anything for you, peaches." Davy laughed.

I licked my lips and looked up at Steve before picking up the steaming cup of coffee the waitress had dropped off. With a small grin, I brought it to my lips. Yeah, this was going to be fun.

I wanna be your end game – Jared

"I don't like this," Jensen growled as we stepped out of the makeup trailer, heading towards set. First stop first, concessions where we can get Groucho another damned coffee.

Cari wasn't back yet, but there had been a knock on the door not long after she left and Rachel, one of the new PAs had handed me two new scripts. Jen had barreled out of the room, thinking it might have been Alexis, but he stopped as I waved the papers around.

With just enough time to fire up the coffee makers, the two of us looked over the script in shock, and I laughed as Jen nearly choked on the sip of coffee he managed to get down before he ran a hand through his hair.

"God damn, she did it." He mumbled as he looked at the page, a wide smile on his face, "she managed to get them to change it the day of shooting to something… well, that's freaking amazing."

"Well, she said she wasn't going to let us ruin our reputations, right?" I shrugged, not surprised but then again, I hadn't gotten to where he had in reading it yet. "Any of our lines changed?"

"Nothing, just like she said."

SO, here we were getting yet another cup before we made the hike to the small on-set location in the back of the lot. It was a small room that they had used before, something that everyone changed around to become something different and I wanna say at one point it had even been part of the angel's offices in season… well, any season with the angels because it had been switched too many times.

As we walked through the doors, Jen and I both turned at our names and watched as Misha rushed up on us with the paper in hand.

"What the hell is this?" He questioned and the two of us smiled. "Seriously, this was all her?"

"She said she didn't want us involved," Jensen replied raising his hands, "I've learned that when she wants something, she usually gets is and well, you can't argue with a force like that."

"You just don't want to argue because it might cut off some of your playtime." He pointed out and I couldn't help but laugh because the smile that moved up Jensen's face as just priceless as he thought for a moment and then nodded.

"Pretty much, yep." He grinned and walked ahead, but Misha stayed back with me, completely oblivious to the fact that I was thinking about the night before, the make-out session on the couch and some of the little kisses I had been able to steal before they had disappeared into the bedroom.

I think I need a shower.

"Jared?" Misha snapped and I shook my head, took a quick drink and raised my brows.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm good." But, I don't think Misha believed me.

"So what's the plan in all of this? Just let her go headlong into it and sit back hoping she won't be the one to get fired?" Misha, always the protector, was pissed. I placed my hand on his shoulder and took a deep breath.

"Do you trust her?"

"I trust her with my life… not to have a clear enough head to not do something monumentally stupid when it comes to the three of us, no!" he growled out. "Seriously, I thought the two of you would have more common sense to try and talk her out of this."

"Oh, trust me, we did, but she got a few other people involved and it just kind of blew up." I sighed.

"Other people, what other people?" I glanced around at the crew who were moving quickly to get the first scene set up and I would be lying if I told him I knew who.

"Just trust her, Mish, please, she's not going to do anything that's going to take her away from us." I watched as his shoulders squared, but he sighed and relaxed in defeat.

The stage was set _Dean_ had gotten out of the restraints, _Sam_ was up and moving around, blow for blow they were taking on Alexis but the powerful _whatever she was_ had Dean knocked out in the corner, and me, unfortunately, up against the wall… getting choked, again!

 _Cas_ comes in mid-fight as I get tossed around like a rag doll, but the angel and the monster were now facing off together, as I shook my fogged head and Dean slowly comes out of his unconscious state. Blow for blow, it seems an even match, until the Monster Alexis pulls a blade, trying to stick Cas but it's blade for blade now and Alexis is moving Cas into a corner (this is actually not a bad play-by play). Cas goes down, being tossed back as Alexis (cheater) uses her powers to send him flying back against the wall. She stands over him, blade poised to come down on his chest and she's about to strike when _Nic_ suddenly appears.

The angel blade pierces Nic's side, but the demi-arch does nothing but look down at the annoying thing like it was a toothpick. She looks up confused, as if she wasn't sure what she had stepped into, scanning over all of us, before watching _Dean's_ eyes go wide.

"Nic," Jensen whispered, but it was the only thing that was said the whole time, until Cari looks up at Alexis.

"You're looking for me, I assume," Cari asks, irritation evident as Alexis backs away, but Cari steps forward, pulling the blade from her side. "Who are you and why are you looking for me? Better yet," she looks at me and Misha before stopping to stare at Jensen, "why are you touching my family?"

"You're the Nephilim?" Alexis is in full character and she said this with disbelief. My heart is pounding, this is where Cari had acted, this was what changed the whole scene, this was what decided what was going to happen next.

"And you're the monster that threatened my friends." Cari growled, and damn if it didn't make me shiver this was almost as good as watching her and Jensen sneak little make-out sessions in the back room.

AND we're fighting again, just the girls, but it was a really hot thing to see. We were waiting on the cut, the call that we needed to move onto the next, but there was nothing coming, Cari went at it like she truly meant it, not hurting Alexis at all but this small bit of fighting took just as much choregraphing as the fight between us did, but it was the next part that stopped us dead. Cari snarled, and you could definitely hear it, before she wrapped her small hand under the base of Alexis' jaw. In that one moment, in that small span of time, my eyes opened wide and I watched as Cari really got angry, but she smiled at pure sex grin that Jensen loved so much and she brought her lips crashing down on Alexis as she took the fake blade and right at the perfect camera angle, plunged it into the monster's heart. She follows the body towards the ground but holds Alexis there.

The kiss was raunchy and deep and sexy as fuck but when they called cut, Cari let go, moved her lips away, let her hand ease as she slowly brought her cheek to cheek with Alexis, her face away from the onlooking crew and I heard her softly whisper.

"You still want in?" The shock on Alexis' face was pure and I couldn't hold back the smile on my face. Jensen wasn't sure if he was coming or going, just leaning against the wall staring at his girl, the bold smile across her face. Alexis stares, its all she can do, until Cari looks up and winks. "First, you have to explain to him," and that was when I followed her gaze as Jim walked onto set, "why you're giving Jensen an ultimatum, you see why I may be the one with the least to lose, it also make me the most dangerous to mess with. So, just remember who saved your career by stopping this from happening."

Cari stood, stepped back and I watched in awe as Jim came to stand by our little demon to look down at Alexis. "Your agent is on the phone in my office, shall we have a little chat?"

Alexis stood, looking totally confused before she glanced at all of us and walked off set with Jim by her side. Cari licked her lips and just grinned a small little sly smile that had me wondering what was going on in her head.

Jensen was up just as soon as they cleared the area and Cari was off her feet before I could even get to mine, his arms wrapped tightly around her, but there was no kiss, just the biggest smile I had ever seen on his face.

"You scared the crap out of me!" Jensen scolded as he put her down on her feet.

"I told you I had it handled." Cari laughed as she looked back at me, "you trusted me, right?" All I could do was roll my eyes because I had been scared to death that we might have actually lost her, but with a deep breath, she put the best pout on she could, before she glanced back and forth between us. "You know what, I don't need your approval on what I do, I'm just gonna do what I have to, which right now is, lunch," and with that she glanced up at Jensen, "you want in?"

"What I want is to never hear that phrase again," he groaned, and I died laughing because he was totally Dean for that few seconds. "But lunch with a beautiful demon, count me in."

"Me too," Misha gushed and came up behind her, wrapped his arms around her shoulders and hugged her from behind before all eyes landed on me.

"Yeah," I sighed, "Yeah, okay, let's go do this, I'm starving!"

Jensen wouldn't leave her alone, I mean seriously wouldn't leave Cari's side. Something about the day was still bothering him, even when Jim came back and brought us all into the office to explain that he had ever so graciously allowed Alexis to bow out of the storyline. (She was actually set to not die in this episode, but with Davy and Yorkey's quick rewrites, we were now one monster short, not a big deal on the storyline for the next week). He had assured us that nothing of the incident or the ultimatum was going past those doors but he kept Jensen for just a while longer, and something about that bothered me.

When Cari and Misha took off to do another scene alone, something about Nic and Cas "family meeting time" I was finally able to corner Jensen.

"Dude, what's going on?" I had let him pace for what felt like a half hour in the trailer before I just couldn't take it anymore, but Jensen didn't stop moving, he wouldn't until I reached out and grabbed his arm. "Talk to me, Jen."

"He knows," the man huffed out and I think I almost passed out, the room actually started to spin, "he knows about me and Cari, he knows about you and Cari, fuck, I'm pretty positive he thinks he knows something about Misha and Cari too."

"So, he knows, what did he say about it?" I was trying to be the level-headed one here, even as my heart thumped so hard against my chest that I swear I was going to have a heart attack.

"Nothing." Okay, so that stopped me and apparently by my facial expression, Jensen felt pushed to go on. "He just said he knew and that… to be careful."

"That's it?"

"That's enough, don't you think?" Yep, full-on Jensen panic mode in three, two… "If he knows than others know, Jar, this is too much, too much!"

"Okay, so are you going to break it off?" I shrugged.

"WHAT?" he stopped pacing then, "no, why the hell would I do that? I love her."

"Send her home?"

"Are you on some sort of drugs, no I'm not going to send her home?" I smiled as he got defensive.

"Refuse to do scenes?" Pushing the line, I know.

"Jared, did you hit your head?" And that was when I smiled.

"I don't know what you're so worried about," I grinned… grinned, because Jensen in a frenzy was actually kind of comical. "Jim isn't getting rid of her, he just said to be careful, right? And I sure as hell would never let you break anything off with her, especially now, I mean she's coming for Christmas."

"I know," his mouth moved after that but there weren't any words, until he had switched his footling like ten times, "I'm just scared."

"So am I!" I closed my eyes and breathed, "but we still have her, YOU still have her and apparently, she's badass and isn't going anywhere."

I watched that grin come up on his face, that little shy one he did when he thought of her and suddenly he was licking his lips, because that was just what Jensen did, and I knew I had him.

"She really was, wasn't she?" The grin turned into this look of pride. "And that kiss."

"Hotter than fuck!" I moaned, cause when is the girl you just want to have wrapped in your arms taking charge not hot?

"Wow," Jensen laughed and for just a moment, I saw Dean.

"You good?" I shook my head, still in awe of the dumbstruck look in his eyes.

"Yeah, real good."

"Come on, we have to head to set," I grabbed a piece of gum just as a knock came to the door and Greg stuck his head in. Jensen only gave him a thumbs up before the two of us were out the door.


	39. Bad to the bone

Bad to the Bone - Cari

I rolled my eyes, not even just my eyes, I think I rolled my whole head, but then crossed my arms and looked at the three of them standing in the bunker library staring at me.

"Okay," I nodded, and cleared my throat.

"Okay?" Jensen, sorry, Dean spoke up and took a few steps closer, knocking on the table. "Really? That's all you got after all of that, okay?"

"Dean," Sam… Jared spoke up but Jensen held his hand up as he closed the space between us.

"We tell you that you have an all access pass to the largest supernatural collection in history, not to mention your own room here in our house and you're response is _okay_."

I narrowed my eyes at him, but let the snarky smile form on my lips. "I was going to go with: oh, thank you, you big beautiful man, take me to your bed and ravish me, but Cas is standing in the room and you're brother, he still doesn't like me."

Jensen's reaction was spot on, as he looked completely dumbfounded and looked back at Jared, who suppressed a smile.

"You're right, okay is good." Jensen nodded and looked at me once more before he turned and walked out of the room, down the stairs and disappeared into the kitchen before I looked up at Jared.

"You sure you're okay with this, Big Guy, you and I don't have a great history." I whispered as I stepped closer to Jared. He smiled, did his _hmmph_ laugh and crossed his arms.

"You know, most families aren't perfect, Nic, ours especially, but I know one thing, you're part of us now, like it or not, so get used to it." He grinned and watched as I nodded before he walked away too, leaving me with Cas.

"So, I guess that's it? One big, happy, dysfunctional family?" I shrugged and watched as Misha grabbed a seat on the other side of me, he folded his hands together on his lap and stared for a moment before looking up at me, concern in his eyes.

"This means that you have to tell them, Nic," he was serious and I knew it, but I crossed my arms and shook my head.

"I can't," I looked down towards my feet, blinked away the emotions in my eyes. "The Winchesters have lost too many Cas, too many people they loved. And Dean…"

"I know how you feel about him, Nic, I can see it when you look at him."

"Cas, I can't tell them I'm dying." I whispered and heard it from behind me.

CUT!

Looking over at the crew, I watched as everyone started clapping and then my eyes landed on Misha, who stood and wrapped his arms around me.

"Hot Damn!" Jensen yelled walking in with a popped bottle of wine. "It's Christmas vacation!"

The crew cheered but the smile faded from my face because that meant two things. One, I'm going home for a week to see the kids, which is awesome, except that they're not going to be home the second half of it, and two, Austin is right around the corner.

Two things happened today, two very weird and unexpectedly right things happened today. One, the mid-season finale was, well final, which meant I was completely free to go about the place completely freaked out because I was now planning my trip home to my kids, in two days.

And two… well, that was one of the totally weird things. Jensen was standing outside my trailer with a mischievous grin on his face and his hands tucked behind his back. Okay, so it wasn't strange to have Jen anywhere near my trailer, but the fact that he hadn't bothered to come in, that was weird, and HE knocked. He never knocked anymore. I could be bare-ass naked and the boy would walk right in. So, this made me think, just what the hell was going on?

"Jen?" I looked around, grabbing my coat as I stood there with the door open. BRR, by the way.

"Come with me." He gave me a lazy smile.

"Where?" I questioned, not actually giving in but curious, "and where's Jared."

"Come on, Cari, just come with me." He almost begged… almost but there was just something in his eyes, like a strange impatience that was setting him on edge. I sighed, more for dramatic effect than actually being irritated, and since I had already put on my coat and never actually taken off my boots, I just closed the door behind me and stepped down to slip my fingers into his warm grasp. "This better not be something highly inappropriate."

Jensen leaned down, his lips just a breath from my ear and I could feel the smile on the stubbled cheek that pressed against mine. "When have I ever been inappropriate?"

"Hmm," I pressed against that heat, "keep doing this and I'll have to show you."

"Tease." He whispered and kissed my ear before he stepped away and tugged me to the awaiting car. I smiled at Clif as I slid in the backseat but there was something off about the bodyguard too. He was just a little too happy. "Okay," Jensen smiled as he slipped in beside me and winked at Clif, "it's now or never."

"Where's your partner in crime?" I questioned again, the absence of the taller man wasn't escaping me but I knew there were times that the two of them didn't spend every moment together. HOWEVER, the look on Jensen's face told me that there was something going on and Jared was definitely involved. "Jensen, come on, you know I hate surprises."

With a deep breath, after about ten minutes of watching me squirm, ten minutes of me watching his eyes drift over from the scenery to the hand he held to catch my eyes, he finally turned fully to take my free hand.

"Okay, I know," he whispered, moving in close enough so that he could put his forehead against mine. "I know you don't like surprises or gifts or hell, if I try to buy you dinner, but please, just bear with me on this."

"What did you do?" I growled but it wasn't as threatening as I wanted, not with him this close, not with us breathing the same air and him smelling the way he did, but that smile on his face that lit up when Clif turned onto a small paved road had me breaking contact with him, my eyes glued to the window.

At the end of the drive, a small two story house rose in the middle of a field. There were two cars parked in the drive and if I looked hard enough both of them looked familiar. Jensen's black Impala, no not Baby, and Misha's blue Sentra.

"Why's Misha's car here?"

Jensen only smiled. "I didn't realized you knew what he drove."

"Well, yeah he brings it to set every week." I replied, even more curious now as Clif pulled up beside the Chevy and got out, opening my back door for me. I slipped out of the car, Jensen close behind and stood, looking over the lush field that surrounded the building. Jensen came up behind me, hand on the small of my back and watched as I took it all in. The door to the house opened and Jared stepped into view, his massive frame taking up the doorway. I glanced up at the man beside me. "Jensen, what...?"

But that was when I noticed he was holding up a keychain, one that held the keys to a house on it.

"Welcome home." He whispered and took my hand, held it gently in his palm and placed the keyring against it.

"You bought a house?" I questioned.

"No, this is both Jared and mine from… well, I guess you could say I bought a house years ago. We used to share it. It was easier than being on set all the time." Jensen smiled and I nodded. I remembered hearing about that, about how the boys roomed together because of Jared's dogs but I didn't know they still had it. "Gen and the kids stay here when they come up, Dani and I had rented one when she was up but we decided that it was stupid since we all lived here before."

"So, wait, why don't you stay here now? Why are you always on set?"

Jared stepped down and placed his hands on my shoulders before he kissed my cheek. "Because you are."

"Okay, so I'm confused. What are we doing now?"

"You're going to live with us." Jensen placed his hands on my cheeks and locked me in a with a grin. "this is your house now too, you can bring the kids to Vancouver, show them where you work, give them some place to run free. You won't have to leave them behind now. And when you're here with me and Jay, we don't have to stay on set, we can be together without worry."

"So the three of us are going to live here?" I smiled and watched as Jensen looked at Jared with such uncertainty.

"Yeah," Jay whispered, unsure as he took my hand. I stepped back from both, slipped around them and looked over the house, took in the open field and shrugged.

"There's something missing," I sighed and shook my head. "Where's Misha?"

The inside of the house was amazing, the first floor had an open plan more or less, with a large staircase in the middle. The only room with a door on it was the one towards the back. Jared was telling me all the details but I couldn't seem to hear it above the thump of my heart as Jensen lead me around.

A home, _our_ home, a place to bring my kids, a place that Jensen and I could be together without the worry of having someone come in on us, or knock on the door and the best part was that Jared would be right there, every night, well most every night. I had two of the most important men in my life in under the same roof, not to mention their kids and wives when they came up to visit.

Okay, that hit me. I stopped dead in my tracks, bringing Jen to a halt as he turned and look at me with concern.

"Where are the kids going to stay?" Jensen smiled, gestured up the stairway before he glanced over at Jared.

"I'll wait here, dinners coming." This made me look back at the tall one. Dinner? We were having dinner? Here?

Jared only gave me one of his infamous cute, little, trouble-maker smiles and turned around, heading for the front door before I set my sights on the dancing green eyes before me. Jensen's smile stopped me in my tracks, the feel of his fingers moving up my arm made my heart race. How did he still do this to me after everything? I just wanted to let him have me, anyway he wanted, but he stepped up close, arm circling my waist as he drew me against him.

"This way, I wanna show you the bedrooms." His voice was sultry, more than I had ever heard is and I let my lips part in order to catch my breath.

"Jesus, Jen, don't say it like that," I sighed, which only made that smile grow on his lips, the ones I wanted to kiss and I realized, I hadn't yet. He backed away, letting his hands fall to my waist and I grabbed two fist-fulls of his shirt. "Wait." I whispered, like I couldn't breath unless he did what I asked. "I can't yet."

"What? Why?" Okay so maybe I was being a bit over dramatic, especially when it pulled that panicked tone from him. "Cari."

"Kiss me," I sighed, "we haven't yet."

"Really," he tugged me close, "well, that's just not right."

I could feel him against me, like every part of him sang and I needed it, all of it, all of him as his fingers rang over my neck, tracing my jaw before he cupped my cheek, tilting my head back just enough so that he could get close enough to me to breathe into me, his lips waiting, taking in my heat.

"Please say you'll stay here with me," he pleaded, and my eyes connected with his. This close I could see every emotion in them.

"I would never say no, Jen," I whispered, my hands releasing his shirt only to find the hem and slip under, "not to you, not to… this."

"Good, because I would love on set forever if I had to just to be with you, but it would get pretty cramped with all those kids." I couldn't help the corners of my lips turning up at this.

"Kiss me, Ackles, before I call your wife and tell her your a tease." I threatened but he only did what I expected of him.

His lips brushed mine as his eyes closed. Mine followed soon after the feel of his soft mouth pressed against mine and a quiet whimper escaped me before I could possibly control my body. It wasn't a full on heated kiss, it was Jensen pouring his love into it, almost as melodic as his singing. Pure bliss and I leaned into him, let him wrap his arms tightly around me before his tongue traced the line, asking for an invitation in.

"Oh, GOD, get a room, there's only six to choose from!" Misha screamed as he came in through the door, but instead of releasing me, Jensen only pulled me closer and suddenly I was pulled into a kiss to rival anything in the past. It was hot, heavy and full of tongue and I was breathless when he pulled back, grinning at my _brother_ like he had just won the war. I managed to make eye contact with Misha for just a second before I was being pulled up the stairs. "AND don't forget to wear a condom!"

Jensen barked out a laugh as we reached the landing, his head thrown back with the laughter and suddenly I was backed up against the wall, with him towering over me before I let the smile run up my lips.

"I want you," he let the back of his fingers slide down my ribs as I rushed to catch my breath.

"Trust me, you're not the only one," I was surprised that I managed to keep my heart from thumping out of my chest. "Show me a room." He stopped, like he had been slapped and the color drained from his face, before he stepped back. "Jensen?"

"We have to talk?" Oh, that didn't sound good at all.

"So, talk, hot stuff." He put space between us, a good amount of it before he rubbed his hands on his pants.

"There are three rooms up here for the adults, mine, Jay's and…"

"Mine, I get that, I expected it." I watched his brow crease. "You didn't think I'd understand, did you?"

"I want you with me, always, but when your kids come, or mine, and Dani's here. How do we explain that?"

"There isn't a need, Jen, I get it, really." I smiled at him, stepped away from the wall and placed my hands on his stomach as his muscles twitched. "But, that isn't why you're stalling. What is it?"

"You don't think it's weird, sharing the bed with me, the one I share with her?" I smiled at him, after all this, that's what he's worried about, and then I thought about.

"Is that why we always end up at my place?" I stepped closer, invading his personal space until he stepped back and bumped into the wall. "Okay, show me the rooms."

I knew there was something up with him, knew he was just a bit off and when he looked towards the end of the hall, at the opened bedroom door, I let him go and moved in that direction. I glanced at him once more, as he stood with his head back against the wall, eyes closed, as if… for once, Jensen Ackles was at a loss.

I pulled out my phone, pressed the call button as I found the right number and moved into the room, looking over the large king bed filled with fluffy pillows as a soft bed spread. The phone rang twice before it connected and I could hear all of the background noise before a smile lit up my face.

"Family Business." Her voice was soft, despite the activity behind her and I sat down on the edge of the bed.

"The house is beautiful." I replied, and listened to her giggle.

"Hey gorgeous!" Danneel laughed excitedly and I looked up to see the man I loved step into the doorway, his eyes were full of curiousness. "Is Jensen having a meltdown yet?"

"Huh, how did you guess?" I looked him over, the way his henley fit tight against the muscles of his chest, slimmed out over his abs and waist, just enough to give me the curve of his hips and see where the line of his hips began as he stuck his hands in his pockets. "About beds, no less."

"I knew that might come up," she moved into a spot, someplace where the people that surrounded her were shut out and I could hear the concern in her voice.

"No, I totally get it, I do, I just didn't know what your thoughts on it were."

"Baby girl," a pet name that always got a giggle from me because I was the older one, "you are part of him, you're part of _us_ , and I would welcome you to bed in an instant, but Jensen is well, he's Jensen, and I'm not sure what goes on in his head. Maybe if we were all together it would be different."

"I know," I smiled, still watching over the way those jeans fit his legs perfectly. "Do you want to speak to him?"

"Yeah, actually, put me on speaker and shut the door." Danneel laughed, but it was Jensen's curious face that got me as I beaconed him in. He shut the door as I put the phone on speaker and set it on the bed. "Hey, sweetheart."

"Hey, Baby." Jensen sank down onto the bed, his hand instantly finding his. "How's the business?"

"Booming, can't wait for you to come home," she gushed and it was like listening to two teenagers. "Listen, both of you, this is OUR house, and I want you two to stop worrying about it. No matter what bed you end up in, you're meant to be there." I smiled at this, wanted to take her in my arms and kiss her because she was the absolute best. "Now, Jen, listen to me. You have a house, a bed, three actually if you think about it, and a beautiful woman beside you. Do something with her."

"What?" he replied quickly and his eyes went from the phone to lock onto mine with confusion. "Dani?"

"I mean it Jensen, if you don't take her to bed, I swear to god I will as soon as she walk through this door." Danneel was giggling, GIGGLING! which only got me to smile.

"You're not…" Jensen was speechless.

"I am," she answered, "not doing it the first night you're in a new house is bad luck, you told me that."

"Yeah, that was just to get you in bed." he went on the defensive and while I should have felt a little of something, the only thing I could do was try not to laugh.

"It worked, didn't it?" Danneel was smiling, you could hear it in her voice.

"But… Thanksgiving?"

"Baby, listen, we talked about this," Danneel's tone was soft. "It's one of those things, one of those it's the right time deals. OUR house, Jensen, she's with us now."

"Christening a house is not exactly something…"

"I love you," she whispered in a tone that shut him right up, and I watched him take a breath, "and it is. It's not the house, it's showing her that this is not just something wasted, Jen." she paused, took a breath but I could almost hear the smile as she prepared for what came out next. "It just means I can help welcome her to ours here in Austin."

"Oh my God," Jensen moaned, and it was the most erotic noise I had ever heard. "I love you."

"I know," and if I didn't love them both now, I loved them more now for using those lines. "Now, I have got to go, Gino is calling me, apparently there is a business to run and I can't sit here having fantasies all day."

"Love you, Dani," I smiled, almost chuckled through my goodbye.

"Take care of our man." She was almost as seductive over the phone as Genevieve.

"Oh, I will."

"Jensen," she whispered and he was brought out of the fog he had drifted into.

"Yeah," he said softly. "Love you."

"Pictures," was her only response and his eyes widened. "I love you too."

And with that, she hung up the phone.

Jensen stood from the bed, he paced with his hands tented over his nose before he stopped right in front of me. Slowly, he moved to kneel between my legs as I scooted to the edge of the bed. His hands rested gently on my knees before moving up to rest against my thighs, thumb running over the inner seam close enough to my heat, and I nearly lost my breath. He pressed his body close, tilted his head up to look at me when I placed my hands on his cheeks.

"I'm not saying yes," he whispered, "I really have to…"

"Jen," I whispered, leaning down into him, and his eyes closed as I brushed my lips across his, "whatever happens, even if its never again, it doesn't matter. I'm here with you, that's all that counts."

"But…"

I kissed him, brought my lips down on his and quieted that protest as he wrapped his arms around me and drew me in. Yeah, I could stay like this all day, drawing those noises from him, feeling his hands on my skin as he moved them from my thighs to slip under my shirt.

BUT…

Jared had other plans as his full frame came crashing down on the bed behind me. Jensen was the one that pulled away, putting his head back as he stared up at the ceiling.

"I say go for it." The younger man spoke up as he crossed his arms under his chin and looked at the two of us. "

"You just want to watch." I grinned looking his way as my hands fell to Jensen's neck. Jensen placed his forehead against my chest, as his body shook with a silent laugh. "Wait, is Misha cooking dinner?"

"I'll have you know I'm an excellent cook." Misha's voice had us all whipping our heads towards the doorway. Those blue eyes feel on the man standing between my legs. "I'm offended, by the way, Jen," he smirked, "you've never invited me up to your room."

"Okay," Jensen grouched, slapping my thigh as he stood, "everyone out." I stood from the bed, but his hand went to my waist as Jared and Misha existed. "Except you."

I bit down on my lip, loved the way he looked at me, like he was about to say screw dinner and have me instead, so when he yanked me close, all I had to do was close my eyes and give in.

Do you believe…

Do you know how hard it is to sit across a table from someone that turns you inside out with a look alone? That kiss in the bedroom before dinner, the one we were trying so hard not to break from, that kiss almost sealed it for me. I wanted more than anything to take what my wife offered. To have Cari again, wholly… I couldn't stop looking at her.

I knew the decision to bring her into the house was probably going to have these complications, the threats of crossing the line, of breaking the rule, but I never thought I would be sitting here actually having a mental argument against it. Danneel was okay with it, encouraged it, but the longer I stared at her, the more I just wanted to…

"Jensen!" Misha whispered harshly in my ear and I swallowed, turning to look at him and the strange lack of space he was giving me, I mean he was close enough to kiss. His eyes narrowed like Cas and the corners of his lips drew up. "Are you still with us?"

"Misha, I thought we talked about this," was the only line that I could come up with but the man didn't move, he wasn't Cas at all, he was just is usual, "pain in my ass!" I grumbled and watched as he then sat back. "What?"

"You were too busy staring at Cari that you completely missed the whole conversation." Jared laughed. "we're talking about presents."

"And you thought this was a big enough deal to take me away from my daydreaming?" I snapped, not intentionally but if they thought I was pissed then I had to play the part. "What kind of presents?"

"The girls," Cari jumped in and I looked at her a bit confused. "Not your girls, I mean the little ones. We have four or five to shop for."

"Oh the kids?" I shrugged. "I got them each a pony."

"What?" Jared asked shocked.

"Come again?" Misha asked but it was Cari's laugh that held me as I watched her just shake her head.

"A My Little Pony, maybe." She knew me too well. "Did you at least get FlutterShy for yourself? I mean with all her curls and shy personality, come on, Jen, she's so you."

"Hey," I put down my fork, "I am not FlutterShy!" Now Jared was more of Pinkie Pie with her crazy, sugar-hyped ways. "I'm totally Rainbow Dash."

"My ass!" she laughed. "Maybe Applejack if you're going for spunky."

"Can you not use that word when describing him?" Misha rolled his eyes.

"I could see Applejack." Jared agreed, "but just because I honestly think she's making moonshine in that barn." Okay, he had a good point there, but my eyes were fixed on Cari.

"You're Twilight." I answered her.

"Just because you think she's a queen, doesn't make her a princess." Misha spoke up and a fork went flying past him. I watched with a grin as he turned to her and blue met blue. "No, I think she's Rarity."

"You start explaining why and I will stab you with Jared's fork."

"Hey! How did I get dragged into your girlish sibling fight?" Jared snapped and Cari's hand went to his. "Why are we comparing ponies anyway?"

"It's a thing." Cari laughed but she didn't let go of Jared's hand and his fingers curled around hers, I felt my heart race at the sight. Was it really wrong to want to see him kiss her? I sat back in the chair and rubbed the bridge of my nose. Maybe this whole house thing was a bad idea. Her eyes landed on mine and I couldn't break away, not once she had me. The whole deal with Alexis, the weeks leading up to it seemed to play over in an instant and I changed my mind. The house idea was perfect. "You okay?"

"Perfect." I whispered and felt Misha poke me in the thigh, which had me looking straight at him. "Can I kick you?"

"Are you two?" He questioned but smiled before he patted me on the cheek. "I made dessert, help me in the kitchen."

Not that the kitchen would have given us any privacy but I pushed away from the table, helped him collect the plates and followed him in, leaving Jared and Cari almost forehead to forehead, probably scheming at the table. Misha took the plates, rinsed them off before putting them in the sink and turned to look at me, lost again in thought.

"Jen, what's up with you?"

I don't think I answered right away but ran my hand down my face instead before I just gave him a look. "Same thing as everytime she goes home, Mish, me being a possessive prick." The countertops weren't the things I needed to wrap my hands around but I did, trying to hold on. "Not wanting to let her go, debating on the best way to lock her up, but I know she's' got her kids and I know I'll see her in a week."

Misha smiled, the bastard smiled and stood next to me, arms crossed like he knew the secret to not freaking out every… single… time. "You don't think we all feel that?"

"It's not the same for you and Jared." I had to argue because if I didn't, I think I would have broken down. "Love is different."

"No," Misha snapped, his hand on my arm as I turned to him. "It's all the same, it's painful and heartbreaking, but beautiful and unending at the same time." Oh, I forgot, Misha that poet. "It doesn't matter how you love, it's what you do with it. Don't be an asshole on her last few days here and don't get the whole "what if I don't see her again" mentality either, because you do that, Jensen. You lock it up and you make it more than it needs to be. You were given a gift. Her. Not everyone gets to fall in love twice in one lifetime and be able to keep both, so while she's here, you love her and when the two of them are together…" he gave me this wild grin when I finally looked up at him and winked, "you go crazy."

"You're a pervert." I stared at him, suggesting that, but then again, it's exactly what I thought.

"So, what are you going to do?" Misha just bit down on his lower lip, a gesture that I had to roll my eyes at because he was planning something, just with that little gesture and he was right, I needed to stop moping, needed to stop holding back. I had already lost today with her, I wasn't going to lose tonight.

Stuffing my hands in my pockets, Misha pushed away from the counter, patted me on the shoulder and stepped out of the kitchen where I watched him go back to the now empty table.

Wait, where the hell was Jared and Cari?


	40. Save a horse, ride a cowboy

Save a horse, ride a cowboy - Jared

"I'm pretty sure I left you in bed with Jensen," I whispered as I walked into the kitchen after the smell of coffee woke me up. Cari sat on the counter, her legs swinging as she looked up at me from where she played with the hem of her shirt. She shrugged, rolled her eyes and looked away. I took a deep breath, stepped up to her and moved to stand between her legs, catching her chin with my thumb to make her look up. "What is it?"

"This house?" She whispered, "our house? How weird is that?"

"We talked about this earlier, when I was showing you the backyard," I grinned. I think middle of the night freak-outs were her thing. "It's not weird at all, it's simple, you belong with us, all of you and we belong to you." I took her hands, trapped her fingers in mine and backed up a little giving her time to jump down from the counter. On the way past the coffee maker, I shut it off and moved slowly into the living room. Finding the closest chair, I sat down and pulled her to me so she straddled my lap. I had to take a deep breath to keep myself under control but I managed it. Her blue eyes, tired and nerve wracked, looked deep into mine. "I love you, you know that, right? Jensen loves you, this is not weird, this is us being a family."

"Maybe I'm just too tired to think right now," she leaned forward, placed her head on my shoulder and pressed her nose and lips against the curve of my neck, her breath tickling under my jaw and I wrapped my arms around her.

I heard his footsteps shuffling on the carpet before I saw him but all I felt was Cari's fingers curling up in my hair as her body relaxed. Jensen came around the corner, looking way too much like Dean, in just a tee and boxers. He looked down at me, over the body in my arms and sighed as he sat down on the coffee table.

"She okay?" Sounded like Dean too.

"Yeah, I found her making coffee, but I think she's asleep now," I laughed, maybe a little nervously because I watched the way he looked her over, then I realized, she was just in a tank and panties. I rolled my eyes, getting a huff from him. "Give her a few and we'll move her back to the bedroom."

"Did we do the right thing?" Jensen's voice was wide wake now and his eyes were locked on mine, "telling her about this place, making it ours?"

"You sound just like her," I sighed, "and yeah, I do. I don't think I could live without her in my life and I know you can't so why do you two keep going back and forth about this. The girls _love_ her, and our kids together, all our kids, God, Jen, I can't wait."

"Yeah, those boys of hers are going to be awesome. I bet Tom and Shep hit it off with them right away, and Roe, the girls are going to love her!" the smile started to roll up on his lips as he closed his eyes and shook his head. "Can you imagine all those kids in our houses? And Mish, with West and Maison, and Vicki…"

"That's some grin, dude." I drew in a deep breath, "gonna show Ryan the cars?"

"What kind of question is that? Of course, I'm going to show him, do you think he likes golf?"

I felt Cari take a deep breath and let out a light giggle. "He loves golf, better at it than I am."

"Wait, you play golf?" I questioned the whispered comment and felt her nod. "Why have you never said anything?"

"It's December, in Vancouver." She snarked and shifted her hips, which made me roll my eyes as she settled down again. "Shain is going to love the boys, anyone that is as talkative as he is, like West, and I'm sure he can teach Tom and Shep a few things."

"Should I be worried?" Jensen reached out and let his hand slide down her back which made her shake just a little. That movement had me putting my head back. "Okay, I think you're getting Jay a little riled up, come back to bed."

"I wanted that coffee." It was barely a whine but she turned in my arms towards Jensen when he tugged at her. I grinned as he stood, took her with him and she wrapped her legs around his waist. Jensen put his hands on her ass, let her hold on tightly around his neck and he winked down at me. "Night Tall Man."

I reached out this time, let my fingers trace her spine and sighed, "good night, BB."

I heard the bedroom door close, after a few moments of whispered conversation and I let it all sink in. This was a big step, this was huge, and now, I never wanted it to be any other way.

A twisted little game – Cari

I lay on the couch, or is it lie… whatever, it was a long day and I was stretched out the length of Jensen's comfy couch, facing him as he sat in the overly puffy chair directly in my line of sight. Jared was in the room, sitting on the other couch, but while I still had Jared in my sights, it was Jensen that had my eyes, really had my gaze. His green ones were locked on mine as I placed one hand under my head, propping myself up as I watched him.

Jensen still had his "Fed-threads" on from the last scene we had done, black pants, a crazy tie and that crisp white shirt did absolutely nothing to curb the heat that began to swirl just below my stomach. Damn was he hot, and he grinned when I peeked over Jared's way, the other man dressed in jeans and a tight tee, lounging on the couch, legs spread, head back, just as hot. That one should be illegal too, and Jensen's smile told me he hadn't forgotten our little conversations all throughout the day, ones that started with the words "Hey I had a dream last night…" and that was all it took.

I heard the ice in the glass clink against the sides as Jensen swirled the amber liquid drawing my attention back to him. And it was exactly what he intended to do. I scanned over him once again, collar unbuttoned, one arm spread out so that his elbows leaned on the chair, his lap, wide open as his legs parted, yep, I could see exactly what the conversations had done to him, and I was impressed that he was able to resist getting up until now.

"Would you two seriously quit eye-fucking each other from across the room and just do it already!" Jared moaned, under half-drooped lids and I glanced at him, watching those green-blue orbs dance back and forth from one to the other of us.

Yes, that was exactly what we were doing. I sat up slowly on the couch, just in my jeans and tee, exactly what I had worn off the set because they didn't care much what we took home as long as we came back with it the next day. Jared's eyes grew wider as I moved towards Jensen, the only thing not on me was my shoes and the green-eyed man looked up at me, opened his fingers and raised an eyebrow.

I glazed over him, like he was Thanksgiving dinner and moved to straddle his lap, hearing a deep intake of breath from the man behind me. Pushing my body up close so that I sat in the grove of his hips, Jensen smiled. He hadn't touched me yet, and didn't intend to until I said so. I inched in closer, as he put his head back resting it on the chair, giving me an all access pass to his neck, to everything.

My lips caressed along the line of his jaw and he moaned lightly as my mouth traveled down to where the skin disappeared beneath the shirt, than over, as his Adam's apple bobbed under the heat of my kiss. I heard his fingers grasp the arm of the chair, closing to dig into it and when I looked up, his eyes were locked on Jared's.

I sat straight, slowly moving my body to rub against the hard, taunt evidence of my teasing and his breath caught, as those eyes turned to lock down on me. I took the glass from his hand, placed it to my lips and downed the equivalent of two shots of the burning liquid.

"That was mine, you know." He whispered in a deep, sex filled voice that sent shivers down my spine and the alcohol racing to match the heat between us. I smiled, a half-cocked sarcastic one that made me lean in.

"And if you want this to happen, I'm gonna need a drink to get started." I laughed and watched as he turned his head towards mine. I reached up, knowing the counter wasn't all that far away and using the tips of my finger, pushed the empty cup up so it was safely seated, before my mouth crashed down on Jensen's.

It was a marathon of whose mouth could claim whose faster. His lips were bruising but it was a good pain as his hand came up and tangled in my hair, keeping me from moving, keeping us from breaking apart, which was fine because my own hands were full of everything, his hair, his shirt, that tie, which was soon not an issue, and the buttons slipped out one by one.

By the time he backed away, giving me room to breathe, those green eyes were locked once again on the man behind me and I slowly turned to see just what was so fascinating. Jared sat there, lips open waiting to be claimed, his breathing made the rise and fall of his chest look like he had just ran a race at full speed and his hand, absently sat on his lap, crushed against the swelling evidence our little show had brought on.

Jensen moaned as I pressed against his own thickness, his hands grasping my hips as he pulled me in closer and then slid me back, the friction in my jeans was just as hot as the feeling of my insides melting and I moved with him. I placed a hand on his chin, gently turning his face, those nearly glowing dark eyes back to me and I smiled.

"It's your choice, you still want me to?" I whispered and watched as his mouth opened slightly. This was what we had been talking about all day, this was Jensen's little secret, his naughty little dream and he nodded, still locked on me. "So screw the rules on anything that comes next for both of you."

"If he's in," Jensen whispered as he made a quick pull against my hips, and pushed up with his, letting me feel everything. I reached down, placed my palm against the ridge of the throbbing length between us and grabbed as much as I could between the fabric, moving my hand slowly, just as my jeans would have. "God, woman, go do it now!"

Who was I to turn down those kind of playful words and slid from him, listening to the sigh of… not sure what it was… loss, anticipation, need? But as soon as I stood, and turned, I felt his hand rake down my back, a gesture, nothing too hard that produced a moan, and by the look in Jared's eyes, one that shook him.

The tall man, slender but solid was staring up at me as I looked down over his baby face, but the guy was just as gorgeous as Jensen. His blue-green eyes darkened as I knelt on the couch with one leg, his hand suddenly moving from his lap as I swung the other across him and pressed down against the very spot his hand had just been.

Swallowing, Jared's eyes were wide and his gaze darted towards Jensen in confusion, and that was when I turned my own sights on him.

The Heat of the Moment – Jensen

If her kiss, her touch, and that wild little rut that she had been doing against me didn't turn me on enough, now she was looking at me from the lap of my best friend and if it had been anyone else, I would be swinging, but as it was, I swear to God it was the hottest thing I had ever seen. With a smile, I titled my head against the small part of the back of the chair that darted out, moving so I could see better, and that was all she needed.

I watched as she reached up, sliding her hand down his collarbone to where the V of his shirt exposed the small patch of hair there, and that little movement had him suddenly focused completely on her. I watched her cheeks puff, as the grin spread like wildfire across her lips. If I hadn't felt like I was already going to blow, this was certainly going to get some sort of reaction.

She leaned down, kissed along his face, her hips and those thighs pushing closer, and Jared let out this groan that I had never heard before, and I had walked in on two many things over the last decade to not recognize a sex noise when I heard it. Instantly, I was throbbing hard and I had to undo the belt, the button, and just a bit of the zipper for some sort of release.

Had I been on the receiving end of the little tease she was doing now? Hell yes! Had I been the one doing the teasing? More times than I could count, but to watch her work her magic on someone else was like a porno live.

Jared tried his hardest not to move, not to let the wetness of her lips, and her tongue elicit as stronger emotion from him but I could tell he was losing the battle, especially when her hands moved. They ran through his hair, and even though they had done so just like that so many times before, they never made him feel that way, and he had never made THAT kind of face, pure want, as his eyes struggled to stay open.

"Can I kiss you?" She asked, loud enough for me to hear because yes, she needed permission and Jared slowly lowered his head, shaking as he did so, licking his lips and he gave her a little nod, that was all he was capable of. That was what she reduced me to on many occasions, just a nod, just a moan but never one like Jared let out when her lips found his.

It was as if the last few months of her being so close had come to this, finally a release, finally something tangible that he could grasp onto, to explain his feelings to understand the want, the need for her. It didn't stop at his kiss claiming her, but his hands came up suddenly and grasped her hips, his hands, as big as they were, made her seem so small and I watched as he grabbed two handfuls of her small ass.

Why that sent me reeling was a question I had no answer to but my hand went right to the uncomfortable bulge in my pants. Fuck it, I wasn't going to sit and watch if I couldn't do anything about it. I unzipped the rest of the way, slouched down so I could get a better angle and slipped my hand inside, wrapping my fingers around my cock. Jesus, had it ever been that hard?

Jared pulled her closer, pulled her down on his own raging hard-on and I heard her yelp against his mouth in surprise. The boy wasn't playing, not in the least. How far was this going to go? How far did we want it to, but that was all up to her. I watched her reach down, just like she had done to me, but the faint sound of a zipper had the ache of my dick pulsing against me. Had she gotten me off before? More times than I cared to admit, so I knew what kind of magic she could work but damn.

She wouldn't let him go, not from her lips as I watched his eyebrows roll up and suddenly he was free of his confines, free of those jeans but she didn't even twitch at the size of him, I just watched her arm move in slow, agonizing strokes. I was done, so done, and I pushed my boxers down below my belt line, letting myself spring free. If he was going to get off, so was I, no matter if I was just watching.

Jared groaned out loud against her lips, his fingers crushing against her, holding her in one place, as if he were afraid to move from that one spot. With a hand wrapped around him, stroking to a pace that I could keep up with, and I did, the other came up and grasped him by the hair, keeping his head right where she wanted him, right where she could keep that beautiful mouth claiming him and it took all I had to keep my eyes locked on the way she moved. I loved Jared, but I loved to watch her move more than anything.

His hand slid down to her thigh, digging in as he moved his face from her, leaning down so he could watch her move, and I could almost see the end coming. His teeth clamped down, his jaw tightened as his eyes closed suddenly. I watched as he moved his head back quickly, her fingers releasing his hair as his brows went up and he cried out as he let the flow go. Cari turned to me, that look of ecstasy in her eyes as she continued to pump the hot liquid from him and that was what sent me over.

I felt my balls tighten against me, felt the rise of the pressure and I moved the shirt just in time. She watched me come, just as she had done many times before but this time was painfully hard, like it was never going to stop and I smiled as our eyes stayed focused, as least until I was done and I slumped back in the chair.

Jared was a rag doll under her, his hands fell away from her lap, his head lolled on the couch and she gave him a sly smile before kissing his chin, than his mouth, a slow, sexy, full on kiss that marked him as hers, and she slid away from his lap. The box of tissue was close at hand and slowly, she grabbed a few, before cleaning off his stomach, just below his belly button, where she had managed to control the flow.

She was gentle about it, and he watched her from under those sex-laden lids clean the cooling mess from his stomach. She winked, backed away, leaving his cock twitching outside his jeans and she slowly moved over to me, bringing the box with her as she tossed Jared's used ones in the trash. I put my hands on the side of the couch, letting her hands move whichever way they wanted to, and before I knew it, there wasn't a drop if it left, but she left me exposed just the same.

Tossing the tissue away, she moved with no real purpose, until she was lying down on the couch, just like she had been when the whole thing started. I was happy just to sit there, watching her when I heard the man on the other couch just moan. Jared ran a hand through his hair, still doing nothing about the softening evidence of this little game, and I laughed.

"What the hell was that?" He laughed, smiling as I decided it was time to tuck things away, and slowly managed to get my pants zipped again.

"Are you complaining?" Cari questioned, taking a sip from the diluted rum and coke that sat on the table next to her. Yeah, that's right, she drank mine. Damn it.

"Jay, you've been eye-fucking her for forever," I spoke up and watched him as he proceeded to put things away. "We just figured it would be about time to do something about it."

"You decided?" He said and looked at me questioningly. "You?" I grinned and gave Cari a look before staring at him and nodded. "Jesus, Jen, you know I would never touch her."

"Which is why I touched you," Cari shrugged and that in itself made me grin. She wasn't shy about it and that was… awesome. "No rules were broken Jared, you didn't initiate, you didn't return the favor, you just enjoyed it." She turned on the couch and looked at him. "You did… enjoy it… right?"

"Are you fucking kidding?" He asked, his eyes wide, "that was amazing." I smiled as she turned to me.

"Hottest fucking thing I've ever seen." I grinned and watched as she relaxed, and I wasn't lying.

"He's not wrong." Jared mumbled and I could see that his after-sex shut down was going on. "I could sleep for days from a hand-job… Jesus."

"You should see what happens after the full blown match." I mumbled, and suddenly regretted my words as Cari's eyes snapped their attention to me. Jared gave a snarky laugh, but he had fallen into a light sleep and I breathed a sigh of relief.

Cari had gone back to her blissful way of staring at me, like she was going to eat me, as I stood and moved over to the kitchen where I could pour myself another drink, hopefully one she wouldn't take from me and I watched her as I poured it.

"So," she whispered, a knowing smile creeping up on her lips as I stared at her from over the rim of the glass, "how was your dream?"

I shook my head, rolled my eyes in a fashion that said one thing, when can we do that again?

"Jensen?" Her voice flowed in as if she whispered it in my ear and I breathed in deeply, feeling the uncomfortable weight against my stomach. Didn't I just do something about that? I blinked my eyes opened, looked around the dark room as much as I could before I focused on the blue eyes that smiled up at me, twinkling against the soft while pillow. "Baby, you were moaning in your sleep."

"Really?" I thought back on the events and shook my head. No, it was real, I mean, I felt her hand and everything, I knew I had gotten off but then again, that didn't explain how hard I was right then. I let the smile creep up on my lips and I turned towards her, before rolling over, pinning her to the bed. "It was the best dream."

"Oh, really? Is that so?" Her lips were light against mine as she talked.

"Yeah," I slipped between her legs, rubbing myself against the clothes that separated us, "let me show you."

"I like when you share with the class, Mr. Ackles." She moved her hand up and wrapped her arms around my neck.

I held back before, didn't want to take this any further than what we normally did, but Dani… she… shit, should I call her?

"I'm going to try my damnedest but, Car…"

"Shh, you don't have to say anything, Jen, I'll understand either way, just show me what you got, because that moan sounded awful interesting."

"Yes, yes it did." I kissed her hard, claiming and let everything that I was feeling push into her because anytime without her sucked.


End file.
